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You Watch Me Bleed Until I Can’t Breathe…

Just like a moth drawn to the flame
Oh, you lured me in, I couldn’t sense the pain
Your bitter heart, cold to the touch
Now I’m gonna reap what I sow
I’m left seein’ red, on my own…

Stitches3FINAL

“Needle and thread, gotta get you outta my head.  Needle and thread, gonna wind up dead.”

I’m not even going to apologize anymore.  LOL.  This series is fun.  And this book is my latest obsession.  #SorryNotSorry.  😛

But seriously, though… this book is worth the investment.  My hardback was USD$18.  Best $18 I ever spent.

awhile, adv.

I love the vagueness of words that involve time.
It took him awhile to come back — it could be a matter of minutes or hours, days or years.
It is easy for me to say it took me awhile to know.  That is about as accurate as I can get.  There were sneak previews of knowing, for sure.  Instances that made me feel, oh, this could be right.  But the moment I shifted from a hope that needed to be proven to a certainty that would be continually challenged?  There’s no pinpointing that.
Perhaps it never happened.  Perhaps it happened while I was asleep.  Most likely, there’s no signal event.  There’s just the steady accumulation of awhile.

— “The Lover’s Dictionary” by David Levithan

Stitches1FINAL

awhile, adv.

My sense of time is all sorts of convoluted.  And maybe that’s because when you’re in an environment like SL, it’s more socially acceptable to spent mass quantities of time with people at once.  Depending on your RL situation, I have heard of several situations in which SL lovers have spent 8 hours together in one sitting.

I’ve done that myself.

In RL… that might be a little weird to see.  An 8-hour date.  Especially within the first month or so, when you’re still getting to know each other.  I mean, how would you keep each other entertained? Would you really sit in the restaurant for 8 hours?  Would you sit in the movie theater parking lot for an additional 6 hours after a 2 hour movie?  Would you spend 8 hours walking around a park?  Could you find 8 hours worth of conversation with the pressures of social convention of actually being in public physically around other people, rather than in a simply IM box/Skype call?

I found myself saying to him the first time we disagreed about something (Well, something that wasn’t The Walking Dead, anyway)… anyway, I found myself saying, “You should know me well enough to know that if I tell you xyz, then I meant xyz.”  And he brought up that I mentioned that, when in reality, while it might /feel/ like a long time, he disappeared for awhile, and even since we’ve begun talking again, we spend large chunks of time together, but we still haven’t known each other all that long.

It just feels longer.

And maybe that’s also because we started in this weird situation where there were few, if any, walls between us.  Conversing just came naturally, as did trusting each other.  He would say, “Tell me a secret,” and my mind immediately tried to think of something I’d never told anyone… without questioning whether I could trust him with that secret.  I just… knew I could.  I didn’t know why I knew I could.  I just knew I could.

Maybe this is what ‘awhile’ means… and why it’s so vague.  Trying to qualify how well you know someone by the quantity of hours, minutes… days… weeks… months… years… you’ve spent with them, talking to them, knowing them… sometimes can be deceiving.  I can talk to someone for hours, but how much I know is dependent upon the depth of the conversation.

So how long have I known Him?  Awhile.  How long have I felt pulled towards Him?  Awhile.  How long do I hope this feeling lasts?  Awhile.  🙂

Stitches2FINAL

*~* You Watch Me Bleed Until I Can’t Breathe… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Chrissy Applier for Lelutka Head (Ivory Tone) || Swallow
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Wight; Natural Pupil) || IKON
Hair: Lucrecia (Gingers) || Truth Hair
Head: Stella Head (v1.3) || Lelutka
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Glitter Silver Set (Black) || Nailed It
Eyeshadow Applier: Smokey Eyes (Black) || Arise
Lipstick Applier: Winterberries Lips || Zibska
Dress: Melon Collie Dress (Grey) || Vinyl || Uber || new release!
* Sizes XXS-L/Maitreya/Slink/Isis/Freya included; Hud to change Top & Slip Color
Shoes: Nikko Sneakers || Pure Poison || Uber || new release!
* Fitted for Standard avi/Freya/Isis&Venus/Maitreya/Slink/TMP versions included; Color HUD
Septum Piercing: Dark Queen Septum Ring (P6) || RealEvil Industries
Necklace: Jezebel’s Body Chains (Black) || The Forge || Uber || new release!
Rings: Persephone Rings (Obsidian) || ieQED
Tattoo: Midnight In Paris || White Widow
* Belleza/Maitreya/Slink/Omega/TMP/Slink/Sking Brazilia Doll versions; NO standard layer

