Posted in Events, Fantasy Gacha Carnival, New Releases

Confession .12. I’m Obsessed With Music

Mmm, what’d You say?
Mm, that You only meant well?  Well of course You did…
Mmm, what’d You say?
Mm, that it’s all for the best?  Of course it is!

Hide And Seek 2

“Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.  Sick, sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.  Speak no feeling, no I don’t believe you.  You don’t care a bit.  You don’t care a bit.”

I was OBSESSED with Imogen Heap in high school, and I’ve recently re-discovered how much I love her.  So don’t mind my random-ass song today.  -laughs-

Continue reading “Confession .12. I’m Obsessed With Music”

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Can We Just Be Broken Together?

How I wish we could go back to simpler times
Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light
Now on this hallowed ground we’ve drawn the battle lines
Will we make it through the night?

BrokenTogether1FINAL

“If you can bring your shattered dreams, and I’ll bring mine… could healing still be spoken and save us?”

It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these, and because I’m kinda in the mood for it, I’ma do another one of the Lover’s Dictionary series posts.  Buuuuuut before I jumped into the word, I wanted to say a huge thank you to my newest sponsor, SayaNicole Cuttita from Envious.  Envious has been one of my favorite brands since I stepped out of roleplay the first time (gods, in 2009?) and first cared about what my avatar looked like.  It’s very rare that I will wear an outfit ‘out of the box’, or multiple pieces from the same outfit, but with Saya’s designs, I always do… cause it’s just so damned awesome.  So thank you, Saya!

cajole, v.

I didn’t understand how someone from a completely landlocked state could be so terrified of sharks.  Even in the aquarium, I had to do everything to get you to come close to the tank.  Then, in the Natural History Museum, I couldn’t say Quiet any longer.
“It’s not alive,” I said.  “It can’t hurt you.”
But you held back, and I was compelled to push you into the glass.
What did it matter to me?  Did I think that by making you rational about one thing, I could make you rational about everything?
Maybe.  Or maybe I just wanted to save you from your fears.

— “The Lover’s Dictionary” by David Levithan

BrokenTogether3FINAL

cajole, v.

I am positively terrified of damn near everything.  Some of my fears are rational… I’ve had bad experiences with them in the past, which make me incredibly wary of being in similar situations.  Some of my fears, however, are completely irrational; I’ve never been involved in a damn thing even close to it.  There is zero reason for it.  And yet, here I sit… completely petrified.

The problem, though, is that You tried to convince me that the things I was rationally afraid of, were, in fact, irrational fears.  That the things in my past should simply stay there, and should never have any sort of impact on my future judgment or future feelings.  While I agree to a certain extent… that I should never PUNISH people in my future for the mistakes of those in my past… I do have to assert that my past experiences will make me wary, and that this is perfectly ok.

The first time I put my hand on the burning hot stove as a child, I learned damn well never to do that again.  My brain works the same way with most everything else.

My therapist tells me I can’t assume everyone is a bad person, just because they exude similar qualities to bad people in my past… or because I am in a similar situation that I was in in my past around bad people (i.e. I can’t assume all my classmates that are nice to me want to use me because I’m doing well)… however I still believe there’s a difference between that, and being cautious.

Or being genuinely afraid.  I was afraid of you.  That was the bottom line.

And there was only so much I could take of being constantly told that everything I said and did was irrational, no matter how rational it actually was.

And then the silence happened.  So, I guess that was that.

BrokenTogether2FINAL

*~* Can We Just Be Broken Together? *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Layla Skin (Caramel Tone) || AlterEgo
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Forest) || IKON
Hair: Warrior (Brunettes) || Spellbound
Body: Lara Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) || Slink
Freckles: Odd Beauty Freckles || Besom
Lipstick: Essential Lipsticks (Red; Matte; Deep) || Pink Fuel
Dress & Heels: Maria Dress (15) || Envious
* Dress includes standard sizes, sizes for Slink Physique, and Belleza Venus/Isis/Freya
Septum Piercing: Dark Queen (P6) || RealEvil Industries
Arm Tattoo: Atinne (Black) || Common Gacha Item || Things
Leg Tattoo:  Vayiane (Black) || Common Gacha Item || Things

Pose (photo 1): Statue 7 || Posesion
Pose (photos 2 & 3): Mortius 10 || Posesion

Backdrop: 9 rue du Marteau. Brussels || Common Gacha Item || Rowne

Blogging Tune: “Broken Together” – Casting Crowns

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Blood Thicker Than The Champagne…

Ooo, we’re makin’ moves
You only doin’ what my power lets you do
You see, that money isn’t everybody’s thing
When it come to power, there can only be one king

AintAboutTheMoney2FINAL

“Blood is thicker than water, but b.s. is the thickest.”

