I Gave You The Key When The Door Wasn’t Open…

Tell me here…
Where are you now that I need you?
Where are you now?

Well good morning!

What am I doing at 7am on a Monday morning?  Not sleeping or dreading the Monday… nope!  Collaborating with a pretty boy!  *Licks*

Nah, but for real.  He’s a recent convert to the modeling… and potentially blogging… world.  So play nice with him.  I think he’s killer, but I dun think he thinks it yet.

He doesn’t really have a blog of his own at the moment, so while I work on that with him… *cough cough*… I may drag him over here as a ‘partner’ per se, to help out the menfolk a little bit.  Since I’m sure y’all are tired of the girly stuff all the time.  Lol!

I dragged him over to pose with me mostly because I found a whole bunch of couples poses from KaTink in my inventory that I hadn’t even opened yet.  And hadn’t really had a reason or means to use them… so what better to do on a sleepless Monday morning, right?

And of course I had to rock some Pentatonix this morning too.  The original of this song actually has Beiber in it… whether it’s his song or someone else’s that features him, I have no idea… that’s how little I follow anything Beiber.  I mean, I even went to listen to that “Love Yourself” song that everyone is raving about and I still just can’t feel it… Beiber just doesn’t do it for me.

The video however, for PURPOSE?  That was pretty powerful, and I loved it.  Just not so much the song.

Perhaps I’ll look for a cover.  Maybe it’s Beiber’s voice that makes it ick for me.  LOL.

But either way, I figured I’d pop a post out here, post holidays, especially with the opportunity to drag someone else into it.  Because why should I suffer my sleeplessness alone, right?  Lol.

*~* I Gave You The Key When The Door Wasn’t Open… *~*

— Styled by Tivi —
Shape: MINE
Skin: Layla Skin (Caramel Tone) || AlterEgo
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Forest) || IKON
Hair: Hair Fair 2015 004 (Gothics) || Besom
Body: Lara Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Freckles: Odd Beauty Freckles || Besom (formerly Milk)
Top: Wynter Vest (Dusk) || Cellar Door || We ❤ RP (December)
Jeans: Mia Jeans (Black) || Blueberry
* Wearing the “Tucked into Boots” version; also comes with ‘regular’ version
Boots: Laced Moon Boots (Naturals #1) || RARE Gacha Item || Reign || N-21
Necklace: Aurora Collar (Black) || Cellar Door || We ❤ RP (December)
Chest Tattoo: Southpaw (Black; Chest) || White Widow
Arm Tattoo: Southpaw (Black; Arms) || White Widow

— Styled by Jian —
Shape: HIS
Skin: Damien (Box 2; Steam) || 7 Deadly Skins
Eyes: Sovereign Eyes (Evening) || IKON
Hair: LeeJae (Frizzy Chic; Naturals II) || Tableau Vivant
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands Male (Relax) || Slink
Jacket/Sweater: Alaska Sweater (with Shirt) || Cold Ash
Pants: Sagging Pants (Black) || Gabriel
Shoes: Plain Toe Shoes (Black) || Gabriel

Pose (photo 1): Secret Love || KaTink
Pose (photos 2 & 3): Still Together || KaTink

Backdrop: Cafe de Rowne Paris || RARE Gacha Item || Rowne || Arcade (December)

Blogging Tune: “Where Are U Now” – Pentatonix Cover

This Goes Out To The Heaviest Heart…

To everyone who’s hit their limit, it’s not over yet
Even when you think you’re finished, it’s not over yet
Keep on fighting
Out of the dark, into the light, it’s not over
Hope is rising
Never give in, never give up, it’s not over!

“Game, set, match.  Time to put it in your past.  Feel the winter leavin’, it’s redemption season!  Long live the young at heart.  Cheers to a brand new start!  We’re revived and breathin’ to live a life of freedom!”

Lyric overload today.  But I positively adore this song lately.  One of my ‘favorites of the moment’, religious song or not.  I would heavily encourage you to scroll down to the bottom of this post at some point where the video is embedded and listen to the whole thing at least once.

