Thought I found a way
Thought I found a way, yeah
But You never go away
So I guess I gotta stay now…
This is going to be one of those random rambling blog posts that don’t really make sense to anyone not inside my own head… so, if you read this and don’t understand, don’t worry… you may not be meant to.
Surely I cannot.
Surely I cannot be sitting here contemplating breaking through my platitudes and the safety nets that keep me bound and tucked away… from everything. Not just from Her – but from the world that wants to distract me from Her. Distraction is welcomed, usually – the longer it lingers the less likely I am to have to face the fear of Her.
Have you ever craved the totality and finality that comes with being broken so completely for the pleasure of Another while simultaneously fearing its existence, because as much as you hate to admit it to yourself, you’ve never actually found it before?
Surely, I cannot stop these mental images from playing over and over again – curiosity turns to thought, thought to temptation, temptation to want, want to desire, desire to need… but is it really safe to feed those places of my mind? Is it safe to want to explore those places with Her?
When speaking of brokenness, can you really equate ‘safe’ in the same sentence?
And where does one begin? There is no instruction manual on begging to be broken – begging to be tormented and twisted up in such a way that for that moment… that single, solitary blissful moment… I question my own existence outside of Her. Am I who I am or what She created me to be? What She molded me to become?
And how do you ASK for that?
And is there even anyone who can give it? Can She give it? Does She want to give it?
Every time the song repeats the images become more vivid – sinking deeper into that place where desire and need become craving, etched into the back of my memory, making me question if my submission is worth giving without it.
Surely, I cannot be this depraved. I cannot crave that insatiable side of Her – I cannot crave what it is like to be beneath that side of Herself and to know the brokenness that comes to those who dare stand before Her – refusing to hide from that which She craves. Because I crave it just as much.
And maybe that piece of me is insatiable too.
Is there ever any coming back from here? Where needing and craving have begun engraving themselves on the innermost parts of my nerve endings that even a single touch might throw me over the cliff She has been hanging me from.
Let me go. Not in the way that I might be removed from You – but in a way that allows me to free fall, suspended briefly in freedom before it might be snatched away for as long as You might desire it.
Break me – because I don’t know if I can survive on my own and whole for much longer.
Shape || Mine
Body || Freya Body (v5.0) | Belleza
Skin || Lisa Skin (Sun Tan Tone) | Studio Exposure
* Hair || Daphne (Brunette) | Truth Hair | Uber | recent!
* Lingerie || Isolda | Luas | Frou Frou (opens 9/10/18) | new!
Forehead Jewel || Indira Bindi | Swallow
Necklaces || Love Necklaces (Unrigged) | AvaWay
* Couch & Pose || Vanilla Dreams Love Seat (Adult) | Stockholm & Lima
Location || Home
Blogging Tune || “Lovely” – Billie Eilish & Khalid