You can be the outcast Be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love Or you can start speaking up
I didn’t realize how BLUE those eyes look when everything else around it is blue. That’s actually pretty cool.
Anyway… right… hello again! More baldness from Tivi. This is styling number 3 of 9, in case you didn’t feel like counting back. 😀 I’m having A LOT more fun than I thought I would. I don’t even really care about the same level of perfection in my photos that I normally do… it’s like… I dunno. It FEELS beautiful because it’s Relay, whether or not the pictures are edited perfectly.
Though, I admit I’ve not done a lot of ‘extremist’ stylings or anything… and that’s coming… definitely. I’ve got a couple in mind to work out for this project and I WILL put out 9 stylings, even if I’m doing bald blogging after June 2nd when I’m allowed to put my hair back on. Lol. You’ll get 9 of them, promise.
I’m not sure what it is about being bald… I just get a very “girl next door” vibe from my avatar. Sorta like… gah… that movie that’s coming out soon that I’m SUPER excited about wanting to see… The Fault In Our Stars. I dunno… she’s sick.. and sometimes that stops her from things… but she seems to go through a lot of the same struggles I do, particularly with love. You can ask Wylder when this all started, I pushed him away hardcore… because I felt like nothing more than a ticking timebomb… and I didn’t want him caught up in the eventual explosion that happened. I guess I sorta felt like I didn’t deserve love or to be happy simply because I couldn’t enjoy it while it was here.
But if life truly operated like that, then I should just sit around and wait to die… because there are a lot of things I won’t get to enjoy to its end. Marriage, love, children… hell, I could get a cat right now and they might outlive me. *Chuckles* But that doesn’t mean I don’t want one. And that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be happy while I’m here. Who says that just because you’re sick, you have to be miserable.
And I guess that’s the whole point I was missing, before His stubborn ass kept sticking around and MAKING me see that I was ALLOWED to be happy.
I didn’t actually intend to put this styling together. Lol. It’s a crazy random happenstance that I had all the items in my inventory when a message from Natzuka came to me yesterday. She asked if I’d seen the Bianca set at Courturier’s Docks, and I actually hadn’t. The one time I popped down there was to grab a dress and I was like… “woman on a mission… get in, get the dress… and the headpiece… and get out…” And I did just that, mostly. Ran into Alodie and Cori and talked to them for a few, but I didn’t really look around at much else that was there. I’m guilty of that a lot. If a favourite store is an an event, I’m often guilty of popping in, finding their store, getting what I want, and leaving. I feel like I miss out on a lot that way. 😦
Either way, Natzuka passed me the set that is for sale at Couturier’s Docks from Lybra… and let me tell you… I do NOT do clutches. I really don’t. I don’t do clutches or handpags. Like, ever. I think I have 3 times. Once for a Vero Modero casting… once during the Miss Vero Modero competition… and then the ONE time I thought I’d go outside my box and do it for Colour of Couture interviews, I ended up needing to detach it when I sat down so I didn’t smack a judge in the face. Lol. I never have good luck with handbags or clutches.
But this Bianca clutch… is gorgeous. It’s a wonderful cerulean shade of blue which is extremely unique to me. I tend to either see pale pastel blues or a dark royal blue… or a “primary” blue, but never this gorgeous cerulean that I instantly fell in love with. And the floral details are just perfect. I’m staring at it right now on my avatar as I sit in my little nook writing in the same outfit I photographed and I fall in love with this clutch all over again.
But wait! There’s more! Lol. There always is with Lybra. All the creations, whether they’re made by Lybra or by Natzuka always come out gorgeous, sophisticated, and fashion forward. Always. Without fail.
There is this gorgeous little earring and ring set that comes with this bag that I just love too. That’s one thing about having been bald for almost a week now is that I’ve become much more conscious about whether or not I’m wearing earrings, or if an outfit needs earrings… because I can’t just choose to use hair to cover my ears up. I love these earrings. And even though I didn’t show the ring because this sweater covers my hands completely, I’m just in love with the whole set.
Right now, there are 28 clutches left, and 23 jewelry sets left. If you’re not familiar with the Courturier’s Docks, these creations are limited editions for the event… so they may or may not make a return to the mainstore! Don’t risk it, ladies. I know I wouldn’t! Go! Run! Like, now. Lol.
*~* Turn A Phrase Into A Weapon Or A Drug… *~*
Shape: MINE Skin: Maya (Natural; Freckles) – Aimi Eyes: Spectral Eyes (Azure) – IKON Hair: NONE! Click HERE for info on Relay for Life of Second Life! Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Flat) – Slink Nailcolor Applier (feet): Dark Set (Teal) – Nailed It Lipstick: Glossy Pout (Blue; Deep) – Pink Fuel Teeth: Open Mouth Pro – PXL Creations (USING PIERCING EXPANSION) Tank Top: Beater Tanktop (Pearl) – Viva La Glam *Only L$10!* Jacket: Luna Jacket (White) – LpD Jeans: Belted Bells (Vintage) – Auxiliary Earrings: Bianca Sapphire Set – Lybra (includes ring also; not shown) Limited Edition @ Courturier’s Docks! Clutch: Bianca Clutch – Lybra Limited Edition @ Courturier’s Docks!
* See “Official Sponsors” Page for other Lybra Locations!
Addictions fill the table where the family used to sit And conversate… conversate to the sounds To the sounds of the record player With its jumping needle and the lights that grow dim over time
Hey, guess what… I changed the name of my blog!
I did this a little bit ago, but I never got around to actually telling you all WHY I did. There are a couple of reasons… one of which being “Because I felt like it.” And really, I could leave it at that, because this is my blog and the only person that really has to be happy with it at the end of the day is me… but there are other reasons I changed it, and so I figured I’d go through them in a blog today.
