Posted in Collabor88, Events, Madpea

Confession .28. You Get Off On Your 9 to 5 Dream of Picket Fences and Trophy Wives

Oh, I don’t know what You’ve been told
But this gal right here’s gonna rule the world
Yeah, that is where I’m gonna be
Because I wanna be
No, I don’t wanna “Sit still, look pretty”…

Confession .28.  You Get Off On Your 9 to 5 Dream of Picket Fences and Trophy Wives

Catwa put out a new static head!  I feel like this is old news, but I just had to show you, cause it’s super cute with one of Toxxic’s skins that she made for Catwa.  And, as if it weren’t cute enough – this static head is only L$400, AND you can get L$100 back in store credit if you’re wearing the Catwa group or Catwa Head Friends group tag.  (Just make sure you use the right vendor for the right tag to get your store credit!  She’s got them clearly labeled.)

Continue reading “Confession .28. You Get Off On Your 9 to 5 Dream of Picket Fences and Trophy Wives”

Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, Uber

Confession .27. Like The Air I Breathe, I Let You In…

You can be my guiding light
Keep me company in the night
That’s all I need, all I want
Is for you to stay a little longer now
With arms around me, like a border…

Confession .27.  Like The Air I Breathe, I Let You In...

I do stupid shit.  Often.

Continue reading “Confession .27. Like The Air I Breathe, I Let You In…”

Posted in Cosmopolitan, Events, Midnight Madness, The Crossroads, The Thrift Shop, Uber

Confession .25. You Only Call Me When It’s Half Past Five

But You want a little company
And You just really wanna thrill seek
Said You left [her] for good this time
Bullshit, what Your friends do, spill beans?

Confession .25.  You Only Call Me When It's Half Past Five

I’m welcoming sponsors to my nuthouse today!  Both of which I’m SUPER excited about.  One of whom I’ve actually blogged for once since they became a sponsor but I never officially said “Hey, welcome to Tivi’s House of Crazy,” so I figured I’d do that with both today.

Continue reading “Confession .25. You Only Call Me When It’s Half Past Five”

Posted in Events, Life, Tres Chic, Uber

Confession .20. What I Would Do To Be Loved

You unfolded your arms and you unclenched your fists
And I dropped all my bags and then on that star I wished
What I would do… what I would do to be loved
By, by you…

Deception1FINAL

Voshie says I need to categorize my posts… so I’m going to be trying to do that here at some point.  Bear with me.  I’m really bad at it.  A lot like when I first started tagging my posts.  -laughs-

Continue reading “Confession .20. What I Would Do To Be Loved”

Posted in Events, Life, Tres Chic, Vintage Fair

Confession .19. There’s No Going Back

So you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me close until our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone
Wait for me to come home…

Photograph1FINAL

This is either a strength or a weakness of mine… and I’m not above calling it both.  Situation pending.  Once you fuck me over, there’s usually no going back.  I say usually, because of course there are exceptions that prove the rule… however, 8 times out of 10, once that line is crossed, it doesn’t get crossed the other way.

Continue reading “Confession .19. There’s No Going Back”

Posted in Events, Life, Tres Chic, Vintage Fair

Confession .18. I Hold On Too Long

I believe this is bigger than you and me
You will see the crowd swelling in revelry
I am ready, and if that means goodbye
Then it’s time to fly, into the light
Nothing but sky and the strong battlecry…

Battlecry 2

I am ready, and if that means goodbye…

… then maybe I’m not ready.  Maybe I’ve never been ready.  Maybe I’ll never be ready.

Continue reading “Confession .18. I Hold On Too Long”

Posted in Events, Fantasy Gacha Carnival, New Releases

Confession .12. I’m Obsessed With Music

Mmm, what’d You say?
Mm, that You only meant well?  Well of course You did…
Mmm, what’d You say?
Mm, that it’s all for the best?  Of course it is!

Hide And Seek 2

“Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.  Sick, sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.  Speak no feeling, no I don’t believe you.  You don’t care a bit.  You don’t care a bit.”

I was OBSESSED with Imogen Heap in high school, and I’ve recently re-discovered how much I love her.  So don’t mind my random-ass song today.  -laughs-

Continue reading “Confession .12. I’m Obsessed With Music”

Posted in Uncategorized

Channeling Angels In The New Age Now…

Will You still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me when I’ve got nothing but my aching soul?

Young & Beautiful

“I’ve seen the world, lit it up, as my stage now.”

