Nothing that you say is mildly true
Spit deceit through shift smiles
Two faces you’ve had for awhile
You act like such a fucking child…
Today, I’d like to have a fun little chat about gaslighting – so please consider this your trigger warning for subjects like self-harm, psychological/mental abuse, and other similar themes. If you click off for this reason, then see you next time! ♥
To start with, in case gaslighting is an unfamiliar term to anyone who’s here reading, this is the definition I will be operating on…
to cause (a person) to doubt his or her sanity through the use of psychological manipulation
The beauty of Gabbie’s music is that she purposely keeps her lyrics and themes vague, so that many people can relate to them in their own lives and experiences. Gabbie kinda takes the idea of ‘meeting you right where you are’ and pours that into her lyrics, keeping them both personal and relatable at the same time. She’s done the same thing with her new song, “Honestly”, as well as the encore track that comes at the end, “Honestly (Encore)” which, if I remember correctly, is the original poem that “Honestly” was based on, set to music and choreography.
The choreography from the “Honestly (Encore)” portion of the video is what I tried to recreate in today’s photo, because it really spoke to me with semi-recent events that I dealt with here in SL.
Name and shame isn’t my game here, and this doesn’t change today, so if you’re looking for names, you can click away now. Lol.
The biggest characteristic of Gaslighting is that the person committing the abuse – yes, this is a form of abuse – is making their victim question their sanity. It’ll start with small things that just sort of make you question your memory of a particular situation… then maybe a bit bigger, questioning your memory in general… and then the more they force you to question, the more you wonder if you ever interpreted anything correctly, from start to finish. You might not actually question your sanity in terms of, “Am I having a psychotic break,” but in terms of going back to question every action, inaction, and conversation you’ve ever had with this person throughout your entire relationship/friendship/acquaintanceship/partnership… that is the end goal of the abuser who employs this particular technique.
And don’t get me wrong, these people are master manipulators by the time they’ve begun this kind of craziness… they’ve got your trust, so it’s more likely that you would question yourself rather than to question them, because after all… you trust this person, right? This person has earned that trust. So why would they lie?
Thus begins the questioning of yourself.
But here’s a bit of a secret that Gaslighters don’t want you to know… the more vehement they are, and the more concerned they seem to be that you aren’t recalling correctly… the closer you are to the truth… the more likely you are to actually be right, and they have to work harder to make you question and think something different. I wish I would have known that in my particular most recent experience. The more concerned they seemed to convince me that they hadn’t done what I was sure they had… the more it made me question.
I trust this person. Why would they lie to me? Maybe I just over-reacted. God, Ronin, you always over-react to everything… that’s probably what you did…
And there the questioning, along with a bonus dose of self-deprecating thoughts begin.
And the more you trust this person before it starts, the easier it is for them to manipulate you. That’s just the unfortunate reality of the situation… if they’re determined to gaslight you, it’s going to happen, especially as you get closer.
I wish this post ended with practical steps to deter gaslighting… or anything even remotely hopeful… but right now, I’m still working through the process of figuring out how to protect myself from those kinds of people. The most recent incident was… pretty recent… within the last couple of months… so it’s like… I can’t exactly try to tell you all how to combat this behavior if I don’t really have a handle on it. If I allowed myself to be manipulated like that again.
Just… try to keep an eye out for it. If you find yourself questioning your recall a lot more than normal? And it’s always the same person calling that into question? And other issues exist between the two of you? Just… please keep an eye out and try to protect yourselves. ♥
Shape || Mine
Body || Freya Body (v5.0) | Belleza
Skin || Lisa Skin (Sun Tan Tone) | Studio Exposure
* Eyemakeup || Laine Eyemakeup | Zibska | Enchantment | new!
Hair || Carla (Multitone 1) | Truth Hair | former VIP group gift, available for VIP purchase
* Romper || Cyanna’s Romper | Cynful | FaMESHed | new!
– This romper comes with the chain bralette around the top, with some pretty great back detailing as well. You can turn this on and off via the HUD if you don’t want it.
Heels || Aria Heels | -KC- Couture
Forehead Jewel & Septum || Indira Face Jewelry | Swallow
Collar || Bound Collar | Cae | ROMP | new!
Wrist Cuffs || Basic Leather Cuffs || KDC
Location || Elysion – Bar Fetiche
Blogging Tune || “Honestly” & “Honestly (Encore)” – Gabbie Hanna