Confession .288. Grace Is Just Weakness, Or So I’ve Been Told…

For all of the light that i shut out
For all of the innocent things that i doubt
For all of the bruises i’ve caused and the tears
For all of the things that i’ve done all these years…

Tonight while i ironically led a Red Flags workshop in-world geared towards submissives and what they should look for in their interactions with Dominants, i realized just how terrible i am at taking my own advice and practicing what i preach sometimes.  Let me explain…

Confession .287. I Felt So Afraid Just To Show You The Mess That I Made…

You come out of nowhere
And You cut through all the noise
i make sense of the madness
When i listen to Your voice…

i was too distracted to see the toxicity right in front of me.

Confession .286. Intoxicated By Your Reputation, I Can See The Mischief In Your Eyes…

I gave you all I had to lose
My skin, my soul, my finest jewels
You stole it all for someone new, and then
You gave away the best of me
My sins, my sweetest ecstasy
To someone worth much less than me
Yeah, you’re my Robin Hood…

This is the last one for You.  i’ve given You control over me for the longest, even when You didn’t deserve it.  And when You didn’t do anything that warranted it.  And even when You did everything within Your power to destroy it, and me.  So this is the last one for You, Robin Hood.

Confession .285. And If I’m Being Honest, It Might’ve Been A Nightmare…

And it feels like yesterday was a year ago
But I don’t wanna let anybody know
‘Cause everybody wants something from me now
And I don’t wanna let ’em down

Today has been… interesting.  Have you ever had one of those moments where you kinda hope someone will come clean to you about something that may or may not be no longer your business… but at one point it very much was?  Does that even make any sense?  Let me explain…

Confession .284. Will You Still Love Me When I’m No Longer Young And Beautiful?

I’ve seen the world, lit it up as my stage now
Channeling angels in the new age now
Hot summer days, rock ‘n’ roll, the way you play for me at your show
And all the ways I got to know your pretty face and electric soul…

Today’s post is going to be a little bit heavy.  If that’s not Y/your thing, then i understand.  Just wanted to give Y/you a heads up before Y/you click for more.  🙂

Confession .283. If You Close Your Eyes, Does It Almost Feel Like Nothing Changed At All?

We were caught up and lost in all of our vices
In your pose as the dust settled around us
And the walls kept tumbling down in the city that we love
Grey clouds roll over the hills, bringing darkness from above

In the last post i made, i shared with you my letter to my future self that i read out loud in a private ceremony.  Today, i want to share with you a letter written to my *past* self.  The self that i was before i began pledging.  It is a little less deep, and a little more pledge and sorority centric, but i think there are still some vital things in there worth sharing.

Confession .282. Art Is Not What I Create; What I Create Is Chaos…

You’re dripping like a saturated sunrise
You’re spilling like an overflowing sink
You’re ripped at every edge but You’re a masterpiece
And now You’re tearing through the pages and the ink…

Today i read a letter out loud that i wrote to my “Future Self” about a month ago now.  While a month might not seem like a long time to most of Y/you, especially to re-read a ‘future self’ type letter… it’s been a month of recovery, rebuilding, and growth.  i found it very effective, and so i’ve decided i’m going to share it with Y/you.  Be gentle.  These are pieces of me that i’m entrusting Y/you with…

Confession .281. Would You Believe Me If I Told You I’ve Got Flaws?

Cause i don’t know the perfect road to go down
But i know i’m trying my best
i’m trying my best to be ok
i’m trying my best, but every day it’s so hard…

Oh god, i collabed!  And i hope it doesn’t look terrible!  My inspiration is always so sporadic that i’m scared to collab with other P/people that i won’t do T/them justice or their avatars or their looks or pretty much just any bit of anxiety that can stop me from doing something cool, will.  But this year i signed up for the BVN Collab Challenge and while finding these two collab buddies was a bit unconventional, we did it!

Confession .280. Just Let It Be, I’m In Recovery…

i know you wanna say you’re sorry
But i’ve already heard that story
i don’t wanna be your fool anymore…
Can’t you see i’m in recovery?

Today i decided to do something a little bit different – record a video!  i dunno… why not?  E/everyone else and their brother in SL does this, and i just couldn’t find a good photo i liked until AFTER i recorded the video in order to do a traditional blog post, so i figured i’d give this a shot.  This is my first video, so play nice.  Scroll to the bottom beneath the credits where the ‘blogging tune’ is for the video!  Flickr wanted to be rude.

Confession .279. I’m Tired And Angry, But Somebody Should Be…

Come on little lady, give Us a smile
No, i ain’t got nothin to smile about
i got no one to smile for, i waited awhile for
A moment to say, “i don’t owe You a goddamn thing!”

This is another one of those days where the lyrics to the song speak more than i do…. and so i’m just going to let them do that.