Posted in Equal10, Events, Life, New Releases, ROMP

Confession .275. Dig Up All The Ugly Shit, Then You Offer Up Your Remedy…

You like broken girls cause they make You feel put together
Broken girls, rip it open then You kiss it better…

Confession .275.  Dig Up All The Ugly Shit, Then You Offer Up Your Remedy...

It’s been awhile.  Damn near a month.  And i apologize for that.  If Y/you read my last post, Y/you know that i posted that literally the day after i got home from the hospital.  i wasn’t ready to share all of that with E/everyone, really, but unfortunately, a poorly-managed situation in my home Community in which my personal business was being spread around carelessly made it such that if i didn’t tell the rest of my own story it likely would’ve morphed beyond recognition by the time i was ready to speak about it.

Unfortunately, that means that i kinda had to force myself to be more raw than i was ready to be, and it took away every desire i had to write anything else for awhile.  Again, my apologies.  Especially to those Designers who entrust me with showcasing their designs.  i’m playing catch up, and i thank you in advance for Y/your understanding.  ♥

Continue reading “Confession .275. Dig Up All The Ugly Shit, Then You Offer Up Your Remedy…”

Posted in Events, Kustom 9, Life, New Releases, The Epiphany, The Liaison Collaborative, The Seasons Story

Confession .63. Flashover

I realize that sometimes love brings you flowers
Then it builds you coffins
And far too often
We end up falling to our demise…

Confession .63.  Flashover

flashover

n. the moment a conversation becomes real and alive, which occurs when a spark of trust shorts out the delicate circuits you keep insulated under layers of irony, momentarily grounding the static emotional charge you’ve built up through decades of friction with the world.
Staring out the window, she wonders just when it happened.  When that moment happened that made it all real, and different, and… alive!  When did she cross over between superficiality and trying to make it work to a sense of ease and joy in just finding a space near Him to call her own?

When did it become ok to be herself with Him?

Continue reading “Confession .63. Flashover”

Posted in Events, Kustom 9, Life, New Releases, We <3 RP

Confession .48. Don’t Get It Mixed Up, My Story’s Never Switched Up…

I’m doing me, don’t mind me
Only one time, I’ma tell you kindly
Please f— off, I don’t need you by me
But if you search then you know where to find me…

Confession .48.  Don't Get It Mixed Up, My Story's Never Switched Up...

I’m going to keep doing me, whether you like me doing me, or whether you care about me doing me.  I’ve never wanted to be ‘that girl’ who spends all her time trying to be who everyone else wants her to be.

Unfortunately, I lost myself in that kind of girl for a time.  Or at least the kind of girl who was afraid to be herself because others might not like it – or outright don’t like it.

No more.

Continue reading “Confession .48. Don’t Get It Mixed Up, My Story’s Never Switched Up…”

Posted in Events, Gor, Life, The Epiphany

Confession .24. The Funny Thing Is

Bittersweet in Your mouth…
Can You stomach the doubt?
I wish I could say what I’m feeling…
I’m scared to let these words out

Confession .24.  The Funny Thing Is

“Don’t go to war for me.  I’m not the one that you want me to be.  Don’t call me up at 2am tonight.  It feels so damn good, and I wish you would.  (Just don’t.)  And don’t cry no more for me.  Don’t waste your time convincing me that maybe someday we’ll get it right.  Cause we never could.  I wish that we would.  But we won’t, so just don’t.”

Continue reading “Confession .24. The Funny Thing Is”

Posted in Blogger Challenges, Events, Life, We <3 RP

Confession .22. Roast Yourself Challenge

You’re irrelevant
Like Television
I wouldn’t even watch
From a cell in prison…

Confession .22.  Roast Yourself Challenge

I’m back!  It’s been a hot minute, but I’ll get to that eventually.  For now, I wanted to go at something that will bleed into my next blog post… so I wanted to approach it in a bit of a creative way.  Lately I’ve seen a bunch of my favorite Youtubers take on NigaHiga’s “Roast Yourself” challenge.  I don’t have the bandwidth or internet speed to get a decent kind of recording for a Youtube video, but I still wanted to participate, so I figured I’d do it in blog form.