Ok!  So!  The blog I promised of the outfit I danced in last night, cause too many of you asked me.  Lol.  And a few disclaimers… first of all, I MUST give credit where credit is due.  This entire look was inspired by how amazing Toxxic looked at BlackOut this past weekend.  When I knew I was working with a black box and particles, I knew I wanted to be completely white.  So I took inspiration from her look, which you can find HERE on her blog, and created my own interpretation.  Complete with this NEW tone for the Adriana skin that she just released yesterday.  (Yes, I literally purchased the skin 15 minutes before the show started.  LOL.)

The other disclaimer is that for the blog post, I changed hair.  The hair I danced in just wasn’t playing nice with the windlight.  However, if you want the hair I danced in, it was Magika’s “Shimmer”.  The white color I used is part of Hud 02.  BUT, changing hair was a wonderful excuse to blog this super cute hair from Doe, so it all worked out!

Anyway… just wow.  As I said on Facebook last night, I had never experimented in Particle Artistry before.  When I began dancing in SL back in 2009, I was strictly a Gorean dancer for a short bit… it was all I knew how to do.  And then when I moved into being both a Gorean dancer and a neo-burlesque performer, I still didn’t really use particles so much.  I think the one time I did was actually in a Gorean dance, and it was towards the end, I used a lightening particle effect coming from my hands to emphasize a point in the dance.  Otherwise, I didn’t really use them.

There were so many other modern dancers a part of the dance community that made it their life’s mission to be Particle Artists, and they were so amazing and beautiful… I just never thought to try.  Leave it to the pro’s, right?  Welp.  After coming back to modern dancing a few weeks ago, I decided it was time for some changes and some new things!

When I chose the song “Young and Beautiful”… it was just such a tragically beautiful song that I couldn’t do anything too complex to it.  I knew, very quickly, that this would be the song I would finally dip my toe into being not just a dancer… but a Particle Artist.  The entire dance was done in a black box, and done entirely just with music, animations, appearance (which this look is quite shocking, yes?  I love it!), and particles.

It was so well-received.  I’m still just completely blown away at the compliments on it I’m still getting today.  People who saw the video or were at the show… I can’t begin to tell you how humbled I am that you all enjoyed it so much.  I will definitely be pursuing more particle art pieces!  I promise you!

For those who may not have seen the amazing video that Toxxic did for me, you can find it HERE on her Flickr.  The only thing that didn’t come through was a lot of the color of the particles, but it’s still such a gorgeously edited video… I’m blown away and flattered.  And, again, so damn humbled.

Thank you all again, for making last night one of the greatest nights of my dancing career.  ❤

Young & Beautiful 2

*~* Channeling Angels In The New Age Now… *~*

..:: Shape ::.. MINE
..:: Skin ::.. Adrianna Skin (Pearle Tone; Browless version) || AlterEgo || new release!
..:: Eyes ::.. Demon Eyes || Genesis Lab || group gift!
..:: Hair ::.. Camilla (Pastels) || Doe
..:: Body ::.. Lara Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
* Maitreya just released an update to their body today, that I did not put on before these pictures, as they were actually taken last night!  Please make sure you update your body.
..:: Hands ::.. Avatar Enhancement Hands (Gesture) || Slink
..:: Nails&Rings ::.. My Short Square Nails || Puki
* The ones I’m wearing were made specifically for Slink Gesture hands, HOWEVER there are so many other hand styles sold in the mainstore, so I’m sure there’s one for your preferred hand!
..:: Eyebrows ::.. Brows (tintable) || AlterEgo
..:: Eyemakeup ::.. Combined (tintable) || AlterEgo
..:: Lipstick ::.. Geisha Lip (White) || AlterEgo
* The above 3 cosmetics are all from a makeup addon pack sold in AlterEgo.
..:: Dress ::.. Muted Coven Dress (Milk) || Zenith
..:: Collar ::.. Muted Coven Collar (Snow) || Zenith
..:: Tattoo ::.. Southpaw (White) || RARE Gacha Item || White Widow

..:: Pose (photo 1) ::.. Deluxe 3 || Posesion
..:: Pose (photo 2) ::.. Runway 1 5 (Level 4) || Vitalis Animatum

..:: Location ::.. Noir Neverland Cabaret

..:: Blogging Tune ::.. “Young and Beautiful” – Lana Del Ray

Posted in Uncategorized

On My Own I’m Only Half Of What I Could Be…

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

GodGaveMeYou2FINAL

“We are stitched together, and what love has tethered, I pray we never undo.”

