Posted in Life, New Releases, Poetry

Confession .227. And When You Move, I’m Moved…

You are a call to motion
There, all of You, a verb, in perfect view
Like Jonah on the Ocean
When You move, i’m moved…

Confession .227.  And When You Move, I'm Moved...

i would apologize for my absence, but i think y’all are used to my flighty muse by now.  i haven’t forgotten the promise of a second Venom post!  That outfit is still saved… but i need to wait on it for a minute… cause…

Continue reading “Confession .227. And When You Move, I’m Moved…”

Posted in Cosmopolitan, Events, Midnight Madness, The Crossroads, The Thrift Shop, Uber

Confession .25. You Only Call Me When It’s Half Past Five

But You want a little company
And You just really wanna thrill seek
Said You left [her] for good this time
Bullshit, what Your friends do, spill beans?

Confession .25.  You Only Call Me When It's Half Past Five

I’m welcoming sponsors to my nuthouse today!  Both of which I’m SUPER excited about.  One of whom I’ve actually blogged for once since they became a sponsor but I never officially said “Hey, welcome to Tivi’s House of Crazy,” so I figured I’d do that with both today.

Continue reading “Confession .25. You Only Call Me When It’s Half Past Five”

Posted in Uncategorized

I Can Hear The Battle Cry, At War With My Heart And Mind…

Even though all of my fears
And all of my doubts
Are outside my door, ready for war
Right here and now…

BattleCry1FINAL

“I refuse to lose this battle, let whatever come my way.  I am stronger than my rival.  No, I will not fall today.”

It never ceases to amaze me just how much some people will allow themselves to take.

Now, granted, I’m not exactly the poster child for standing up against the bullshit and fighting for what I know I deserve… *laughs*  Those that know me best will tell you that I stick around in bad situations far too long, particularly when it comes to personal, often romantic, relationships.  I guess I’ve been so violently conditioned that everything is my fault, that I simply assume what’s wrong with the relationship is something I can eventually fix, so I stick around trying to fix it.

But a one-sided relationship doesn’t survive very long.

However, one thing I will say for myself… is that I am beginning to /see/ these things when they are happening.  And I am gradually getting to the point where I am refusing to stand for it more often than not.  I am blaming myself less.  I am letting it go and letting it be what it is.  I am owning my portion of what went wrong, while still recognizing that it is not ALL me.  It is not MY fault that my last relationship did not know what he (she) wanted and ran off 2 days after I was released to hide on a slave alt and become collared to someone.  That is not my fault.  That is their own identification crisis that he (she) needs to workout for himself (herself).

((Edit 10/22/15: It’s been brought to my attention that my subject changed, per a usual Tivi, very abruptly and it may not have been noticeable.  The person ABOVE this statement is a different person than the one BELOW it.  Just offering clarity, to be fair to all parties involved.  And continuing to leave names out of it, for fairness as well.  ❤ Tivi ))

What kills me… is when people don’t see it.  When people remain how I used to be.  And they stick around.  Convinced it will get better.  Or they go back after they finally get out… convinced it will be different.  But I have news for you, love… if you keep doing the same things with the same person, you’re going to get the same result.  Nothing is going to change if the two of you don’t change, and if the relationship as a whole doesn’t change.  It’s going to end up the same way it has before.

And I can’t do a damn thing to stop it.  It’s not my relationship.  It’s not my place.

No matter how much I loved him at one time in my life.  No matter how much I care for him as a close friend and confidant (when he lets me… heh).  I can’t stop him from making the same dumbass mistakes with the same horrible human being.  Because ultimately they’re his decisions.  They’re his mistakes to make.  And if he wants to keep making them for the rest of his life and subjecting himself to that… then that’s his choice.

I can only be here to try and help put the pieces back together again when it inevitably blows up… again… like it always does.

To be honest, I really thought this time was the last time.  She did some incredibly horrible things.  Now granted, I thought she’d done some horrible things when he and I were together, after they’d broken up… sending people to harass him… verbally assaulting him on the daily.  Gradually just the assaulting and annoyance turned into outright verbal abuse, questioning his role in their relationship, his manhood, insulting everything that she could manage to find to tear him down.  But this last time, no this last time was the worst.  From what I understand, she outed him to several people.  And I won’t say what, specifically, else that makes me no better than she is, as there are several things it could be… however, I don’t know if I would be able to find it within myself to not only forgive and forget that someone did that to me… but take them back into my life as a “lover, partner, and best friend”.

But maybe that’s just me, and the level of self-respect that I’ve gained in my own growth.

All I know, is that the battle is beginning all over again, it seems.  And so I will stand in his corner, as I have always done.  And I will smile and nod and be happy for him if he is happy, as I have always done.  And when it inevitably falls apart again, I will be there as much as he allows, as I have always done.

And then a month or two later, the volatile cycle will repeat itself, I suppose.

I don’t think this battle will ever end.  He won’t let it.

