Confession .165. What Anxiety Feels Like…

I have so much more to offer
But I’m doing nothing about it…
I’m not good enough…

Sometimes I withdraw from you all… either via not posting in this blog, or I *actually* withdraw from those of you that know me in-world.   I don’t talk, I avoid the places I usually hang out at… or I just don’t log in at all.  I’m short, moody… and a lot of you tend to wonder, “What the fuck is wrong with you today?”

So… that’s what I’m going to talk about today.  This is what anxiety feels like.

Confession. 158. Sweet Silver Bells…

One seems to hear words of good cheer
From everywhere, filling the air
Oh, how they pound, raising the sound
O’er hill and dale, telling their tale…

Yep, it’s a Christmas Carol.  Don’t judge me.

It’s really hard to get me in the “Christmas Spirit”, however… a good Lindsey Stirling version of a classic will at least make me smile.  And if you scroll down to the end of this post and listen to it, I think you’ll see what I mean.

Confession .98. I LIKE Mangos, Dammit!

If you’re lost out where the lights are blinding
Caught in all, the stars are hiding
That’s when something wild calls you home…

Alright!  So.  I don’t normally post photos that aren’t ones I’ve taken and edited, so for an ad to be included with one of my photos, you must know by now that this is something super special or super interesting to me in order to post it.

Oh, and the title?  A friend told me I look like a mango in this picture.  Lol.  She meant it as a compliment… but I happen to like mangos, so it works either way.

Anyway…

Today, let’s chat about Hair Fair!

Confession .67. Paro

And I will follow where this takes me
And my tomorrows long to be unknown
When all is shaken, be my safety
In a world uncertain, say You’ll be my stone…

paro
n. the feeling that no matter what you do is always somehow wrong—that any attempt to make your way comfortably through the world will only end up crossing some invisible taboo—as if there’s some obvious way forward that everybody else can see but you, each of them leaning back in their chair and calling out helpfully, colder, colder, colder.

If I start this blog the way I want to and say, “I don’t understand,” then some of you will lash out that here I go again playing the victim.

If I start this blog and say “How f-ing dare you all,” then some of you will lash out that here I go being a bitch again.

If I start this blog and say “I give up,” then some of you will lash out that here I go being melodramatic again.

So instead, I simply have to start this blog saying I don’t know how to start this blog.  Heh.