Continue reading “Confession .22. Roast Yourself Challenge”

Posted in Events, Fantasy Gacha Carnival, Life, Penumbra Fashion Week - SS16, The Epiphany

Confession .14. The Sun Will Always Shine

Look at me, really look at me
Heart of a champion, eyes that have seen
Murder on my street, death on my block
Cops that be more criminal than cop…

Miss VIRTUAL DIVA 2016 - Tiviyah Resident (Full)

“I see one shot, two shot, three shot, four.  Daddy, I can’t take no more…”

I warned you all on Facebook to start expecting a string of Empire songs from the back half of season 2 to riddle my upcoming blog posts.  I ADORE a vast majority of the music (with the exception of anything Tianna [Serayah] did) from this part of the season, and so it’s definitely enough musical fuel to keep me going for a bit.

Continue reading “Confession .14. The Sun Will Always Shine”

Posted in Uncategorized

You Watch Me Bleed Until I Can’t Breathe…

Just like a moth drawn to the flame
Oh, you lured me in, I couldn’t sense the pain
Your bitter heart, cold to the touch
Now I’m gonna reap what I sow
I’m left seein’ red, on my own…

Stitches3FINAL

“Needle and thread, gotta get you outta my head.  Needle and thread, gonna wind up dead.”

I’m not even going to apologize anymore.  LOL.  This series is fun.  And this book is my latest obsession.  #SorryNotSorry.  😛

But seriously, though… this book is worth the investment.  My hardback was USD$18.  Best $18 I ever spent.

awhile, adv.

I love the vagueness of words that involve time.
It took him awhile to come back — it could be a matter of minutes or hours, days or years.
It is easy for me to say it took me awhile to know.  That is about as accurate as I can get.  There were sneak previews of knowing, for sure.  Instances that made me feel, oh, this could be right.  But the moment I shifted from a hope that needed to be proven to a certainty that would be continually challenged?  There’s no pinpointing that.
Perhaps it never happened.  Perhaps it happened while I was asleep.  Most likely, there’s no signal event.  There’s just the steady accumulation of awhile.

— “The Lover’s Dictionary” by David Levithan

Stitches1FINAL

awhile, adv.

My sense of time is all sorts of convoluted.  And maybe that’s because when you’re in an environment like SL, it’s more socially acceptable to spent mass quantities of time with people at once.  Depending on your RL situation, I have heard of several situations in which SL lovers have spent 8 hours together in one sitting.

I’ve done that myself.

In RL… that might be a little weird to see.  An 8-hour date.  Especially within the first month or so, when you’re still getting to know each other.  I mean, how would you keep each other entertained? Would you really sit in the restaurant for 8 hours?  Would you sit in the movie theater parking lot for an additional 6 hours after a 2 hour movie?  Would you spend 8 hours walking around a park?  Could you find 8 hours worth of conversation with the pressures of social convention of actually being in public physically around other people, rather than in a simply IM box/Skype call?

I found myself saying to him the first time we disagreed about something (Well, something that wasn’t The Walking Dead, anyway)… anyway, I found myself saying, “You should know me well enough to know that if I tell you xyz, then I meant xyz.”  And he brought up that I mentioned that, when in reality, while it might /feel/ like a long time, he disappeared for awhile, and even since we’ve begun talking again, we spend large chunks of time together, but we still haven’t known each other all that long.

It just feels longer.

And maybe that’s also because we started in this weird situation where there were few, if any, walls between us.  Conversing just came naturally, as did trusting each other.  He would say, “Tell me a secret,” and my mind immediately tried to think of something I’d never told anyone… without questioning whether I could trust him with that secret.  I just… knew I could.  I didn’t know why I knew I could.  I just knew I could.

Maybe this is what ‘awhile’ means… and why it’s so vague.  Trying to qualify how well you know someone by the quantity of hours, minutes… days… weeks… months… years… you’ve spent with them, talking to them, knowing them… sometimes can be deceiving.  I can talk to someone for hours, but how much I know is dependent upon the depth of the conversation.

So how long have I known Him?  Awhile.  How long have I felt pulled towards Him?  Awhile.  How long do I hope this feeling lasts?  Awhile.  🙂

