Posted in Cosmopolitan, Events, FaMeshed, Kinky Event, Life, New Releases, Tannenbaum, The Naughty List 2

Confession .160. It’s Funny How A Crowded Room Can Feel So Damn Alone…

These days are slow, but the night moves way too fast
Need to know You want me here before I ask…

I went to Tannenbaum for a tree… I literally just went for the tree… and wound up with the tree, the decorations… the hair… the face makeup… and other stuff that I’m not even wearing at the moment.

And all I did was go for a damn tree.

Continue reading “Confession .160. It’s Funny How A Crowded Room Can Feel So Damn Alone…”

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On My Own I’m Only Half Of What I Could Be…

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you


“We are stitched together, and what love has tethered, I pray we never undo.”

Apparently all I do is trash people in this blog.  *Laughs*  As any of you who have been here for any amount of time and actually READ this thing know… that is FAR from the truth… but let the people with more mouth than sense wag their tongues all they like.  And if any have managed to wander their way over here for this post because someone read this small paragraph and went running to them crying ‘drama’, please, take the complimentary doughnut pillow for your butt-hurt and have a seat.

Now that that’s out of the way, the REAL purpose of this post is the exact opposite of trashing (which, this sort of thing and other randomness is what makes up the vast majority of my blog… again, if you’ve been here for any length of time and actually read me, then you know that… lol).  I heard this song what feels like 86,000 times in the 12 hour drive to Indiana, and the 12 hour drive home when I went for my cousin’s Celebration of Life, and I couldn’t get it out of my head.

It made me think… and we all know what happens when Tivi thinks… she gets sappy.  LOL.

I’ve been given so many people in my life, both first and second, and more often than not, I find myself focused moreso on the self-centered assholes that use me and then leave.  I’m so blinded by those that hurt me, that I don’t really see those that don’t, nor do I appreciate them often enough.  And so, I thought I’d sorta put it out there, and focus on some of the amazing people that I’ve been given in my Second Life.

God gave me… Rayven.  I figured I’d start here with Him because He is the farthest in my past and the one from this list that I do not talk to any more.  My fault, and too long of a story to indulge in.  In a community full of people – particularly the Men in my life at that time – that would look at a weak woman as something easy to take advantage of, Rayven was the first Male to walk into my life and truly be a Man.  He saw a vulnerable woman in a horrible situation, and rather than thinking about what He could gain, and how He could most easily get what He wanted, He removed me from the situation and proceeded to focus on my safety and my well-being.  In turn, I did my best to serve Him in our relationship, but at the time I did not really have a grasp on the concept of simply ‘doing my duty’ versus truly VALUING a person’s presence in Your life.  Almost 3 years ago now, I did write Him a letter to express these things, and apologize for never valuing Him as much as He deserved, but I’m not sure if He ever read it.  Either way, the idea that Men like Rayven still exist out there somewhere, is honestly what keeps me from giving up on the idea entirely after going through another terrible situation.  A Gem found me once before.  Perhaps it will happen again.  They exist.

God also gave me… Reign.  Mostly to kick my ass when I need it, both in modeling and out.  But seriously.  At the time that I met a certain Miss Reign Congrejo, she came as a bit of a package deal with Sequoia, and both of them were what kept me from quitting modeling all together, almost immediately after I started.  I was involved in a HORRIBLE first pageant experience (ironically, the pageant that inspired me to write the letter to Rayven that I mentioned)… and I was considering simply being done.  We were lied to, verbally accosted at every turn any time someone asked a question or brought something up for clarification, titles were ripped from ladies with no reason, titles were held over our heads like the Sword of Damocles… and the whole thing was just a nightmare.  It wasn’t until I randomly showed up for a video casting that Reign and Sequoia were doing for their Colour of Couture pageant that I met them both, and they showed me a true experience with wonderful people.  To this day, Reign is still the swift kick in the ass I need, when I need it.