Bench (photo 2): Living Rose Arbor Bench || meadowWorks
Pumpkins (photo 2): Pumpkin Mix 2015 || Dysfunctionality
*Comes in group (pictured left) & several single pumpkins (like cat-face shown on bench)
Tree Hat Stand (photo 2): Gnarled Tree Stand With Hats || Dysfunctionality || new release!*
* Won with “Hocus Pocus”.  TP to the mainstore and say “Hocus Pocus” to the chest.  If you win, congratulations!  If you don’t, you can try again in 24 hours.  If you get impatient, you can purchase the set for L$50.  Hocus Pocus began 10/30 and runs for 10 days!
* Comes with Tree Stand With Hats, Without Hats, and Wearable Hat!

Pose (photo 1): moody_eight || oOo Studios
Pose (photo 3): pose 234 || -slouch-

Location: Duet

Blogging Tune: “Stitches” (Acoustic) – Shawn Mendes & Hailee Steinfeld

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I Can Hear The Battle Cry, At War With My Heart And Mind…

Even though all of my fears
And all of my doubts
Are outside my door, ready for war
Right here and now…

BattleCry1FINAL

“I refuse to lose this battle, let whatever come my way.  I am stronger than my rival.  No, I will not fall today.”

It never ceases to amaze me just how much some people will allow themselves to take.

Now, granted, I’m not exactly the poster child for standing up against the bullshit and fighting for what I know I deserve… *laughs*  Those that know me best will tell you that I stick around in bad situations far too long, particularly when it comes to personal, often romantic, relationships.  I guess I’ve been so violently conditioned that everything is my fault, that I simply assume what’s wrong with the relationship is something I can eventually fix, so I stick around trying to fix it.

But a one-sided relationship doesn’t survive very long.

However, one thing I will say for myself… is that I am beginning to /see/ these things when they are happening.  And I am gradually getting to the point where I am refusing to stand for it more often than not.  I am blaming myself less.  I am letting it go and letting it be what it is.  I am owning my portion of what went wrong, while still recognizing that it is not ALL me.  It is not MY fault that my last relationship did not know what he (she) wanted and ran off 2 days after I was released to hide on a slave alt and become collared to someone.  That is not my fault.  That is their own identification crisis that he (she) needs to workout for himself (herself).

((Edit 10/22/15: It’s been brought to my attention that my subject changed, per a usual Tivi, very abruptly and it may not have been noticeable.  The person ABOVE this statement is a different person than the one BELOW it.  Just offering clarity, to be fair to all parties involved.  And continuing to leave names out of it, for fairness as well.  ❤ Tivi ))

What kills me… is when people don’t see it.  When people remain how I used to be.  And they stick around.  Convinced it will get better.  Or they go back after they finally get out… convinced it will be different.  But I have news for you, love… if you keep doing the same things with the same person, you’re going to get the same result.  Nothing is going to change if the two of you don’t change, and if the relationship as a whole doesn’t change.  It’s going to end up the same way it has before.

And I can’t do a damn thing to stop it.  It’s not my relationship.  It’s not my place.

No matter how much I loved him at one time in my life.  No matter how much I care for him as a close friend and confidant (when he lets me… heh).  I can’t stop him from making the same dumbass mistakes with the same horrible human being.  Because ultimately they’re his decisions.  They’re his mistakes to make.  And if he wants to keep making them for the rest of his life and subjecting himself to that… then that’s his choice.

I can only be here to try and help put the pieces back together again when it inevitably blows up… again… like it always does.

