Confession .266. I Was Getting Kinda Used To Being Someone You Loved…

i need Somebody to heal, Somebody to know
Somebody to have, Somebody to hold
It’s easy to say, but it’s never the same
i guess i kinda liked the way You numbed all the pain…

i feel like lately my reaction to everything is that i don’t really have words.  And then yet my instinct when these things happen, is to blog.  i’m a bit of a purist and believe that blogging also involved writing, but lately i find that my negative emotions are more aptly sated by the creativity of the photo, and by the time i come here to write i’m just… drained.

Confession .265. You Don’t Know What It’s Like…

So let me just give up, let me just let go
If this isn’t good for me, well, i don’t wanna know
Let me just stop trying, let me just stop fighting
i don’t need Your good advice or reasons why i’m alright
You don’t know what it’s like…

Hopelessness is a feeling with unfathomable depth.  Each time Y/you think Y/you’ve hit rock bottom with it, S/someone or something else can push Y/you just a little bit deeper.  Let Y/you sink just a little bit further down… and at some point i worry that i won’t have enough oxygen left to swim to the surface.  It’s a dangerous game of chicken to play, and eventually, S/someone’s going to lose.

Confession .264. I Wish That You Could See The Pain That I’ve Seen…

i’m trying my best, i’m trying my best to be ok
i’m trying my best, but every day it’s so hard
i’m holding my breath
i’m holding my breath til i can say all of the words i want to say
From my heart…

There isn’t a lot that i get to say about this.  There isn’t a lot that it would even be my place to say.  But i do have a few things…

Confession .263. Breathing Half A Breath Since You’re Away…

One less spark from a flame
One more heart beat away
i think i lost Your scent after the rain
i’ll find You when O/our paths cross by the gold mines…

i’m not used to not getting what i want in dance.  And as self-centered as that sounds – let me explain.  i’m not used to competing, as i don’t do so very often anymore.  Most of the time, i’m performing in a theater with a group of like-minded P/people, just for fun and the love of dance (and sure, the tips don’t hurt).  It’s not often i put myself out there to be judged anymore… and yesterday reminded me why.

Confession .262. Can We Pretend?

Can we pretend that i’m twenty-two today
Dancing on the tables with you
Can we pretend that we all end up ok
i just want to forget with you…

i’ve been avoiding talking about Azuri – like i said before.  And after attending her memorial today on her sim (a beautiful gathering, by the way), i think i might be somewhat able to try and express myself.  If Y/you were at the memorial and Y/you’re reading this, Y/you’ll see a lot of what i said, along with some things i meant to say peppered in.