BattleCry2FINAL

*~* I Can Hear The Battle Cry, At War With My Heart And Mind… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Default Lelutka Stella Head (Artic Tone) || Glam Affair (from Lelutka Head HUD)
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Wight; Verdant Pupil) || IKON || on sale through Oct 31st!
Hair: Hair For Headshawl (from Belly Dancer Mahtab) || Soedara
Head: Stella Head (v1.2) || Lelutka || **new update! 10/20/15**
* Allows for Expression in Photo 2; 3 eye options, 4 eyebrow options, 7 mouth options
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.3) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant 1) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) || Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Falling Leaves Fall French || -{ZOZ}-
Eyeliner Applier: Basic Eyeshadow Applier (Option 1; included w/ Head) || Lelutka
Lipstick Applier: Winterberries Lips || Zibska || Uber
Shawl: Pashmina || Ghee || L$1 Gift from Fall15 Collection!
Sweater: Cable Knit Turtleneck (Persimmon) || Ghee || new from Fall15 Collection!
* Standard/Slink/Maitreya/Omega Appliers; several collar variations
Jeans: Mia Jeans (Midnight) || Blueberry
* Standard/Slink/Maitreya/Freya/Venus/Isis sizes, Regular & Tucked in versions
Heels: Caty Wedges || KC Couture
* Slink High/Maitreya/Belleza/TMP versions
Nosechain: Faust Nose Chain (Gold) || Random.Matter || Uber
Bracelets: Dark Queen Bracelets (some parts hidden) || RealEvil Industries || Seasons Story

Pose (photo 1): Pose200 || -slouch-
Pose (photo 2): Pose136 || -slouch-

Blogging Tune: “Battle Cry” – Jussie Smollett ft. Empire Cast

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Teacher, I Feel The Dots Connecting…

Beat down on me, beat down like a waterfall
Cause I can take on so much more than I had every dreamed
Beat down on me, beat down like a waterfall
Cause baby I am ready to be free…

Invincible2FINAL

I’ve been listening to this song for days.  I’ve also had these pictures edited for days.  Sorry about that.  Lol.

I’m so far behind in things, and I’ll be perfectly honest, I was so focused on that Miss AZUL audition that I kinda put everything else on the backburner.  Designer contacts for a Penumbra event, updates for Makeover Magic, general things for Relay, blogging… all of it went to the back seat for this audition.  And I felt really good about what I did.  I mean, hell, at least my walk was on point.  Whether they liked the styling or the poses, that’s on them.  People are individual, so there’s absolutely no possible way to predict and tailor yourself to anyone and everyone. All I can do at the end of the day is ask myself if /I/ liked what I styled.  And I did.

I’ll post it soon.  Cause I owe a super huge thank you to someone who helped with my jewelry.  😀

But… I dunno.  I guess I played the whole thing up so much in my head.  I was so passionate about it and into it.  And then… I dunno what happened.  I was still so fired up and passionate, even after I saw I didn’t make it.  I was like, “Hell yeah, let’s kill this Public Vote thing, then.”  And then… I watch the same old faces… the same people who do everything else… and I feel powerless to fight it.

There are so many people… as those on my Facebook have probably seen… there are so many friends pulling for me, and I love them all to death.  The amount of love I feel in those people not only taking a moment to vote, but taking a moment to share the link and ask others that may or may not even know who I am, to vote.  Master shared it on His RL Facebook.  Like… the support from my friends is overwhelming.  And it’s amazing.

But support from genuinely caring people isn’t enough to fight the system.

Invincible1FINAL

The system that says you’re either a name or you’re not.  There’s no in between.  And if you’re not, they’ll find SOME way to not let you get anywhere.  I was determined to fight.  I still am.  As much as it exhausts me, I will fight until that poll closes tomorrow.

But I can’t say I’ll be shocked if I’m not one of those final 3 Finalists.  And then what?

Then, I get to sit back and watch the same names in yet another contest.  Some, I will say, are genuinely amazing people.  And those are the ones I will pull for, and hope to do well.  Others, unfortunately, are crown-chasers, looking to add yet another contest to their belt, all while taking opportunities from others who have worked hard to get there just once.

Just once.

Not all of us have people in our corners who will just hand us everything we want without us having to work for it.  Some of us work our asses off for everything we do.  Every opportunity that we come by, is only by the hours… days… weeks… months… years… of tireless effort that we put into everything.

Unfortunately… and I’m pretty sure I’ve said this a lot lately… but I guess that work ethic is rare.  I just never thought watching the same people compete that I’ve been watching for years compete in everything else would be so heartbreaking.

