Posted in Bloom, Events, Ultra

Confession .181. I’m So Defeated, I Can’t Get Outside My Head…

I post a picture of myself, cause I’m lonely
Everyone knows what I look like, not even one of them knows me
Yeah, I just want to drink tequila with my friends
I’m so defeated, I just want this shit to end…

Confession .181.  I'm So Defeated, I Can't Get Outside My Head...

My muse is extra flighty lately.  Pardon me while I beat her back into submission…

Also, I’m incredibly unsure how I managed to get the environment to look peaceful and pretty while I have a knife in my hand.  I’ve just learned not to question what happens when I’m tinkering around in Photoshop.

Continue reading “Confession .181. I’m So Defeated, I Can’t Get Outside My Head…”

Posted in Events, Life, New Releases, Ultra

Confession .176. I’m Always Ready For A War Again…

I fight the world, I fight You, I fight myself
I fight God, just tell me how many burdens left
I fight pain and hurricanes, today I wept
I’m tryna fight back tears, flood on my doorsteps…

Confession .176.  I'm Always Ready For A War Again...

So I took this picture what feels like AGES ago… when really it was… several days ago.  Getting back into the swing of the RL work thing has just left me coming home and having zero motivation to sit in Photoshop.  Especially when I’m getting kinda headache-y with the live music in the lobby every night.

Continue reading “Confession .176. I’m Always Ready For A War Again…”

Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases, Powder Pack for Lelutka (January), Uber, Ultra

Confession .168. I’ll Use You As A Warning Sign…

I’ll use you as a makeshift gauge
Of how much to give and how much to take…

Confession .168.  I'll Use You As A Makeshift Gauge...

Don’t ask about the concept behind this picture.  It makes sense in my head.  *laughs*

But it IS in the same room as the last one.  Sorry, not sorry.

Continue reading “Confession .168. I’ll Use You As A Warning Sign…”

Posted in Events, Life, New Releases, On9, Powder Pack for Catwa (May), Shiny Shabby, Ultra

Confession .94. Who Cares If One More Light Goes Out? I Do…

The reminders pull the floor from your feet
In the kitchen, one more chair than you need
And you’re angry… and you should be… it’s not fair
Just cause you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there…

Confession .94.  Who Cares If One More Light Goes Out?  I Do...

I was more than a little bit terrified when I started getting wind of a new Linkin Park album.

Like… I grew up with Linkin Park… and they were kind of the misfit’s anthem of my generation – at least in the part of the midwest I was in… maybe in more musically-diverse areas of the country and of the world, you had a different band that was this for you… but, like… I couldn’t wrap my head around being now 27 years old and going back to listening to this band from my childhood/early-adolescence.

And then I heard “Heavy” for the first time.  And that song played on repeat for DAYS… Linkin Park had managed to write my anthem all over again… so of course, I started poking around at other songs from the album.

That’s when I found this one…

Continue reading “Confession .94. Who Cares If One More Light Goes Out? I Do…”

Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases, The Liaison Collaborative, Ultra, We <3 RP

Confession .92. I’m Holding On To So Much More Than I Can Carry…

I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I’d just let go, I’d be set free…

Confession .92.  I'm Holding On To So Much More Than I Can Carry...

May 14th, 2017.  Mother’s Day here in the US.  Normally I don’t think much about it, aside from celebrating it with my own mother.  Though she and I are incredibly close… so it’s not like “This is the one day a year I hang out with my mom.”  Not quite.  We’re together a lot.

So today was mostly just another day, aside from my taking her to lunch in an INCREDIBLY crowded place that she chose.  Heh.

But for me… it was what I’ve been seeing on Facebook the past couple of days… that has sparked this particular post.

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Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, Medieval Fantasy Fair, New Releases, The Chapter Four, Ultra

Confession .62. Kuebiko

Cause you are beautiful inside, so lovely and I
Can’t see why I’d do anything without you, you are
And when I’m not with you, I know that it’s true
That I’d rather be anywhere but here without you…

Confession .62.  Kuebiko

kuebiko

n. a state of exhaustion inspired by an act of senseless violence, which forces you to revise your image of what can happen in this world—mending the fences of your expectations, weeding out invasive truths, cultivating the perennial good that’s buried under the surface—before propping yourself up in the middle of it like an old scarecrow, who’s bursting at the seams but powerless to do anything but stand there and watch.

 “I can’t do this again,” my mother literally sobbed at me before taking another very long, hard swig from her beer can.  What number this was, I’d lost count, but for the first time in a long time, I didn’t care.  It seemed justified, somehow.  Something about learning that your husband likely has cancer… again… seemed to make drinking a few beers and crying in your barn an ok reaction.

Continue reading “Confession .62. Kuebiko”