The first real reason that I changed my blog name is because I started it over a year ago when I was first going through the Miss Metaverse Joke… I mean… Miss Metaverse Pageant. It was my first pageant, and in looking to gain sponsors to help me along my journey I realized I had nothing to really offer designers. I was a no-name new model that couldn’t offer them marketing by my name alone… and the Pageant was in it’s first year, so it’s not like they would gain recognition by being involved. I didn’t have a store to offer to collaborate with them, or a real business of my own to offer them discounts on anything. I didn’t work with a mall rental of any kind to offer them shop space. I was LOST as to what I could tell designers to help a scared, brand new model get through her first pageant. So I offered advertising via a blog. I’d had one for dancing awhile back and so I knew roughly what I was doing… it was just a matter of getting started. I didn’t actually anticipate falling in love with it so much. I honestly thought I was just going to blog for the year of my title-holding (Miss Metaverse Greece, regardless of not winning the pageant, we all DID still hold our country titles) and then drop it.
Because of the temporary time that I planned on holding my blog and because of why it was started in the first place, “Confessions of a First-Time Pageant Model” seemed really appropriate at the time.
But the more I started the blog and the more I went to classes and learned about the importance of blogging in the fashion community, the more I got into it. And I love being able to write as a creative outlet.. so I just kinda… kept going. Even when shortly after the pageant began, my title was “taken” from me, I just kept wanting to blog more and more.
And now, with it being over a year after the blog started, and with me being no longer a “first-time pageant model”, I felt the name was no longer appropriate.
As for why I changed the name to what I did, see, that’s an interesting story…
See, I’m weird about what I name parcels of land where I live. Well, first of all, I’m weird about SIMS I move to… price or no price, the sim name needs to mean something to me. Things like “Magical”, “Redemption” etc etc. It has to mean something to me if I’m going to make my home there.
And then when I choose a parcel name… THAT has to mean something to me too. Again, it’s my home. It should be something that means something to me.
I was going through pictures the other day, looking for one in particular of a wedding set I’d used for a past collaring ceremony that looked like a bad-ass set of ruins, when I ran across a picture titled “Taken at Alexithymia”.
At one point when I lived by myself, I apparently named a parcel of mine “Alexithymia”… after the Anberlin song that I’m blogging today. Or, at least, that’s what I thought it was named after. I love the song, and Anberlin is one of my favourite bands. But I knew there had to be more of a reason behind it than that. This was awhile ago, so I couldn’t just remember off the top of my head… we all know how shitty my memory is. But I knew there had to be a bigger significance of the name.
So, I went to my good friend, Dictinary.Com… and this is what it said:
“difficulty in experiencing, expressing, and describing emotional responses.”
And I’ll do you one better… this is the “Medical Dictionary” definition listed on the same page:
“Inability to describe emotions in a verbal manner.”
This… this is me to a T. And while most of you find me outspoken and sometimes brash… ok, a lot of times brash… when it comes to true emotions.. like how I felt when that douchebag said he hopes I die… or when someone stated to me that they find my being bald in SL to be a “meaningless symbolic gesture” and that it doesn’t mean shit… I tend to just… hold it in until I can do one of two things.
Dance… or style.
And somehow, when I can do one of those two things, the words come secondary. When I dance, I choose the music that fits how I’m feeling… I choose the animations… the costuming… the hair… everything… and THEN I can write the words. And putting them all together lets me be able to heal and express myself more appropriately than if I were to just try and speak or write about what was going on.
Same with styling… when I can throw together an outfit based on how I feel at that moment… suddenly I can take a few pictures, bring them into photoshop, bring them into a blog… and just… write. Suddenly the words come.
And it’s an amazingly freeing feeling.
That is Alexithymia. It is a medical/psychological condition. And I guess I can add it to my list of many ailments. *Chuckles*
And so… the name of my blog has become and will remain… “Alexithymia – Feeling in Fashion.”
Because this is me. And this is what I do. If you don’t like it, you’re free to read elsewhere.
*~* There’s More To Living Than Being Alive… *~*
Shape: MINE Skin: Maya (Natural; Freckles) – Aimi Eyes: Fantasy Soul Eyes (Right Eyes Has Texture Change) – Folly Hair: NONE! Click HERE for info on Relay for Life of Second Life! Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink Nailcolor Applier (hands & feet): French Manicure Pastels Set (Magenta) – Nailed It Teeth: Open Mouth Pro – PXL Creations (Using STANDARD Hud) Dress: It’s Worth! (Pink) – Dead Dollz @ Penumbra Fashion Week Jeans: She Gotta Donk Flare Jeans (Blue 2) – AlterEgo Feet Ribbons: Ballet Lace – AlterEgo ((Add-on for Slink High Feet!)) Earrings: Valencia Earrings – Maxi Gossamer Necklace: Not Granny’s Necklace – a m o r o u s Engagement Ring: Devotion (White Gold) – Earthstones ((outer stones color change!))
Hit me like a ray of sun Burning through my darkest night You’re the only one that I want I’m addicted to…
(( And now that this has been sitting in queue for 2 days… I’ve posted it… LOL… sorry guys… it’s a mess…))
I know I’m a day behind… already… LOL. I’ve been a bit deterred this weekend from some medical stuff going on, but I promised you 8 bald stylings… and I actually will owe you all 9. Since your amazing generosity helped me raise, in total, by the time they cut my hair, L$40,501, I am bald for NINE days instead of the 8 that was my goal.
Words can’t adequately express how thoroughly I am amazed by you all.
