Come on little lady, give Us a smile
No, i ain’t got nothin to smile about
i got no one to smile for, i waited awhile for
A moment to say, “i don’t owe You a goddamn thing!”
This is another one of those days where the lyrics to the song speak more than i do…. and so i’m just going to let them do that.
Continue reading “Confession .279. I’m Tired And Angry, But Somebody Should Be…”
But she’s new and she’s beautiful
You’ve never been in a fight
Yeah, it’s awfully perfect now
But You just know deep inside
She’s not me…
If You’re going to just shit on O/our memory, then why do You still have sentimental things about me in Your profile?
Continue reading “Confession .278. Or Is It None Of My Business?”
And now i can’t stop thinking that i can’t stop thinking
That i almost gave You everything
And now the whole thing’s finish and i can’t stop wishing
That i never gave You anything…
i make mistakes. A lot. One of which that is a common recurrence in my Second Life is terrible relationship decisions. i didn’t really talk about my release because i was focused on other things at the time, but also because i was ashamed to admit that it didn’t work. Because i knew i wouldn’t. Right from the very beginning, i knew. But i did it anyway.
Continue reading “Confession .277. I’m Not Something To Butter Up And Taste When You Get Bored…”
Mama said gonna be alright
But mama don’t know what it’s like in my mind
Mama said the sun gonna shine
But mama don’t know what it’s like to wanna die…
It’s a long post today… bear with me…
Consider this trigger warning, if the title did not give it away. This post is of a very serious nature, and deals with some very deep and potentially triggering subject matter such as suicidal ideations/thoughts, self-harm, verbal and emotional abuse, isolation, and extensive, in-depth explanation of an experience in both an ER on ‘suicide watch’ and in a mental health facility.
This story is mine to tell… and while i wasn’t quite ready to tell it so soon after getting back, circumstances have made it such that i have to be ok with it. Honestly, it’ll probably be a bit theraputic to get it all out, and i’d planned to blog my experience because it was a bit crazy, but i guess i just didn’t think i’d be doing it so soon after i got home. Oh well, here we go…
This is the story of the time i went to “get help” from a mental health facility. Aka: A mental hospital.
Continue reading “My Experience With “Getting Help”…”
Yeah, these thoughts i would never speak out loud
i’ve seen you cry but i’ve never seen you shout like a hurricane
These shots don’t ricochet
Sight blurred, i’m walking dazed, girl
i’m fucking faded
Or maybe wasted, i can’t remember how it happened
Oh, i don’t know my limits at all…
i’m sinking down into my thoughts…
P/people assume that when you pull back, it’s because of something wrong with you. Not always. Not everything is the fault of E/everyone else in the world. Sometimes, if someone withdraws from you, you are the problem. You aren’t safe for their Universe. Your gravitational pull is too much for their orbit. You aren’t safe for my Universe. Your gravitational pull is too much for my orbit.
Continue reading “Confession .274. The Aftermath Of One Too Many Words I Said When I Should’ve Said Nothing At All…”
It’s crazy when the thing you love the most is the detriment
Let that sink in…
You can think again
When the hand you wanna hold is a weapon and you’re nothing but skin…
i can’t anymore. i just can’t. The only reason i continue to is because i promised i wouldn’t just kinda… word-vomit it everywhere. But why do people get to hurt and manipulate other people and still get exactly what they want? Like… why is that ok?
Continue reading “Confession .273. It’s Funny How The Warning Signs Can Feel Like They’re Butterflies…”
Probably cause you’re the one playin’ the mind games…
You hate me because i don’t let you play no mind games
They give me migraines and damage my brain…
Funny thing about half-truths… they always come out eventually. Whether it’s half-truths Y/you’re telling a romantic partner/potential romantic partner, or half-truths Y/you’re telling Y/your F/friends and A/acquaintances… they will always catch up to Y/you, because eventually Y/you’ll forget which lies Y/you told to cover up the last one, to cover up the one before that, to cover up the first one. It will all just get too much, and Y/you’ll slip. It always happens. It’s why i don’t understand why P/people even bother to begin that nightmare chain in the first place.
Continue reading “Confession .272. And If You Switch Sides, You’re Gonna Have To Claim Your Place…”