But this time, for some reason, it is.  However, I’ll bounce back from it.  I always do.  I’ve had a lot of practice.  🙂

Invincible3FINAL

*~* Teacher, I Feel The Dots Connecting… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Yolandi (Artic Tone; Makeup 04) || Glam Affair || Summerfest
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) || IKON
Hair: Beach Party (Bodacious Blondes) || Clawtooth || Summerfest
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.3) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Flat) || Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Feria de Abril (Rose) || Nailed It || On9 (site)
Bikini Top: Hello Sailor Top (Coral) || Atomic || Summerfest
Cardigan: Sabra Kimono (Tribal 3) || Maitreya || Summerfest
Jeans: Zipper Skinny Jeans (#6) || Maitreya
Sandals: Mara Flats (Blush; tinted) || Ingenue || Summerfest
Nose Ring: Cihuapilli Nose Ring (Gold) || Soedara
Necklace: Cadwyn Collar (Gold) || A Master’s Eye || We ❤ RP (site)
Bracelet: Anchor Bracelet (Gold) || ieQED || Summerfest
Rings: Marina Ring Set (Gold) || ieQED || Summerfest

Bench: Summer Bench (neutral) || ionic || Summerfest
Curtain: Arrow Curtain (white) || ionic || Summerfest
Wall: Wooden Display || ionic || Summerfest
Picture Frame: Palm Frame || ionic || Summerfest

Location: Home

Blogging Tune: “Invincible” – Kelly Clarkson

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We Can Only Get Brighter…

I’m standin’ in the flames
It’s a beautiful kind of pain
Settin’ fire to yesterday
Find the light, find the light, find the light

BeautifulPain3FINAL

It’s been a crazy ride.  And I have the migraine from hell today, so please forgive me if I’m neither deep nor witty today.  Lol.

Basically I’m super far behind blogging on Penumbra Spring/Summer ’15 Fashion Week stuff, and so I’m trying to sort through everything in my inventory that I’ve been sent or pulled out of the group.  Be prepared to be inundated with awesome things you can continue to get over the next few days.  Be sure to check out the official schedule in one of my recent posts – HERE – to get to the remaining shows for this wonderful event.

Last night I showed you a lingerie set from Supernatural, and I have to admit this was a new store for me.  I hadn’t heard of it before until I was setting up my stall on the Fashion Week sim (Zanze Provocateur is there as a designer as well!  So I’ve been busy!)  and Supernatural is the stall next to me.

When I finished setting up my beachy/boardwalk style stall, I admittedly cammed next door to see what she was working on and saw her ad pictures.  I love taking pieces and throwing them together in ways that may not utilize the whole boxed outfit, but work together for my particular style of dress and also show the work of the designer.  When I saw the Judy outfit, I knew I was going to do that with this vest.  The tunic-style vest originally goes over a bra and panties, but I grabbed it and off I went to create my outfit.

BeautifulPain2FINAL

I admittedly was wearing a pair of my own pants from one of my releases at Penumbra Fashion Week, from my Torrance outfit.  Harem-style pants just looked comfy to me, and with the headache I’ve got, comfy was a must.  At least for pants.

And yessssterday while I was having a conversation with the amazing Kiddo Oh of Dead Dollz, I got tossed a folder.  Of course, getting pretties from Kiddo is always awesome, so my reaction was, “Ooo what’s this?”  And it’s the top she just released at The Fantasy Collective that opened today.

Next stop was Cosmetic fair, cause I’m a slacker… it’s been open for the last 5 days and I just now got there.  Nuuna is one of my favorite avant garde type makeup artists, and when I found that she was selling Lelutka appliers for designs I hadn’t seen yet, it led me back to her store to pick up this new eye makeup that I just LOVE.  Another new designer to me, Moon Amore, was the source of this pretty killer hand tattoo.  To finish everything off, cause I felt naked without a bracelet or shoes or something, I grabbed some of my favorite rings from Formanails and some new anklets from Promagic, an awesome go-to store for most of my footwear needs, since she caters to more than just shoes… and I hate wearing actual shoes 90% of the time.

And thus, here we go.  In my true semi-boho nature, this hair from Truth of course screamed, “You must buy me!”  And the bindi in the center of my forehead was an awesome little find at Cosmetic fair from Kibitz.

I’m sorta super excited with how this all came out… and I like wearing it around.

BeautifulPain1FINAL

*~* We Can Only Get Brighter… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Alice (Lovely Day; Artic Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Celeste (Ligh Blondes) – Truth Hair  **recent release**
Body: Lara Mesh Body (current version 3.3) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Monochrome Set – Nailed It
Eye Makeup: Mya Makeup (Grey) – Nuuna
Teeth: Open Mouth Pro (w/ Piercing) – PXL Creations
Hand Tattoo: 90’s Hand Tattoo – Moon Amore  @ Cosmetic Fair
Top: Missandei Top (Black) – Dead Dollz  @ The Fantasy Collective
Vest: Judy Tunic – Supernatural  @ Penumbra S/S ’15 FW
Pants: Torrance Pants (Black) – Zanze Provocateur  @ Penumbra S/S ’15 FW
Forehead Bindi: Bindi #12 – Kibitz  @ Cosmetic Fair
Nosering: Cihuapilli Nose Piercing – Soedara
Hand Rings: Accessoires Unisex Elegant (Black) – Formanails
Anklets: Girly Anklets (Black) – Promagic

Pose (photo 1): various from Morphine (now closed)
Pose (photo 2): various from Agapee
Pose (photo 3): various from oOo Studio

Location: Salt Water

Blogging Tune: “Beautiful Pain” – Eminem ft. Sia

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Home, Let Me Come Home…

I’ll follow you into the park
Through the jungle, through the dark
Girl, I’ve never loved one like you…

HandInMyPocket1FINAL

More new things!  *Giggles*

In an effort to catch up on some stuff that came through my inventory while I was dealing with holiday stuff and moving, there may be times when I (attempt to) blog multiple outfits in the same post.  Some of you find this to be bad practice, or whatever… but at this point, I’d prefer to make sure that more creations get shown, as opposed to focusing on individual posts for EVERYTHING which will simply burn me out.  Especially at this stage in the game where I’m playing catch-up.