Apparently all I do is trash people in this blog.  *Laughs*  As any of you who have been here for any amount of time and actually READ this thing know… that is FAR from the truth… but let the people with more mouth than sense wag their tongues all they like.  And if any have managed to wander their way over here for this post because someone read this small paragraph and went running to them crying ‘drama’, please, take the complimentary doughnut pillow for your butt-hurt and have a seat.

Now that that’s out of the way, the REAL purpose of this post is the exact opposite of trashing (which, this sort of thing and other randomness is what makes up the vast majority of my blog… again, if you’ve been here for any length of time and actually read me, then you know that… lol).  I heard this song what feels like 86,000 times in the 12 hour drive to Indiana, and the 12 hour drive home when I went for my cousin’s Celebration of Life, and I couldn’t get it out of my head.

It made me think… and we all know what happens when Tivi thinks… she gets sappy.  LOL.

I’ve been given so many people in my life, both first and second, and more often than not, I find myself focused moreso on the self-centered assholes that use me and then leave.  I’m so blinded by those that hurt me, that I don’t really see those that don’t, nor do I appreciate them often enough.  And so, I thought I’d sorta put it out there, and focus on some of the amazing people that I’ve been given in my Second Life.

God gave me… Rayven.  I figured I’d start here with Him because He is the farthest in my past and the one from this list that I do not talk to any more.  My fault, and too long of a story to indulge in.  In a community full of people – particularly the Men in my life at that time – that would look at a weak woman as something easy to take advantage of, Rayven was the first Male to walk into my life and truly be a Man.  He saw a vulnerable woman in a horrible situation, and rather than thinking about what He could gain, and how He could most easily get what He wanted, He removed me from the situation and proceeded to focus on my safety and my well-being.  In turn, I did my best to serve Him in our relationship, but at the time I did not really have a grasp on the concept of simply ‘doing my duty’ versus truly VALUING a person’s presence in Your life.  Almost 3 years ago now, I did write Him a letter to express these things, and apologize for never valuing Him as much as He deserved, but I’m not sure if He ever read it.  Either way, the idea that Men like Rayven still exist out there somewhere, is honestly what keeps me from giving up on the idea entirely after going through another terrible situation.  A Gem found me once before.  Perhaps it will happen again.  They exist.

God also gave me… Reign.  Mostly to kick my ass when I need it, both in modeling and out.  But seriously.  At the time that I met a certain Miss Reign Congrejo, she came as a bit of a package deal with Sequoia, and both of them were what kept me from quitting modeling all together, almost immediately after I started.  I was involved in a HORRIBLE first pageant experience (ironically, the pageant that inspired me to write the letter to Rayven that I mentioned)… and I was considering simply being done.  We were lied to, verbally accosted at every turn any time someone asked a question or brought something up for clarification, titles were ripped from ladies with no reason, titles were held over our heads like the Sword of Damocles… and the whole thing was just a nightmare.  It wasn’t until I randomly showed up for a video casting that Reign and Sequoia were doing for their Colour of Couture pageant that I met them both, and they showed me a true experience with wonderful people.  To this day, Reign is still the swift kick in the ass I need, when I need it.

God also gave me… Iris.  Dear lord.  A dancer who has just as much, if not more, passion as I do about it… is just as subbie, if not more, outside of dance as I am… and has just as many, if not more (lol), pet peeves as I do about dance and needs someone to rant to.  Iris and I were like a friendship match in freaking heaven.  I am super over-bearing and pushy when I’m stubbornly passionate about something and clinging to it… and she totally puts up with it.  Lol.  I am also super protective of her when she lets me in the deeper things…. and she also puts up with that.  And I know she gets easily frazzled and do my best to make her breathe.  (“Breathe, bitches!”)  Iris is about the only person besides mama that I would trust as a dance teacher to learn from, because she is just as passionate about seeing the individual succeed… not beating the individuality out of them.  And she comes up with zany dance exhibition ideas that let me do crazy dances I’d never get to do anywhere else!

God also gave me… Mama (Rya)!  Oh my god.  This woman… is a pain in my ass.  But a lovable pain in my ass.  Lol.  Mama is another one that kinda saves me from quitting things when the frustration over politics and other general bullshit gets to be too much for me.  Where Reign keeps me from quitting modeling, Rya keeps me from quitting dance.  I never knew the woman was a Gorean dancer when I first met her.  I met her when I was dancing in clubs and just generally hanging out and getting to know people, back when I first joined SL between 7 and 8 years ago.  Later, she became my dance manager, and we were talking one night and she just so happened to mention that she’d started dancing in a place called Gor.  I’d just started roleplaying there off and on and had started dancing myself… and from there, we were pretty much inseparable.  Mama is another one that wishes to see the individual dancer succeed, and share her individual heart, rather than beating the individuality out of them, and I love her to death for it.  It takes a special kind of person to put up with my brand of bullshit every day for 7 years now and still call me her daughter.  LOL.