Of course, now the challenge will be finding 8 looks to blog that don’t look super weird with me bald. I think this is a nice place to start, as I kinda rediscovered this store (LpD) while I was stalking Bodza’s gown at Couturier’s Docks (see my last blog entry for that gown). It takes something kinda big to impress me with a store… and I saw LpD’s Couturier’s Docks release and found myself saying, “Hmmm… that’s cute… I might check it out.” Then my best friend Alodie and her sister Cori walked in and Cori was wearing some amazing pants. I admittedly inspected them and lo and behold! Same place! I was sold, and I grabbed the LM to go shopping later.
2 days later, not only did I end up with those pants and the matching shirt… I bought 2 more outfit sets… this current selection being one of them.
I love the unique structures and silhouettes of their clothing. Lately some of my favourite clothing stores seem to all be buying the same templates and all releasing the same stuff, just in different textures. The ones I know that do their own original mess haven’t done any new releases recently… so it’s just like… I was in a rut. But I LOVE the cut of this top, and the way this skirt flares out.
Even if I did get told I look like a crack whore earlier this morning. Yeah. And that was just the BEGINNING of my morning.
I’m not sure how much detail I ever went into on this… but some of you know that when Wylder and I split up back in October, I made a promise to my dance teacher, who has since adopted me as her daughter, that I would not take another collar for awhile. She thought, and I agreed, that I needed some time to search within myself and remember who Tivi is… and not just who Tivi is, but who the person behind Tivi is. I can’t possible expect to properly serve anyone in the context of a healthy M/s relationship like I want to if I don’t know who I am as a person and as a slave. So I made the promise to Rya that I wouldn’t take a collar for awhile and I would take some time to rediscover who I am and what it is that I want.
I may be submissive, but I can’t defer my fate into the hands of others. I need to retain a certain amount of control. I don’t just drop to my knees in front of any and every Man (or Woman) who called Him(Her)self a Dominant. There is compatibility there… and that is where I as a slave have the choice… is this person compatible or not? So yes, my needs and wants come very much into play here… even if it is an M/s relationship.
Anyway, during this time of rediscovering myself, I ventured into Gor VERY few times… just to scratch a RP itch and have something to do. I was honestly trying to learn if that’s where I felt I belonged. I found out it’s not… lol… but it was something I needed to learn my own. There I met some very amazing people.
And some not so amazing.
Now… I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried… but I met this Man there and we had a very nice roleplay. I served him dinner and a few drinks. That’s it. (*le gasp!* Gor and Master/slave relationships are about more than just sex, y’all!) I thought He was a nice guy, so I added Him to my friend’s list and hoped we could talk more often.
Quite literally the next day, this dude comes to me wanting to collar and Own me and bring me back into Gor and all this other stuff and i’m like “Whoah! Slow down, darlin…” I was honest with Him and told Him, 1.) That I need to KNOW a person better before making such a serious decision like submission, and 2.) That I had made a promise to some very important people in my life and not take a collar for awhile while I rediscovered myself and my needs.
Well He flipped His shit and got mad at me (Heaven forbid I didn’t want to submit to a Man I’d just met! I clearly must be defective… *rolls her eyes*) and proceeded to not speak to me since November.
Now recently I’ve been more sick lately, so I’ve not done much conversing with people outside of those I’m already more close to. There are a few exceptions. I talk to Relay people, I struck up a friendship with Natzuka and a few others I didn’t know before… but mostly I just kept to myself and those that already know me and knew how ill I was. I had a weird alcohol-induced moment last night where I IMed Him to apologize for having not reached out and said hello in so long (even if he hadn’t either) and I proceeded to take a deep breath and tell him about being sick and that being why I was pulling back and keeping to myself.
His response? “I hope you die.”
I was… shocked, to say the least. I mean, I know I’ve been shitty to people in my life and that I’ve made my fair share of enemies… but for starters, I was never anything but nice to this man… and secondly, I never thought I’d ever pissed off anyone in my life enough that they would wish death on me. Hell, I’m pretty sure I can go to some of the people in SL that hate me the most, in my opinion, and ask them if they hoped I would die, and they’d still say no. They might dislike me intensely, but it takes a really low person to wish death on another.
When I thought that maybe it was just His twisted idea of a joke… because He does have some developmental/mental disabilities, I thought I’d let Him in on the gravity of the situation and tell Him that I actually am dying. Slowly. But still dying. I thought maybe that might shock Him into realizing I wasn’t joking around.
His response to that? “I hope you die sooner.”
I have been thinking about this all day… while resting off and on from both seizures I’d had this morning… and it’s just like… I still don’t have words for that.
I don’t even have words.
*~* Baby, I Can See Your Halo… *~*
Shape: MINE Skin: Maya (Natural; Freckles) – Aimi Eyes: Spectral Eyes (Azure) – IKON Hair: NONE! Click HERE for info on Relay for Life of Second Life! Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink*~* rigged mesh *~* Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Flat) – Slink *~* rigged mesh *~* Nailcolor Applier (hands & feet): Dark Set (Steel) – Nailed It Teeth: Open Mouth Pro – PXL Creations (Using STANDARD Hud) Top: Gelsomino Top (Stripes) – LpD *~* rigged mesh *~* Skirt: Gelsomino Skirt (Black) – LpD *~* rigged mesh *~* Shoes: Roman Striped Sandals (Available for Women AND Men) – Pure Poison Hip Piercings: Hip Accent Piercings – Cute Poison Cheek Piercings: Jewel Cheeks – the HV BONUS included in “Inque” @ Dark Style Fair Nose Piercing: Cihuapilli Nose Piercing (Black) – Soedara Earrings: Hoop Earrings Large (Black) – Soedara Glasses: Mesh Nerd Glasses (Classics) – IronClaw
Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul I can tell you there’s no place we couldn’t go Just put your hand on the glass I’ll be tryin’ to pull ya through You just gotta be strong…
Recently I was accepted as a blogger for Living Imagination by Bodza Blackadder (Bodza Mubble), and I was incredibly thrilled for the opportunity! Amidst SL’s various issues this week, I somehow still managed to get into this round of The Couturier’s Docks and found some amazing things. Of course, I jumped the gun, because as soon as I bought this gorgeous gown, which is Living Imagination’s limited edition offering for this round… and almost as soon as I clicked “Accept”, I received a notice from the LI Bloggers group saying that as it was a Limited Edition, she was only going to offer the dress to those who promised to blog it.