God also gave me… Iris.  Dear lord.  A dancer who has just as much, if not more, passion as I do about it… is just as subbie, if not more, outside of dance as I am… and has just as many, if not more (lol), pet peeves as I do about dance and needs someone to rant to.  Iris and I were like a friendship match in freaking heaven.  I am super over-bearing and pushy when I’m stubbornly passionate about something and clinging to it… and she totally puts up with it.  Lol.  I am also super protective of her when she lets me in the deeper things…. and she also puts up with that.  And I know she gets easily frazzled and do my best to make her breathe.  (“Breathe, bitches!”)  Iris is about the only person besides mama that I would trust as a dance teacher to learn from, because she is just as passionate about seeing the individual succeed… not beating the individuality out of them.  And she comes up with zany dance exhibition ideas that let me do crazy dances I’d never get to do anywhere else!

God also gave me… Mama (Rya)!  Oh my god.  This woman… is a pain in my ass.  But a lovable pain in my ass.  Lol.  Mama is another one that kinda saves me from quitting things when the frustration over politics and other general bullshit gets to be too much for me.  Where Reign keeps me from quitting modeling, Rya keeps me from quitting dance.  I never knew the woman was a Gorean dancer when I first met her.  I met her when I was dancing in clubs and just generally hanging out and getting to know people, back when I first joined SL between 7 and 8 years ago.  Later, she became my dance manager, and we were talking one night and she just so happened to mention that she’d started dancing in a place called Gor.  I’d just started roleplaying there off and on and had started dancing myself… and from there, we were pretty much inseparable.  Mama is another one that wishes to see the individual dancer succeed, and share her individual heart, rather than beating the individuality out of them, and I love her to death for it.  It takes a special kind of person to put up with my brand of bullshit every day for 7 years now and still call me her daughter.  LOL.

God also gave me… Sarah.  I swear, if she wasn’t Rya’s daughter, she would be mine.  I really hope that she doesn’t take offense to this analogy, but it’s the only thing I can think of at the moment to describe just the sorts of things Sarah has taught me about myself… you know how sometimes in Health class (or even Science class)… or if your parents are a special brand of twisted, you do this at home too, maybe for punishment… you’re given an egg and you have to take care of it and keep it from breaking?  Or a sack of flour… depending on your school system/parent.  Or the child development classes that give you the fake baby?  Or even parents that try to instill these values of caring in their children by getting them a pet to take care of.  When Sarah started in the classes and let us really get to know her, I connected with her in a way I had never connected with another human being before.  I cared for her, not in a romantic way (lawd… my sister/daughter-figure… that’d be weird), but in a way that so deeply transcended friendship I wouldn’t hesitate to snap the neck of someone who hurt her in any way.  When you go through a lot of negative things in your life like I have – and many of us have – sometimes it desensitizes you and dehumanizes you a bit to the world around you.  Sarah is what keeps me grounded and connected to my inner “decent human being”.

And last but not least, for this completely non-comprehensive list, God gave me… Nova.  (I can picture her getting a little grumbly the more she read, thinking she might not be on the list.  LOL.)  Nova, Nova, Nova.  What can I say about Nova?  Well first of all, it’s all Sam’s fault that I even know her, let alone like her so much.  LOL.  And my Sam’s fault, I mean a collective burden between myself and Sam.  Sam was a friend from college who lived in my dorm building and ran the night desk a lot of nights.  If ever I was up late at night and couldn’t sleep, I’d text her and see if she was running the desk in our building, and if she was, I’d go downstairs and hang out for a bit.  Occasionally I’d bring my laptop, and one day she got a look at it while I was logged into SL.  “What’s that?”  (The dreaded first question, am I right?)  I explained SL to her and she made an avi shortly after and started exploring.  She’d mentioned she’d gotten a friend of hers involved as well, though I later found out that Nova had actually tried SL once before and just hadn’t logged in often or found anything she really liked about it yet before Sam mentioned it to her again.  And so because she was Sam’s friend, obviously I met her.  I even roomed with them for a couple months in real life after college to get out of a not-so-fantastic home situation.  All in all, Nova is just an amazing person.  She puts her all into everything she does and tries her damnedest to do it all to the best of her ability all the time.  It makes me giggle to listen to her get frustrated with herself over the smallest shit, and talk to herself while she’s styling/designing/photographing/doing anything really.  And of course, when we’re in Skype, between my shitty internet and her haunted laptop that likes to randomly switch inputs on her, I can only ever really hear clearly when she’s talking about testicles, nothing else.  My life is far better from having Nova in it.

