i still see Your shadows in my room
Can’t take back the love that i gave You
It’s to the point where i love and i hate You
And i cannot change You so i must replace You…
i hadn’t written anything new, poetry-wise, since the Beyond the Rainbow event i read at during BOI Week… i’d started a few things but nothing that i never really finished until last night when i was journaling. So this is another blog post where i’m going to cheat and show you what i journaled. Some of you, while not D/s, may still relate to this… and D/s people, particularly submissives, may relate more deeply.
Continue reading “Confession .221. Who Knew Evil Girls Had The Prettiest Face?”
I kissed a stranger in a white dress
She put a crown on top of my head
Said every King needs a Queen in His bed…
Forgive me if I get a little ranty tonight… there’s a particular piece of a conversation with a former friend that has been stuck in my head and really grinding me the wrong way. I thought after having slept on it, I’d feel better about it… but I don’t, really… so here is my response…
Continue reading “Confession .200. We Can Dive Down Deeper Instead…”
I’ll take every chance I get
Hold tight every single moment
If there was ever a time for change
Oh, it’s here and now…
And it’s time to soar…
What am I doing at almost 4:30 in the morning the day after my wedding? Blogging, of course! Cause my flighty muse decided THIS was the moment to have some kind of inspiration. Of course, I have no explanation for the Fantasy Bohemian Hippie Elf… that one you’ll have to work out on your own.
Continue reading “Confession .182. Everything I Got, I’ll Give It All…”
Maybe if I was a neon light
I’d lead your car right back to my door
Oh, maybe if I was a jukebox needle dropping on a drinking song
You’d want one more
If my name was Whiskey
Maybe right now you’d miss me…
There comes a time where you’ve given so much to someone or something, that you have to see if it’s not being reciprocated. You have to sit back and objectively look at what you’re giving and what you’re getting back from it and question whether the return is worth the effort put in.
And sometimes it will be unbalanced, and that’ll still be ok. Other times, it will take sitting back and looking objectively at it to see just how much your efforts are being taken advantage of.
Continue reading “Confession .151. I’d Be All You Need, And You’d Get Drunk On Me…”
We fight like lions, we howl at the moon
We should be flying, instead we bury the truth
But I know inside, we’re beautiful creatures…
Before anyone starts reading and goes to make this comment… yes, I’m aware this is a deer onesie, not a goat. *laughs* However, the deer was the closest to a goat in this gacha set, so you gotta bear with me. I did what I could with what was at my disposal.
Besides, it was only to be smartass-y about this particular topic anyway. Lol. Zodiac Signs!
Continue reading “Confession .148. We Swear We’re Alive, But We’re Falling To Pieces…”
I don’t know what it is, but I got that feeling
Waking up in this bed next to you, swear the room – yeah – it got no ceiling
If we lay, let the day just pass us by
I might get to too much talking
I might have to tell you something…
“I like me better when I’m with You.”
I’m the one that will sabotage my own relationships. I’ll get stir-crazy and feel trapped, despite WANTING to serve and be in that subservient place in my relationships… so I’ll sabotage myself, find an excuse to leave, and go. Peace out, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
But not here… not this time…
Continue reading “Confession .147. To Not Know Who I Am But Still Know That I’m Good Long As You’re Here With Me…”
And I will follow where this takes me
And my tomorrows long to be unknown
When all is shaken, be my safety
In a world uncertain, say You’ll be my stone…
n. the feeling that no matter what you do is always somehow wrong—that any attempt to make your way comfortably through the world will only end up crossing some invisible taboo—as if there’s some obvious way forward that everybody else can see but you, each of them leaning back in their chair and calling out helpfully, colder, colder, colder.
If I start this blog the way I want to and say, “I don’t understand,” then some of you will lash out that here I go again playing the victim.
If I start this blog and say “How f-ing dare you all,” then some of you will lash out that here I go being a bitch again.
If I start this blog and say “I give up,” then some of you will lash out that here I go being melodramatic again.
So instead, I simply have to start this blog saying I don’t know how to start this blog. Heh.
Continue reading “Confession .67. Paro”
I realize that sometimes love brings you flowers
Then it builds you coffins
And far too often
We end up falling to our demise…
n. the moment a conversation becomes real and alive, which occurs when a spark of trust shorts out the delicate circuits you keep insulated under layers of irony, momentarily grounding the static emotional charge you’ve built up through decades of friction with the world.
Staring out the window, she wonders just when it happened. When that moment happened that made it all real, and different, and… alive! When did she cross over between superficiality and trying to make it work to a sense of ease and joy in just finding a space near Him to call her own?
When did it become ok to be herself with Him?
Continue reading “Confession .63. Flashover”
Although time may take us into different places
I will still be patient with you
And I hope you know
I won’t let go…
This photo right here? Taken entirely by accident. Yay for happy accidents!
I guess that’s sort of the unofficial theme of today’s blog. Like the title says, I do dumb shit… a lot. And I do. I listen to other people sometimes far more than I should, and I used to take their opinion into consideration far too often. Now, like in an earlier blog I posted, I still believe that’s a very important thing to do professionally, because how else are you going to know when someone’s being a two-faced asshole who just wants to take advantage of you, professionally? But when it comes to personal relationships… I used to hold far too much stock in what other people told me.
And it lead me to do some dumb shit.
Continue reading “Confession .37. I Do Dumb Shit… All The Time…”
Bittersweet in Your mouth…
Can You stomach the doubt?
I wish I could say what I’m feeling…
I’m scared to let these words out
“Don’t go to war for me. I’m not the one that you want me to be. Don’t call me up at 2am tonight. It feels so damn good, and I wish you would. (Just don’t.) And don’t cry no more for me. Don’t waste your time convincing me that maybe someday we’ll get it right. Cause we never could. I wish that we would. But we won’t, so just don’t.”
Continue reading “Confession .24. The Funny Thing Is”