Well I promise… I blogged it! *Giggles* I’m not torn up I bought the dress when I could’ve gotten it as a blogger. Gorgeous dress, and it was a STEAL! I would suggest getting down there and grabbing one while there are still any left!
The OTHER reason I come to you tonight is SUPER important to me… not that Bodza’s amazing creations aren’t important… cause they totally are! Equally important is the Relay for Life event I’m at RIGHT NOW, as I type this!
Some of you have seen me flailing around and ranting on Facebook about the Bid Me Bald that team Hands, Hearts, and Hope is doing. Basically… the premise is this… exactly as the event implies… people are donating to kiosks to see myself and 11 other people going up with me bald for a certain number of days. It’s L$5,000 per day of baldness, and we were each asked to set personal goals for the event.
What was my goal? Kinda lofty… but it was L$40,000. 8 days of baldness. Why?
Because we do haircuts tomorrow. And 8 days of baldness puts me walking during the finale of Miss Colour of Couture on May 31st bald.
Why be bald for the finale? Relay for Life is my chosen charity from charity challenge… and it was my chosen charity long before I entered Colour of Couture. What better a way to finish this amazing process and growth experience that I’ve had during these last few months than to make one last statement for Relay for Life during the finale? People have called me crazy… I think it’s awesome… lol.
Then again, I’ve never been the sane-est model out there, hey?
Anyway… my goal is L$40,000. What am I at so far?
*Cams onto her kiosk to check*
This is the official breakdown, according to mah team captain. 1L – 5000L = 1 Day 5,001L – 10,000L = 2 Days
10,001L – 15,000L = 3 Days
15,001L – 20,000L = 4 Days
20,001L – 25,000L = 5 Days
25,001L – 30,000L = 6 Days
31,001L – 35,000L = 7 Days (one week)
So… by that logic, this puts me L$401 away from 4 days of baldness… almost halfway to my goal!
I’m super excited, but I’d REALLY love to meet my goal!
And haircuts are TOMORROW NIGHT!
So how can you help? Well you can come join us from NOW until midnight here at the Party and donate to the kiosk with my picture above it.
OR you can send a remote donation through my avatar in Second Life (Tiviyah Resident). Just PLEASE IM me and let me know how much you’re sending, so I make sure that all of it gets to the kiosk. My linden transactions get crazy sometimes, and I don’t want to hold anything back from RFL!
OR you can tp to the sim any time between now and roughly 6pm SLT tomorrow night! We’re taking donations to the kiosk right up until they cut out hair, which could be any time between 6pm and 10pm SLT tomorrow, May 23rd!
Thank you so much to those of you who have helped push me this far. I am SO grateful to every last one of you.
I can hold the weight of worlds If that’s what you need… I’ll be your everything…
As usual, I tried to stay quiet and have found that I really can’t…
I really wish that yesterday I could’ve been crying tears of joy… especially when amazing things happened like the HUGE donation from Marcus to Jay’s set at the Celebrate Remember Fight Back Top DJ Competition for Relay for Life of Second Life. But at the end of the competition, I honestly felt more deflated than I did anything else. And for something Relay related to make me feel THAT bad… I know something has to be wrong. But before I get into that… first… a little bit of background information.
First of all… what is the Celebrate Remember Fight Back Top DJ Competition? It’s a team event of the Relay Rockers, which is a Relay for Life of Second Life fundraising team. It’s an event that is open to 16 DJ’s from across the grid, no matter what team you’re from or if you’re on a team at all. There’s an application process and from what I understand, spots are first come, first serve, 16 spots. After those 16 fill, sorry about your luck, regardless of if you’re an amazing DJ or not. *Chuckles* Which makes sense… you really want to do something, you’ll fill out your cards early. Because it’s a relay event, all music has to be family-appropriate… and it’s been emphasized in the past that that means no cursing, at all, whatsoever. Unfortunately, I didn’t feel I had enough music that fit that criteria… not that I have a bunch of dirty raunchy music in my library… because not everything that curses is bad… but I didn’t have enough clean, family-friendly music to participate… so all three years I’ve heard about it, I have chosen not to participate.
Now. Preliminary rounds take awhile because they only do one round per week, and each round is 2 DJ’s… so you’ve got 8 preliminary rounds over the course of the first 2 months of the competition. Each DJ gets 1 hour to spin and raise funds for Relay for Life via a specific kiosk. That kiosk is rezzed by the competition host right at the beginning of your time, so that you are fundraising from L$0 and they can have an accurate total. One thing that’s important to mention here that apparently a few of the contestants were unclear on is that your totals do NOT carry over… so if you make it from Preliminary competition into Elite 8, then your total starts over for your Elite 8 round. And if you make it from Elite 8 to Top 4, your total starts over again. Same for Top 2. A few contestants seemed very disappointed that their high totals from preliminaries were discarded when it came time for them to fundraise for their Elite 8 round. Because I didn’t choose to participate this year, I didn’t read over the information card thoroughly, so I can’t speak to whether it was lack of being informed, or lack of reading the given information that lead to this misunderstanding between organizers and contestants.