Stitches2FINAL

*~* You Watch Me Bleed Until I Can’t Breathe… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Chrissy Applier for Lelutka Head (Ivory Tone) || Swallow
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Wight; Natural Pupil) || IKON
Hair: Lucrecia (Gingers) || Truth Hair
Head: Stella Head (v1.3) || Lelutka
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Glitter Silver Set (Black) || Nailed It
Eyeshadow Applier: Smokey Eyes (Black) || Arise
Lipstick Applier: Winterberries Lips || Zibska
Dress: Melon Collie Dress (Grey) || Vinyl || Uber || new release!
* Sizes XXS-L/Maitreya/Slink/Isis/Freya included; Hud to change Top & Slip Color
Shoes: Nikko Sneakers || Pure Poison || Uber || new release!
* Fitted for Standard avi/Freya/Isis&Venus/Maitreya/Slink/TMP versions included; Color HUD
Septum Piercing: Dark Queen Septum Ring (P6) || RealEvil Industries
Necklace: Jezebel’s Body Chains (Black) || The Forge || Uber || new release!
Rings: Persephone Rings (Obsidian) || ieQED
Tattoo: Midnight In Paris || White Widow
* Belleza/Maitreya/Slink/Omega/TMP/Slink/Sking Brazilia Doll versions; NO standard layer

Bench (photo 2): Living Rose Arbor Bench || meadowWorks
Pumpkins (photo 2): Pumpkin Mix 2015 || Dysfunctionality
*Comes in group (pictured left) & several single pumpkins (like cat-face shown on bench)
Tree Hat Stand (photo 2): Gnarled Tree Stand With Hats || Dysfunctionality || new release!*
* Won with “Hocus Pocus”.  TP to the mainstore and say “Hocus Pocus” to the chest.  If you win, congratulations!  If you don’t, you can try again in 24 hours.  If you get impatient, you can purchase the set for L$50.  Hocus Pocus began 10/30 and runs for 10 days!
* Comes with Tree Stand With Hats, Without Hats, and Wearable Hat!

Pose (photo 1): moody_eight || oOo Studios
Pose (photo 3): pose 234 || -slouch-

Location: Duet

Blogging Tune: “Stitches” (Acoustic) – Shawn Mendes & Hailee Steinfeld

Posted in Uncategorized

If You Talk Enough Sense Then You’ll Lose Your Mind…

I’ll use you as a makeshift gauge
Of how much to give and how much to take
I’ll use you as a warning sign
That if you talk enough sense then you’ll lose your mind…

IFound2FINAL

“I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be: right in front of me.  Talk some sense to me.”

I read a book today.  Literally started at page one and finished the end.  Though to be fair, it was only just over 200 pages, and the way the book was setup, most of the pages were not full pages.  Some even only had a couple sentences on it.  “The Lover’s Dictionary” by David Levithan.  You may recognize the name, as he’s the same author who wrote “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist”, which was adapted into a movie in 2008.  (God, was it that long ago?)  Though he does not specify whether the nameless narrator is himself, making this more “creative non-fiction”, or if it is truly two fictional characters.  The book defines itself as a novel, making me suspect the latter, however, its rawness makes me wonder…

The way the book is set-up… and this is what I loved about it… was words from the dictionary, organized alphabetically.  And each of these words has a memory associated with it.  They are not long things.  Some are longer than others, but the longest was maybe a full front and back page with a few lines on the next page.  So you can see how easy it was to become so fully engrossed in this book that I read it cover-to-cover over a total of about 3 or 4 hours today.

I loved the book so much… that I think I may occasionally pick and choose words/quotes from it and share them with you… while sharing my own stories that relate to such words.  Writing my own ‘cover’ of sorts to this book, gradually.  This is especially useful on days like today, when I have 3 photos to share instead of 2.  *Laughs*

I think I’m going to start with the first one, not only because it’s the first one and a perfect introduction to the book and its style, but because it’s very appropriate to the concept of Second Life and the people we meet here.

aberrant, adj.

“I don’t normally do this kind of thing,” you said.
“Neither do I,” I assured you.
Later, it turned out we had both met people online before, and we had both slept with people on first dates before, and we had both found ourselves falling too fast before.  But we comforted ourselves with what we really meant to say, which was: “I don’t normally feel this good about what I’m doing.”
Measure the hope of that moment, that feeling.
Everything else will be measured against it.

— “The Lover’s Dictionary” by David Levithan

IFound1FINAL

aberrant, adj.

It doesn’t normally take me a year and a half to sit down and have an extensive conversation with someone that I’m attracted to.  In most situations, I do like conversation and talking… even if it’s not with the /intention/ of getting to know someone… and, in fact, I tend to like general conversation better.  You get to know someone more that way.  When they don’t feel like they’re being interrogated, they’re more natural with you.  More at ease.  More likely to show you the person they are, rather than the person they think you want to see.

But that didn’t even happen.  So why did it take this long with him?