And those are just a select few of the people in my life that God has given me, that I don’t show appreciation to often enough.  I don’t really do ‘New Year’s resolutions’, but if I did, I would say that one of them… a GOAL, per se, is to consider this more positive side of people more often.  Like I said, I think in my last post, my therapist keeps trying to drill into my head that I can’t just assume the worst of people just because they are similar to people in my past, or the situation we’re in is similar.  And I’m trying to do that.  😀


*~* On My Own I’m Only Half Of What I Could Be… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Layla Skin (Caramel Tone) || AlterEgo
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Wight; Natural pupil) || IKON
Hair: Amber (Brunettes) || Spellbound
Body: Lara Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Eye Makeup: Mya Makeup (manually tinted) || Nuuna
Freckles: Odd Beauty Freckles || Besom
Gown: Queen Gorgo Draped Ancient Dress (Plum) || Kaithleen’s || Recent Release!

Pose (photo 1): Statue 7 || Posesion
Pose (photo 2): Cute 5 mirror || Vitalis Animatum

Location: Pandora Box of Dreams

Blogging Tune: “God Gave Me You” – Blake Shelton

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Can We Just Be Broken Together?

How I wish we could go back to simpler times
Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light
Now on this hallowed ground we’ve drawn the battle lines
Will we make it through the night?


“If you can bring your shattered dreams, and I’ll bring mine… could healing still be spoken and save us?”

It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these, and because I’m kinda in the mood for it, I’ma do another one of the Lover’s Dictionary series posts.  Buuuuuut before I jumped into the word, I wanted to say a huge thank you to my newest sponsor, SayaNicole Cuttita from Envious.  Envious has been one of my favorite brands since I stepped out of roleplay the first time (gods, in 2009?) and first cared about what my avatar looked like.  It’s very rare that I will wear an outfit ‘out of the box’, or multiple pieces from the same outfit, but with Saya’s designs, I always do… cause it’s just so damned awesome.  So thank you, Saya!

cajole, v.

I didn’t understand how someone from a completely landlocked state could be so terrified of sharks.  Even in the aquarium, I had to do everything to get you to come close to the tank.  Then, in the Natural History Museum, I couldn’t say Quiet any longer.
“It’s not alive,” I said.  “It can’t hurt you.”
But you held back, and I was compelled to push you into the glass.
What did it matter to me?  Did I think that by making you rational about one thing, I could make you rational about everything?
Maybe.  Or maybe I just wanted to save you from your fears.

— “The Lover’s Dictionary” by David Levithan


cajole, v.

I am positively terrified of damn near everything.  Some of my fears are rational… I’ve had bad experiences with them in the past, which make me incredibly wary of being in similar situations.  Some of my fears, however, are completely irrational; I’ve never been involved in a damn thing even close to it.  There is zero reason for it.  And yet, here I sit… completely petrified.

The problem, though, is that You tried to convince me that the things I was rationally afraid of, were, in fact, irrational fears.  That the things in my past should simply stay there, and should never have any sort of impact on my future judgment or future feelings.  While I agree to a certain extent… that I should never PUNISH people in my future for the mistakes of those in my past… I do have to assert that my past experiences will make me wary, and that this is perfectly ok.

The first time I put my hand on the burning hot stove as a child, I learned damn well never to do that again.  My brain works the same way with most everything else.