It should also be mentioned here that this competition is not set up in a true ‘bracket’ style competition. You would think, like most DJ battles I’ve seen in SL and even in RL, that if you’re going to pit someone ‘head to head’, then the winner of that round would move on. Especially with 16 DJ’s going 2 at a time. But with this particular contest, all 16 DJ’s go and then at the end of everything, they look at the Top 8, and those are the ones that move on. So who you go ‘against’ for preliminaries really doesn’t matter. Like, for example, the very last preliminary round was the 2012 Top DJ vs. the 2013 Top DJ. The 2013 Top DJ raised more money than the 2012 Top DJ, so in a true bracket style competition, that would’ve eliminated the 2012 Top DJ. However, in this situation, since both of them were in the Top 8, they both moved on, regardless of being in a heat ‘against’ each other.
Oh, yes… did I mention that there are no judges in this competition? Where you rank is based on how much money you raise in that kiosk that is rezzed by the competition host. So, if I have to look at this objectively, it’s really not a Top DJ Competition at all, as it has nothing to do with your skill as a DJ. It’s a Top Fundraiser competition, which is super awesome and can be super effective. Think back to Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts where the top cookie seller got a bike or something. It’s a good motivator. But calling it a Top DJ competition is a little bit of a misnomer, just in my personal opinion.
The other thing that should be mentioned here is that all the kiosks, regardless of what team the DJ is from, are set to the Relay Rockers as the host team… so any money that a DJ raises goes to benefit that team (and subsequently the Relay for Life). Up until this year, that totally made sense, because the Rockers are the host team, so if they let a DJ come up and set their kiosk to their team, then they would gain nothing from the event they worked hard to organize. HOWEVER, this year, there are now Dual Team kiosks… which allow you to set a single kiosk up to benefit 2 teams. For example, my Team Captain participated this year, so with a Dual Team kiosk, it could’ve been set up to benefit both the Rockers as the Host team and our team as the DJ’s team… because the DJ is doing a lot of work as well… they are bringing in the donators, they are spinning the tunes… they should benefit from this as well. How the Dual Team kiosk works is it splits the money evenly… so in a situation like mentioned above, if someone donated L$1,000… then L$500 would go towards the Rockers team total, and L$500 would go towards our team total. This way, everybody who is doing the work is benefiting, and Relay for LIfe as a whole is benefitting.
Now, before someone goes sour on me and says, “What about ONE TEAM, Tivi? If we’re all ONE TEAM then why should it matter which team is getting the credit for the donations? It’s all going to help Relay, right?” I agree with you whole-heartedly, imaginary other half of this conversation. But I have to ask the same question back to you. If this is ONE TEAM, then why were the Dual Team kiosks NOT used. If the linden totals were not important, then why was the host team insistent on getting full credit for every donation? If it all goes to the same place, Relay for Life and the ACS, then why weren’t Dual Team kiosks used? Just a thought.
Now, there are a couple of other things that I hold issue with in this situation, and I’m going to try my best to be as polite as possible… because I really do love Relay for Life… but situations like this sour me on RFL of SL as a whole and make me want to just stick to RL Relay sometimes.
For starters, past winners are allowed to enter again. Now, there is a difference between asking a current title-holder to defend their title and having a past title-holder come back and try to win it again. We all see in the fashion and modeling community how ‘contest humpers’ work… people who go from contest to contest and are not competing for a title because of what it actually MEANS, but are simply gunning for that title because it’s something of importance. That’s why I like competitions like Miss Virtual World… once you compete once, no matter where you placed, you had your run and you don’t get to compete again. This opens doors for more people to have the opportunity to have that growth and bonding experience. Otherwise, I’m afraid we’d see what we see in all these “Face of…” competitions… the same models competing, and the same models winning, snatching up titles left and right and leaving no room for new models to grow and potentially gain some recognition. So with something like this that has so few spaces available to begin with, why allow past winners to take a space from a potential new person who is looking for a way to get involved in Relay and thinks the contest looks like fun?
I’m all for honoring past winners. In pageants like Colour of Couture and Miss Virtual World, the former year’s winner is allowed to make a final walk, and is given the opportunity to present the new winner with their title. Maybe for a DJ situation, allow the Top DJ from the previous year the opportunity to play a farewell set before the awards ceremony. I don’t know. But I’d like to see some way of giving them the respect and honor they deserve while not taking away the opportunity to compete from someone new.
Secondly, there are things done that are just plain shady. I’m all for challenges… I pose them for people myself that I want to win… but I’d like to see competition organizers stay neutral. Like, when I organize dance competitions, I don’t sit in and judge them myself as well. That’s a conflict of interest. And especially when some of the competitors are of the organizing/host team, I have to sit back and make a face when I see contest staff working harder to promote one DJ over another. Like in the Top 2 yesterday, I watched the contest staff work so much harder at promoting the DJ who eventually won the contest… and barely promote the DJ who became the 1st runner up at all. Standing there watching, the lack of promotion is what made me step up in the end to try and get some match challenges going to boost his totals in the last 15 minutes because no one else was doing it. They were perfectly content to watch that 1st runner up DJ finish out with whatever number, low or high… and it even seemed that they’d prefer it low, because it would be easier to beat.
Yes, I used the dreaded beat word… in a competition like this… it’s supposed to be friendly competition used to motivate stronger fundraising. Again, after all, ONE TEAM, right? However, during the 2nd set of yesterday’s Top 2, the phrasing was actually used, “Can ___ beat ___?!?” I don’t like that. That’s not in the spirit of Relay, in my personal opinion. (And yes, I’m really trying my best to not use names to protect both innocent and guilty parties… so I apologize if the vagueness is confusing.)
