Confession .58. Would You Fall In The Name Of Love?

If I told You this was only gonna hurt
If I warned You that the fire’s gonna burn
Would You walk in?  Would You let me do it first?
Do it all in the name of love…

So, in typical Tivi fashion… I am only useful to a friend of mine months after she needs it.  *Laughs*

I’m going to tell you the story of how I met Master… because it kinda makes me giggle… and because as we go into 2017, rather than focusing on all of the shit that’s happened in 2016, I’d like to focus a bit on what made the end of my 2016 bearable.

And that’s two particular people in my life: Master, and Nova.

Some time ago, Nova was writing an article for an SL publication that I won’t name… cause I don’t feel like advertising them.  *Laughs*  Those of you that are Facebook friends with us both might know the mag I’m talking about, because Nova put out on her Facebook looking for success stories from people who had met their significant others on AvMatch.  Yes, AvMatch is exactly what it sounds like… the eHarmony/Match.Com of Second Life.

Confession .57. I Will Follow You…

Into the fire, out of the smoke
Walking the wire to find our way home
We are not holy, we are not whole
But there are tiny cracks of light between our bones…

** Warning: This is another instance in which I’m writing this on Thursday and you’re reading it on Friday (likely)… so when I say ‘today’, I mean Thursday.  Lol. **

My step-dad’s CT-guided biopsy was today.  I was/still am skeptical about it because they originally told us if they needed more tissue, the only way to do it was laproscopically.  Then, magically, they needed more tissue, but they were going to try this method.  Less invasive, yes, but also… if they didn’t get enough/a good enough piece this time?  Then we’ve put him through this only to make him get MORE taken out laproscopically anyway and waste MORE time that he could be having treatment.

Confession .56. I Just Might Regret That Night For The Rest Of My Days…

Helpless
And I know that she is, helpless
And her eyes are just, helpless
And I realize three fundamental truths at the exact same time…

Ok.  So.  Be nice.

I’ve never really been good at furniture posts, or setting up scenes for myself.  It’s why I love exploring the grid and finding photogenic sims so much… because otherwise all my photos would be in front of a boring black/white/plain-colored screen.

Confession .55. One Hand Is Holding Yours While The Other Is Waving Goodbye…

I’m with the enemy in my bed
When the voice in my head
Tells me I should treat myself better…

Well I took a couple days off for Christmas with my family.  But I didn’t want to put too much of a hitch in the momentum I’ve created lately with daily posting.  I can’t guarantee it’s always going to be like this… but while I’m inspired, I’m sure gonna try!

Uber opened ON Christmas Day… so I’m sure you can imagine my anticipation of getting home from time with my family and staying awake long enough to try and poke around at some of my favorites.  One thing I knew I was going for, immediately?  This bodysuit and skirt.

Dammit, Annie.  Lol.

Confession .54. You Can Do Anything…

Take an angel by the wings
Beg her now for anything
Beg her now for one more day…

I miss the cold, a little bit.

Like… I grew up for the first 23 years of my life in Indiana, where we had real winter… and snow… and cold… and not a beach within a 20 minute drive.  Lol.  So I’m still sort of conditioned to think of the winter months as cold, despite the fact that I had to run my A/C last night.

Confession .53. I Told Myself This Could Be Rough…

So I’ll get the lights, and You lock the doors
We ain’t leaving this room til we both feel more
Don’t walk away, don’t roll Your eyes
They say love is pain.
Well, darling, let’s hurt tonight…

This isn’t exactly the most festive of outfits.  My apologies for that.  I did get the gorgeous bracelets/armlets/rings featured above in a blogger pack from Promagic, so I wanted something I could pair with them.  However, I’m just not exactly in the most festive mood today.