It’s amazing how I can blog something and completely believe in it, and then, like, 10 minutes later, completely flip my opinion.  No catalyst, no nothing.  Just be thinking more about it and realize just how damn mad I am about it.

Because you know… I’ve been the supportive friend for a long time.  I’ve smiled and nodded when inside I’ve been SCREAMING, “This is a baaaaaaaaad idea.”  And even when we were together, I told him, “I will 110% support anything you choose to do, except taking her back.  That is the /one/ thing that will make me leave.”  And still, somewhere in his mind, going back to that… mess… was a better option.  A better idea.

And going back, only lead to the most recent break-up with the outing situation.  That I STILL can’t wrap my mind around how he just has seemed to up and manage to forgive her.

I honestly don’t think I can smile and nod anymore.  Because it’s a bad idea.  She’s a bad person.  And I used to think he deserved better.

The very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and yet expecting different results… and that has been what I’ve observed from this man the entire time I’ve known him.  She comes across so sweet sometimes.  She’s one of those people that’s /really/ good at showing one face to other people, but being a completely different person behind closed doors.

I’m not terribly certain how comfortable I would be conducting an SL relationship with someone who made me break up with my RL partner whom I live with (yeah…. don’t get me started… I think I’ve commented on that before…), rezzed spy equipment in my sim to make sure I’m not back with said RL partner in SL… verbally abused me when I found said spy equipment and ended it with her… outed very personal real life information of mine the next time we broke up, with no regard to me as a person or as the person she supposedly loved… I don’t know how I could possibly forgive and forget all that and just go back into a relationship like nothing happened.

And I have ZERO idea how I could do that and EXPECT IT TO WORK THIS TIME.

I’m just over here beating my head against the desk in frustration like… I used to think he was a good person under bad influence.  And I clung to that idea so damn tight.  When everyone else told me otherwise.  When everyone else tried to make me see things he was doing that had nothing to do with her.  Decisions he was making on his own to betray and screw over his friends.  I refused to see it.  “She makes him this way,” I repeated, like a broken record.

Like a damn mantra that made my pathetic defense of him ok.

No more.  All doing this has ever done has allowed him to keep some sort of power over me, and that sure as hell isn’t healthy for me.  Not in the slightest.  Sometimes listening to other people can be a good thing, and it’s time that I start listening to my family and friends who actually give a damn about my well-being, telling me that this friendship and caring that I have for this man is not a good thing.  My closeness to him is detrimental to me.

So, my apologies that this is super ranty and rawr.  And that it’s a complete flip of yesterday’s blog.  And perhaps it’s even reminiscent of “old Tivi”, spilling tea all over the damn place… but I just… god damn, I’ve held back too much for too long.  And when you personally make a fool out of me by doing the same stupid shit when by now you should KNOW better… hell nah.  I’m done.

I’m out.  I’m not putting you back together when she does something else to ruin you.  Not my circus, not my monkeys.

AintAboutTheMoney1FINAL

*~* Blood Thicker Than The Champagne… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Default Lelutka Stella Head (Artic Tone) || Glam Affair (from Lelutka Head HUD)
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Wight; Verdant Pupil) || IKON || on sale through Oct 31st!
Hair: Strange and Unusual (Reds; bow tinted manually) || Exile || Collabor88
Head: Stella Head (v1.2) || Lelutka || **new update! 10/20/15**
* Allows for Expressions; 3 eye options, 4 eyebrow options, 7 mouth options
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.3) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) || Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Natural Rose Black || -{ZOZ}- || **new location! 10/22/15**
Eyeliner Applier: from Chrissy Skin Head Applier (Ivory tone) || Swallow
Lipstick Applier: Winterberries Lips || Zibska || Uber
Dress: Ribbons Undone Dress (Metallics) || Deche || not in store yet, but will be soon!
Boots: Adrianna Boots || Pure Poison || Collabor88
Septum Piercing: Dark Queen Septum Ring (P6) || RealEvil Industries || Seasons Story
Collar: Gothic Choker Victorian Collar (Black) || Zenith || Collabor88
Bracelets: Dark Queen Bracelets || RealEvil Industries || Seasons Story
Rings: Dark Queen Rings || RealEvil Industries || Seasons Story
Tattoo: Imperial Tattoo (Fresh) || Things
* Belleza/Omega/Slink/TMP appliers/standard tattoos included; fresh & faded versions

