Confession .312. If You Wanna Break These Walls Down, You’re Gonna Get Bruised…

I’m headed straight for the castle
They’ve got the kingdom locked up
And there’s an old man sitting on the throne
That’s saying I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut

October usually inspires me, however 2020 being the ass-backwards year that it is, i’m finding that it’s taken me 9 days into spooky month to feel inspired to post much of anything…

Confession .310. You Can’t Hurt My Feelings, But I Like Pain…

Your honor, i’m a freak bitch, handcuffs, leashes
Switch my wig, make Him feel like He cheating…

So…. i’m not really gonna talk about this song… but rather bring up something that came up last night during a workshop i was leading…

My Experience With “Getting Help”…

Mama said gonna be alright
But mama don’t know what it’s like in my mind
Mama said the sun gonna shine
But mama don’t know what it’s like to wanna die…

It’s a long post today… bear with me…

Consider this trigger warning, if the title did not give it away.  This post is of a very serious nature, and deals with some very deep and potentially triggering subject matter such as suicidal ideations/thoughts, self-harm, verbal and emotional abuse, isolation, and extensive, in-depth explanation of an experience in both an ER on ‘suicide watch’ and in a mental health facility.

This story is mine to tell… and while i wasn’t quite ready to tell it so soon after getting back, circumstances have made it such that i have to be ok with it.  Honestly, it’ll probably be a bit theraputic to get it all out, and i’d planned to blog my experience because it was a bit crazy, but i guess i just didn’t think i’d be doing it so soon after i got home.  Oh well, here we go…

This is the story of the time i went to “get help” from a mental health facility.  Aka: A mental hospital.

Confession .271. Is It Too Soon To Know If It’s Too Soon To Say For Now?

Paint a picture in my brain, encapsulate the fleeting feeling
It ricochets, replace my pain ’til every trace is leaving
The nerve of autumn time days flying by, every sunrise healing me
And W/we’re okay, W/we’ll live this way ’til it’s done…

Been a minute, hasn’t it? If Y/you missed the craziness on Facebook… i, uh… broke my ankle in RL.  Yes, it was a stupid situation.  Yes, i’m clumsy and a klutz.  W/we can move on now.  Lol.  W/we’re beginning one of my favorite times of year… October.

Confession .218. Are We Too Far Gone?

Can we come back from this, Can we come back from this?
Put the pieces back where they belong
Can we come back from this, Can we come back from this?
Or are we too far gone?

“I should have seen the warning, this heavy weight inside my chains.  I should have told You sooner.  Thought that I could wait instead.  Can we stay here together, waiting for answers, and figure out which way we should go?  Is it out of our hands?  Or do we still have a chance if we hold on til the last of our hope?”

Confession .217. I Want To See You Smile, But Know That Means I’ll Have To Leave…

When the morning comes, when W/we see what W/we’ve become
In the cold light of day, W/we’re a flame in the wind, not the fire that W/we’ve begun…
Every argument, every word that W/we can’t take back
Cause with all that has happened, I think W/we both know the way that this story ends…

Today, because it’s oddly appropriate with this photo, I’ll be sharing the last of the 3 pieces I performed at BOI’s Beyond the Rainbow event.  This was the first piece I read at the event, and the first that I wrote, but the last one that I’m sharing with you.  As I’m sure, when you read it, you might understand why it needed a… particular… photo to feel appropriate.  *Grins*

Confession .213. The Only Heaven I’ll Be Sent To Is When I’m Alone With You…

No Masters or Kings when the Ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than O/our gentle sin
In the madness and soil of this sad earthly scene
Only then I am human, only then I am clean…

Oh, come on, it’s almost October.  Did you expect anything less of me?  ♥

Confession .143. Burn My Lungs And Curse My Eyes…

I taste you on my lips and I can’t get rid of you
So I damn your kiss and the awful things you do
Yeah, you’re worse than nicotine…

I’d apologize for my embracing the full-on creep-factor of October, but I’m not gonna.  Lol.

Honestly, I don’t even really get that into Halloween in RL, and I usually don’t in SL either… but honestly, it’s these damned eyes, eyeshadows, and lipsticks from Izzie’s in this Powder Pack.  I can’t get enough.  It inspires me to embrace my inner creepy bitch and push the boundaries of what I’m used to styling and posting.

And I can’t say I’m mad at it, really.

Confession .141. You Use Your Words As A Weapon, Dear…

My window’s cracked, they can be replaced
But your arm will tire, throwing stones my way…

So.  Here is why that SL Secret situation means less to me than it apparently does to some of you: There is too much going on in RL and SL to worry about petty people’s shit.

I hate to be that blunt (no I don’t), but it’s the truth at the moment.

Confession .139. Let Me Show You How Proud I Am To Be Yours…

Gonna wear that dress You like, skin-tight
Do my hair up real, real nice
And syncopate my skin to Your heart beating…

So… yep, you guessed it… this is a thing that happened.  Blogging while bound.

But that’s ok… because this post is actually going to be a writing assignment that Master gave to me.  Because while I’m still in the mindset of “Fuck this shit, I’m free of people watching me,” what could possibly be a better time to do an in-depth look at roles in D/s and M/s relationships here on this blog?