Confession .280. Just Let It Be, I’m In Recovery…

i know you wanna say you’re sorry
But i’ve already heard that story
i don’t wanna be your fool anymore…
Can’t you see i’m in recovery?

Today i decided to do something a little bit different – record a video!  i dunno… why not?  E/everyone else and their brother in SL does this, and i just couldn’t find a good photo i liked until AFTER i recorded the video in order to do a traditional blog post, so i figured i’d give this a shot.  This is my first video, so play nice.  Scroll to the bottom beneath the credits where the ‘blogging tune’ is for the video!  Flickr wanted to be rude.

Confession .279. I’m Tired And Angry, But Somebody Should Be…

Come on little lady, give Us a smile
No, i ain’t got nothin to smile about
i got no one to smile for, i waited awhile for
A moment to say, “i don’t owe You a goddamn thing!”

This is another one of those days where the lyrics to the song speak more than i do…. and so i’m just going to let them do that.

Confession .278. Or Is It None Of My Business?

But she’s new and she’s beautiful
You’ve never been in a fight
Yeah, it’s awfully perfect now
But You just know deep inside
She’s not me…

If You’re going to just shit on O/our memory, then why do You still have sentimental things about me in Your profile?

Confession .277. I’m Not Something To Butter Up And Taste When You Get Bored…

And now i can’t stop thinking that i can’t stop thinking
That i almost gave You everything
And now the whole thing’s finish and i can’t stop wishing
That i never gave You anything…

i make mistakes.  A lot.  One of which that is a common recurrence in my Second Life is terrible relationship decisions.  i didn’t really talk about my release because i was focused on other things at the time, but also because i was ashamed to admit that it didn’t work.  Because i knew i wouldn’t.  Right from the very beginning, i knew.  But i did it anyway.

Confession .276. And It Means Nothing Til You Let It…

Cause i used to defy gravity, defy gravity
Goodbyes keep dragging me down…
And i’m fighting gravity, defying gravity
i’ve tried but i keep falling, cause falling’s easy
But it only brings You down…

Today is the last day of ROMP!  And while Y/you haven’t seen too terribly much from me over these last 2 posts, Y/you have gotten to see some of my absolute favorites from this round.  When items are quality, it makes doing what i do so much easier and allows me to simply have fun and play around in Photoshop for enjoyment rather than obligation, so i’m grateful to have been part of the team for this round.

Confession .275. Dig Up All The Ugly Shit, Then You Offer Up Your Remedy…

You like broken girls cause they make You feel put together
Broken girls, rip it open then You kiss it better…

It’s been awhile.  Damn near a month.  And i apologize for that.  If Y/you read my last post, Y/you know that i posted that literally the day after i got home from the hospital.  i wasn’t ready to share all of that with E/everyone, really, but unfortunately, a poorly-managed situation in my home Community in which my personal business was being spread around carelessly made it such that if i didn’t tell the rest of my own story it likely would’ve morphed beyond recognition by the time i was ready to speak about it.

Unfortunately, that means that i kinda had to force myself to be more raw than i was ready to be, and it took away every desire i had to write anything else for awhile.  Again, my apologies.  Especially to those Designers who entrust me with showcasing their designs.  i’m playing catch up, and i thank you in advance for Y/your understanding.  ♥

My Experience With “Getting Help”…

Mama said gonna be alright
But mama don’t know what it’s like in my mind
Mama said the sun gonna shine
But mama don’t know what it’s like to wanna die…

It’s a long post today… bear with me…

Consider this trigger warning, if the title did not give it away.  This post is of a very serious nature, and deals with some very deep and potentially triggering subject matter such as suicidal ideations/thoughts, self-harm, verbal and emotional abuse, isolation, and extensive, in-depth explanation of an experience in both an ER on ‘suicide watch’ and in a mental health facility.

This story is mine to tell… and while i wasn’t quite ready to tell it so soon after getting back, circumstances have made it such that i have to be ok with it.  Honestly, it’ll probably be a bit theraputic to get it all out, and i’d planned to blog my experience because it was a bit crazy, but i guess i just didn’t think i’d be doing it so soon after i got home.  Oh well, here we go…

This is the story of the time i went to “get help” from a mental health facility.  Aka: A mental hospital.