Then again… when I think “Spirit of Relay”, I think things exactly like what I said on my Facebook yesterday… genuine, passionate giving from your heart… no matter if that’s L$1, L$1,000, or L$100,000. It shouldn’t be about a title.. it should be about what that title means. How much was raised for Relay in an effort to fight the battle against cancer. It should be about more birthdays… not “how high can we push OUR team total”. It should be spreading the love to all teams and leaving people with a generally positive impression of Relay. Make people WANT to fight the fight with us.
That’s the thing that bothers me the most. For this competition, a lot of times, people are tp’d in by friends to listen, hang out, and help their favourite DJ by voting with lindens. A lot of them have never seen Relay before. So I’m most afraid that some will see situations like this… and the politics that went on behind the scenes… and the 2012 winner coming back to take the 2014 title from an amazing DJ with a heartfelt story who truly just wanted to Relay, who would’ve been setting a precedent as the first DJ from the Gorean team to win the Top DJ Competition… and who deserved it SO MUCH… When I get IMs like, “We should’ve known that we couldn’t beat the home team,” and “Did that seem like it was set up to you,”… when I see these heart-breaking, negative experiences, I have to wonder how many of those people who are having negative experiences are first-time relayers… and I have to wonder, the even more horrible question… how many of them are now last-time relayers and will not return? “If this is what RFL is about, then I don’t want to be a part.”
It’s reality folks… even I found myself asking, “Is this what RFL of SL is? Just more politics? I get enough of that elsewhere in my SL…”
I’m just so afraid of how many more birthdays will be lost… because of how many relayers may have been lost over the 3 years this has been running. I’d personally like to propose changes, but when I, even as a committee member, am met with responses like, “Good luck getting that to happen without a fight,” or “Good luck proving it wasn’t fair, even if I don’t disagree,”… I’m left to wonder if it’s just another hopeless case.
ANOTHER hopeless case.
*~* Be A Good Machine… *~*
Shape: MINE Skin: Romy Skin (Base; Jamaica) – Glam Affair Eyes: Dolly Eyes (Blind) – By Snow — Dollarbie! Hair: Claudette (Rouge) – Wasabi Pills *~* rigged mesh *~* Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink *~* rigged mesh *~* Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Mid) – Slink *~* rigged mesh *~* Nailcolor Applier (hands & feet): Dark Set (Black) – Nailed It Eyeshadow: Color Line 6 – Glam Affair Lipstick: Glossy Pout Lipsticks (NavyBlue; Deep) – Pink Fuel Tattoo: Bliss (Medium Ink) – Wicked Tattoo Top/Pants/Armwarmers: Captive Heart – Lybra @ FashionArt *~* partial rigged mesh *~* Wings/Headpiece/Neck Chains: Captive Heart – Lybra @ FashionArt * Please see “Official Blogger For…”page for additional Lybra Locations Hip Piercings: Hip Accent Piercings – Cute Poison Face Piercings: Schakal Holy (Ink) – the HV (formerly Hebanon Vial) *~* non-rigged mesh *~* Feet Jewelry: Oriental Jewelry (Black; Common) – Pure Poison @ Fantasy Gacha Carnival *~* rigged mesh *~*
Now I’m lying on the cold hard ground… Trouble, trouble, trouble…
Finally got around to blogging this set. 🙂 There SHOULD be another blog post coming today… I’m trying to get caught up on everything. One thing I may or may not have mentioned about my being sick is that there are times when it just knocks me on my ass. Sometimes I’ll spend most of the day in bed because I quite literally can’t get out of it and stay upright… other times I’ll be here at the computer but not ‘all here’… if that makes sense. And in preparing for the CoC rehearsal this past weekend and the awesome N1co show with Models Giving Back, it was kinda all the small bit of energy I had to be able to get done what I needed to get done.
But I’m back. And I have some super neat things to show you.
Like this set… it’s the “Fangarth” set from Aisling at Fantasy Gacha Carnival… the headpiece is the Ultra Rare… the Mask, Necklace, and Sceptre are Rare pieces… and the Commons are the Bracers, Shoulders, and Lower Leg pieces. Each of the commons can come out in either Silver, Gold, or Black, and then all the Rares and Ultra Rare have huds that let you change several parts of it to customize it to your needs. The blue bits that you see on this set are some of the customizations I made via the HUD. I LOVE it. Wylder thinks it looks pretty hot too. LOL.
It’s not often that I post a blog post that literally just brats on the clothing… but I LOVE this Fangarth set so much… and everything Aisling has done since I discovered their work at The Secret Affair gacha event not to long ago. If you’ll remember the LadyOfHighGarden set I’ve posted in a couple pictures… that was by Aisling. And when I get around to putting my Artizana Photo Challenge picture from Colour of Couture up on Flickr, then the headpiece that you’ll see in that picture was Aisling’s offering at Fantasy Faire this year. I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say, I’m addicted.
Aisling is actually offering 2 sets at Fantasy Gacha Carnival… and I was SUPER surprised that the pulls were only L$50. Maybe the lower pull price because there are 2 sets and people will be trying to collect both? I’m not sure. But this one has a more tribal feel and is, again, called Fangarth. The other set is called Feldream, and if I get onto a SUPER roll today, then I’ll post that one too. I think because of my love of nature and all things tribal, this was my set of choice. But that says NOTHING to degrade the quality of the Feldream set.
I definitely played the gacha until I got the full set of both. Lol.