Two of my favourite gowns in my inventory at the moment both come from Kiddo Oh of Dead Dollz, and they were both designed for Miss Virtual World candidates this year.  The first gown I want to show you below, is “Andalusia”, made for Miss Virtual Spain 2015.  The second gown you’ll see is “Tanguera”, made for Miss Virtual Argentina 2015.

Both of these gowns dwell in a color palette of black and red, and both are unique in their own way.  Both are extremely well-crafted, so of COURSE I fell in love with them immediately.

(And then I’ve got Jacob in the background saying, “I really like this dress.  Well, the bottom half.”  LOL.)

HandInMyPocket3FINAL

It was interesting to sit on the sidelines and watch some friends I’d grown close to take their MVW journey without me.  After some incredibly negative experiences in Colour of Couture, I just couldn’t see subjecting myself to MVW when they are now run by the same people.  So I smiled and nodded, wished my CoC sisters, and some other friends, the best of luck on their individual journeys, and watched as the challenges unfolded before my eyes, on Flickr and Facebook.

From a spectator perspective, there were a lot of interesting challenges this year.  Some stylists hit them head-on and went all out with it… and I loved seeing some things that they came up with.  Jamee Sandalwood was one of my favourites to watch, as was Trinity Aironaut.  And Eleseren with the swimwear challenge blew me away.  Then again, I LOVE color, so I was totally biased.  LOL.

Either way, it was fun to just sit back and watch.  Will I ever try to do MVW?  I don’t know. At this point, from where I’m sitting right now, in this moment, no.  I never will.  Because I don’t have enough personal belief in capabilities of the leadership to instill a sense of individuality and creativity among the contestants, as opposed to conformity to some ideal that squashes everything they are as a PERSON.  I can’t get behind that.  I’m sorry, but I can’t.

For right now, I’m just lingering back.  I’m doing Mr&Miss Model International because it compounds on a few ideas that I’ve been looking for in fashion from the very beginning: creativity and individuality are EMBRACED… and FEEDBACK is offered after every challenge.  That is the thing that makes me hold up my pom-poms and scream “Whoo MMI!”  I’ve been dying for feedback for years.  As a dancer it’s crucial.  As a model, I feel it is too.  How do you know how to better prepare for the next casting after you don’t succeed in the last one, if no one gives you CONSTRUCTIVE criticism?

Anyway.  I’m just having fun being me.  And that’s all that matters right now.  I don’t need MVW.

HandInMyPocket2FINAL

*~* Home, Let Me Come Home… *~*

— The Basics (the same for both gowns) —

Shape: MINE
Skin: Amberly II (Jamaica Tone; Makeup Option 02) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Promise Eyes (Apex) – IKON
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Body: Lara Mesh Body v2.1 – Maitreya
Nailcolor Applier: Dark Set (Red) – Nailed It
Eyeshadow: lilumi Eye Shadow (Ignition) – Lovely Disarray
Liptick: Glossy Pout Lipstick (Red; Deep Tone) – Pink Fuel
Earrings: Hoops Earrings Deluxe (Gold) – Soedara
Nosechain: Of The Plains (Gold) – Soedara

— Gown 1 [photo 2] —

Hair: Snowdrift (Redheads) – Tableau Vivant  (former C88 release)
Gown: Andalusia Gown – Dead Dollz
Collar: Junon Collar (Gold) – Skjern Designs

— Gown 2 [photos 1 & 3] —

Hair: Diavolo (Dark Reds) – Vanity Hair
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Gown: Tanguera Gown – Dead Dollz
Ribbon (feet): Ballet Lace – Alterego

Poses: various from Agapee

Location: My home

Blogging Tune: “Home” – Glee Cast

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Don’t Get Me Wrong, Your Eyes Are So Intimidating…

I dont wanna steal Your Freedom
I don’t wanna change Your mind
I don’t have to make You love me
I just want to take Your time…

TakeYourTime1FINAL

Remember what I mentioned about trying out some new post formatting?  Well, get ready for one of the ideas I want to try.  *Giggles*  Are you ready for it?  Hmm?  Are ya?

