Confession .366. I Just Need A Moment In My Own Space…

The older I get, I feel like I’m always tryna save time
Talkin’ to the voices in my head, they make me think twice
Tellin’ me it doesn’t mean it’s wrong because it feels right…

I don’t make friends very easily. Between things that I have no control over and things I simply haven’t put in the effort to control, I either just can’t seem to relate to other P/people enough to make friends, or once I make them I will find some way to sabotage the friendship. It usually goes one of a few ways, and this year I resolved that I was going to actively work on it.

Confession .364. I Feel Safe In The 5AM Light…

Jump into the heat
Spinnin’ on our feet
In a technicolour beat…
You and me
Caught up in a dream
In a technicolour beat…

I’m in another kinda state where I want to post this photo, but I don’t know what to write, so I’m going to write you the same thing I’ve written on Facebook today, as well as in my journal.

Confession .357. Can You Love The Version Of Me I Don’t Let Anybody Else See?

You have a hard time making sense of this
I’m the most low-key masochist
The wrong place if you’re looking for Heaven
So I got one question…

I’m so creatively blocked again. I took 2 different versions of this photo with different looks completely. Not that I didn’t like the first one – I felt super cute! – but I just couldn’t blog it for whatever reason. So today is another one of those days that you’re going to get song lyrics instead of my thoughts. I hope Y/you don’t get too angry. ♥

Confession .354. And They’re Haunting Me Until I Overdose…

My room feels so small
These walls are closing in and there’s no door
I’m out of space I’ve been washed out, washed out
I’m running from myself
Losing focus I’ve been washed out, washed out
Yeah, I’ve been going through hell…

“Beware of the One that slaps you with one hand then strokes you with the other. Addicted to creating chaos. Raising you up, only to cut you down. The best thing you can do is wash away the past and start afresh.” A quote from an image that one of the Pages I follow on Facebook shared tonight – and that was what made me sit down to write tonight instead of putting this post off until tomorrow. That, and this damned song.

Confession .350. But She Gets The Flowers, Right?

But she gets the flowers, right?
The posts made about her
A love that is perfect
A love I deserved, yeah
A love that I gave…

It’s interesting, talking to people all over again. Back to square one, getting to know them, having to out all of those things that He used to accept about me and wonder if a new person will walk away. Or if I’ll fuck it up and push them away before I can get hurt.

Cause, you know, I’m really good at that…

Confession .348. You Don’t Even Know Me…

You don’t know a thing at all
You don’t know about the way I am when I am all alone
You don’t even know
Where I care, the way I’ve grown
You don’t know about the way I love so deeply to my bones
You don’t even know me…

I’ve been thinking a lot about situations I shouldn’t be thinking about lately, which is of course an awesome thing, right? -insert eyeroll here-

Confession .341. I’m So Powerful, I Don’t Need Batteries To Play…

I put my armor on, show you how strong how I am
I put my armor on, I’ll show you that I am…

Where has old Sia gone? The Sia that wrote empowering shit like this? No, I’m not going to spend this blog post talking about the dumpster fire that is the movie ‘Music’… but know I’m not happy with it. I’m just saving that for when I feel more ranty.

Confession .339. Life Was A Willow And It Bent Right To Your Wind…

The more that You say, the less I know
Wherever you stray I follow
I’m begging for You to take my hand
Wreck my plans
That’s my Man…

They tell you that you won’t find what you’re looking for until you stop looking. And this was no more true for me than in the last four months or so. Learning about myself through learning about You, learning about working together instead of against each other. Learning about what love actually looks like.

Confession .337. How You Like That?

Look at you
Now look at me
How you like that?

i feel like i need to make a statement similar to the shows that have started to come back, when they say something was recorded before the pandemic. This photo was taken before i started pledging. So if Big Sisters see this, i didn’t change! Lol.

Confession .336. I’m A Waiting Pistol Hungry For Skin On Metal…

Venom in your veins always finds a way
It’s the price you pay
When you play with the pain…

i keep a collection of random songs in a Bookmark folder just labeled “Music” that i go back into when i’m looking for stuff to dance to. It’s such a mixture of genres and artists that it would likely make most of you raise an eyebrow. But this is one of those songs in that folder, so enjoy!