Confession .132. Too Hard To Breathe, I’m On My Knees Right Now…

I’m so sick of that same old love
That shit, it tears me up
I’m so sick of that same old love
My body’s had enough…

For a long time, both in my SL and my RL I’ve tried to figure out this delicate balance between how I feel as a submissive, and how I feel as a ‘hopeless romantic’ in a more vanilla sense.  And let me tell you, it’s not exactly the easiest balance to find.

Today, you’re going to get some ramblings from my brain about romanticism and M/s relationships.

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Confession .129. Low On Self-Esteem, So You Run On Gasoline…

Are you deranged like me?  Are you strange like me?
Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?
Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me?
Pointing fingers cause you’ll never take the blame like me?

“Are you insane like me?  Been in pain like me?”

I just love how… harsh and raw this song is.  I’m pretty sure I’ve blogged it, like, 600 times, but it’s in my head lately because I’m pretty sure I’m going to dance it this weekend at the invitational Display of Riches in Teehra, so I’m trying to work it out.  It’s just kinda short… so some… finagling…

Sorry.  I might’ve gotten lost in music land for a bit.

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Confession .128. Always Somebody You’re Willing To Fight To Be Right…

Your lies are bullets
Your mouth’s a gun
No war in anger was ever won…

Oh, hello Catwa head, old friend.  It’s nice to see you.   I haven’t had you on in awhile.  But I just had to check out the new Catwa update for the Catya head.

And the ‘cutesy’ look looked better with this particularly adorable dress from Moon Amore.

But there’s more of a darker theme to this photo series today than there might seem…

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Confession .127. Baby, I’m Right Here…

‘Cause I wanna touch you, baby
And I wanna feel you, too
I wanna see the sunrise and your sins
Just me and you…

Hi, my name is Deia, and I’m an insecure cow.

A lot of you are sitting here saying, “But Deia, you’re a massive, arrogant cunt.  What do you mean you’re insecure?”  To those of you… first of all, thank you.  I consider that a term of endearment, considering I’ve been called much worse.  Lol.  But secondly, allow me to explain to you how that works…

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Confession .125. Assembling Their Philosophies From Pieces Of Broken Memories…

If You love me, let me go…
Cause these words are knives and often leave scars
The fear of falling apart
Truth be told, I never was Yours
The fear, the fear of falling apart…

That close-up photo may or may not be petty.  Truthfully, I’m sick of worrying whether it’s petty or not.  It made me smile, and so I took and edited the photo, and now I’m posting it.  You don’t like it, you can click the x… no one is forcing you to be here.

That last bit?  Not to those of you that read and are supportive.  Mostly directed at the drama-mongerers that wanna come in my box or sub me on Facebook about stuff I write here.  Lol.  I see you, boo.  And I don’t care.  ❤

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Confession .122. All The Leaves Are Brown And The Sky Is Grey…

I stopped into a church I passed along the way
Well I got down on my knees and I pretended to pray
You know the preacher likes the cold, He knows I’m gonna stay
California dreamin’ on such a winter’s day…

Someone commented on a past blog post that I did referencing my affinity for ‘stealing’ my first love’s cowboy hat and wearing it around all the time… including at my Senior prom, which I asked him to as my friend because all my friends were in long-term relationships and I didn’t want to go alone.

They asked me how I felt about being friends with him, knowing we would never be lovers, and how I got over him.  I suppose today it’s time to tell more of that story.

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Confession .121. Vodka On My Lips, Took Too Many Drinks…

Who are you to say that I didn’t love you
Cause I didn’t love the way you wanted?
And who am I to blame
When I didn’t trust you enough to let you in the way I wanted?

You know, this song really deserves from bad-ass zombie styling or something… but I can’t manage that at the moment and the song’s been stuck in my head all day.   So this is what you get.  LOL.

“If I’m lucky I’ll meet ya flipside of the graveyard…”

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