My therapist tells me I can’t assume everyone is a bad person, just because they exude similar qualities to bad people in my past… or because I am in a similar situation that I was in in my past around bad people (i.e. I can’t assume all my classmates that are nice to me want to use me because I’m doing well)… however I still believe there’s a difference between that, and being cautious.

Or being genuinely afraid.  I was afraid of you.  That was the bottom line.

And there was only so much I could take of being constantly told that everything I said and did was irrational, no matter how rational it actually was.

And then the silence happened.  So, I guess that was that.


*~* Can We Just Be Broken Together? *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Layla Skin (Caramel Tone) || AlterEgo
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Forest) || IKON
Hair: Warrior (Brunettes) || Spellbound
Body: Lara Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) || Slink
Freckles: Odd Beauty Freckles || Besom
Lipstick: Essential Lipsticks (Red; Matte; Deep) || Pink Fuel
Dress & Heels: Maria Dress (15) || Envious
* Dress includes standard sizes, sizes for Slink Physique, and Belleza Venus/Isis/Freya
Septum Piercing: Dark Queen (P6) || RealEvil Industries
Arm Tattoo: Atinne (Black) || Common Gacha Item || Things
Leg Tattoo:  Vayiane (Black) || Common Gacha Item || Things

Pose (photo 1): Statue 7 || Posesion
Pose (photos 2 & 3): Mortius 10 || Posesion

Backdrop: 9 rue du Marteau. Brussels || Common Gacha Item || Rowne

Blogging Tune: “Broken Together” – Casting Crowns

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They Say Heavy Is The Head That Wears A Crown…

Daddy raised a soldier, whether he knew it or not
He supplied the pain, I put it into music, made it hot
Strong back, strong shoulders, cause I’m holding up a lot
I’m underneath this bitch, supporting
Same time, I’m at the top…


“Everything’s on me.  Everybody wondering what it’s gonna be.  Is [she] gonna fail, is [she] gonna succeed?  Everybody keep watching, and watch carefully… I’ma show the world I’m strong!  And I’m holding up a lot.  I’m underneath this bitch supporting… same time, I’m at the top.”

Everything Jussie Smollett has done for Empire this season has been incredibly powerful.  So pardon my obsession in my blog posts since the new season started.  *Laughs*  Those that know anything about me know how drawn I am to powerful lyrics.

Especially when I relate to them in one way or another.

I feel like… I’m being stared at a lot lately.  Is that weird?  Is that narcissistic?  Maybe.  And it could even be paranoid and no one really cares.  LOL.  But it’s like… they warn you when you tackle a large, widely-known competition like Miss Virtual World that people are going to start watching you.  And while I’m sure those Top 13 (that are working their ASSES off to get perfect for the finale this weekend, by the way.  Break legs, ladies!) are being watched far more closely… I can’t help but feel like I’m being stared at.

“You didn’t make the cut.  Now what?”

Like they’re waiting for me to blow up into something despite that… or to fade back into irrelevance where many people would like to assume I came from.

The fact of the matter is… I dunno what y’all are waiting for, but if you could stop staring at me, that would be great.  I mean, come on.  I’ve been doing this for three years now.  And while that’s FAR less of a period of time than a lot of the great models that I look up to and aspire to be like, that still quite a substantial period of my Second Life to be devoting to something.  I’ve worked my ass off in those three years.  I have not sat on the shoulders of a Mentor (even if I’ve had a few mentors in my time) and expected them to hand me everything I was given.  I worked… and I worked hard… and I fought… and pushed through… and the ONLY reason that I got to where I did was because of all that work.

I guess I’m the exception that proves the rule about “who you know” being the only thing that matters.  I know people, sure… we all do.  But do I ask them to tip scales in my favor?  No.  Unlike some, I happen to live by a code of ethics…. regardless of whether or not some of you see those ethics on a daily basis, they are there.  You just aren’t looking hard enough.  You’re too busy watching the ground in front of me waiting for something for me to trip over and fall on my face.

Newsflash: I worked hard to get to where I was.  And nothing will change that.  I’m still here, I’m not going any-damn-where, and I’m going to continue to work just as hard as I always have.

