Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases

Confession .291. You Should Know It’s All Or Nothing To Be With Me…

Don’t You look at me, don’t You even think about it, Baby
If You ain’t… if You ain’t… ready for it all…

Confession .291.  You Should Know It's All Or Nothing To Be With Me...

Independence is often a front in submission – at least it is for me.  Yes, i’m an independent-ass woman generally, however… if i’m shoving that independence in Your face as a Dominant, then there’s often something deeper that is unfulfilled.  Let me explain…

Continue reading “Confession .291. You Should Know It’s All Or Nothing To Be With Me…”

Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases

Confession .289. Are You Able To See Me?

i stand in front of You, with a few more steps between U/us
i stand in front of You, with a few more steps between U/us
i stand in front of You, with a few more steps between U/us
You tried to see the unknown…

Confession .289.  Are You Able To See Me?

Here’s a hint… the answer is no, Y/you can’t see me.  N/nobody can, it seems.  Lately, anyway.

Continue reading “Confession .289. Are You Able To See Me?”

Posted in Events, Life, N21, New Releases, Salon 52, Uber

Confession .285. And If I’m Being Honest, It Might’ve Been A Nightmare…

And it feels like yesterday was a year ago
But I don’t wanna let anybody know
‘Cause everybody wants something from me now
And I don’t wanna let ’em down

Confession .285.  And If I'm Being Honest, It Might've Been A Nightmare...

Today has been… interesting.  Have you ever had one of those moments where you kinda hope someone will come clean to you about something that may or may not be no longer your business… but at one point it very much was?  Does that even make any sense?  Let me explain…

Continue reading “Confession .285. And If I’m Being Honest, It Might’ve Been A Nightmare…”

Posted in eBento, Events, Kustom 9, PocketGacha, Powder Pack for Catwa (September), Tres Chic

Confession .130. If You Didn’t Know, I Fight Like A Girl…

I got a lot to say
No time to play
Ay, I’m comin’ for ya…

Confession .130.  If You Didn't Know, I Fight Like A Girl...

“You teach people how to treat you.”

This commentary came up in a group discussion tonight.  It wasn’t something I’ve thought about in a long time, but I thought about it a lot tonight.  It came from such a simple question as to how to move on after a break up or a bad relationship, but the conversation evolved to this.

Continue reading “Confession .130. If You Didn’t Know, I Fight Like A Girl…”

Posted in Uncategorized

We Can Only Get Brighter…

I’m standin’ in the flames
It’s a beautiful kind of pain
Settin’ fire to yesterday
Find the light, find the light, find the light

BeautifulPain3FINAL

It’s been a crazy ride.  And I have the migraine from hell today, so please forgive me if I’m neither deep nor witty today.  Lol.

Basically I’m super far behind blogging on Penumbra Spring/Summer ’15 Fashion Week stuff, and so I’m trying to sort through everything in my inventory that I’ve been sent or pulled out of the group.  Be prepared to be inundated with awesome things you can continue to get over the next few days.  Be sure to check out the official schedule in one of my recent posts – HERE – to get to the remaining shows for this wonderful event.

Last night I showed you a lingerie set from Supernatural, and I have to admit this was a new store for me.  I hadn’t heard of it before until I was setting up my stall on the Fashion Week sim (Zanze Provocateur is there as a designer as well!  So I’ve been busy!)  and Supernatural is the stall next to me.

When I finished setting up my beachy/boardwalk style stall, I admittedly cammed next door to see what she was working on and saw her ad pictures.  I love taking pieces and throwing them together in ways that may not utilize the whole boxed outfit, but work together for my particular style of dress and also show the work of the designer.  When I saw the Judy outfit, I knew I was going to do that with this vest.  The tunic-style vest originally goes over a bra and panties, but I grabbed it and off I went to create my outfit.

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I admittedly was wearing a pair of my own pants from one of my releases at Penumbra Fashion Week, from my Torrance outfit.  Harem-style pants just looked comfy to me, and with the headache I’ve got, comfy was a must.  At least for pants.

And yessssterday while I was having a conversation with the amazing Kiddo Oh of Dead Dollz, I got tossed a folder.  Of course, getting pretties from Kiddo is always awesome, so my reaction was, “Ooo what’s this?”  And it’s the top she just released at The Fantasy Collective that opened today.

Next stop was Cosmetic fair, cause I’m a slacker… it’s been open for the last 5 days and I just now got there.  Nuuna is one of my favorite avant garde type makeup artists, and when I found that she was selling Lelutka appliers for designs I hadn’t seen yet, it led me back to her store to pick up this new eye makeup that I just LOVE.  Another new designer to me, Moon Amore, was the source of this pretty killer hand tattoo.  To finish everything off, cause I felt naked without a bracelet or shoes or something, I grabbed some of my favorite rings from Formanails and some new anklets from Promagic, an awesome go-to store for most of my footwear needs, since she caters to more than just shoes… and I hate wearing actual shoes 90% of the time.

And thus, here we go.  In my true semi-boho nature, this hair from Truth of course screamed, “You must buy me!”  And the bindi in the center of my forehead was an awesome little find at Cosmetic fair from Kibitz.

I’m sorta super excited with how this all came out… and I like wearing it around.

