Confession .222. I Could Lie And Say I Like It Like That…

Don’t You know i’m no good for You?
i’ve learned to lose, You can’t afford to…
Tore my shirt to stop You bleeding
But nothing ever stops You leaving…

i don’t have the energy to sustain one-sided friendships, relationships, or anything-ships really.  i spent too much of my life doing this because i had myself convinced that if i just worked a little bit harder to prove that i was good enough, i could have something great with this person.  A great friend.  A great lover.  A great Dominant.  A great whatever.  But unfortunately i constantly learn the hard way that no matter how hard you work – with some people, you’re never going to get anything back.

That doesn’t stop me from regularly making a dumbass out of myself, however.

Confession .221. Who Knew Evil Girls Had The Prettiest Face?

i still see Your shadows in my room
Can’t take back the love that i gave You
It’s to the point where i love and i hate You
And i cannot change You so i must replace You…

i hadn’t written anything new, poetry-wise, since the Beyond the Rainbow event i read at during BOI Week… i’d started a few things but nothing that i never really finished until last night when i was journaling.  So this is another blog post where i’m going to cheat and show you what i journaled.  Some of you, while not D/s, may still relate to this… and D/s people, particularly submissives, may relate more deeply.

Confession .220. I Can’t Swim The Ocean Like This Forever, And I Can’t Breathe…

So pull me up from down below
Cause i’m underneath the undertow
Come dry me off and hold me close
i need You now, i need You most

So… Avril Lavigne released new music.  That was a thing that happened in the last couple of weeks.  After HOW many years?  Right, let’s all revel in that for a moment… especially since this song is… amazing.

W/we’re not going to mention how much i relate to these lyrics right now… nope… nope…

Confession .219. And They’re Marching In…

Even though all of my fears
And all of my doubts
Are outside my door, ready for war
Right here and now…

As a part of my training in the D/s sim i consider my home Community, i’ve been picking up journaling again.  In the past, i didn’t find it effective – which is probably ironic, given that i’ve been writing here in this blog for five years with each post, so clearly there’s something to be said for the therapeutic quality of stream-of-consciousness type writing – but with the way it’s been panning out for the last couple of weeks, it’s been helpful, giving me a place to just… be… and write down my thoughts, unfiltered.

i want to share with Y/you all today a portion of my journal entry from yesterday… Some of you might be able to guess what sparked this particular line of thought – though i’m not going to mention it or talk about it specifically here.  It simply served as inspiration, and the last thing i want to do is come across as ‘salty’ or ‘bitter’ about it.  ♥

Confession .218. Are We Too Far Gone?

Can we come back from this, Can we come back from this?
Put the pieces back where they belong
Can we come back from this, Can we come back from this?
Or are we too far gone?

“I should have seen the warning, this heavy weight inside my chains.  I should have told You sooner.  Thought that I could wait instead.  Can we stay here together, waiting for answers, and figure out which way we should go?  Is it out of our hands?  Or do we still have a chance if we hold on til the last of our hope?”

Confession .217. I Want To See You Smile, But Know That Means I’ll Have To Leave…

When the morning comes, when W/we see what W/we’ve become
In the cold light of day, W/we’re a flame in the wind, not the fire that W/we’ve begun…
Every argument, every word that W/we can’t take back
Cause with all that has happened, I think W/we both know the way that this story ends…

Today, because it’s oddly appropriate with this photo, I’ll be sharing the last of the 3 pieces I performed at BOI’s Beyond the Rainbow event.  This was the first piece I read at the event, and the first that I wrote, but the last one that I’m sharing with you.  As I’m sure, when you read it, you might understand why it needed a… particular… photo to feel appropriate.  *Grins*

Confession .216. Have Old Friends And Know Our Enemies…

We can do anything if we put our minds to it
Take Your whole life, then You put a line through it
My love is Yours if You’re willing to take it
Give me Your heart, cause I ain’t gonna break it
So come away, starting today, start a new life, together in a different place
We know that love is how all these ideas came to be
So baby run away with me…

Lately, I’ve been sharing some original poetry with you all, written as pieces meant to be performed out loud.  I’ve not always wanted to perform spoken word – but one particular poet got me really into it.  Today, I want to share with you the first poem I heard that made me REALLY sit back and be like, “Yeah… I want to do THAT!”

Confession .215. I’m Laying In The Shirt You Used To Like…

Is she the one that I couldn’t be for You?
Is she the one?
Mm, I hate that You’re the one that I never get over
That I wanna get closer to…

Today I want to share another one of my poems from the Beyond the Rainbow event that was hosted by Beta Omega Iota back on September 22nd.  The event was LGBT-focused, and so I began with my story of my sexuality in mind when I started writing and… well… you can see the turn it took…