To be honest, I really thought this time was the last time.  She did some incredibly horrible things.  Now granted, I thought she’d done some horrible things when he and I were together, after they’d broken up… sending people to harass him… verbally assaulting him on the daily.  Gradually just the assaulting and annoyance turned into outright verbal abuse, questioning his role in their relationship, his manhood, insulting everything that she could manage to find to tear him down.  But this last time, no this last time was the worst.  From what I understand, she outed him to several people.  And I won’t say what, specifically, else that makes me no better than she is, as there are several things it could be… however, I don’t know if I would be able to find it within myself to not only forgive and forget that someone did that to me… but take them back into my life as a “lover, partner, and best friend”.

But maybe that’s just me, and the level of self-respect that I’ve gained in my own growth.

All I know, is that the battle is beginning all over again, it seems.  And so I will stand in his corner, as I have always done.  And I will smile and nod and be happy for him if he is happy, as I have always done.  And when it inevitably falls apart again, I will be there as much as he allows, as I have always done.

And then a month or two later, the volatile cycle will repeat itself, I suppose.

I don’t think this battle will ever end.  He won’t let it.

BattleCry2FINAL

*~* I Can Hear The Battle Cry, At War With My Heart And Mind… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Default Lelutka Stella Head (Artic Tone) || Glam Affair (from Lelutka Head HUD)
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Wight; Verdant Pupil) || IKON || on sale through Oct 31st!
Hair: Hair For Headshawl (from Belly Dancer Mahtab) || Soedara
Head: Stella Head (v1.2) || Lelutka || **new update! 10/20/15**
* Allows for Expression in Photo 2; 3 eye options, 4 eyebrow options, 7 mouth options
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.3) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant 1) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) || Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Falling Leaves Fall French || -{ZOZ}-
Eyeliner Applier: Basic Eyeshadow Applier (Option 1; included w/ Head) || Lelutka
Lipstick Applier: Winterberries Lips || Zibska || Uber
Shawl: Pashmina || Ghee || L$1 Gift from Fall15 Collection!
Sweater: Cable Knit Turtleneck (Persimmon) || Ghee || new from Fall15 Collection!
* Standard/Slink/Maitreya/Omega Appliers; several collar variations
Jeans: Mia Jeans (Midnight) || Blueberry
* Standard/Slink/Maitreya/Freya/Venus/Isis sizes, Regular & Tucked in versions
Heels: Caty Wedges || KC Couture
* Slink High/Maitreya/Belleza/TMP versions
Nosechain: Faust Nose Chain (Gold) || Random.Matter || Uber
Bracelets: Dark Queen Bracelets (some parts hidden) || RealEvil Industries || Seasons Story

Pose (photo 1): Pose200 || -slouch-
Pose (photo 2): Pose136 || -slouch-

Blogging Tune: “Battle Cry” – Jussie Smollett ft. Empire Cast

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Tough Girl, Whose Soul Aches…

I may cry, ruining my makeup
Wash away all the things you’ve taken
And I don’t care if I don’t look pretty
Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking

BigGirlsCry2FINAL

I still can’t really look at wedding dresses the same.  That eludes to a post I made, gods, what, a year ago or something now?  Maybe more?  The most GORGEOUS dress from Romance Couture that I was going to use for my SL wedding.  Reader’s Digest version?  It went to hell.  Lol.  As most things do.

So imagine my bittersweet reaction when I heard the finale show for Penumbra Spring/Summer ’15 Fashion Week was going to be a bridal show.  I wasn’t sure if I was mentally prepared to be inundated with bridal dresses/jewelry/shoes/creations, no matter how wonderful the designers were.  Needless to say, I’m a sensitive person, and it takes a long time for my heart to let go of things that hurt me deeply… so even now, a year or more later, it still hurts, in the back of my heart… that pang of, “Ouch… this kinda sucks,” is still present.

BUT I had to show this dress from Lyrical Bizarre, because even though it’s white and designed to be featured in the finale bridal show for Fashion Week, it can be used for so many other occasions in which white would be appropriate… like a white party, especially a formal white party.