I realized that, while I talk about dance all the time, I never really SHOW you.  And 90% of you likely wouldn’t feel comfortable going to one of the Gorean events that I dance at, even if it’s Out of Character and completely safe, you’d be totally out of your element.  Soooooo… I decided that I’m going to start recording some of my sequences and blogging them.  I won’t post the emotes… because, well, a lot of my dances are a bit personal.  And while I’m ok posting them in local chat during the time that they’re danced, I’m not terribly certain how fond I am of the idea of them being on the Interwebs in my blog to live in the Cloud somewhere forever.  Lol.

Maybe I’m weird for thinking about it that way.  I don’t know.

BUT, I’ll blog the fun parts… the movements and what I was wearing!  Maybe I’ll tell you a little bit about where I was dancing and why, or what the event/theme was.  But the focus of these dance posts will be the dance itself.

This first sequence I’m choosing to post is one I just recently performed, on January 17th.  The dance exhibition was held at the School of Gorean Dance and it was the “Master Ramius Challenge”, where he challenged the Instructors at the school to get out of the classroom and into the pit.  We were to choose our favourite dance that we’d performed, but I don’t actually have the music to my favourite dance… and it was an edited version that I’m not sure I could re-create without fully re-writing.

So instead, I asked Maia if I could perform a new dance.  She agreed.

And so I wrote one for Jacob.  It was nerve-wracking!  As it always is, performing in front of someone you give a damn about who’s never seen you dance before.  Especially when the dance was written FOR them.  Buuuuuuut… He liked it.  (*Quietly cheers with those who knew how much I was agonizing over this thing*)

Anyway.  I’ve rambled enough.  Here it is.  It was performed to Sam Hunt’s “Take Your Time”.  (For best viewing, click the little wheel settings thing at the bottom and make sure you’re viewing in 720 or 1080.  It was recorded in 1080.)

*~* Don’t Get Me Wrong, Your Eyes Are So Intimidating… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Amberly II (Jamaica Tone; Makeup Option 04) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Promise Eyes (Apex) – IKON
Hair: Driven To Tears (Dark Reds) – Vanity Hair
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Flat) – Slink
Body: Lara Mesh Body v2.1 – Maitreya
Nailcolor Applier: Dark Set (Red) – Nailed It
Scar: Scar Eye (Right; Light) – Soedara
Black Bra&Panties: Lara Lingerie – Maitreya
* These pieces were not a part of the dance, but they were added for modesty, for Youtube and this blog.
Camisk: Provocation (Red) – Haste  @ We ❤ RP
Nosechain: Of the Plains (Gold) – Soedara
Earrings: Hoop Earrings Deluxe (Gold) – Soedara
Collar: Luma’cam Iron Collar – A Master’s Eye  (past FGC release)

Pose: Adriana 2 – KaTink
* This pose was provided in a sponsor gift box for the Mr&Miss Model International Pose Off Challenge.  Thank you so much, Marit!

Pose (in dance): MC003 – agapee
Dance animations were from A&M MOCAP danceworks, 3fx, and Henmations.

Location (of video): My home
Location (of dance): School of Gorean Dance/Dance Gardens of Gor

Blogging Tune: “Take Your Time” – Sam Hunt

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We Were Never Welcome Here…

It’s who we are
Doesn’t matter if we’ve gone too far
Doesn’t matter if it’s all ok
Doesn’t matter if it’s not our day…

Fallen1FINAL

I dunno if you know what a Bushwhacker is… but that’s pretty intense.  You can’t really tell you’re getting drunk, until it actually happens.  Like… seriously.  Thing tastes like a milkshake.  And if my mother hadn’t explained to me that there are SEVERAL types of rum in it, I would’ve never known.  (Well, ok, aside from being carded to order it.)  It doesn’t help that I don’t really drink, so I’m a lightweight when it comes to alcohol of any kind.

But dang.  I was buzzed most of the afternoon.  That was… unpleasant.  I was supposed to be productive this evening.  So much for that.  Maybe it’ll be an early night so I can get up early tomorrow and get some work done.  Working on a couple new releases.

OH!  So I guess that’s something I can officially write about here now, since I’ve put out a release through them officially.  I’m designing for Zanze, specifically the Provocateur line, which is the more risque side of Zanze, though I intend to continue to keep it classy.  I dabble in gowns in my spare time as well, if the mood strikes me.  My first release was a kimono-style gown done in a pastel brocade that I put out on December 31st.  What a hell of a way for me to end 2014 and kickstart 2015.

Aaaaaand I got a super exciting notecard today.  Those of you that watched me stress and agonize for months about the Design N Dance last year, know that I may get to do that again this year!  Dancers normally don’t get to compete twice, but since this year will be the 5th anniversary year, there MAY be the opportunity for girls who didn’t place 1st, 2nd, or 3rd in their year to compete this year.  Since I was 4th last year, that includes me!  I’m totally excited to get more information about that in the coming few months.  I volunteered my time as a designer as well, if any of the girls who compete were having problems coming up with a designer who wants to participate.

Fallen2FINAL

Which leads me to the next thing I wanna talk a bit about.

