Whatever It Is, It’s Just Laughing At Me…

What now
I just can’t figure it out
What now
I guess I’ll just wait it out, wait it out…

Sail2Mar14 FINAL

Yeah, I’m done apologizing.  For much of anything.  So… if it makes you feel better, then insert an apology for following up a positive post with a negative one.

Also… yes, I said I didn’t feel like editing pictures.  However, Wylder knew I was down yesterday and taught me some new things in Photoshop that I had fun experimenting with.  So… yeah.  Edited pictures in this post.  Some moreso than others.

Anyway, amongst the crazy-ness that is my SL, I was going through my objects folder last night, looking for something to style… I was in a bad mood… so I wanted something dark… fierce… that I could just barely toe that line between grunge/dark and Avant Garde… and I found this fantastic dress that I guess I’d accepted from Lybra’s Blogger subscribo, but didn’t realize I had.  HAH.  Story of my life… my lack of observation.

Apparently this dress is available in Tiger Alley at SAVIAD spring fair… I don’t know much about it, because I’ve sorta been out of touch with the fashion community lately, aside from Colour of Couture and Gatsby (see last post for what I’ve been doing most of the time…. though I’m not sure how relevant most of that is anymore)… HOWEVER, I’m pretty sure the fair ends soon.  So jogging down there to get this gown would be fantastic.

Sail1Mar14 FINAL

This is the part where I fully admit that I probably should’ve paid more attention to group notices and done more exploring of Tiger Alley before today.  Most everyone that is close to me knows that pandas are my favourite animal, because when given the opportunity, I rarely shut up about them.  HOWEVER, white tigers are probably my very close second.  They are gorgeous, first of all… and just as fierce as ‘regular’ orange and black tiger, even if they look a little different.

Of course, that could also be me seeing the white tiger as a metaphor for myself (and others who do things outside the norm).  Just because I may look different than you, or approach things differently than you, or walk different than you, or pose different than you, or style different than you, or write different than you, or blog different than you… that does not mean that I am not as equally fierce as you.  Never underestimate me.  That’s when I’m at my best.  🙂

“I do it because I can.  I can because I want to.  I want to because you told me I couldn’t.”  — Unknown

Now… if I could only get this much motivation for the Thom Browne challenge… *Runs and hides from Sequoia*

Sail3Mar14 FINAL

*~* Whatever It Is, It’s Just Laughing At Me… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Kaelyn 09 (India) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Spectral Eyes (Field) – IKON *previous FaMESHed release; now in store*
Hair: Hair No. 14’13 (Cherry Red; tinted darker) – RedMint
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Gesture) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Dark Set (Black) – Nailed It
Gown: Tigress – Lybra  (available at Tiger Alley for SAVIAD)
Heels (not seen): Bordello Bonnie (Black) – [Gos] Boutique
Jewelry (Necklace, Bracelets, Rings): Kaya Collection – Lazuri
Facial Piercings: Anonymous (Metal) – Hebanon Vial
Tattoo: SyKaDeliK (Black; Medium Ink) – Para Designs
Makeup: Bad to the Bone (a MALE design) – Madrid Solo
Poses: various from the Electric set – PosESioN

Location: Misty Mountain Romance

Blogging Tune: “What Now” – Rhianna

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I Believe We’ll Be Okay…

Can’t complain about much these days
I believe we’ll be ok
We’ll scream it out
I believe we’ll be ok…

Boating1

Originally I wanted to title this post “Life, Or Something Like It…”  But I’ve been listening to this song since it premiered in the Glee episode on Tuesday, so I figured I’d give it a shot instead…

Also, I feel like every time I write in here, I’m apologizing for not writing more often.  Honestly, to my knowledge, there’s only a handful of people who read this, if anyone actually does… and no one seems displeased enough with stuff I write to comment about it, so I feel like I’ve got to be doing ok when I do write.  Truth is, my RL has changed a lot in the last 8 months or so… with losing my dad and losing my grandpa… I dunno, I just feel like a different person.  I love taking pictures… I just hate editing them… and I still don’t quite feel like my raw shots are good enough for my blog.

Of course, today’s post is a bit of an experiment in that… cause all the pictures you’re going to see are raw shots of a family sailing trip.  I have done absolutely 0 editing to these.  So, some feedback on how they look would be neat?  Maybe it’ll give you something to actually comment about.  Hahaha!

Boating 2

So basically… yeah… I don’t write a lot.  And I’m sort of sick of apologizing like it’s going to change anytime soon when I really don’t know.  Lately I have things that take up my time and I’m much more motivated about.  Like Relay for Life.  That said, I DO owe any sponsors I have an apology… but I’ve never really been into blogging for sponsorships… and I honestly believe I only have 2.  LOL.  One who may drop me after they see this post and how infrequently I’ve been writing, and one who will never drop me because she’s a friend of mine and knows that I’ll blog her when I wear something of hers that inspires me to do so.  (Which, as soon as I take some photos of a styling I did recently, you’ll see her make an appearance again!  Love you, Marbella!)

Anyway, a lot has happened lately.  In SL and in RL.  But I want to focus on SL right now… because it’s the positive, happy stuff.  😀

Boating 3

Some of you may have noticed that my name has been changing a bit lately.  First of all, my apologies for the frequent changing.  I got adopted!  The story behind that is that the “Spiritor” last name was left over from a roleplay family I used to be a part of.  And I love mama Soren a lot!  Even now.  But she’s just not online a lot… and when she is, it’s for like 15 minutes at a time, and she’s usually still roleplaying, whereas I left that environment almost 2 years ago.  I’ve never really had the ‘family’ thing in SL… and the last person in the fashion community that adopted me as a ‘sister’ has kinda since abandoned me.