However, I’m not responsible if it ends up stuck in your head, or on repeat for the next week.  ❤

Anyway… this song very much speaks to me on a profound level, in regards to both RL and SL.  It’s no secret to most of you who care enough to have noticed that I’ve not logged in much over the last month.  Most of that was health-related, I will admit, and I’m doing much better… and have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to make sure everything is smoothed over and I’m recovering how I should be.

However, health issues aside, some of it… I just hit that limit where I was either stressed out or frustrated with everything I tried to do… and none of it was inspiring anymore.  Logging in began to feel more like a chore than it did a pleasure.  And one thing Gen has always told me from pretty much the day we started talking more often was that things in your life should be there to enhance it in a positive way… and that’s the only reason they should be there.  It got to the point to where SL and the people in it were no longer enhancing my life in a positive way… but in fact, they were becoming detrimental to me, and hurtful most of all.

Slowly I’ve creeped back in here in the last week or so… testing the waters and seeing if it feels ok to stay again.  The act of logging in no longer throws me into a panic attack or makes me angry… so that’s a step in the right direction.  But I’d be lying if I said there weren’t some people in particular that set off that side of me when I think about, look at, or speak to them.  And right now, my body physically cannot handle the stress of the anxiety that these particular people induce.  So if you ever see me randomly pop offline unexpectedly, especially mid-conversation, I promise I’m not trying to be a bitch… it’s that I’ve been triggered and have probably ducked out to hide for a bit to keep myself in check, for the sake of my health.

If you /are/ one of these people, trust me, you either already know, or I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually.

But in my last week or so in I’ve just been trying to focus on a couple of things that I used to find passion and enjoyment in… and this seems to be working.  I sent in a casting for one of my favorite stores, that allowed me to style something completely fun and funky with a lot of bright colors from one of the most amazing palettes I saw come out of the Autumn collections in SL this year.  And I’ve been poking around with an event idea.  And if you read the last post, then you know that I went out and impulse-bought a L$2,500 gift card to Truth Hair to giveaway to those of you who are here and read me and have just generally been there and not been a nuisance to the grid… lol.  Because I appreciate you all, and I actually was able this year to finally do something to show that.

And then today, I ran across a post on Facebook and I HAD to run IMMEDIATELY and pick up this gown.  One of the other things that’s kept me calm lately is just dressing however I damn well please.  For about a week I rocked a look that I classified to Gen as “hobo chic” with my tied top, jeans, beanie hair, complete with high heels.  (Trekking through the snow as we explored a few sims, mind you.  Beastmode Princess.)  But if you know me at all, you know I occasionally get a wild inspiration that says I MUST look pretty today, even if I’m not going to a formal any time soon.  And that is where this gown is so amazing.

I am in love.  So in love.  And if I didn’t have to change clothes for a commitment tomorrow, then I would likely be in this gown for a week.  LOL.

Merry Christmas, if I don’t see you before then, aside from to annouce the winner of the gift card giveaway.  Which, btw, ends TOMORROW NIGHT at 10pm SLT.  Click HERE for the post with terms and instructions and the link to Rafflecopter giveaway page where I’m running it.

*~* This Goes Out To The Heaviest Heart… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Layla Skin (Caramel Tone) || Alterego
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Forest) || IKON
Hair: Patricia (Dark Greys) || enVOGUE || **recent release**
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Freckles: Odd Beauty Freckles || Besom (formerly Milk)
Lipstick: Essential Lipstick Red (Matte; Deep) || Pink Fuel
Gown: Golden Leaf (Red) || Kelini Haute Couture || **recent release**
Jewelry Set: Lasya Complete Set || Lazuri
* Comes with Forehead Jewel, Earrings, Necklace, Upper Arm Bracelets, Bracelets, Anklets, Belly Jewel, Rings

Pose (photo 1): Cute 5 Mirror || Vitalis Animatum || **recent release**
Pose (photo 2): Aphrodita 7 || Posesion Poses

Backdrop: 1 Derb Assehbe. Marrakech || Common Gacha Item || Rowne || Dec. Arcade

Blogging Tune: “It’s Not Over Yet” – For King and Country

Christmas Giveaway – L$2,500 Gift Card to TRUTH Hair

I’m sorry I don’t have any pictures today.  I wasn’t exactly prepared to make this as a full, fledged-out post until I saw the options Rafflecopter was giving me… LOL.  So here it is, a post for you to announce that I’m jumping on the Christmas Giveaway bandwagon, because I had some extra lindens this season and wanted to use it to give back to you guys who are probably some of the most amazing people on the grid.  Lol.