So you can stop staring.  I’m still Tivi.  And I’m still going to put my blood, sweat, and tears into everything I do.

I suppose the real question is… what are YOU going to do?  Step it up and work your ass off too?  Or try to continue to rely on those broad shoulders you sit on, and eventually fade into the irrelevance you are attempting to drag me into?

Your choice, I suppose.  However, the first step is coming down off that high horse of yours… and careful, darling… that first step is a bitch.


*~* They Say Heavy Is The Head That Wears The Crown… *~*

Shape: MINE – new!
*Special thanks to Toxxic Rhiannyr of Alterego, as one of her shapes was used as the base for tweaking!
Skin: Layla Skin (Caramel Tone) || Alterego
Eyes: Odyssey Eyes (Forest) || IKON
Hair: Murder of Crows (Chapter 1 Earth HUD) || Spellbound || Enchantment
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant 1) || Slink
Undereye Shadow: Makeup Addon Lower Shadow II (Tintable) || Alterego
Nailcolor Applier: Art Nails (Boho Eyes) || Nylon Outfitters || Collabor88
Top: Fall-In-Line (Vest Only; Dark Grey) || Cynful || Collabor88
* Fall-In-Line is a 3-in-1 top, featuring a cropped turtleneck (not pictured) and a vest, that can each be worn separately, or both together to create a layered look.  Standard sizes, Maitreya Lara, Belleza Freya/Isis/Venus, and Slink Physique/Hourglass sizes included for both.
Pants/Boots: Lavigne Snowboarders Pak (Black) || Vinyl || GEN-Neutral
* Solid (pictured) & “Block” pattern versions included, chooseable via HUD.  Standard sizes, Maitreya Lara, Belleza Freya/Isis/Venus, and Slink Physique/Hourglass sizes included.  Boots are optional and come in corresponding sizes, color-change via HUD.
Septum Piercing: Dark Queen Septum Ring (P6) || RealEvil Industries
Tattoo: Bohemian (FULL 14008; 50% Opacity) || Letis Tattoo
* 100%/75%/50%/35% Opacity Options.  Tattoo layers, Belleza, Lola’s Tango, Maitreya Lara, Omega, Slink Physique (can also be used for just hands), & TMP appliers included.

Pose (photo 1): Mortius 5 || Posesion Poses
Pose (photo 2): Statue 7 || Posesion Poses

Location: Pandora Box of Dreams

Blogging Tune: “Heavy” – Jussie Smollett ft. Empire Cast

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Fear Can Claim What Little Faith Remains…

I will never surrender
We’ll free the Earth and Sky
Crush my heart into embers
And I will reignite…


It’s been a hard few weeks.

I’ve had many times… MANY times… where I’ve reached that place of, “Why in the hell am I fighting?”  I’ve gone to friends in tears, in panic attacks even, in that place of watching so many people fight so hard, only to ultimately lose that battle… so what is the point?  Why in the hell am I subjecting myself to poisoning my body… and all the hell that comes with it… only to end up ultimately losing?

Usually the response to that is some form of smacking me in the back of the head.  A wake-up call of sorts.

I still don’t know what the point is, some days… I just know I’m supposed to keep pushing forward.  There’s a reason I haven’t lost yet.  Of course, I also have hard time believing in an ultimately loving Creator-type deity when all I’ve seen lately is destruction.  Beautiful things… beautiful people… destroyed.  Riko Kamachi had one of the biggest Relay hearts I’d ever seen in my 4 years in RFL of SL.  Gone.  Summitt Beaumont… and even typing her name still hurts… had one of the biggest hearts of anyone woman I’d met in my SL.  No matter what it was, she was right there with encouraging words.  For everyone.  It didn’t matter if she liked you or hated you… though I have a hard time believing that Summitt could bring herself to hate anyone.  From classes at Amici until Sunday when I heard of her passing, that woman was probably the single-most positive person I had ever seen.  And she’s gone.