It’s not often that I pursue full sets. In fact, the Aisling gacha at The Secret Affair was my first real full set that I got myself. (The Remarkable Oblivion Christmas hats from December’s Arcade was my first real full set, but a friend of mine gave me the couple I was missing to complete it. The LadyOfHighGarden set was the first one I’d done all the work by myself for. Lol.) Since then, I’ve pursued full sets from both of Aisling’s offerings at Fantasy Gacha Carnival as well as the Wish Master full set from Atomic at Fantasy Gacha Carnival. Omg so much amazing stuff. Lol. I can’t contain my excitement!
The last shopping day for this event is June 1st (I believe), so make sure you’re getting down there before it’s too late. And also, keep a look out for something super special and awesome for the next round of Fantasy Gacha Carnival in 3 months. I’m sooooooo excited… but I’m not gonna tell until it gets closer. Muahaha!
Words in my head, knives in my heart You build me up and then I fall apart Cause I’m only human
I try to act like stuff doesn’t bother me. I think this is one of my partner’s greatest sources of irritation when it comes to me… is that I can get shat all over and then act like it doesn’t bother me. I can be holding back tears and still tell Him, “No, its nothing. It’s fine. It doesn’t matter. I’m fine.”
I’m not, and He knows I’m not. But I guess that I assume the more I say it, the more likely it is to become true at some point. The more I say I’m ok with being used or taken advantage of or being told I’m not good enough or any of the other myriad of things that I’m told when it comes to modeling in SL on a daily/weekly/monthly basis… the more I say I’m ok… I guess I just hope that eventually I will be ok.
And you know, I guess my beginnings in modeling would be to blame for the fact that I perceive everything much more personally than I probably should. I mean… yes, I’m a heavily defensive person… be it defensive of myself and my own work, or defensive of those I care about. Heck, if you’ve found my other blog, then you know that. *Grins* But yes, I’m defensive and heaven help you if you have no basis for a criticism that you give… or if you don’t give your criticism constructively. Constructive criticism aimed at bettering me as a model and person, I can understand. However, telling me that something is ‘all wrong’ and when I ask why, and explain my choices, I’m just continuously told it’s wrong… no justifications, no explanations, just how wrong it is… yeah, I’ma snap, I’ma say some things that your delicate sensitivities don’t want to swallow. I fully admit that. And that’s exactly what happened when I started in modeling. And all that keeps ringing in my head was what happened that night.
I was told I’d never make it. Never.
So, yeah, I’m a little more apt to take things personally. My bad. I’m human.
Now that that’s out of the way…
I’m having a lot of fun with these Fantasy Faire posts… they let me kinda step outside of the box of what the ‘mainstream’ fashion world in SL likes to tell me is “ok” or “good”.
Remind me when I let a bunch of self-important divas (and not the good kind) tell me what is and isn’t ok for ME to style? Whether I choose to showcase something that’s out of the box or a mix and match style… is up to me. Whether or not YOU consider my carefully edited outfit taking pieces from 4 different outfits by the same creator to be mix and match or not, since it’s the same creator, really shouldn’t matter to me. All that matters is that *I* like it, and *I* wanted to style it. So why do I let it matter?
After sitting down today and realizing just how much I let it matter, I was thoroughly angry with myself… and I sat down and talked to Natzuka, who encouraged me to just work for myself… let my passion shine through and do it for myself, instead of for others. It was only then that I knew just how much negativity I had let get inside my head… because I spent the next at LEAST 30 minutes trying to explain to her all the reasons I wasn’t good enough to do it on my own. In no uncertain terms, she let me know that ‘they’ (meaning anyone who had mistreated me or been negative, I’m assuming) can go fuck themselves. And I saw she was right. But why was it that I needed Natzuka to tell me that… why didn’t I already believe in myself as much as she believes in me?
I guess I’m wondering where my strength in my convictions went. Some of you noticed my name change in SL and assumed it was my partner’s last name, since we’re engaged. Nopes. I got adopted first… and Inglewood is my dance teacher’s last name, who kinda adopted me as her daughter. So I’m wearing the Inglewood last name… she’s always talked to me about how I’m the mouthpiece of our little group, I stand up for those who are being treated poorly, and I’m very protective of our little ‘family’ in our dance school…
So remind me when I stopped being just as protective of myself? When did I start rolling over and taking the bullshit I was handed?
I dunno when I started doing it… but I certainly stopped all THAT shit today. I’m through defining myself by someone else’s standards. I am who I am, and if that fits with your idea of “good”, then great. We can work together. But if who I am doesn’t fit your definition of “good’ or “right” or whatever the hell you want to call it, then you are certainly free to go to the opposite corner and do your thing, because I’m gonna be right here being me. Don’t like it? You don’t have to. But I also don’t have to give a fuck. 🙂
*~* Words In My Head, Knives In My Heart… *~*
* Another reminder for Fantasy Faire items… the Fantasy Faire SLURL next to them will take you to the correct sim, however you will need to find the particular store on that sim. *le gasp* You have to actually explore an event?! Seriously, though… it’s an awesome event. Don’t consider it a huge problem. Lol. Also… some of the items I’m showing are things I bought FROM Fantasy Faire, but may or may NOT be the Relay for Life item. So make sure you check the whole store/booth. 🙂
You know I used to paint such vibrant dreams Now I’m colorblind, colorblind When did my heart get so full of… Nevermind, nevermind Did you know that you stole the only thing I needed?
I’ve been thinking a lot about things I’ve been missing lately… things I stopped doing when I was with “He Who Shall Not Be Named” because I simply didn’t have the time… between juggling His secrecy with my own modeling career… I stopped doing things I loved… like blogging consistently… and dancing… lord, dancing. I forgot how much I missed dancing until I started doing it more often.