Here is how this works… cause I’m using Rafflecopter after seeing some of my favorite Youtubers do it as a fair way to be entirely random with winner selection.

1.) The Raffle will be hosted on Rafflecopter.Com.  RaffleCopter is a sweepstakes platform that integrates with Random.Com.  It keeps track of the points I’ve assigned to the different entry methods and offers you that many entries per option you choose to take part in.  It’s just like adding tickets to a hat in RL.  (i.e. The only mandatory option is to follow my blog, and it’s worth 2 points.  2 points would be like putting 2 tickets with your name on it into a hat for the giveaway, instead of just one.)  At the end of the giveaway, Rafflecopter will total all the entries up, and will select a winner at random **INCLUDING THE ENTRY METHOD THEY USED FOR THAT PARTICULAR ENTRY**, which will allow me to verify, and then notify/announce the winner.  It is selected entirely at random, which is why I love it… the only way to be completely, 100% fair to all involved.

2.) There are 5, yes 5, different ways you can earn points.  And only one of them is mandatory.

• Follow this Blog.  (Mandatory)  You can do this either via the WordPress follow option, or the email subscription list.  This method gives you 2 points, and you can obviously use this method only once.
• Leave a comment on this blog post.  The entry method on Rafflecopter will tell you the specific “instructions” for what to leave a comment about.  This method gives you 4 points, and will only count once.
• Visit my Facebook “fan” page that I made for Tivi, which will be a place that will solely have my blog posts on it.  (This will be an option for those of you who like seeing what I style, but dun really like all the ‘life’ stuff I post on my actual Facebook.)  Visiting the page will give you 1 point, and will count only once.
• Like my Facebook “fan” page that I made for Tivi.  Liking the page will give you 1 point, and will count only once.
• Tweet a message.  Have a Twitter?  The entry method on Rafflecopter will tell you what message to tweet.  This method gives you 1 point, and you can do it once per day during the time of the giveaway.

3.) This giveaway is quick running, and I’m sorry about that.  Future giveaways will run for at least a week, but after finally getting this one finalized tonight and wanting to make sure it is truly a Christmas giveaway, you will be able to enter any time from RIGHT NOW until 10pm SLT on December 23rd, 2015.  (I know that’s a weird time, but basically, that makes it midnight my time on the 24th.  This gives me time to choose a winner on Christmas eve and get the prize passed over before I need to be with my family on Christmas Day.)

4.) When the giveaway ends, literally, Rafflecopter does the work for me. It will total up the entries, and when I ask it to select a winner, It will show me an ‘entry card’.  This will show me the name you put on the card, the email you used (which will allow me to email you and notify you that you won), and the entry method you used for that particular entry.  This will allow me to verify that entry method.  So if it says you Liked my Facebook page, and you did it to get the point and then immediately unliked it, then I won’t see it on my page and will be able to move on and choose another winner.

5.) I will EMAIL you when Rafflecopter selects you and I’ve verified your entry method, to let you know you won and give you a chance to accept your prize.  People will want to know and will be bugging the shit out of me, but please get back to me asap.  I will, however, give you 48 hours to reply to that email, accepting your prize.  If I do not receive a reply from you, then I will move on and select another winner and repeat that process with their entry card.

6.) Only once I have a verified winner, will I announce it on my regular Facebook page and on the Fan page.  ❤

Alright.  That’s enough of the Terms and stuff, yeah?  I’ll give you the link for the Rafflecopter page!

Click HERE to go to Rafflecopter and begin your entry methods.  ((And if I didn’t say it before, the blog post that the comment must be on is this one, btw.))

It’s Ok Not To Be Ok…

Don’t lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It’s ok not to be ok.
Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart
Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising
Just be true to who you are!

