Confession .42. I Ask Myself What Am I Doing Here?

I hope you’ll understand that I’ll be here
Not there in the kitchen with the girl who’s always gossiping about her friends
So tell them I’ll be here…
Right next to the boy who’s throwing up cause he can’t take what’s in his cup no more
Oh God, why am I here?

Everwinter Is fictional but Inspired By The Abandoned Amusement Park In The Real World City Of Pripyat, it is only [the artist’s] vision and not an accurate representation of pripyat or the chernobyl disaster.

Below are the actual facts about pripyat and details about the 1986 chernobyl disaster [taken from the info notecard received upon entering Everwinter].

Confession .41. Cover Girls Don’t Cry After The Face Is Made…

But there’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are…
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world can change its heart…
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful…

I am flawed.  I am scarred.  I have not come out of life unscathed.  I am not all sunshine and rainbows, smiles and laughter.  I’m just… not.

… and that’s ok.

The people I’ve met that are all sunshine and rainbows, laughter and fairytales… those people are covering up a deeper, darker being.  Desperately keeping that side of themselves hidden from the world.  And whether that darker being is truly a bad person, or is simply a scarred version of the good-intentioned person they’d like to appear to be – I don’t know.  Mileage may vary, individual-depending, I suppose.

Confession .40. My Blood Flows Faster With Every Thought Of Everything That Happened Here…

And I remember that day that saved us…
The way you kissed me, and the salt, it filled my eyes.
And we remember our California
The night we slept along the shore and washed away…

I finally graduated.

Yes, this is another one of those posts that I guess the title could be a little ‘click-baity’ cause it has nothing to do with what I’m blogging about.  My bad.  I’ve just been watching this show on Netflix called Switched At Birth, and I’m starting from the very beginning, Season 1, that I guess started in 2011 or so?  And a lot of the songs I really like… so I’ve been on a bit of a musical binge of the ‘soundtrack’ lately, and that particular lyric stuck out to me.

But has nothing to do with this post…

Confession .39. I’m Ok, I Got Me, I’m Good…

This time, keep Yours cause I got mine…
I ain’t never met nobody better
Nobody loves me like me…

I lied.

I said I was ok with it.  With all of it.  With being stabbed in the back, with being made to believe that things were ok, with being told there were feelings there only to have them ripped away from me.  I said I was ok.  I said I should have expected it.  After all, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice…

Confession .38. Sometimes You Gotta Burn Some Bridges Just To Create Some Distance…

You ever wonder what we could’ve been?
You said you wouldn’t and you fucking did.
Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix.
Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed…

“Feeling used, but I’m still missing you.  And I can’t see the end of this.  Just wanna feel your kiss against my lips.  And now all this time is passing by, but still I can’t seem to tell you why it hurts me every time I see you.  Realize how much I need you.”

She used to be strong.  She used to be… the epitome of independent, feminine strength rolled into a romantically submissive package.  The woman who could manage with the best of them but still come home and sit at Daddy’s feet and be perfectly content.

She used to be strong…