I remember my first white party.  It was one that Edi and Rico had hosted back when they formed this huge group of us that wanted to be social and have regular get-togethers within SL.  I… admittedly don’t remember the name of the group of us, but we had a physical in-world group and everything.  And I’m pretty sure it was our first party that they threw for all of us, it was a white party.

I was with Wylder at the time (again – and ‘ouch’ moment…) and I remember him being gripey and grumbly at trying to find something white to wear that he liked.  “Why do we even have to wear white anyway?”  “Because it’s a white party… that’s the whole point?”  We often didn’t see eye to eye on stuff like this.  Then again, I guess I haven’t really seen eye to eye with most anyone I’ve been with.

At first I thought that was a good thing… unique perspectives.  But it doesn’t seem to be proving to be that great in the long run.

BigGirlsCry3FINAL

Those of you that have known me as a blogger for ANY length of time know that I have a – sometimes unhealthy – obsession with both Nuuna and Madrid Solo Cosmetics.  And today, well, today is no exception, really.  It didn’t want something ‘typical’ and ‘subtle’ that a bride might normally want.  And of course, the lines in the song that I’m using today that stuck out to me the most were, “I may cry and ruin my makeup,” and “I don’t care if I don’t look pretty.”

Now, I happen to find all the makeup pieces I used today very pretty.  But the look when combining them was enough to give it that quality that kinda makes you tip your head to one side and stare for a moment to understand it.  That’s what I endeavor to do most of the time when I style.  You’ll get it… hopefully… but it’ll take a moment of thinking before you get it.

Mentally engaging styling.  Elements of avant garde are usually present, even if the whole style itself isn’t avant garde.  That’s just me, that’s who I am.  That’s the image I’ve made for myself.  And I worked damn hard to do that… to get to where I am.

Apparently nowadays hard work is over-rated.  But I’m going to keep doing it.  Maybe I’m crazy.  But I have this sense of responsibility to work my ass off to achieve the things I want the most in life.

Apparently this work ethic is rare?

BigGirlsCry1FINAL

*~* Tough Girl, Whose Soul Aches… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Alice (Lovely Day; Artic Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Beans (no bow version; Hud 01) – Magika Hair
Body: Lara Mesh Body (current version 3.3) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Spring Mesh (water) – Nailed It  **recent release**
White Eyemakeup: Iza Makeup (White) – Nuuna
Right-side Mask: Avion (Silver) – Madrid Solo
Teeth: Open Mouth Pro (w/ Piercing) – PXL Creations
Lipstick: Bubble Gloss (The Nudes pack; Salty Nude) – Madrid Solo
Gown: Lure – Lyrical Bizarre Templates @ Penumbra S/S ’15 FW
Necklace: Arabella Wild Pearls – Maxi Gossamer
Anklets: Rebel Anklets (Silver) – Promagic

Pose (photo 1): Various from slouch poses
Pose (photo 2): Various from PosESioN
Pose (photo 3): Rachel AO from Vista Animations

Location: Salt Water

Blogging Tune: “Big Girls Cry” – Sia

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We’re All Wasted…

And he’s 18 and couldn’t wait to move out
His parents wonder what all the rush is about
They never bothered with his dreams, only thinking of theirs
Wonders why he doesn’t call and why he doesn’t care…

Wasted2FINAL

So… I had an entirely different post here.  But it occurs to me (after consulting with someone who seems to be my mental filter lately) that it would likely make the situation we’re going through about ten times worse.  Soooo that post got deleted, and here’s something more happy!

Sometimes, life seems like nothing but one shit-storm after another.  And I’m the first person to attest to that.  I am living, breathing, sometimes drinking proof that sometimes the storm just doesn’t end.  The last year and a half or so?  I’d be thoroughly appreciative if none of it had ever happened (besides finally relocating to Orange Beach and starting my new job this week) and if things would’ve played out much differently.

I’d thoroughly appreciate still having both of my grandparents.  I’d even appreciate still having my father.  Having that time that we never got to fix things neither of us cared enough about to work on.

But sometimes, life just doesn’t deal you the hand you think you deserve.

And you know… I’m a believer in karma.  So perhaps some of the shit I’ve done that I’m not proud of finally caught up to me over the last year and a half and karma just decided to dump her Hurricane on me all at once.  I’ll never know.

