Confession .181. I’m So Defeated, I Can’t Get Outside My Head…

I post a picture of myself, cause I’m lonely
Everyone knows what I look like, not even one of them knows me
Yeah, I just want to drink tequila with my friends
I’m so defeated, I just want this shit to end…

My muse is extra flighty lately.  Pardon me while I beat her back into submission…

Also, I’m incredibly unsure how I managed to get the environment to look peaceful and pretty while I have a knife in my hand.  I’ve just learned not to question what happens when I’m tinkering around in Photoshop.

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Confession .180. Sometimes I Feel Like Giving Up, But I Just Can’t…

Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I’m crawling in my skin…
Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can’t
It isn’t in my blood…

I did a bit more editing to this photo than I usually do, when it came to drawing in details that I couldn’t capture sufficiently in SL.  I felt a bit like I was back in my days of having a shitty graphics card, where I would have to draw all my shadows and any details that I wanted.  However, in this case, I was prioritizing what the light on the avatar looked like, versus the sky and water detailing, so I added all that in afterwards.

And this hair, though!

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Confession .179. I’m Losing My Mind, Just A Little…

So pull me closer
Why don’t You pull me close?
Why don’t You come on over?
I can’t just let You go…

Finally!  The moment I promised you.  I have 3 store cards to Zibska to give away, and per my usual, I’m going to do it through RaffleCopter.  Please make sure when you’re entering with one or multiple methods, that you leave your Legacy Name, not your Display name, so that I can contact you if you win.

I have 1 L$1,000 gift card to Zibska, and 2 L$500 gift cards, so I’ll be pulling 3 winners.  ♥

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Confession .177. You’re Going Through Six Degrees of Separation…

First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What’s gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle…
Fourth, you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth is when you admit, you may have fucked up a little…

First of all, someone please explain to me how I shot and edited this photo drunk and it still looks better than most of the other photos I’ve done lately.  *Chuckles*

Also, I’ve blogged this song before… years ago… with that exact chorus up at the top of the post.  Not sorry.

Anyway… I’ve been going through something the last couple days that I promised people I’d try to unpack here in this post.  If RL issues aren’t something you’re here to read about, or if you’re triggered by severe illness stories, then I’ll see you next time.  To everyone else… hi…

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Confession .176. I’m Always Ready For A War Again…

I fight the world, I fight You, I fight myself
I fight God, just tell me how many burdens left
I fight pain and hurricanes, today I wept
I’m tryna fight back tears, flood on my doorsteps…

So I took this picture what feels like AGES ago… when really it was… several days ago.  Getting back into the swing of the RL work thing has just left me coming home and having zero motivation to sit in Photoshop.  Especially when I’m getting kinda headache-y with the live music in the lobby every night.

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Confession .175. These Hands Could Hold The World, But It’ll Never Be Enough…

All the shine of a thousand spotlights
All the stars that we steal from the night sky
Will never be enough
Never be enough…

“I’m trying to hold my breath… let it stay this way… can’t let this moment end…”

I’m struggling.  And the only thing I know to do when I’m struggling is to write about it… so you’re getting a bit of a glimpse into my head and my heart at the moment.  If you don’t want that, then feel free to scroll to the end for credits and I’ll see you next time.  ♥

To the rest of you, hi…

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