God also gave me… Sarah.  I swear, if she wasn’t Rya’s daughter, she would be mine.  I really hope that she doesn’t take offense to this analogy, but it’s the only thing I can think of at the moment to describe just the sorts of things Sarah has taught me about myself… you know how sometimes in Health class (or even Science class)… or if your parents are a special brand of twisted, you do this at home too, maybe for punishment… you’re given an egg and you have to take care of it and keep it from breaking?  Or a sack of flour… depending on your school system/parent.  Or the child development classes that give you the fake baby?  Or even parents that try to instill these values of caring in their children by getting them a pet to take care of.  When Sarah started in the classes and let us really get to know her, I connected with her in a way I had never connected with another human being before.  I cared for her, not in a romantic way (lawd… my sister/daughter-figure… that’d be weird), but in a way that so deeply transcended friendship I wouldn’t hesitate to snap the neck of someone who hurt her in any way.  When you go through a lot of negative things in your life like I have – and many of us have – sometimes it desensitizes you and dehumanizes you a bit to the world around you.  Sarah is what keeps me grounded and connected to my inner “decent human being”.

And last but not least, for this completely non-comprehensive list, God gave me… Nova.  (I can picture her getting a little grumbly the more she read, thinking she might not be on the list.  LOL.)  Nova, Nova, Nova.  What can I say about Nova?  Well first of all, it’s all Sam’s fault that I even know her, let alone like her so much.  LOL.  And my Sam’s fault, I mean a collective burden between myself and Sam.  Sam was a friend from college who lived in my dorm building and ran the night desk a lot of nights.  If ever I was up late at night and couldn’t sleep, I’d text her and see if she was running the desk in our building, and if she was, I’d go downstairs and hang out for a bit.  Occasionally I’d bring my laptop, and one day she got a look at it while I was logged into SL.  “What’s that?”  (The dreaded first question, am I right?)  I explained SL to her and she made an avi shortly after and started exploring.  She’d mentioned she’d gotten a friend of hers involved as well, though I later found out that Nova had actually tried SL once before and just hadn’t logged in often or found anything she really liked about it yet before Sam mentioned it to her again.  And so because she was Sam’s friend, obviously I met her.  I even roomed with them for a couple months in real life after college to get out of a not-so-fantastic home situation.  All in all, Nova is just an amazing person.  She puts her all into everything she does and tries her damnedest to do it all to the best of her ability all the time.  It makes me giggle to listen to her get frustrated with herself over the smallest shit, and talk to herself while she’s styling/designing/photographing/doing anything really.  And of course, when we’re in Skype, between my shitty internet and her haunted laptop that likes to randomly switch inputs on her, I can only ever really hear clearly when she’s talking about testicles, nothing else.  My life is far better from having Nova in it.

And those are just a select few of the people in my life that God has given me, that I don’t show appreciation to often enough.  I don’t really do ‘New Year’s resolutions’, but if I did, I would say that one of them… a GOAL, per se, is to consider this more positive side of people more often.  Like I said, I think in my last post, my therapist keeps trying to drill into my head that I can’t just assume the worst of people just because they are similar to people in my past, or the situation we’re in is similar.  And I’m trying to do that.  😀

GodGaveMeYou1FINAL

*~* On My Own I’m Only Half Of What I Could Be… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Layla Skin (Caramel Tone) || AlterEgo
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Wight; Natural pupil) || IKON
Hair: Amber (Brunettes) || Spellbound
Body: Lara Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Eye Makeup: Mya Makeup (manually tinted) || Nuuna
Freckles: Odd Beauty Freckles || Besom
Gown: Queen Gorgo Draped Ancient Dress (Plum) || Kaithleen’s || Recent Release!

Pose (photo 1): Statue 7 || Posesion
Pose (photo 2): Cute 5 mirror || Vitalis Animatum

Location: Pandora Box of Dreams

Blogging Tune: “God Gave Me You” – Blake Shelton

Posted in Uncategorized

This Goes Out To The Heaviest Heart…

To everyone who’s hit their limit, it’s not over yet
Even when you think you’re finished, it’s not over yet
Keep on fighting
Out of the dark, into the light, it’s not over
Hope is rising
Never give in, never give up, it’s not over!