 Things have been really crazy here, so thank you for bearing with me.  If you follow me on Facebook, you know a bit of what I’ve been dealing with, but if you don’t, let me give you a bit of a reader’s digest version.

I finally got set up with a therapist down here.  And she wanted me to see the nurse practitioner in their office.  Now, my doctor already has me on Wellbutrin twice a day for depression, but as of yet was not really treating anxiety, or pain I’m experiencing in my hip that I’ve had for upwards of 2 years now.  When I saw the nurse practitioner, she wanted to add Lexapro to better manage the depression… tons of people take Wellbutrin and Lexapro together, so she didn’t see an issue… and then she added Gabapentin (some of you might know it as Neurontin) to manage the anxiety.  And bonus, it also helps nerve pain, so it should help with the hip.

From the moment I started taking it on Friday, I was absolutely miserable.  But I told myself it was just like starting any other new medication… side effects that I would eventually get used to.  Sure, I nearly passed out in the middle of a Vanity Fair, and I was nauseous and dizzy and foggy all day, but I figured once I got used to it, things would ultimately be better.  I don’t really remember much of Saturday… but I remember sleeping a lot of it?  And then Sunday mom came over and the first thing I had her do was check my heart rate, because I had checked it and it was over 100, just resting.  Which, my heart rate is normally elevated, just from a general state of being unhealthy, but it’s normally, like, 85-ish resting.  Not 100.  She took it and said yeah, it was between 100 and 105… and my chest was hurting.  Not, like, gripping, shortness of breath, “I’m having a heart attack,” kind of pain… but enough to be concerning to me.

… Granted, at this point I was NOT having a panic attack, so hey, the meds were working!

But I punched my meds into a Drugs.Com app I’ve got on my phone to check all the interactions, and from what I could see, the way Lexapro interacts with my metabolism medication, it’s essentially known to ‘increase its effects’.  Which makes sense… cause my metabolism medication is said to effect you like speed.  Jitteriness, feeling like your heart is racing, excess energy, etc.  So to be shaking, and have my heart ACTUALLY racing – while concerning – still seemed normal, per the drug interactions we could find.

Mom leaves and later calls me and says, “I want you to stop taking the Lexapro.”  She had kept researching it, and essentially the way the Lexapro interacts with that medication does more than just intensify the effects… it actually begins to cultivate seratonin sickness, which I was apparently already showing early signs of.

So I stopped taking that as of yesterday morning, and in the afternoon, called mom cause the chest pain was back again.  Granted, the Lexapro could potentially still be in my system, but at that point, mom was just like, “You know what, I want you to stop taking the Neurontin too, until we can see the doctor and see what he thinks.”  So now I’m back to having unmanaged anxiety and pain… but at least I don’t feel like at every turn I make I could push myself too hard and end up screwing up my heart.

Heart disease exists in my family history on both sides.  So I’m pretty much fucked either way.

But yeah… I’m sorry I was absent for awhile… and off the grid for a week straight… I was just mostly resting, and stuck in bed dealing with symptoms.  Dizziness, nausea, my mind was so foggy half the time I’d have the idea, “I need to log in tonight for xyz,” and then 5 minutes later I’d forget I even thought about it… I swear it was like a long-weekend-long taste of what dementia must feel like.

And it was terrible.

*~* It’s Ok Not To Be Ok… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Layla Skin (Caramel Tone) || Alterego
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Wight; Natural Pupil) || IKON
Hair: Effie (Black Pack) || Amacci
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Freckles: Odd Beauty Freckles || Besom (formerly Milk)
Lipstick: Geisha Lip (Noir) || Alterego
Gown: AW_Coll_Ball Gown #18 || Ashmoot || FAD Cycle #7
Headpiece: Ezrah Crown || aisling || The Secret Affair
Septum Piercing: Dark Queen Septum Ring (P6) || RealEvil Industries
Necklace: Ezrah Necklace || aisling || The Secret Affair
Tattoo: Creed || White Widow || Peace On Earth 8 Hunt Gift

Pose (photo 1): Choupie 6 || Posesion
Pose (photo 2): Delicate 10 || Posesion

Location: Driftwood Valley Estates

Blogging Tune: “Who You Are” Jordan Smith (Jessie J Cover)