Confession .226. Venom, I Got That Adrenaline Momentum…

I got a song filled with shit for the strong-willed
When the world gives you a raw deal
Sets you off ’til you scream, “Piss off! Screw you!”
When it talks to you like you don’t belong
Or tells you you’re in the wrong field
When something’s in your mitochondrial
‘Cause it latched on to you…

Here’s your advanced warning that i’m also blogging this tune tomorrow.  It’s been stuck in my head for days now, and i did today’s photo with it in mind, however, i’ve also got something in the works with some Sweet Thing awesomeness that makes me think of this song too… so… you get it twice in a row.  Sorry, not sorry.

Confession .219. And They’re Marching In…

Even though all of my fears
And all of my doubts
Are outside my door, ready for war
Right here and now…

As a part of my training in the D/s sim i consider my home Community, i’ve been picking up journaling again.  In the past, i didn’t find it effective – which is probably ironic, given that i’ve been writing here in this blog for five years with each post, so clearly there’s something to be said for the therapeutic quality of stream-of-consciousness type writing – but with the way it’s been panning out for the last couple of weeks, it’s been helpful, giving me a place to just… be… and write down my thoughts, unfiltered.

i want to share with Y/you all today a portion of my journal entry from yesterday… Some of you might be able to guess what sparked this particular line of thought – though i’m not going to mention it or talk about it specifically here.  It simply served as inspiration, and the last thing i want to do is come across as ‘salty’ or ‘bitter’ about it.  ♥

Confession .216. Have Old Friends And Know Our Enemies…

We can do anything if we put our minds to it
Take Your whole life, then You put a line through it
My love is Yours if You’re willing to take it
Give me Your heart, cause I ain’t gonna break it
So come away, starting today, start a new life, together in a different place
We know that love is how all these ideas came to be
So baby run away with me…

Lately, I’ve been sharing some original poetry with you all, written as pieces meant to be performed out loud.  I’ve not always wanted to perform spoken word – but one particular poet got me really into it.  Today, I want to share with you the first poem I heard that made me REALLY sit back and be like, “Yeah… I want to do THAT!”

Confession .211. I Light The Match To Taste The Heat…

I ride the edge, my speed goes in the red
Hot blood, these veins, my pleasure is their pain
I love the watch the castles burn
These golden ashes turn to dirt

I feel like I should apologize for the dark place my head has been lately – but at the same time I feel like I shouldn’t… because it’s not a new thing, my mind has always been this twisted… it’s just… finally coming out to play?  And not all darkness is bad, so… there’s that.  ♥

Confession .210. Tear Me To Pieces, Skin And Bone…

Thought I found a way
Thought I found a way, yeah
But You never go away
So I guess I gotta stay now…

This is going to be one of those random rambling blog posts that don’t really make sense to anyone not inside my own head… so, if you read this and don’t understand, don’t worry… you may not be meant to.

Confession .209. I’m A Survivor In More Ways Than You Know…

All the pain and the truth, I wear like a battle wound
So ashamed, so confused, I was broken and bruised
Now I’m a Warrior – now I’ve got thicker skin
I’m a Warrior – I’m stronger than I’ve ever been
And my armor is made of steel – you can’t get in
I’m a Warrior – and you will never hurt me again…

Please be aware, what I’m talking about today has to do with the themes of rape, sexual assault, violation of consent, other forms of domestic and sexual violence, and suicide.  If these are triggers for you, you may not wish to proceed further.

Confession .208. Will Somebody Let Me See The Light Within The Dark Trees Shadowing?

Will You hold the line when every one of them has given up and given in?
Tell me, in this house of mine, nothing every comes without a consequence or cost
Tell me, will the stars align?  Will heaven step in, will it save us from our sin?  Will it?
Cause this house of mine stands strong…

“Cut until it bleeds, inside a world without the peace.  Face it – a bit of the truth.  The truth.”

Confession .207. Turns Out I’m Your Favorite Thing To Discuss…

Nothing that you say is mildly true
Spit deceit through shift smiles
Two faces you’ve had for awhile
You act like such a fucking child…

Today, I’d like to have a fun little chat about gaslighting – so please consider this your trigger warning for subjects like self-harm, psychological/mental abuse, and other similar themes.  If you click off for this reason, then see you next time!  ♥

Confession .206. I Will Be Your Sword And Shield, Your Camouflage…

Meet me on the battlefield, even in the darkest night
I will be Your sword and shield, Your camouflage
And You will be mine
Echoes of the shot ring out
We may be the first to fall
Everything could stay the same, or we could change it all…

I went a bit literal with this inspiration today – but as I mentioned to Tray who’s posing with me… I couldn’t be bothered to not take it literally.  Sorry, not sorry.

Confession .205. Was I Made From A Broken Mold?

If teardrops could be bottled
There’d be swimming pools filled by models
Told a tight dress is what makes you a whore…

Sometimes I get to a breaking point – and the things that push me there are different each time.  But they usually seem overwhelming, when in all reality they are likely inconsequential.  However, the people that drag me out are sometimes the most unlikely.