And while I’m sad about it, I don’t have the energy to be devastated.  That sounds incredibly insensitive.  I SHOULD be devastated.  She was such a GOOD person… and there are some HORRIBLE people who get to live and continue to go about their business ruining the lives of other people… and all Summitt wanted to do was be happy, and see other people happy.  I should be devastated.  Her loss is a truly great one.

But I’m too… MAD… to be devastated.


I’ve been sitting on this song for a long time.  I didn’t want to use it until an incredibly appropriate blog post… and I feel like, perhaps this is the time to bring it out.

But I carry strength from souls now gone
They won’t let me give in…

I have to think.  Even in all this loss… and all the things that surround me that make me wonder what the point of fighting is when I’m so tired.  And I’m so tired of being sick.  I have to think that even in all this… that my Godparents… my father… my grandfather… my mother… Riko… Summitt… all those people that have gone before me, fought, and finally given in… would kick my ass if I gave up.

And I know several people in my life now, that would kick my ass… and have already when I’ve even THOUGHT about giving up.

There is are another few lines in this song… that make me think of Relay Nation every time I hear them.  And I want every Relayer who may happen across this post to read them… re-read them… study them… and commit them to memory.  Cancer doesn’t have to be a death sentence.  And we are relaying to be sure that it won’t be any longer… the FUTURE is NOW.

Death will take those who fight alone
But united we can break a fate once set in stone…

Relay.  I can do this.  We can do this.  Standing TOGETHER as ONE TEAM, we can do this.  Every day, you all give me reasons to stand up and fight back.

So.  I will reignite.  I have to.


I was walking around Skin Fair today, and I happened across a skin from The Plastik that I adored… and normally I look to Aikea’s skins when I need something more fantasy-related that’s not Gor… and since I pretty much stick to Gor rp now, I haven’t had a need to.  But it was refreshing, to find a tone that was very similar to what I wore normally.  And since I was walking around for a Blogger Preview, and there was a box outside her store, I thought I’d notecard her, and see if she’d let me feature the skin in this post.  What came next, I couldn’t have anticipated.

I received the tone I asked for, and the applier pack to make it fit my Maitreya mesh body and Slink hands and feet (skins and applier packs are sold SEPARATELY at the event).  But I also received her general Skin Fair Bloggers Pack, which included SEVEN (yes SEVEN) additional skin tones and applier packs, and a bunch of makeup and eyes!

The makeup… is what made me think of this song.  I layered a few of them together in such a way that, to me, I looked battered.  Battle-worn.  My eyes were blinded.  I was just so wounded and so… done.  Blood spattering from my lip… a physical incarnation of how I feel most days in the layering of that makeup over my face.

But.  I will reignite.  I have to.

And I have to think Aikea for making this post possible.  (*Skin Fair SLURLs being withheld until opening on the 13th, per the request of those putting the event on.*)


*~* Fear Can Claim What Little Faith Remains… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin (blog pics): Immortalia Skin (Merula) – The Plastik @ Skin Fair
Skin (pallette pics): Immortalia Skin (Tones labeled) – The Plastik @ Skin Fair
Eyes (blog pics): Teren Eyes (Kalah Blind) – The Plastik @ Skin Fair
Eyes (pallette pics): Bloodless Eyes (Grape) – The Plastik @ Skin Fair
Hair (blog pics): Bubsy (Rainbows Pack) – Spellbound
Hair (pallette pics): Journey (Rainbows Pack) – Spellbound
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v2.1) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Makeup 1 (blog pics): Immortalia Makeup (Souless; Red) – The Plastik @ Skin Fair
Makeup 2 (blog pics): Immortalia Makeup (Brave; Desat) – The Plastik @ Skin Fair
Makeup 3 (blog pics): Immortalia Makeup (Battle) – The Plastik @ Skin Fair
Tattoo: Henna Body Tattoo RARE – Demonic @ Fantasy Gacha Carnival
Top & Bracers: Naevia Set (Black) – Axix @ Fantasy Collective
Vest: The Thief Girl Vest (Grunge) RARE – Yasum @ Fantasy Gacha Carnival
Panties: Chain Panties (Black) – The Forge @ Fantasy Gacha Carnival
Face Chain (blog pics): Face Chain (Black) – The Forge @ Fantasy Gacha Carnival
Rings: Accessories Rings (Black) – Formanails
* These are sold separately in options for SL Hand, Slink Elegant, Elegant-1, and Casual
Anklets: Warrior Anklets (Black) – Promagic