Well first of all, he wasn’t around much.  That helps.  *Laughs*  But mostly?  I was scared.  I still am scared.  Knowing what I know and being where I’ve been, things just don’t tend to end prettily when I’m involved.  And so why should I operate on the assumption that this will be any different?  That thought kept me safe for a year and a half.  Was it fair?  Not in the slightest.  It’s not fair to subject everyone in my future to the mistakes of everyone in my past.  But did it allow me to stay guarded enough to not end up too close?  For a year and a half it did.

Now?  Now all bets are pretty much off.  And even if I’m scared… I still feel safe.  If that makes any sense.  And so everything else moving forward will be measured against that.

IFound3FINAL

*~* If You Talk Enough Sense Then You’ll Lose Your Mind… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Chrissy Applier for Lelutka Head (Ivory Tone) || Swallow
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Wight; Arid Pupil) || IKON || on sale through Oct 31st!
Hair: Jana (Redheads) || Elikatira
Head: Stella Head (v1.3.) || Lelutka
Body: Physique Mesh Body (v2.9) || Slink
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant 1) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) || Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Style Icon Set (Josephine) || Nailed It
Eyeliner Applier: from Chrissy Skin Head Applier (Ivory Tone) || Swallow
Lipstick Applier: Winterberries Lips || Zibska
Top & Pants: A Hazy Shade Of Winter (Bag 3) || LaVian & Co || Boho Culture Fair
Heels: Alex Heels || LaVian & Co
Necklace/Bracelet/Ring: Kaya Collection || Lazuri

Bench (photo 3): Park Bench || [we’re CLOSED]

Pose (photo 1): vaki_three || oOo Studios
Pose (photo 2): Inertia 03 || Ma Vie

Location: Hazardous

Blogging Tune: “I Found” – Amber Run

Posted in Uncategorized

Is That Your Bitch Over There?

But You took advantage of, You took advantage of, You took advantage
I cannot understand, I cannot understand, I cannot understand it
I thought You’d always be there for me, yeah yeah
But if You ask if I knew better now,
Hell yeah.

IBet1FINAL

One of the most amazing honors I’ve received lately is the ability to be a blogger for The Fantasy Angels show this year.  While I’m not a Fantasy Angel model, I get to play dress up and look like one and show you all the AMAZING designs by some incredibly talented designers that will be involved in this year’s show.

And I’m telling you… these are gorgeous.  I can’t even wait to show you some of the rest.

This first design, I opened up… and I didn’t even put it ON yet, I just saw the ad photo and immediately IMed Lyrical, from Lyrical Bizarre and said, “Girl!  You are a genius.”  I love everything about this.

Then again, as someone who spent most of their SL time as a redhead, I’m pretty partial to red.  *Grins*

The red and gold in this just screams sensuality… it screams lux.  And right now, I’m watching (random, I know) Big Brother Canada, Season 3.  The Head of Household room is usually done in this entirely beautiful red and gold, so this set just felt perfect.

IBet2FINAL

Though the more that I watch Big Brother Canada, the more that I’m reminded of the lengths some people will go to to get what they want.  It’s a little discouraging in a “lose faith in humanity” kind of way, but at the same time, it’s not ‘as bad’… the environment in the Big Brother house is controlled.  And the worst they really come away with are newly-formed friendships that are broken.

In real life when people pull the shit that are pulled on that show, it hurts real, genuine people… not players in a game.  So while I try to find solace in the fact that this kind of underhanded shit is going on as a part of some strategy to win a game, and ultimately win $100,000, I’m still reminded that if people are wired in such a way that they’ll even CONSIDER pulling half the shit they pull, then what’s to stop them from doing it in the real world?

Unfortunately, there’s nothing to stop them.

And unfortunately, some people do ‘play’ their real lives like a game.  They even ‘play’ the real people behind the keyboard in Second Life like they’re just a pawn in some grand scheme that revolves around them.

It’s enough to make me sick.

FANTASY ANGELS POSTER

*~* Is That Your Bitch Over There? *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Harley (Porcelain Tone; Lid 02) – Pink Fuel
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Ennui (All Blonds Pack) – Vanity Hair
Body: Lara Mesh Body (current version 3.3) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Appliers: Diva Set (Red) – Nailed It
Eyeliner: London Liner (Red Tip Liner Only) – Madrid Solo
Lipstick: Essential Lipsticks (Red; Satin; Dark) – Pink Fuel
Lingerie Set: Perla – Lyrical Bizarre Templates  @ Fantasy Angels Show
Boots: Gladiator Couture Princess Boots (Red) – Dirty Princess
Jewelry Set: Royal Blush Set – Lazuri

Pose (photo 1): Paulina Two – oOo Studio
Pose (photo 2): Iced One Mirror – oOo Studio

Location: Home

Blogging Tune: “I Bet” – Ciara

Posted in Uncategorized

We Can Only Get Brighter…

I’m standin’ in the flames
It’s a beautiful kind of pain
Settin’ fire to yesterday
Find the light, find the light, find the light

BeautifulPain3FINAL

It’s been a crazy ride.  And I have the migraine from hell today, so please forgive me if I’m neither deep nor witty today.  Lol.

