Posted in Events, Life, N21, New Releases

Confession .359. But What If I Don’t Feel Like I’m Beautiful?

Maybe I’m not pretty, maybe I’m just fun
‘Cause I got a belly and I got a bum
And I’m always jelly of all the other ones
With their itty bitty bellies and their rump-ump-ump-bums…

Confession .359.  But What If I Don't Feel Like I'm Beautiful?

I’ve blogged this song before, but it popped back up in my recommended and wound up on repeat again. The whole thing is worth a listen if Y/you have the time. 🙂

I’ve never really felt pretty in RL. It’s no secret – I’ve talked about it a lot – that I had weight loss surgery back at the end of February of this year, and I’m currently down, like, 80-something pounds from my day-before-surgery weight, and a total of 120-something from my heaviest before surgery. And yet… my mental hasn’t really changed.

I have a better relationship with food, I’m doing the right things for the most part, and I’m seeing results, obviously. But I still can’t really look at my body and see the progress and feel proud of it.

“I’m so proud of you,” is something I hear from my mother, family friends, my own friends, etc all the time, and that’s all well and good but what if I can’t ever feel proud of myself?

What if it’s never good enough because I’m just simply… not pretty in general, no matter how much weight I lose?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t do this surgery to look pretty. My health was a disaster, and I got surgery because it was medically necessary at that point, but I figured a fun little bonus side effect would be that I’d finally love myself and how I look.

I hesitate to label it as a kind of dysphoria just because there are P/people out there that have it SO much worse than I do, being born in the wrong body from what they identify, etc, but I guess by ‘technical’ dictionary definition, it is.

“I wish my body image didn’t say that I should be another kinda way.”

“Maybe I’m not pretty, maybe I’m just fun…” ♥

Shape || Mine
Head || EvoX Briannon Head (v3.0) | Lelutka
– The head comes with a piercings box that includes the ear configuration I’m wearing
Skin || Briana Skin (Shell Tone) | Heaux | N21 | recent!
* Eyeshadow || Glam Rock Eyeshadow | Dotty’s Secret
Freckles || Tintable Freckles | +FATHER+
Hair || Curious | Truth Hair | new VIP group gift!
Panties || Mirana Set (White) | DISH & error
Nose Piercing || Sublime Nose Piercing N1 | RealEvil Industires
Collar || Eternal Collar | Cae
Cuffs || Eternal Cuffs | Cae
Ring || O-rings | Astralia

Pose || Indecent 3 | FoxCity

Blogging Tune || “I’m Not Pretty” – JESSIA & Bebe Rexha

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