Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You’re the only one that I want
I’m addicted to…
(( And now that this has been sitting in queue for 2 days… I’ve posted it… LOL… sorry guys… it’s a mess…))
I know I’m a day behind… already… LOL. I’ve been a bit deterred this weekend from some medical stuff going on, but I promised you 8 bald stylings… and I actually will owe you all 9. Since your amazing generosity helped me raise, in total, by the time they cut my hair, L$40,501, I am bald for NINE days instead of the 8 that was my goal.
Words can’t adequately express how thoroughly I am amazed by you all.
Of course, now the challenge will be finding 8 looks to blog that don’t look super weird with me bald. I think this is a nice place to start, as I kinda rediscovered this store (LpD) while I was stalking Bodza’s gown at Couturier’s Docks (see my last blog entry for that gown). It takes something kinda big to impress me with a store… and I saw LpD’s Couturier’s Docks release and found myself saying, “Hmmm… that’s cute… I might check it out.” Then my best friend Alodie and her sister Cori walked in and Cori was wearing some amazing pants. I admittedly inspected them and lo and behold! Same place! I was sold, and I grabbed the LM to go shopping later.
2 days later, not only did I end up with those pants and the matching shirt… I bought 2 more outfit sets… this current selection being one of them.
I love the unique structures and silhouettes of their clothing. Lately some of my favourite clothing stores seem to all be buying the same templates and all releasing the same stuff, just in different textures. The ones I know that do their own original mess haven’t done any new releases recently… so it’s just like… I was in a rut. But I LOVE the cut of this top, and the way this skirt flares out.
Even if I did get told I look like a crack whore earlier this morning. Yeah. And that was just the BEGINNING of my morning.
I’m not sure how much detail I ever went into on this… but some of you know that when Wylder and I split up back in October, I made a promise to my dance teacher, who has since adopted me as her daughter, that I would not take another collar for awhile. She thought, and I agreed, that I needed some time to search within myself and remember who Tivi is… and not just who Tivi is, but who the person behind Tivi is. I can’t possible expect to properly serve anyone in the context of a healthy M/s relationship like I want to if I don’t know who I am as a person and as a slave. So I made the promise to Rya that I wouldn’t take a collar for awhile and I would take some time to rediscover who I am and what it is that I want.
I may be submissive, but I can’t defer my fate into the hands of others. I need to retain a certain amount of control. I don’t just drop to my knees in front of any and every Man (or Woman) who called Him(Her)self a Dominant. There is compatibility there… and that is where I as a slave have the choice… is this person compatible or not? So yes, my needs and wants come very much into play here… even if it is an M/s relationship.
Anyway, during this time of rediscovering myself, I ventured into Gor VERY few times… just to scratch a RP itch and have something to do. I was honestly trying to learn if that’s where I felt I belonged. I found out it’s not… lol… but it was something I needed to learn my own. There I met some very amazing people.
And some not so amazing.
Now… I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried… but I met this Man there and we had a very nice roleplay. I served him dinner and a few drinks. That’s it. (*le gasp!* Gor and Master/slave relationships are about more than just sex, y’all!) I thought He was a nice guy, so I added Him to my friend’s list and hoped we could talk more often.
Quite literally the next day, this dude comes to me wanting to collar and Own me and bring me back into Gor and all this other stuff and i’m like “Whoah! Slow down, darlin…” I was honest with Him and told Him, 1.) That I need to KNOW a person better before making such a serious decision like submission, and 2.) That I had made a promise to some very important people in my life and not take a collar for awhile while I rediscovered myself and my needs.
Well He flipped His shit and got mad at me (Heaven forbid I didn’t want to submit to a Man I’d just met! I clearly must be defective… *rolls her eyes*) and proceeded to not speak to me since November.
Now recently I’ve been more sick lately, so I’ve not done much conversing with people outside of those I’m already more close to. There are a few exceptions. I talk to Relay people, I struck up a friendship with Natzuka and a few others I didn’t know before… but mostly I just kept to myself and those that already know me and knew how ill I was. I had a weird alcohol-induced moment last night where I IMed Him to apologize for having not reached out and said hello in so long (even if he hadn’t either) and I proceeded to take a deep breath and tell him about being sick and that being why I was pulling back and keeping to myself.
His response? “I hope you die.”
I was… shocked, to say the least. I mean, I know I’ve been shitty to people in my life and that I’ve made my fair share of enemies… but for starters, I was never anything but nice to this man… and secondly, I never thought I’d ever pissed off anyone in my life enough that they would wish death on me. Hell, I’m pretty sure I can go to some of the people in SL that hate me the most, in my opinion, and ask them if they hoped I would die, and they’d still say no. They might dislike me intensely, but it takes a really low person to wish death on another.
When I thought that maybe it was just His twisted idea of a joke… because He does have some developmental/mental disabilities, I thought I’d let Him in on the gravity of the situation and tell Him that I actually am dying. Slowly. But still dying. I thought maybe that might shock Him into realizing I wasn’t joking around.
His response to that? “I hope you die sooner.”
I have been thinking about this all day… while resting off and on from both seizures I’d had this morning… and it’s just like… I still don’t have words for that.
I don’t even have words.
*~* Baby, I Can See Your Halo… *~*
Skin: Maya (Natural; Freckles) – Aimi
Eyes: Spectral Eyes (Azure) – IKON
Hair: NONE! Click HERE for info on Relay for Life of Second Life!
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink *~* rigged mesh *~*
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Flat) – Slink *~* rigged mesh *~*
Nailcolor Applier (hands & feet): Dark Set (Steel) – Nailed It
Teeth: Open Mouth Pro – PXL Creations (Using STANDARD Hud)
Top: Gelsomino Top (Stripes) – LpD *~* rigged mesh *~*
Skirt: Gelsomino Skirt (Black) – LpD *~* rigged mesh *~*
Shoes: Roman Striped Sandals (Available for Women AND Men) – Pure Poison
Hip Piercings: Hip Accent Piercings – Cute Poison
Cheek Piercings: Jewel Cheeks – the HV BONUS included in “Inque” @ Dark Style Fair
Nose Piercing: Cihuapilli Nose Piercing (Black) – Soedara
Earrings: Hoop Earrings Large (Black) – Soedara
Glasses: Mesh Nerd Glasses (Classics) – IronClaw
Poses: various from Rinoa Set – PosESioN
Location: Solace of Submission D/s Academy (Top of Waterfall)
Blogging Tune: “Evolution of Beyonce” – Pentatonix