I was there for You in Your darkest times
I was there for You in Your darkest nights
But I wonder where You were You
When I was at my worst, down on my knees
You said You had my back, so I wonder
Where were You?
I’m procrastinating finishing a dance. Mostly because it’s painful to write and I’ve re-written it four or five times now. I lost count.
And I need to perform it on Saturday…
I’m finding a not-so-surprising lack of moral code among people who are in Gor nowadays. For those that don’t remember or are new to reading my blog and haven’t gone back too far, I just recently dove back into Gor after a 2 year hiatus. One of the biggest shockers was, holy crap, slaves can use the full damage versions of their weapons most (GE) places. So I’m having to re-learn how to fight, simply because I’m expected to be a productive part of a fight now… *laughs* No more are the days of hiding behind, “Oh, well I’m just using slave damage…” One of the second biggest shockers, as I’m running into now, is the lack of moral code among anyone… Men or Women… Free or slave. Station doesn’t matter.
Exhibit A… when raids come in, captives are generally taken from whichever side loses. So… if a group raids my home and we lose, one of ours is typically dragged off in binds and sailed back to that group’s home, so that we have to raid there in an hour to save that person. You would be shocked at how many people who are supposedly “happily partnered” are so quick to jump on poseballs and pixel bang their captor/captive. NOW… there are couples that have open relationships, as one was explained to me last night, and that makes sense to me. If it works for you, more power to you. However, I had a captive from Pirates of Blood yesterday whose profile is COVERED with declarations of Love for His partner and promises to always be faithful to her… and immediately, as soon as I dragged Him into the camp and sat Him down in front of a fire, it was, “Mmm, your body makes me so horny.” (*Insert eyeroll here*) I don’t take captives to be intimate with them. I take captives to roleplay something that can be creative and interesting. So my response to His several advances was usually the same: “But Jarl, surely You have a Companion or a slave at Home that makes You feel the same?” (Because keep in mind, I’ve seen His profile, but my character technically doesn’t know that He has a Woman.) Immediately, it was the same old same old, in my IMs. “Yes, I have a woman but I’m not happy with her, she’s never online anymore, etc etc. Seriously? Are you really that desperate for some pixel sex? Cause I’m not.
We spent the entire hour debating why I was not allowed to cut Him free of His binds. Needless to say, that was the only captive I roleplayed yesterday. It was a headache.
Exhibit B… I used to have a chain sister, who, way back when (I’ve known this woman for the whole 6 years I’ve been in SL) was my best friend in this virtual environment. She even Owned me at one point… our friendship was that close and I trusted her that much. She picked me up when Men were dumb… I tried to do the same for her. We laughed about stupid shit, cried about hard shit. We stopped talking 2 years ago. Why? During the course of our friendship, over 4 separate instances, she had sabotaged relationships I was in for no other reason than she decided SHE wanted to be with the guy I was with. And each of those 4 times, it worked… including her current partner. (Well, her current partner on one of her avatars. They have an open relationship, so she’s partnered to someone else in Gor as well.) After 2 years, when I came back to Gor, I ran into her on another alt… and I decided, hey… it’s been 2 years…. we can try to work this out and be ok. The problem here is that there’s not ‘working things out’ with her… if you try to discuss it and talk it out, it becomes, “Hey, that was the past, let’s just go forward.” You can’t exactly go forward without closure… or, at least, it’s incredibly hard to… and yet she couldn’t even give me that. Nevermind the fact that she’d never once apologized for all the shit she did… she couldn’t even give me closure to the situation. But I gritted my teeth and tried anyway. It didn’t take long (less than a month) for it to be very clear that she hadn’t changed… like, at all. She was still doing it. I heard stories from others she’d done it to recently. And she started doing it to me again. This whole time… 6 years… she’s showed zero remorse for the things she’s done. And that… just blows my mind. I can’t even imagine… hurting that many people… ruining that many relationships… and not once feeling the least bit bad about it… I can’t.
However… Gor isn’t all bad. There have been some amazing people that I’ve met… and I thank God every day for their presence in my life… because it keeps things fun, and it keeps me smiling when it’s VERY easy nowadays to just say fuck it and give up on everything. Gor is also a source of how completely wrong first impressions can be, and why it’s dangerous to base your opinions of others on someone ELSE’S encounter with that person (which is one thing the fashion community is EXTREMELY guilty of doing… so yes, even though I’m referencing Gor, I’m speaking to you, models/agencies/fashionistas out there…)
There is a woman in Gor… her name is Tae. I didn’t know Tae from a hole in the ground until recently. I had heard buzzings about from various people… most of which was negative… but the strongest reaction, I think, was when I was spending some time at Inveteratus.