BeautifulPain1FINAL

*~* We Can Only Get Brighter… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Alice (Lovely Day; Artic Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Celeste (Ligh Blondes) – Truth Hair  **recent release**
Body: Lara Mesh Body (current version 3.3) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Monochrome Set – Nailed It
Eye Makeup: Mya Makeup (Grey) – Nuuna
Teeth: Open Mouth Pro (w/ Piercing) – PXL Creations
Hand Tattoo: 90’s Hand Tattoo – Moon Amore  @ Cosmetic Fair
Top: Missandei Top (Black) – Dead Dollz  @ The Fantasy Collective
Vest: Judy Tunic – Supernatural  @ Penumbra S/S ’15 FW
Pants: Torrance Pants (Black) – Zanze Provocateur  @ Penumbra S/S ’15 FW
Forehead Bindi: Bindi #12 – Kibitz  @ Cosmetic Fair
Nosering: Cihuapilli Nose Piercing – Soedara
Hand Rings: Accessoires Unisex Elegant (Black) – Formanails
Anklets: Girly Anklets (Black) – Promagic

Pose (photo 1): various from Morphine (now closed)
Pose (photo 2): various from Agapee
Pose (photo 3): various from oOo Studio

Location: Salt Water

Blogging Tune: “Beautiful Pain” – Eminem ft. Sia

Posted in Uncategorized

For All The Times I Let You Push Me Round…

I was a… afraid to make a single sound
Afraid I would never find a way out
Afraid I’d never be found
I don’t wanna go another round
An angry man’s power will shut you up
Trip wires fill this house with tip toed love
Run out of excuses for everyone
So here I am and I will not run…

GutsOverFear2FINAL

I should be in bed.  I work a 12 hour day tomorrow.  Yet, here I am.  Also, I just tried to rather melodramatically take a swig of Sangria flavored (yeah, you read that right) Mountain Dew… and choked on it like a derp.  So that’s the kind of precedent being set with this post, I guess.

Also, I know I’ve used this prop recently, but I just love it… especially when it comes to blogging lingerie.  It’s just perfect.  I’ve seen another blog post recently that featured this particular lingerie set and it was like… the background was just so inconsistent with the feel of the clothing, I’d like to keep it simple and very… showgirl.  Cause that’s how I feel in this particular outfit.

And I love the detailing.

Anyway… this wasn’t the point of this post.  Lol.  I just wanted to apologize, for those of you that like seeing me use different things, who will be disappointed that these pictures use that same lightbox prop from oOo Studio that I adore.

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I’ve worked… really hard… over the last three years that I’ve been in modeling in SL.  Some of you that have known me from the beginning have known just how far I’ve come, and how hard I’ve worked to get here.  You’ve been there during the failed castings… the heartbreaking auditions… the walks when I left the stage KNOWING I blew it… the walks when I felt like I’d killed it only to be not what the brand/pageant/contest was looking for.  Some of you have been there through it all.  The good, the bad, the ugly.

But the point… is that it took time.  I took my successes with my failures, and the times when I was less than successful only pushed me to work that much harder to get to the things that I really wanted.  There are some goals that I’ve held the entire three years that I’ve been modeling that I’ve still not reached yet.

And there were people… one in particular… a mentor that I felt close to… that I thought had my back and were looking out for me.  That faith that I thought that particular person had in me is what kept me moving forward.  Turns out?  Was all fake.  Or in my head.  Or something.  I don’t really know what it was… all I know is that that person is not the mentor that I thought they were.  That person wasn’t looking out for me.  That person did absolutely zero to help or even encourage me to succeed, whether with their assistance or completely on my own.

And perhaps that neglect and abandonment by the one person who was supposed to always be in my corner intrinsically just made me push harder.  But coming face to face recently with how little of a fuck that person actually gives about my career as a model or my life as a person… hurts more than I can really explain or fully understand.  At a time in my life when so many have walked away, when so many have looked me and those close to me in the face and said, “I made my choice,” and to watch those people walk away… at this point, I guess I just needed consistency.  I needed to know that that ONE person I’ve trusted with my ‘secrets’ in this industry… my fears, my failures… I told this person EVERYTHING… everything I ever aspired to do, even if I knew they didn’t like the person/brand/organization… even if they felt it wasn’t a good idea for me to try… I shared everything with them.  Because they were… or they were SUPPOSED to be… my mentor.

And I feel… like I was stupid to think that person ever had my best interest in mind at all.  To know that that person had the ability to help me and just chose not to.  Then chose to offer that help and HAND everything with ZERO work to someone who happens to be a horrible excuse for a human being?  If that person deserves to have everything handed to them and I didn’t even deserve assistance with goals I’ve held and worked hard to try and achieve for THREE YEARS… then what does that say about that person’s opinion of me?

Sorry I’m not all happy and cheery today.  It… hurts… to feel like I’ve been played for a fool for the last three years.  And it… sucks… to feel like that support I thought I had – I guess I made it all up in my head? – is just… gone.

That mentor is, of course, free to do whatever they want and associate with whomever they want.  Go, hand that horrible woman everything she wants, don’t make her work for it.  I shouldn’t care, even if I’m hurt that you handed her an opportunity I’ve WORKED for for YEARS.  It’s your prerogative to do as you wish.  Just remember… those who lay down with dogs, get up with fleas.

Take a bath before you come at me again.

GutsOverFear1FINAL

*~* For All The Times I Let You Push Me Round… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Alice (Lovely Day; Arctic Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Ramsey (Light Blondes) – Truth Hair
Body: Lara Mesh Body (current version 3.3) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant 1) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Diva Set (Red) – Nailed It
Lipstick: Essential Lipstick (Red; Matte; Dark) – Pink Fuel
Panties/Bra/Corset: Annie Set – Supernatural  @ Penumbra S/S FW
Heels: Pasha – BabyMonkey

Prop/Poses: Follies – oOo Studio

Location: Penumbra S/S FW ’15 Sim

Blogging Tune: “Guts Over Fear” – Eminem ft. Sia