And you know… most of you I’m sure would frown upon my dancing, because where I compete most often is in Gor. Just because most don’t understand Gor, I guess they think it’s ok to automatically find it offensive and thus persecute me and look down their nose at me because I ever once participated in the roleplay aspect, and I continue to dance there.
You know how I got involved in Gor? *Chuckles* It’s an interesting story… let me tell you.
I got involved in Gor for a man. (Go figure, right? HAHA.)
A former friend of mine introduced me to this man she thought would just be PERFECT for me… back in, like, late 2008 or something. And you know, of all the people she’d ever brought to me, I actually liked this one. He was super sweet… and He was still learning about His Dominance, which was wonderful, because I was still learning about my submission. The one thing He was sure of, was that He was in Gor. I had NO idea… like… seriously… “Gor, what’s that?” But I was really intrigued by this guy.
So what did I do? I went researching on my own and found a small safe-zone school to enroll in and be taught the basics of Gor. This Man (His name was Earan… let’s just use His name and make it easier than always calling Him “this guy” or “this Man”… lol)… anyway, Earan wasn’t too happy about the fact that my collar technically belonged to the school until I graduated, but I think part of Him was endeared by the fact that I wanted to immerse myself in His world and learn about it enough to see if it was something I could do, something I could handle.
And funny story about all that… when I was a little over halfway through my training… after I performed my first dance to pass my dance test, I walked out of the tavern and there was the school’s Admin… standing with Earan. The school was making an exception and allowing Earan to collar me before I finished my schooling. I think it was one of the proudest moments of my life. And I sorta went on to forever associate that moment with my first dance.
I’ve been dancing off and on ever since then.
For 6 years in SL I’ve been dancing, mostly in Gor. And you know… judge the environment all you want to… however, if they had competitive dance outside of Gor the way they do inside of Gor, then I’d be there. I hate the negative stigma associated with Gor just because people don’t understand it… but also the fact that people assume (there’s a fun word…) that I’m involved in the worst, seedier parts of Gor, just because I sit on the outskirts and compete occasionally.
Newsflash, y’all… have you ever seen a dance in Gor? It’s a positively beautiful experience. I encourage you to go watch one sometime. It’s not just dressing up in some fancy dress and hoping on some poseballs in a ballroom (though that has it’s place and is incredibly relaxing as well). Constructing a by-god DANCE in SL is a complex and intricate process. Just like choreography in RL.
As I take a breath and back down off my soapbox for a few moments… it saddens me just how much of that piece of myself I’ve lost since I’ve begun modeling.
Like… I know a lot of you won’t understand this… but to Earan I was more than just some girl who liked Him and wanted to be with Him. After He collared me during my schooling… I served Him wine for the first time. My first time ever serving wine, and His first time drinking it. He had made a vow that He would not drink any sort of alcohol until it was served to Him from a girl who was His own. And I was His first… I was the fulfillment of an oath and a vow to Him. Talk about feeling special in someone’s life.
The longer I stick around in modeling, the more I feel that “specialness” in me fading away. Which is ironic, because in my MVWMA 104 class, I was asked specifically, as are all students at some point, what it is about ME as a model that makes me unique. Not just personality wise… but what is it about me physically that will make someone look at a print ad and say, “Oh, that’s Tivi!” “Yep, that’s definitely Tivi’s crazy ass.” I determined it was my red hair… as it’s one thing I never change. Even throughout CoC, when it was eluded to that those of us who did not change our hair color to white for the Thom Browne *inspiration* challenge, like all the models had in the pictures, may have lost points for having ‘color’… my hair was still red. My hair has always been red, with very VERY few exceptions. And I think the one time during CoC my hair wasn’t visibly red is when I wore my cancer cap for the Charity Challenge.
But the more your unqiueness is emphasized, it feels like the more you’re pressured to conform to this idea of what someone ELSE thinks is acceptable. It’s been an incredibly discouraging experience, to say the least. Though, I had a few view-altering encounters lately.
One of which was at the Lybra video casting (stylings to be posted soon!). Lord… you have NO idea how much I wanted to run the other way when I got inside this casting. I blog for Lybra, and He doesn’t seem to hate my posts when I style his creations in my own… unique… way… lol… but when I landed in that casting, there were, like, 6 other models. One was in white, one was in Green, and the rest were in black… all of them were in pretty simplistic makeup… I was in purple… and wearing some of my favourite makeup from Nuuna. I wanted to turn tail and run. LOL. But from the time Lybra and Natzuka both saw us and didn’t kick any of us out, I felt a little more confident, and did my walk and did ok.
Afterwards, I have gotten to have a couple of good conversations with Natzuka… and she is such a breath of fresh air in all this mess, honestly. After Colour of Couture is done, I might even be able to enlist herself to help me do an overhaul of my shape and skin. An experience I’m thoroughly looking forward to. I never really had a ‘drastic’ change from my ‘pre-modeling’ regular Tivi shape… I narrowed my eyes and proportioned my face… I got taller… my arms got longer… but really, I never went through a drastic, needed change, ever. And now that I’m itching for one, I’m in the home stretch of CoC, and I need to keep a consistent look until it is done.
But I’m looking forward to spending more time with Natzuka, and picking her brain about the modeling world. That is, if she doesn’t get sick of me. 😛
Sorry this post was so incredibly random… a lot has been on my mind lately. I’ll probably reuse this tune again soon as well, btw. Cause it makes me think so so many other things.
*~* When Did My Heart Get So Full of Nevermind… *~*
* How Fantasy Faire Credits Work: There are 9 sims at Fantasy Faire… I’ve been through them all twice and it’s honestly all a blur. LOL. I will get you to the correct sim with the credit, but then you’ll need to find the designer’s booth through your own explorations. Look around, support the various creators. It’s for a good cause! Gooooooo Relay!