Sometimes in Gor, as a fundraiser for the sim, people do auctions.  “Date” auction kind of thing, for a certain amount of roleplay time.  That roleplay doesn’t go towards your ultimate storyline… so that no one’s character development gets messed up by an auction, and also so people can’t do something like win your auction to kill off your character.  BUT, some of us have chosen to do other things than just the typical “RP date” thing.

My auction offering is a bit different than the traditional.  I’m not opposed to a bit of rp with it too, but ultimately what I’m offering is…

— 1 custom outfit made for you and given to ONE friend of your choosing.  This outfit in this form will NEVER be sold, so you and the one friend will be the only owners of this version.  Now, depending on the outfit, it may be recolored and sold in other versions, but that would be discussed whenever the situation comes up.  No one else will be able to buy the custom version made for the auction winner and their friend.

At the moment, I am not far enough along with Maya and 3dsMax to make an original mesh outfit, but I can still make something pretty kick-ass with what’s at my disposal.

After the auction ends, I will sit down with the winner and discuss things… what sort of outfit they’re looking for, their favourite colors, patterns, etc etc.  I’m open to males or females at this point, Gorean and non-Gorean.  I’d just like to help the sim I call my home. 🙂

The auction ends February 1st at Noon SLT.  You can find my board on the platform HERE.  (It’s an out of character platform, so don’t worry about what attire you’re wearing or about the fact that it’s on a Gorean sim.  It’s up in the air very much away from any roleplay.  You’re perfectly safe.)  You’ll find my board on the bottom row labeled with my name “Tiviyah Resident” and one of my more recent, mostly black and white pictures.

Happy bidding!

Fallen3FINAL

*~* We Were Never Welcome Here… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Artemis (Asia Tone; Makeup Option 04) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Frostbite; Natural Pupil Option) – IKON
Hair: Minerva (Reds) – Truth  @ Uber
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Flat) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: French Manicure (Pastels) – Nailed It
Teeth: Open Mouth Pro (with piercing expansion) – PXL
Blush: Lillith Fair (Freckle Blush Only) – Madrid Solo
Eyeshadow: lilumi Eye Shadow (Blurring) – Lovely Disarray
Shirt: Pashmina Top (Blossom) – On A Lark
Skirt: Pashmina Skirt (Blossom) – On A Lark
Headpiece: Isabella Headpiece (Sand/Gold) – Eudora 3D  @ Uber
Eye Piercings: Cihuapilli Face Jewels Sidh Humble (Gold; modified) – Soedara
Nose Ring: Cihuapilli Nose Piercing (Gold) – Soedara
Necklace: Zephyrine Necklace – Zibska  @ We ❤ RP
Bracers: Viking Bracers (Bronze) – The Forge
Hand/Feet Coins: Mecca Hand & Foot Coins – On A Lark

Poses: My Runway 6, 12, 25 – KaTink
* Poses were from a sponsored gift box for Mr&Miss Model International from the Pose Off Challenge.  Thank you, Marit!

Location: Salt Water

Blogging Tune: “Who We Are” – Imagine Dragons

Posted in Uncategorized

Held Between Heaven And Hell, As They’re Dancing…

(Featuring designs by Finesmith, EMO-tions, Izzie’s, Soedara, and many more…)

God and His priests and His kings
All were waiting
All will wait
As they go over

Held Between Heaven and Hell
As they’re dancing
As they dance
Over and Over

Held Between Heaven and Hell

You know I normally do more than one picture per post… trying to get close-ups, full body’s, etc… unfortunately this is the only picture for this post.  I’m still getting back into the swing of things and have a black-log of things I need to blog.  The past 2 months have been really hectic, both in RL and in SL, and so I apologize in retrospect (hindsight is always 20/20, right?) for being gone for so long.  Hopefully in the next few days I’ll be bringing you The Garage Designer Fair in review, as I missed most of its running.  That pesky thing called RL work… and sickness… and then the Owner of A&M STILL being on vacation to an unknown date… RL and SL have both kicked my ass.

But I’m back!  Muahaha!

Unfortunately, I’m not too thrilled with this shot that I did Monday night for the Finesmith Muse, June casting, but my dislike has nothing to do with any of the items… simply in my ability to edit this shot the way I wanted to.

In order to get this look, I picked apart an old look of mine… you’ll find it in a past post of mine… in order to find something to compliment the gorgeous jewelry I picked up from Finesmith.  Photo editing aside, I hope that Yula finds my photo and blog post to do this particular set justice.  🙂

For those that may not know, I’ve had this obsession with Africa and African culture, particularly Zimbabwe and the surrounding regions.  I actually came across my idea for the Finesmith Muse casting as it is the same sort of idea that I’m using for a dance I’m competing with on the 1st.  The dance and the styling are based around this proverb:

“Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.  It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion, or it will be killed.  Every morning, a lion wakes up.  It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle, or it will starve to death.  It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.  When the sun comes up, you better start running.”  — African Proverb

I went on to say, in the notecard, where Yula asked us to write her a short story, anything we wished:

“This… that proverb.  That is who I am.  In some situations, I am the lion.  In others, I am the gazelle.  Sometimes, it’s eat or be eaten.  But most of the time, we’re all just fighting to survive.  Most of us don’t truly mean animosity towards each other… it’s just a means of survival and a misinterpretation of what it means to be ‘fierce’.  Me?  I’m fierce.  I am not cut-throat, I am not petty, I do not sabotage other models, I do not take joy in seeing other models fail.  I am just fierce in my pursuit of what I want, and I will not be satisfied in my attempts at achieving it unless I can look back on all my work and say, ‘I did the absolute best that I could do.  There is nothing more I could have done.  Others were simply more suited than I, and that is ok.'”