Needless to say, I don’t have a lot of family luck.

But through a game of Truth or Dare that lead me to complimenting the hairstyle of this crazy girl named Trinket… I got to know the Rappaport family and fell in love.  Thankfully, they seemed to like me too, cause Mama adopted me that night and made me a Rappaport.  I don’t think ever in a LONG time have I felt THIS MUCH like I belong in a group of people.  It’s the first time in quite some time that I haven’t been looked at and said, “Well, we like you, but…”  They haven’t tried to change me.

I am who I am.  And that’s ok with the Rappaports.

Boating 4

Speaking of family!  In my past relationship, I had made the decision… well, WE had made the decision… about trying to have a kid inside SL.  Yes, the SL pregnancy thing.  I would like to say, however, before anyone asks or gets all upset… NO, prim babies will NOT be involved.  I find prim babies to be extremely creepy.  And, much like my sister’s feelings on it, I need that emotional connection to someone in order to make that sort of bond work.  I can’t bond with prim and scripts.  So, needless to say, when it does happen, it will go straight from pregnancy to a person in a Toddledoo avatar playing a little.

Nothing official yet… as my relationship with that individual ended, and I did not follow through with the term of the pregnancy.  (I DID NOT ABORT… again, before someone gets upset.  I made sure that nothing event remotely simulating abortion happened.)

Boating 5

Anyway, I know some people have issues with the SL pregnancy thing… so allow me to explain.

The Reader’s Digest version is this: I can’t have children in RL.

At least, this is what I have been told by medical professionals.  Now yes, I’ve heard stories of women who have been told that they can’t have children who conceive and give birth and everything works out fine.  I get that.  I know it’s possible.  However, given a few other serious medical things that run in my family… I just can’t wrap my mind around subjecting a child to that.  To the possibilities of getting these issues themselves… or the consequences that these issues will invariably cause for them early in their life.  (I’d really rather not go into detail right here, right now.  Let’s just leave it at that, please.)

So even though I’m told I can’t have children… I love children.  I’ve lived a vicarious motherhood through the fact that I have 12, yes 12, nieces and nephews in RL.  And they range in ages from 21 down to 5.  One of them has a child of her own as well, who is 2 or 3.  When I babysit, it’s like a temporary feeling of being a mother, and it’s wonderful.  However, moving 12 hours away from all 3 of my sisters… I don’t exactly get to babysit anymore.  And the reality of not having children started to set in a little bit more.  I don’t like thinking about it.

And so why not have a child in SL?  While some view SL as a “game”, others view it as a place to experience those things that they cannot experience in RL.  Some people dance, because they are physically unable to do so in RL.  Some people participate in the SL Relay for Life because they can’t walk their own local Relay track… or their town doesn’t have Relay.  Some people model in SL because they don’t have the body type to do it in RL.  There are plenty of people in SL experiencing things that they can’t in RL.  So why should it be any different for women who cannot have children?  Why should people look down on us and judge us as being ‘weird’ or ‘creepy’ because we want to experience what we may never get to in RL?  I feel like there’s no difference here.

I’d like to have a family of my own.  And if the doctor’s are wrong… about a lot of things… then perhaps I can in RL some day.  However, for now, SL is the medium I have in order to live out that very deep, intense desire of mine.  Why would anyone try to ruin that?  Please don’t be a jerk.  If you don’t understand it, that’s fine.  ASK.  I would personally be happy to re-explain my reasons to you if it means that you might understand me a little better.  If you don’t understand and don’t want to ask… that’s fine too.  All I ask of you is that you don’t judge… and that you don’t be a jerk about it.

Live and let live.

That’s been my life lately… and I have to say that I’m in a pretty positive place right now.  Changes on the horizon… and I feel good!

Boating 6

*~* I Believe We’ll Be Okay… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Ivy Skin (No. 14, Bronze, Freckles) – RedMint  *currently not in store, because it’s at Skin Fair!*
Eyes: Spectral Eyes (Field) – IKON  (past FaMESHed release; now available in store)
Hair: Helen (Dark Red) – Lelutka  *~* non-rigged mesh *~*
Swimsuit: Ruffled Bikini Lingerie Swimwear (Teal) – SUGAR Mesh Apparel  *~* rigged mesh *~*
Hip Tattoo: Beautiful Disaster – Little Pricks
Lipstick: Dailyn Lipgloss (Dark Blackberry) – Izzie’s
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Gesture) – Slink  *~* rigged mesh *~*
Nail Color Applier (Hands & Feet): Dark Set (Teal) – Nailed It
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Mid) – Slink  *~* rigged mesh *~*
Ears: Steking Ears – Mandala  *~* non-rigged mesh *~*

Boat: (I THINK it’s called a Lunetta?  I’ll get specific Boat & Creator & SLURL from my brother)

Location: Blake Sea
*The Blake is composed of several connected sims.  The SLURL above is for a landing point that I’ve been taken to in order to rez a boat.  There are various housing rentals along the Blake and so many places to sail.  If you head out in one direction there’s even a giant cruise ship that is 4 sims long.  So much to explore, if you can handle the lag of all the sim crossings.  I love it!

Blogging Tune: “Be Okay” – Glee