Wait, I promised this would be happier… Um.

The good news?  If it was indeed karma ganging up on me, then things should start to look up from here.  They’ve already begun.  I have a Family… an amazing Master and Huntress who care for me and have never given up on me for as long as I’ve known them, each in their own individual way, and even moreso now that I belong to Them.  I have an RL job that I love… for the most part… even if I’m only 4 days into training.  And I even made a fantastic first impression on the center Ops Director, pretty much securing myself a Supervisor position after my required 6 months on the floor, if I want it and if my metrics measure up to the potential I’m showing in training.

The moral of this post?  There are always good things that come from the bad.  You just might have a LOT of the bad first.  But I thoroughly believe the universe balances itself out eventually.  So sometime in the future, I should continue to have a LOT of good.  🙂

Wasted1FINAL

*~* We’re All Wasted… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Amberly (Lovely Day; Asia Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair  @ C88
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Armelle (Gingers; version with hat) – Truth Hair  @ Uber
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.0) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Monochrome Set (Monochrome Black) – Nailed It  @ On9
Eye Shadow: Seductress (Silver Eye) – Madrid Solo
Lipstick: Melancholy Lip (Silver) – Madrid Solo
Top & Pants: Meringue Aqua & Black – Sascha’s Designs  @ Fashion For Change
Heels: Aretha Heels (Pastels) – PurpleMoon  @ Fashion For Change
Necklace: Ekstrax Necklace (Silver; Short) – LUXE  @ Uber

Poses: Pose147 & Pose200 – slouch Poses

Location: Home

Blogging Tune: “Wasted” – Cartel

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Hope If Everybody Runs, You Choose To Stay…

I did it all!
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone
I swear, I lived!

ILived3FINAL

I promise you, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried…

Some of you know that I started a new job on the 6th, working in a call center about an hour from where I live.  So, because I live in one state and work in another, and work so far from home, it’s not like my training class is full of people that I know/have met.

That comes into play later in this story, I promise.

Some of you also know that I dislike dealing face to face with people.  Social anxiety takes over, the smallest things irritate me, and I become even more of a frigid bitch than I am normally.  (Shocker, I know!)  I can sit there and do customer service work over the phone all day long and never bat an eyelash, but being in the same room with all these clashing, strong personalities for 7 hours a day the last two days has been exhausting.

But yeah… back to my socially awkward in-person people skills.

Monday, we did a “Human Scavenger Hunt”, and I’m sure most of you have done one before, if you’ve ever been in a group situation that loved icebreakers.  We had a list of things… small, piddly things…. “wears glasses”, “is left handed”, etc etc.  And the goal was to walk around the room, get to know our class, and have someone sign something that fit them.  You could only sign someone’s paper once.  So, for example, I couldn’t sign under “wears glasses” AND “does volunteer work” on the same person’s paper.  It was meant as a “get to know you” thing.

Well someone in my class who seems about as socially awkward as I am sometimes, came up to me and the first words out of his mouth were, “I think I neeeeed you.”  (Remember, I type/spell how I – or, in this case, others – talk.)  Me trying to be smooth, or something even remotely resembling ‘cool’, responded with, “You neeeeed me, huh?  Whatchu need me for?”  We both laughed, I signed his paper for being left-handed (I’m ambidextrous), and i went on my way.

Then for the last two days, homeboy’s been staring at me.

And tonight… get this.  I live AN HOUR AWAY from where I work.  Homeboy FOLLOWED ME HOME tonight, got out his car when I got home, and said, “Girl, I just had to follow you home and let you know how into you I am.”

Um… I’m flattered, but you creepin’ me out.  Can you please leave?

Methinks it will be an early morning to hang out at the Orange Beach police department and figure out what can be done, protective order-wise, when I do have to work with him.

I promise there’s a point to this story.

ILived1FINAL

There are some women, in some countries, that don’t have the liberty that I do.  To be able to wake up in the morning, talk to my local police department, and have something done about this issue, no matter how small or isolated it may or may not do.