And honestly, regardless of what some out there may think of me because of what they’ve heard… or what they’ve read… or what someone who knows someone who knows someone who may have read something I wrote that one time when they were high and bored off their asses… I really am the way I claim to be.

I am not cut-throat.  I used to be… oh lord, did I used to be!  When I first began dancing competitively, I was one of the most cut-throat people I’d ever met.  I never sabotaged anyone… and in fact I was the victim of sabotage not once, but twice… but I was still an extremely cut-throat person.  If I did not do as well in a competition as I believed I should have, I was after those judges.  I wanted to know WHY.  Sure, my intentions were good… I wanted to improve for the next time… but my vehement pursuit of the answer to the question “Why?” or “Why not?” as the case my be, became a rather unhealthy obsession to tailor my dancing to whatever those judges wanted it to be.  After awhile, my dances weren’t “me” anymore, and I quit dancing for about 6 or 7 months.  I will just now be stepping back into the competition scene on June 1st.  The last time I competed was back at the end of October.  But I am a much different person now than I was then, and my dances reflect that, I believe.

I am not petty.  In fact, I’m probably the opposite of petty.  I call out people who are being petty.  Lol.  Example, a few people decided it would be a good idea to accuse a friend of mine of ‘stealing’ a dance from another dancer, in an attempt to get her disqualified from the competition she danced in and, ultimately, tarnish her reputation in the dance community.  That’s pretty low and petty, wouldn’t you say?  I admit I participated in the situation, in that I stood up (and stood up HARD, mind you) for my friend and defended her… but that’s only because I won’t stand to watch people try and muddy the reputation of a good girl who just loves to dance.  You can compete for the prizes all you want to and that’s just fine and dandy, but don’t try to ruin the others who do it because they love it.

I do not sabotage other models.  I know people that will pull the whole “Well I don’t have time to help you,” card… or ones that will not give you a second opinion if they’re going to the same casting.  They don’t want to “help” the competition.  Fortunately for me, I graduated from Amici, where we are taught to be a family and help those who need it.  I know I always have an Amici family to give me an honest opinion, regardless if any of us are casting in the same thing or not.  Those other models are not your ‘competition’.  They are you family.  Embrace them while you have them, because the more you push them away, the less you have when it counts.

I do not take joy in watching other models fail.  I am happy when I succeed in something that I wanted.  But at the same time, I tend to feel bad about being happy when I realize that other people who wanted the same thing, did not get it.  For example, a couple of weeks ago, I did the open casting for the FMU modeling agency, as did a friend of mine.  We both worked hard, we both rocked it, we both did our best.  I made it in, my friend did not.  I was happy about making it in, however, I felt bad about being happy because my friend was discouraged.  However, she went to the second casting they held this past weekend… but she did not make it again.  So, again, I feel bad about being happy, because I cannot share that joy with one of my closest friends.  Maybe that makes me overly-sensitive… but it’s just the way I am.

*~* Held Between Heaven And Hell, As They’re Dancing *~*

Shape: MINE!
Skin: Holly Skin Fair – Izzie’s
Eyes: Lovers eye (Raven) – the Skinnery (MESH)
Eye Makeup: Insanity Plea (Gold) – Madrid Solo
Eyelashes: My Perfect Lashes – DAMNED Bodyshop
Lipstick: Insanity Plea (Gold) – Madrid Solo
Body Paint: War Paint (tintable) – YaYo
Hair: *insert name of hair here* – EMO-tions
Headpiece/Necklace: Kirin’s Poem (black) – Finesmith
Tassels: Nubian Divinity – Soedara

Posted in Uncategorized

Lies, Disguises, and Hoops They Make You Jump Through…

(Featuring designs by Soedara, Emo-tions, Madrid Solo, and a few others; photographed on the gorgeous Bellydance Oasis sim.)
 