For the better part of several months now, I’ve been on this emotional rollercoaster with my RL family.  My step-dad has been in pain.  He has a bad back… so at first we thought nothing of it.  But then it didn’t go away.  He started getting sick… and his symptoms manifested like gallbladder symptoms, so we still didn’t worry too much.  He just needs a HIDA scan and to probably schedule gallbladder surgery.  No biggie.  We’ve had a surgeon down here do mine… but then all the tests started coming back negative and normal.  Then the doctor refused to run more tests and just wanted to ‘wait until his regular six month check-up’.  Meanwhile my step-dad was still in unmanaged pain.  So clearly this wasn’t acceptable.  He was taken to the ER, and was sent home with information about Pancreatic Cancer.  My mother fell apart.  His daughters fell apart.  His sisters fell apart.  He was sent to see a GI Specialist who ordered a biopsy, and it came back negative… no cancer.  But he didn’t trust it.  So he ordered another one, and sent my step-dad to see a Pancreatic specialist.  That specialist read the biopsy the same way… no cancer.  But there’s an autoimmune disease that mimicks Pancreatic Cancer symptoms.  Said he would run those tests.  Those came back negative.  Instead, they found Lymphoma.  Sent my step-dad to an Oncologist.  Oncologist says the sample isn’t good enough for him to confirm the diagnosis, or tell us what type of Lymphoma, or stage it.  Needs a PET scan and to consult with the Tumor Board.  PET scan comes back negative, thank god.  So the cancer (if it’s cancer) has not spread.  Oncologist warns that if the Tumor Board needs more tissue, the only way is to get it laproscopically.  Promised he would call Thursday after the meeting.

The doctor called this afternoon.  (You’re seeing this Friday, but I’m writing it Thursday.)

Confession .52. I Thought She Lied When She Said Take My Time To Breathe…

Oh, but never were there truer words
In all my days I’ve ever heard
Than when she told me, “Little girl, the answer is love.”

It’s been a /long/ time since I’ve blogged a bridal gown.  I don’t style bridals often for a few reasons, but I guess the most basic would be: I’ve been in SL for 8 years now, total, and I’ve never been married.  *Laughs*  So why would I want to keep a bunch of bridal gowns around that I may or may not ever use?

I /was/ engaged once, and I did blog the dress that was to be my wedding dress – a custom formal that was originally created for a Miss Virtual World candidate… that I fell in LOVE with (the dress, not the candidate… lol).  And ever since then, a bridal has had to really strike a chord with me in order for me to showcase it.

So obviously this one did…

Confession .51. Lord Knows You Can’t Trust Your Head When You’re Hanging By A Thread…

And I saw only two footprints in the sand
Though You’d abandoned me and let go of my hand
But You were carrying me, carrying me to safety…
Two footprints, Your footprints in the sand

I don’t think I would get through life and its general bullshittery without the people in my life right at this moment.  Those of you that stick around… I can’t thank you enough.

As of right now… we still don’t have answers.  Which is ultimately the most irritating thing in the world.  Like… to be sitting right there with someone you care for in so much pain and not being able to do a damn thing to stop it, and knowing the doctors – at least his current ones – are trying… but… can’t try fast enough.  This is the most powerless I’ve ever felt.

Confession .50. I’d Rather Walk Alone Than Let Them Throw Dirty Confetti…

No, I won’t miss you…
I won’t cry, I don’t regret it…
No, I won’t stand for it
No, I don’t need confetti.

Master is… not a fashion model.  So he’s not quite versed in a lot of the political nonsense that goes on behind the scenes – or the feelings we perceive happen behind closed doors.

“Oh, well I can’t cast for this, because so-and-so hates me.”  “I can’t do this, because if I work with such-and-such, this person will blackball me over here.”  It’s exhausting!  And He doesn’t get it.  Lol.

So of course, when I explained to Him that I had competed in Miss Virtual World 2016 and was eliminated halfway through, and then had begun to compete in Miss Virtual World 2017 but had to step down when RL imploded, He simply said, “Well then try again next year!”

As if it was so simple.

Confession .49. There’s Things I Don’t Ask, What I Don’t Know Can’t Hurt Me…

I’m not discarding you like broken glass
There are no winners when the die is cast
There’s only tears when it’s the final chance
So don’t give up, it’s just young lovers’ romance…

For as long as I can remember, I have known what I’ve wanted to name my children.  I have known that I’ve wanted to have one boy and one girl, and I have known what I have wanted to name both of them.

There is a naming tradition in my family, that at least one girl in a generation must have the mother’s first or middle name used.  I didn’t get named with the tradition because by the time I was born, my aunt had already had my cousin, and had given her the family middle name.  However, because it looked like I was the only female in this generation that may have children, it would be up to me to use my mother’s first name, or her middle name.  There is a horrible, rare disease in my family that we think my female cousin has, and if she does, she doesn’t want children.  She doesn’t want to make them live through what she had her brothers are going through/have gone through.