Pose (photo 1): Heavenly Creatures 09 || Ma Vie
Pose (photo 2): Eternal Beauty 6 || NanTra

Location: Fallen Ones Realm

Blogging Tune: Ain’t About the Money – Jussie Smollett & Yazz ft. Empire Cast

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Maybe I Don’t Know How To Love, But Maybe I Do…

I wonder, does it blow Your mind
That I’m leaving You far behind
I wonder, does it stop Your heart to know
You’re not my sunshine anymore?

UglyHeart1FINAL

Blah.  I’m trying a new photo format.  Layout is not my strong suit.  I’m just gonna get that out of the way now.  And when you see the second picture for this, you’ll see what I mean.

*Waits for people to scroll down and see it, since their curiosity was piqued*  Back now?

I’ve also blogged this song before.  Sue me.  Lol.  I found it again and have been playing it on repeat ever since.

Hopefully I’ll figure out the layout thing a bit more in future posts and start to be able to feature smaller details in a better way here soon.  What honestly inspired me to do this when I was so vehemently against it before was the septum ring.  I fell in love with it and it’s just like… from far away you can barely see it.  So I gave in and started highlighting small details.  It’s my first shot.  So be nice.

Why was I so vehemently against it before?  I felt less… pure… to me.  I don’t really know how to explain it.  But if you scroll back into my blogs, most of my pictures are shot out on location in a sim somewhere.  Natural SL surroundings, using windlight, and a bit of photoshop.  It was always my aim to display how products would actually appear in an SL environment, so if I wore a septum piercing and walked around SL, most people wouldn’t be camming in on my face like, “Ooo, let’s see what that looks like!”

But at the same time, it began to occur to me… the people who make this stuff spend just as much time, if not more, on their creations.  Just because the septum piercing is smaller than the dress does not mean that it deserves less attention.  So I was torn.  How do I show proper appreciation to all sorts of designers?

And so I will still likely do a picture or two, like the first picture above, that are more ‘organic’… naturally in SL to portray how everything works.  I won’t green screen or overly photoshop.  And then in a second (or third) picture I will try this sectioning out and highlighting small details thing.  I’ll figure out the best way to lay it out as I go along and try to do more of them, so bear with me while I figure it out in the beginning.

But I’m trying.

If any of you are bloggers who have been doing this sectioning/highlighting for awhile and have pointers, I’d love to hear them.  Anything that helps highlight all of these designers who work so hard on their wonderful designs.

UglyHeart2FINAL

*~* Maybe I Don’t Know How To Love, But Maybe I Do… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Yolandi (Artic Tone; Makeup Option 04) || Glam Affair
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.3) || Maitreya
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) || IKON
Hair: Priya (Light Blondes) || Truth Hair
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) || Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Dark Set || Nailed It
Eyeliner: Bold Liner (Thin; U-Color-It) || Madrid Solo
Lipstick: Candid High Gloss (Black) || Madrid Solo
Tattoo: Indrani Tattoo || Things || The Fantasy Collective
Dress: Evie (Black) || Dead Dollz || The Fantasy Collective
* Comes in Maitreya-Compatible Fitted Mesh ONLY
Legwarmers/Flats: Ballerina Warmers (Black) || Reign
Headpiece: Bitter Berries Wreath II (Red) || LODE || The Arcade Gacha
Septum Piercing: Dahlia Septum (Black) || Atooly || The Fantasy Collective
Arm Chains: Esme Arm Chains (Black) || Noodles
Right Ring: Lock Ring || SUGAR
Left Ring: Bitter Berries Ring (Red) || LODE || The Arcade Gacha

Pavilion (photo 1): Rustic Pavilion || Trompe Loeil

Pose (photo 1): Star 04 || Ma Vie
Pose (photo 2): Electric 7 || PosESioN

Location: Home

Blogging Tune: “Ugly Heart” – G.R.L.