ItsNotOverYet1FINAL

“Game, set, match.  Time to put it in your past.  Feel the winter leavin’, it’s redemption season!  Long live the young at heart.  Cheers to a brand new start!  We’re revived and breathin’ to live a life of freedom!”

Lyric overload today.  But I positively adore this song lately.  One of my ‘favorites of the moment’, religious song or not.  I would heavily encourage you to scroll down to the bottom of this post at some point where the video is embedded and listen to the whole thing at least once.

However, I’m not responsible if it ends up stuck in your head, or on repeat for the next week.  ❤

Anyway… this song very much speaks to me on a profound level, in regards to both RL and SL.  It’s no secret to most of you who care enough to have noticed that I’ve not logged in much over the last month.  Most of that was health-related, I will admit, and I’m doing much better… and have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to make sure everything is smoothed over and I’m recovering how I should be.

However, health issues aside, some of it… I just hit that limit where I was either stressed out or frustrated with everything I tried to do… and none of it was inspiring anymore.  Logging in began to feel more like a chore than it did a pleasure.  And one thing Gen has always told me from pretty much the day we started talking more often was that things in your life should be there to enhance it in a positive way… and that’s the only reason they should be there.  It got to the point to where SL and the people in it were no longer enhancing my life in a positive way… but in fact, they were becoming detrimental to me, and hurtful most of all.

Slowly I’ve creeped back in here in the last week or so… testing the waters and seeing if it feels ok to stay again.  The act of logging in no longer throws me into a panic attack or makes me angry… so that’s a step in the right direction.  But I’d be lying if I said there weren’t some people in particular that set off that side of me when I think about, look at, or speak to them.  And right now, my body physically cannot handle the stress of the anxiety that these particular people induce.  So if you ever see me randomly pop offline unexpectedly, especially mid-conversation, I promise I’m not trying to be a bitch… it’s that I’ve been triggered and have probably ducked out to hide for a bit to keep myself in check, for the sake of my health.

If you /are/ one of these people, trust me, you either already know, or I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually.

But in my last week or so in I’ve just been trying to focus on a couple of things that I used to find passion and enjoyment in… and this seems to be working.  I sent in a casting for one of my favorite stores, that allowed me to style something completely fun and funky with a lot of bright colors from one of the most amazing palettes I saw come out of the Autumn collections in SL this year.  And I’ve been poking around with an event idea.  And if you read the last post, then you know that I went out and impulse-bought a L$2,500 gift card to Truth Hair to giveaway to those of you who are here and read me and have just generally been there and not been a nuisance to the grid… lol.  Because I appreciate you all, and I actually was able this year to finally do something to show that.

And then today, I ran across a post on Facebook and I HAD to run IMMEDIATELY and pick up this gown.  One of the other things that’s kept me calm lately is just dressing however I damn well please.  For about a week I rocked a look that I classified to Gen as “hobo chic” with my tied top, jeans, beanie hair, complete with high heels.  (Trekking through the snow as we explored a few sims, mind you.  Beastmode Princess.)  But if you know me at all, you know I occasionally get a wild inspiration that says I MUST look pretty today, even if I’m not going to a formal any time soon.  And that is where this gown is so amazing.

I am in love.  So in love.  And if I didn’t have to change clothes for a commitment tomorrow, then I would likely be in this gown for a week.  LOL.

Merry Christmas, if I don’t see you before then, aside from to annouce the winner of the gift card giveaway.  Which, btw, ends TOMORROW NIGHT at 10pm SLT.  Click HERE for the post with terms and instructions and the link to Rafflecopter giveaway page where I’m running it.

ItsNotOverYet2FINAL

*~* This Goes Out To The Heaviest Heart… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Layla Skin (Caramel Tone) || Alterego
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Forest) || IKON
Hair: Patricia (Dark Greys) || enVOGUE || **recent release**
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Freckles: Odd Beauty Freckles || Besom (formerly Milk)
Lipstick: Essential Lipstick Red (Matte; Deep) || Pink Fuel
Gown: Golden Leaf (Red) || Kelini Haute Couture || **recent release**
Jewelry Set: Lasya Complete Set || Lazuri
* Comes with Forehead Jewel, Earrings, Necklace, Upper Arm Bracelets, Bracelets, Anklets, Belly Jewel, Rings

Pose (photo 1): Cute 5 Mirror || Vitalis Animatum || **recent release**
Pose (photo 2): Aphrodita 7 || Posesion Poses

Backdrop: 1 Derb Assehbe. Marrakech || Common Gacha Item || Rowne || Dec. Arcade

Blogging Tune: “It’s Not Over Yet” – For King and Country