Poses: from “Haute” set – Katink

Location: Misty Mountain Romance

Blogging Tune: “Reignite” – Malukah

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The Third is When Your World Splits Down the Middle…

First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What’s gonna kill you is the second part
And the third is when your world splits down the middle
Fourth, you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you’ll see them out with someone else
And the sixth is when you admit that you may have f***ed up a little

Sketchbook behind my shoulder and wall-hanging behind my head are glimpses at some of Apple Fall’s offerings for The Arcade Gacha – June 2014!

(A pause in the bald blogging… because I just can’t get enough of this hair… my apologies… I will finish the posts I owe!  Promise!)

This is one of those moments that I love about blogging… because a couple of the things that make me the happiest will be contained with in the post: Trying something new, getting to blog something I’m IN LOVE with, blogging about something Relay for Life related, and blogging something that’s not available yet… so I can make you drool over it and then you have to wait.  (My inner Sadist is coming out, you see.)

First of all, I’m getting back into The Script lately… and it’s all Lybra’s fault!  Lol.  He posted a playlist shuffle challenge that he did on Facebook, and one of the songs was “Hall of Fame” which I listened to on repeat for about a day… then I started in on “If You Could See Me Now” and now I’m stuck on “Six Degrees of Separation”.  I hadn’t heard this one before… and I’m SO in love with it.  In my true Alexithymia-addled fashion, I’ve been struggling with some feelings lately and had no idea how to put them into words.  So… this song… just this…

Anyway… onto other things I’m  blogging today!

Canvas Rack is a general Apple Fall release that I just love! The book pile is a past Apple Fall gacha, I believe. The dress form and desk are from The Arcade Gacha – June 2014. And the laptop, file box, and chair are from my favourite WhatNext set, the Blogger’s Office in Ciel!

1.)  Blogging Something New

It’s not often that I get to (or try to) blog Home & Garden stuff… but when I got a wild hair to decorate a copy of Apple Fall’s Paris Loft Skybox with some of my favourite furniture, to make the place I hide out to design (oh yeah, I started designing!) a little more ‘homey’… I thought it might be kinda awesome to try blogging it.  I’m sure when I send this post link to Edi, he’ll be able to tell me if I messed up the idea of blogging Home and Garden stuff royally or not.  *Giggles*

2.) Getting to Blog something I’m IN LOVE with.

Err… that’s several things in this post!  I LOVE this outfit… I’ve been in a very boho-ish mood lately.  I mentioned this in a post I made on the Lybra blog, but I think it’s because the nature of boho style is free-spirited.  There really aren’t rigid rules or standards that someone can brow-beat me with and force me to follow.  With as much as that was done in Colour of Couture… and as much as our individual interpretation of a style challenged is scrutinized (which is the point of a style challenge), it’s nice to be able to get dressed in whatever the hell I feel like and have no one be able to tell me it’s wrong.  LOL.  Hell, I’ve been running around the Fashion For Life sims barefoot for the most part for the last few days because this 5 alpha limit is a bit ridiculous when I’m trying to design separates.  Lol.  But I’m all over this outfit… and this HAIR… I have discovered a newfound love for Spellbound… like, I needed it in my life SO long ago.  And this skin!  I’ve been excited since the end of Colour of Couture that I could do a shape overhaul of my face… and while I haven’t touched my shape yet, I did change my skin… and it’s so strange how much it changed my face.  There’s still some stuff I want to tweak, but I think it’s definitely going in the direction I wanted it to.