Basically I’m super far behind blogging on Penumbra Spring/Summer ’15 Fashion Week stuff, and so I’m trying to sort through everything in my inventory that I’ve been sent or pulled out of the group.  Be prepared to be inundated with awesome things you can continue to get over the next few days.  Be sure to check out the official schedule in one of my recent posts – HERE – to get to the remaining shows for this wonderful event.

Last night I showed you a lingerie set from Supernatural, and I have to admit this was a new store for me.  I hadn’t heard of it before until I was setting up my stall on the Fashion Week sim (Zanze Provocateur is there as a designer as well!  So I’ve been busy!)  and Supernatural is the stall next to me.

When I finished setting up my beachy/boardwalk style stall, I admittedly cammed next door to see what she was working on and saw her ad pictures.  I love taking pieces and throwing them together in ways that may not utilize the whole boxed outfit, but work together for my particular style of dress and also show the work of the designer.  When I saw the Judy outfit, I knew I was going to do that with this vest.  The tunic-style vest originally goes over a bra and panties, but I grabbed it and off I went to create my outfit.

BeautifulPain2FINAL

I admittedly was wearing a pair of my own pants from one of my releases at Penumbra Fashion Week, from my Torrance outfit.  Harem-style pants just looked comfy to me, and with the headache I’ve got, comfy was a must.  At least for pants.

And yessssterday while I was having a conversation with the amazing Kiddo Oh of Dead Dollz, I got tossed a folder.  Of course, getting pretties from Kiddo is always awesome, so my reaction was, “Ooo what’s this?”  And it’s the top she just released at The Fantasy Collective that opened today.

Next stop was Cosmetic fair, cause I’m a slacker… it’s been open for the last 5 days and I just now got there.  Nuuna is one of my favorite avant garde type makeup artists, and when I found that she was selling Lelutka appliers for designs I hadn’t seen yet, it led me back to her store to pick up this new eye makeup that I just LOVE.  Another new designer to me, Moon Amore, was the source of this pretty killer hand tattoo.  To finish everything off, cause I felt naked without a bracelet or shoes or something, I grabbed some of my favorite rings from Formanails and some new anklets from Promagic, an awesome go-to store for most of my footwear needs, since she caters to more than just shoes… and I hate wearing actual shoes 90% of the time.

And thus, here we go.  In my true semi-boho nature, this hair from Truth of course screamed, “You must buy me!”  And the bindi in the center of my forehead was an awesome little find at Cosmetic fair from Kibitz.

I’m sorta super excited with how this all came out… and I like wearing it around.

BeautifulPain1FINAL

*~* We Can Only Get Brighter… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Alice (Lovely Day; Artic Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Celeste (Ligh Blondes) – Truth Hair  **recent release**
Body: Lara Mesh Body (current version 3.3) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Monochrome Set – Nailed It
Eye Makeup: Mya Makeup (Grey) – Nuuna
Teeth: Open Mouth Pro (w/ Piercing) – PXL Creations
Hand Tattoo: 90’s Hand Tattoo – Moon Amore  @ Cosmetic Fair
Top: Missandei Top (Black) – Dead Dollz  @ The Fantasy Collective
Vest: Judy Tunic – Supernatural  @ Penumbra S/S ’15 FW
Pants: Torrance Pants (Black) – Zanze Provocateur  @ Penumbra S/S ’15 FW
Forehead Bindi: Bindi #12 – Kibitz  @ Cosmetic Fair
Nosering: Cihuapilli Nose Piercing – Soedara
Hand Rings: Accessoires Unisex Elegant (Black) – Formanails
Anklets: Girly Anklets (Black) – Promagic

Pose (photo 1): various from Morphine (now closed)
Pose (photo 2): various from Agapee
Pose (photo 3): various from oOo Studio

Location: Salt Water

Blogging Tune: “Beautiful Pain” – Eminem ft. Sia