In fact, there are some women, in some countries, who would kill to trade places with me.  They only WISHED that having a mostly-sweet, semi-attractive man follow her home an hour from her workplace to tell her he was into her after knowing her less than 48 hours… they only WISHED that was the worst they had to deal with.

I’m lucky.  We’re lucky.  Those that have the ability and the means provided by our respective societies to take these matters into our own hands and have them dealt with appropriately.

Not all women have that.  And every woman deserves that choice.  That security.

Womankind Worldwide is a UK-based charity that does work internationally… working to give women a stronger voice in their own societies, fighting violence against them and girls, and working to generally promote women’s rights as a whole.  As a woman, even in a country that ultimately has a pretty strong women’s rights movement already, I feel we are all personally impacted in some way by the work that this charity does.  And it appears several people agree!

One of the most prominent is our current reigning Miss Virtual World, Eleseren Brianna.  This weekend opens her fundraiser, Fashion For Change, raising funds to support the amazing work of Womankind Worldwide.  Over the next several blog posts – now that my hard drive is reformatted and I have Photoshop back temporarily – I will be highlighting some wonderful creations by generous designers for this event.  I invite you to join us when the event opens this weekend, and consider providing support to women everywhere.  Womankind, Worldwide.  (As the aptly named charity states.)

ILived2FINAL

*~* Hope If Everybody Runs, You Choose To Stay *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Amberly Skin (Lovely Day; Asia Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair  @ C88
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Nicole (Light Reds) – enVOGUE
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Monochrome Set (White) – Nailed It  @ On9
Lipstick: Glossy Pout (Hot Pink; Dark) – Pink Fuel
Top/Skirt: Lolita – Lyrical Bizarre Templates  @ Fashion For Change

Pose (pic 1): Pose 234 – slouch poses
Pose (pic 2): Golden 11 – PosESioN
Pose (pic 3): Oro 10 – PosESioN

Location: Home

Blogging Tune: “I Lived” – One Republic

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You’re Not My Sunshine Anymore…

Ok, you’re pretty, your face is a work of art
Your smile could light up New York City after dark
Ok, you’re cover boy pretty, stamped with a beauty mark
But it’s such a pity
A boy so pretty, with an ugly heart…

UglyHeart1FINAL

The full lyric for the title of this blog post is “Does it stop Your heart to know You’re not my sunshine anymore?”

My guess is no.  It doesn’t mean shit.  Because it never meant shit to Him.  🙂  (*Coughs*  That’s not bitterness at all.)

I’ve become incredibly cynical in the 7 years I’ve been in SL.  I’ve seen and met some amazing people, but for the most part, I’ve seen and met people who LOOK amazing on the outside, but it’s mostly for personal gain of some kind.  And in my relationships?  Lord.  Most of the Men that make up SL seem to be (yes, note, I said SEEM to be, so the whole of the male population should NOT come at me all offended and shit, please) in relationships so that they can have their cake and eat it to.

My SLrelationship pet peeves:

  • Married in RL, Hiding From Spouse: I don’t give two shits if you are married in RL AS LONG AS YOUR SPOUSE IS AWARE OF WHAT YOU’RE DOING HERE IN SL.  If you’re in an open-relationship in RL and your wife is ok with you having little online romances via SL, then more power to you, and we can see where this goes.  However, if you hide the fact that you’re in SL from your spouse and you’re using me to fill some hole that remains empty in your RL… please step aside.  GO to your spouse, be HONEST about the things you’re missing, and make your RL shit work.  You can’t fill a hole by being deceitful.  That does absolutely no good and winds up hurting everyone involved.
  • Men Who Are Younger Than Me: I am the FIRST person who will chime in with “Age is just a number”, but after experiences with my most recent significant other (See, I don’t know what to call him.  I called Him Master in and out of Gor.  I called Him Daddy out of Gor.  But yet in a conversation the other morning he said to me, specifically, “I don’t have a slave outside of Gor.”  Way to tell me I don’t exist to you outside of the context of a superficial roleplay, asshole.)  Anyway, after my most recent experiences, I can’t handle the emotional immaturity of someone younger than me.  I’m already pretty young myself, compared to the median age in SL, being that I’m 25.  I don’t need to be messing around with people younger than me, as all it does is cause headaches.  How do you expect one to adjust to being in a ‘non-exclusive relationship’ that doesn’t exist outside of Gor… yet you treat it like it does… while subsequently getting angry and jealous over every little thing that doesn’t go your way?  (Really, I got permission to go up for a sim auction, and when someone won me, He got mad.  When I bid on someone and won, He got mad.  Come on, now.)
  • Dishonesty Of Any Kind: I am an honest person.  Brutally so.  If I can be the kind of brutally honest that pisses you the hell off, and I can be that way KNOWING that the truth is going to piss you off, then the least you can do is be honest with me.  And for what it’s worth, not telling the truth in that you’re not saying ANYTHING, is indeed the same as lying, in my book.  Lying by omission.  It’s a thing.
  • Playing Friends Against Each Other: When a breakup happens, do not come to me and tell me that I have to stop talking to so-and-so because you’re not with them anymore.  If YOU choose to not associate with them, that’s fine with me.  And if you’re coming to me in a roleplay context about a storyline that can’t happen because you’re not going to interact with them, then ok, great, I can handle that.  But don’t give me shit when I’m still friends with someone.  And don’t expect me to try and turn other people against you if you and I break up.  But also don’t expect me to give up friends I’ve made, regardless of whether you introduced them to me or not.  It’s very rare that I find people I can tolerate to keep close enough to consider them a friend.  You can be damn sure I’m holding on to them.  Especially since THEY were the ones who picked me up after YOU decided to be a dick.
  • Cheating: Enough said.  Don’t do it, not even ‘just one time, and it didn’t mean anything.’  I’m a pretty open person.  If you want an open relationship, state it up front.  Don’t go behind my back and do shit.
  • Double Standards: That said, if relationships are open, then there should be freedom on both sides.  If you want to go off and be physically intimate with other people, then don’t get upset when I do too.  Ironically enough, in my last relationship, my being physically intimate with another was the one thing that DIDN’T make him mad.  Log in while I’m with someone and he’s cool with it, but heaven forbid I win an auction for 6 hours of NON-SEXUAL roleplay and the sky is fucking falling.  (Sorry… I’m still grumbly.)
  • Neglect In The Name of Openness: Alright.  Open relationships are just that, open.  So my irritation here does not lie in being with other people.  Because that’s the nature of openness.  HOWEVER, when WE are not being intimate, then you DAMN sure shouldn’t be doing it with other people.  If you can’t keep up the physical intimacy in your own relationship and keep your partner happy, then you shouldn’t be engaging with other people.  Nothing hurt me more when my last relationship ended than to hear that he had been with others.  He was regularly ignoring me, both in matters of intimacy and in other things, and yet he sure as hell found the time and motivation to be intimate with other people.  (So this is what being used feels like…)

Alright.  I’m sorry for the ranty moment.  With the approach of Valentine’s Day (Singles’ Awareness Day) in a moment when I thought I may have been happy for once upon its approach, to have it all blow up in my face just… left me pretty sour.

So if you don’t like angry ranty posts, then just look at the pretty pictures and go buy the pretty dress and stuff.  😀

UglyHeart2FINAL

*~* You’re Not My Sunshine Anymore… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Artemis (Asia Tone; Makeup Option 04) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Aimee (Color Hud A) – Catwa Hair  @ Fashion Fair
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v2.1) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: French Manicure (Pastels) – Nailed It
Freckle/Blush: Lillith Fair (Freckle Blush Only) – Madrid Solo
Lipstick: Facade Lips (Liberal Pink) – Madrid Solo
Gown: Jo’Anne (White/Pink Polka) – Lybra  @ The Instruments
Earrings & Necklace: Arabella Wild Pearls – Maxi Gossamer  @ FaMeshed

Poses: Pose 223 (first photo) & Pose 247 (second photo) – Slouch

Location: Salt Water

Blogging Tune: “Ugly Heart” – G.R.L
* Dammit, Modesty, it’s been on repeat for DAYS, and it’s ALL Your fault!