3.) Blogging About Something Relay for Life Related

I’m always up for blogging something RFL related.  But one thing I wanted to mention… I guess some people don’t understand just how close Relay is to my heart.  Some saw my gesture of doing my Finale stylings bald as what it was… an intense, passionate commitment to my cause and honoring a commitment I made to a fundraising goal that was met and exceeded.  Some, however, from what I’m told, called it “grandstanding”… or “pity styling”.  I’ve even heard the word “fraud” thrown around in the same sentence as my name… like all of my fundraising efforts for Relay for Life are fake, I guess?  I don’t really know what they meant, but I have to say… I’m not sure what sort of stuff is going on in your life that you have to insult something that I believe in and am passionate about, but I worry about you, I feel pity for you, and I offer good thoughts for you in hopes that your life gets better so you can stop trying to piss in everyone else’s cheerios.  Not that it’s really anyone’s business… but there’s something I have been wanting to share here, but was with-holding it for fear that people would use more derrogatory terms for me in regards to CoC… but I have offcially started Chemo.  My doctors haven’t had the official “You have cancer,” conversation quite yet… they’re hiding behind the fact that, “We’re treating your condition as if it’s cancerous, to see if the chemo and radiation will slow it down.”  Honestly, I think they’re just trying to be nice and trying to avoid telling a 24 year old anymore bad news than they’ve already had to tell her throughout this whole “what the hell do you have” process.  I think at this point, I can take it… if only they’d sit down and say the words.  But yeah… don’t tell me that I’m a fraud or that my efforts are grandstanding.  Most of you have no idea who I am and how much Relay for Life and the ACS mean to me.

4.) Blogging Something That’s Not Available Yet

Now that that little mini rant is over… I can laugh evilly!  Muahahaha!  That’s right, folks, the tank top and skirt AREN’T RELEASED YET.  Buzzing from Evita, manager of Prism Designs, indicates that it will release sometime this weekend in their Fashion For Life store… so keep a look out!  There’s lots of awesome colors and I’m definitely going to go back and probably end up buying a vast majority of them.  Not going to lie.  I blame the boho mood… and Journey’s impeccable texturing!

The canvas rack again! God I love that thing. But now you can also see the Hanging Art, Sketchbook, Travel Drawers (Stained), Tea Time Teaset, Tea Time Tins, Luggage Bag (Worn), and Luggage Bag (Plaid). Also, the Skybox I’m in is the Paris Loft Skybox RARE from Apple Fall at The Arcade Gacha – June 2014. Can you tell I’ve fallen in love with Apple Fall?

*~* The Third is When Your World Splits Down the Middle… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Sigrid (Januaary; Ginger Brows; Cleavage) – Glance Skins
Eyes: Promise Eyes (Apex) – IKON
Hair: Warrior (Reds) – Spellbound
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier (hands): French Manicure Pastels Set – Nailed It
Teeth: Open Mouth Pro – PXL Creations  (USING PIERCING EXPANSION)
Tank Top: Leah Tank Top (Jungle) – Prism Designs  (to be released @ Fashion For Life)
Panties: Leah Bottoms (Jungle) – Prism Designs  (to be released @ Fashion For Life)
Skirt: Leah Maxi Skirt (Jungle) – Prism Designs  (to be released @ Fashion For Life)
* Please note, this is NOT the exclusive from Prism Designs, just a new release that is making its debut.  Prism Designs’ exclusive(s) will be featured in an upcoming post, so keep a lookout!
Engagement Ring: Devotion Bridal Set – Earthstones  (outer stones color change)

Poses: Various animations from the new RACHEL AO – Vista Animations

Skybox: Apple Fall  @ Arcade Gacha (RARE)
Decor: Apple Fall (@ Arcade Gacha) & WhatNext
* Please see captions below the photos for which items are from where

Location: My Build Platform

Blogging Tune: “Six Degrees of Separation” – The Script