(I look so different to myself!  More info below…)
 
So, as those of you who are either my friends or have followed the pageant know, I did not make semi-finals.  I worked my ass off during prelims and the nearly two months prior, I gave it my all, and it was not enough.  Is this a disappointing realization?  Yeah.  But no one likes being told their best isn’t good enough, and there was some stiff competition.  I love all the ladies that were competing and I know that Miss Metaverse is going to find a wonderful face of its pageants.
To add to that disappointment, a bit more drama flew my way at the hands of those who cannot seem to understand and respect a simple request.  I mean, really… is it too much to ask to want 3 days to yourself?  I didn’t have pageantry business to worry about, I had the weekend off of work (which I NEVER have, btw) and so I was taking some time to enjoy myself doing the things that *I* like to do.  At the time the drama transpired I was actually in Gor… which is something I haven’t had the time to do in a long time… roleplaying… which is also something I haven’t had the time to do in a long time… and celebrating Kajrualia with a few of my closest friends.  For those that don’t know, Kajuralia is a Gorean holiday in the books where a LOT of tolerance was given to slaves, and they could do much of what they pleased, within reason. Our roleplay centered in the Tavern… so I’m sure you could only imagine the things we were getting up to.  But was I able to truly enjoy it?  For awhile, yes.  But damn… when I have an auto response up that expresses a simple wish to be left alone for the weekend, you’d THINK people could understand and respect that, yes?
Clearly not.
Anyway.  So needless to say it’s been a hell of a weekend.
Being the workaholic that I am, I couldn’t resist peeking into the designer behind Soedara (Marbella Provonost)’s IMs and asking if, after the weekend, she had any projects for me.  She doesn’t have staff exactly, but I do odd jobs for her when she needs me to, like research projects.  *Giggles*  She comes back with, “Actually, yes, I do.  It’s a pain in the ass.”
Now keep in mind, the last project I did for this woman was researching vendors and how many ways you could build a clothing rack and sell items from a prim with the texture on it… without putting the ACTUAL texture on it so copybotters couldn’t steal it.  So when she tells me that something is a “pain in the ass”, I’m expecting a similar project.
Instead, she says she wants me to “parade around” in an outfit today and tells me to pick a color.  Given a heart to heart I had with Sequoia Nightfire (more on that in a moment), I chose black, as my skin is darker now.  Where I think I’m getting a pain in the ass project, instead, I get passed this gorgeous outfit.
(I think the only thing “pain in the ass” about this is the person wearing it.  *Grins*)
 
Now, I mentioned earlier having a heart to heart with Sequoia Nightfire.  A pageant that I’ve been hearing talked about for quite some time, given that the Dazzlers perform for it (I believe) is Colour of Couture. I ‘d not heard much more about it until registration opened up, so I went to take a peek.  I think it is truly awesome what these women are doing.  This pageant is directed specifically for women who portray women of color in Second Life, from a list of specified regions.
Depending on how long you’ve known me, if you know me at all, you may know that I played a mamba in Gor for YEARS, where I used the dark skin I’m wearing in these pictures.  Essentially, to understand what a mamba is, culturally, think… tribal cultures in Africa… and then stereotype them to be cannibals.  That is what I roleplayed.  A fierce, vicious woman who normally couldn’t speak the language that those around her were speaking.  It was amazingly fun, and honestly… I identified more with my personality in Gor than I did outside of Gor just trying to “be myself”.
I am not a woman of color in RL.  But ever since I was young I’ve been FASCINATED with the culture in Zimbabwe.  I was a puppeteer in a puppetry ministry in church when I was a preteen, and when our adult leader’s daughter became a missionary to Zimbabwe, our group actually handmade about 3 or 4 puppets that were meant to be culturally African, and sent them with her to take to the children down there for something to play with and teach with.  Ever since then, I’ve been hooked.
In speaking with Sequoia, I told her about how I used to represent myself in SL, and about how I allowed people in modeling academies when I began modeling to convince me that a pale skin was more “right” for modeling… she urged me, rather simply, to consider that which I love.  And if I truly loved it, then to represent myself how I wish, and live as that culture that I relate to and love.  I’m trying my best to take her advice to heart.  I may not be able to live it in RL, but the beauty of SL is that I can live it if I feel like it.
So if you see me around SL all dark again, know that I am once more truly myself.  I honestly can’t believe that I allowed myself to lose sight of myself for that long… and I can actually thank the Miss Metaverse pageant for allowing me to rediscover who I am.  When I walked out on that runway for the “Me” walk category, in that dark skin and tribal styling… I felt more myself than I ever had since before I began modeling.
And I’ll never lose that bit of myself again.
*~* Lies, Disguises, and Hoops They Make You Jump Through *~*
Shape: My Personal Shape
Skin: Bean[Dark] Pout – Brat 1: Curio
Eyes: JABU Eyes – Green: -DAMNED-
Hair: *RUTH* Black (worn with hairbase): EMO-tions
Makeup (Eyes&Lips): Insanity Plea – Gold: Madrid Solo
Makeup (Blush): Cleo 2 – Blush Only: Madrid Solo
Outfit (all jewelry & piercings included, except earrings): Nubian Divinity Night Creature: Soedara *~* mesh included *~*
Headpiece: Nubian Divinity Headdress Stones Adorned: Soedara
Earrings: 3-Hoop Earrings in Radiant Gold: Misha Fine Jewelry
Feet (not pictured): “Feet”: N-Core

P.S. SURPRISE Soadara!  I blogged it.  😛