See, a situations went down that I won’t go into detail about because it’s not my place… that caused Dakota, Ost, ashes, and myself to leave Vydarr and take up refuge with Skogarmadhur, where some more of Dakota’s family was. And while we were in Skogarmadhur, I admit I found myself getting bored a lot. There are a lot of egos there… the Slaver, for one, thinking He’s God’s gift to Gor… and the High Jarl’s thrall of course seems to think much higher of himself than a male slave is EVER regarded ANYWHERE. It made it a little difficult to be around. And given that it’s a smaller group, the raids weren’t as frequent…. like, a couple times a day, if that… and there weren’t a lot of people on sim to hang out with between raids. So one day I get captured in a raid and taken to Inveteratus, am allowed to help defend their camp for an incoming raid… and just spent the afternoon fighting with them and LOVED it. The group of people there is amazing. And so I spent the next few days hanging out there.
Dakota left Skogarmadhur about a week after we got there… to go back to Vydarr… and for reasons that are done and buried now, I wasn’t sure initially if I could go back. So in the transitional period where I was thinking and figuring out what to do, I continued to hang out at Invet. They are an incredibly active group, so I got to raid… I got to roleplay captives if I volunteered to take one… and I was just generally accepted by 99% of the people there. And the one girl there who seemed to hate me entirely without reason was pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things, when I was receiving reassurances like, “She rubs a lot of people the wrong way,” or “Don’t worry, she doesn’t really like a lot of people.” So overall, it was awesome hanging out there.
(Sorry. That should catch you up on how the hell I got to Invet. LOL.)
Anyway, I’m in Invet’s Team Speak one night and someone mentions, “You know, Diezel, they let Tae into Vydarr.” IMMEDIATELY, the reaction that came was, “Well, tell Riddik I won’t give Him any traffic.” He sounded, PISSED. Like… beyond pissed. Several other people chimed in seeming just as disgusted and I sorta… sat there… and didn’t know what to think. But one thing was for sure… I was avoiding this Tae person. I didn’t want to get caught up in drama.
Fast forward a week and I finally make the decision to return to Vydarr. Lo and behold, Tae is still there… so I’m avoidant. Is that passive-aggressive? Sure. I’ll admit that. But I just didn’t want caught up. I was still friends with some from Invet and just didn’t want in the middle of whatever was going on. And from the buzzing I’d heard, again it was pretty much all negative, she didn’t sound like someone I wanted to be around.
Pffft. Bullshit. Tae is amazing. She is a kind woman who has been nothing but incredibly sweet to me. We’ve had some pretty awesome conversations, she’s a great listener when I’m mad at the world, and I tried to be such for her when she’s going through stuff. She’s just human. So… has she done some things to some people? Probably. We all have. Does she have a pretty twisted sense of humor? Hell yeah. Lol. Her blog has gotten her banned on quite a few sims. I personally find it hilarious. And those of you that know me, know I advocate for being able to say whatever it is you please on your own blog. No one is putting a gun to your head and forcing you to read it. Don’t like what’s written in someone’s blog? Hit the red ‘x’ and don’t return to it. Don’t run around all butthurt trying to ruin someone’s name because YOU don’t like what they have to say. And I feel like that’s exactly what’s been done to Tae. People have tried to smear her name three ways from Sunday, simply because she’s outspoken, incredibly blunt, and sometimes harsh in her worldview.
Me? I embrace it. She’s pretty awesome.
*~* Where Were You, When I Was At My Worst… *~*
Skin: Coral (Jamaica tone; “Lotus” option) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Promise Eyes (Apex) – IKON
Ears: Acryl*imals (Panda Bear) – Aitui @ The Arcade
Hair: Jasmine (with braids; light reds) – Mina Hair @ We ❤ RP
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) – Slink
Feet: Slink Female Feet AvEnhance (Flat) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier (hands & feet): Dark Set (Black) – Nailed It
Eyeshadow/Liner: Romy Eyes Makeup Color Line (06) – Glam Affair
Right Eye Scar: Scar Tissue (Light; Right) – Soedara
Shirt&Shorts: Kate Bandeau & Shorts (Black) – On A Lark *New*
Chain Top: Aria Chain Harness (Black) – Noodles @ We ❤ RP
Sandals: High Voodoo Boots (Black) RARE – FDD @ Fantasy Collective
Mask: Onesight Mask (Black/White) – Sad Harlekin @ We ❤ RP
Fans (on back): War Fans (Rare Black) – Black Pearls @ FGC (August)
Butterfly: Moondchild Animated Butterfly (Black) – Enfant Terrible @ FGC (August)
Septum Ring: Metis Septum Ring (Silver) – LagYo @ Collabor88 (August; Anniversary)
Necklace: Moondchild Necklace (Black) – Enfant Terrible @ FGC (August)
Shield Bracers: Defiant Bracer (Black) – LR Weapons
Leg Pouch: Leg Pouch (Black) – The Forge *in-store Gacha*
Staff: Staff of Damascus (Midnight) – EZ Weapons
Slingshot: BlackCrow Slingshot – LR Weapons
Blowgun: Kuraro Blowdart – LR Weapons
Poses: Various from Morphine (now closed)
Location: Dance Gardens of Gor
*NEW Location, alongside the School of Gorean Dance… BEAUTIFUL sim… I love being here!
Blogging Tune: “Maps” – Maroon 5 (Cover by Madilyn Bailey)