It’s Ok Not To Be Ok…

Don’t lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It’s ok not to be ok.
Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart
Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising
Just be true to who you are!

WhoYouAre2FINAL

 Things have been really crazy here, so thank you for bearing with me.  If you follow me on Facebook, you know a bit of what I’ve been dealing with, but if you don’t, let me give you a bit of a reader’s digest version.

I finally got set up with a therapist down here.  And she wanted me to see the nurse practitioner in their office.  Now, my doctor already has me on Wellbutrin twice a day for depression, but as of yet was not really treating anxiety, or pain I’m experiencing in my hip that I’ve had for upwards of 2 years now.  When I saw the nurse practitioner, she wanted to add Lexapro to better manage the depression… tons of people take Wellbutrin and Lexapro together, so she didn’t see an issue… and then she added Gabapentin (some of you might know it as Neurontin) to manage the anxiety.  And bonus, it also helps nerve pain, so it should help with the hip.

From the moment I started taking it on Friday, I was absolutely miserable.  But I told myself it was just like starting any other new medication… side effects that I would eventually get used to.  Sure, I nearly passed out in the middle of a Vanity Fair, and I was nauseous and dizzy and foggy all day, but I figured once I got used to it, things would ultimately be better.  I don’t really remember much of Saturday… but I remember sleeping a lot of it?  And then Sunday mom came over and the first thing I had her do was check my heart rate, because I had checked it and it was over 100, just resting.  Which, my heart rate is normally elevated, just from a general state of being unhealthy, but it’s normally, like, 85-ish resting.  Not 100.  She took it and said yeah, it was between 100 and 105… and my chest was hurting.  Not, like, gripping, shortness of breath, “I’m having a heart attack,” kind of pain… but enough to be concerning to me.

… Granted, at this point I was NOT having a panic attack, so hey, the meds were working!

But I punched my meds into a Drugs.Com app I’ve got on my phone to check all the interactions, and from what I could see, the way Lexapro interacts with my metabolism medication, it’s essentially known to ‘increase its effects’.  Which makes sense… cause my metabolism medication is said to effect you like speed.  Jitteriness, feeling like your heart is racing, excess energy, etc.  So to be shaking, and have my heart ACTUALLY racing – while concerning – still seemed normal, per the drug interactions we could find.

Mom leaves and later calls me and says, “I want you to stop taking the Lexapro.”  She had kept researching it, and essentially the way the Lexapro interacts with that medication does more than just intensify the effects… it actually begins to cultivate seratonin sickness, which I was apparently already showing early signs of.

So I stopped taking that as of yesterday morning, and in the afternoon, called mom cause the chest pain was back again.  Granted, the Lexapro could potentially still be in my system, but at that point, mom was just like, “You know what, I want you to stop taking the Neurontin too, until we can see the doctor and see what he thinks.”  So now I’m back to having unmanaged anxiety and pain… but at least I don’t feel like at every turn I make I could push myself too hard and end up screwing up my heart.

Heart disease exists in my family history on both sides.  So I’m pretty much fucked either way.

But yeah… I’m sorry I was absent for awhile… and off the grid for a week straight… I was just mostly resting, and stuck in bed dealing with symptoms.  Dizziness, nausea, my mind was so foggy half the time I’d have the idea, “I need to log in tonight for xyz,” and then 5 minutes later I’d forget I even thought about it… I swear it was like a long-weekend-long taste of what dementia must feel like.

And it was terrible.

WhoYouAre1FINAL

*~* It’s Ok Not To Be Ok… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Layla Skin (Caramel Tone) || Alterego
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Wight; Natural Pupil) || IKON
Hair: Effie (Black Pack) || Amacci
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Freckles: Odd Beauty Freckles || Besom (formerly Milk)
Lipstick: Geisha Lip (Noir) || Alterego
Gown: AW_Coll_Ball Gown #18 || Ashmoot || FAD Cycle #7
Headpiece: Ezrah Crown || aisling || The Secret Affair
Septum Piercing: Dark Queen Septum Ring (P6) || RealEvil Industries
Necklace: Ezrah Necklace || aisling || The Secret Affair
Tattoo: Creed || White Widow || Peace On Earth 8 Hunt Gift

Pose (photo 1): Choupie 6 || Posesion
Pose (photo 2): Delicate 10 || Posesion

Location: Driftwood Valley Estates

Blogging Tune: “Who You Are” Jordan Smith (Jessie J Cover)

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