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Look Into My Eyes, It’s Where My Demons Hide…

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter You
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide…

Demons

“Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside.  It’s where my demons hide.”

Nothing helps to pick up a pretty ‘meh’ day like being able to collab on a post, which is not something I get to do often.  It helps even more that he’s pretty.  *Grins*

Meet Vin!  For those who have been around my blog, but are not really from the modeling world, Vin is another one of us who is crazy enough to subject himself to the insane world you all bitch at me about.  Lol.  He’s super sweet, and was kind enough to pose half-naked with me for the sake of fitting with the general mood of the styling I had for this post.

He was also nice enough to blog a couples’ pose with me.

And put up with my shit, in general.  Lol.  He’s a real winner!  And surely, he’s not bad to look at, either.  So that’s always a bonus, right?

I feel like this bodysuit has been blogged by everyone and their mother, but that’s because Blueberry has done it again with another amazing recent release that I just HAD to grab.  Especially after the tone of my last post, I just felt… hot… in this thing.  I dunno.  Lol.

The hat!  Oh my god, I’ve been looking for a good fedora hat forever, and Olive certainly never ceases to come up clutch.  This particular style was developed in collaboration with Pure Poison, for the Espionage round of Collabor88.

All in all, I had fun with this post, and I hope Vin was able to walk away with at least a few ounces of His sanity left.  ❤

Demons 2

*~* Look Into My Eyes, It’s Where My Demons Hide… *~*

— Styled by Tivi —

..:: Shape ::.. MINE
..:: Skin ::.. Bianca Skin (Petale tone) || AlterEgo
..:: Eyes ::.. Deadshine Eyes (Wight; Marine Pupil) || IKON
..:: Hair ::.. The Eve Hair (Greyscale) || Olive Hair & Pure Poison|| Collabor88
..:: Body ::.. Lara Body (v3.5) || Maitreya
..:: Hands ::.. Avatar Enhancement Hands (Gesture) || Slink
..:: Feet ::.. Lara Feet || Maitreya
..:: Fingernails&Rings ::.. My Short Square Nails (Gesture) || Puki
..:: Eye Makeup ::.. Ere Makeup (Black) || Nuuna
..:: Lipstick ::.. Classic Lipstick (Ruby Red; Java Tone) || Pink Fuel
..:: Bodysuit ::.. Lida (Black) || Blueberry
..:: Boots ::.. Alexandra (Black) || N-Core
..:: Garter ::.. Maya Garter (Black) || Atooly || Collabor88

— Styled by Vin —

..:: Shape ::.. HIS
..:: Skin ::.. Tox || Tableau Vivant
..:: Eyes ::.. Triumph || IKON
..:: Hair ::.. Gael || Mina
..:: Body ::.. The Mesh Project
..:: Pants ::.. Luke (Leather) || Gizza
..:: Suspenders ::.. Suspender (Paint) || Gabriel
..:: Boots ::.. Classy Boots || United Colors
..:: Bracelets ::.. Navigator Cuffs || Kunst

..:: Pose ::.. Couple 454 || Purple Poses || Collabor88

..:: Location ::.. Duet

..:: Blogging Tune ::.. “Demons” – Imagine Dragons

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On My Own I’m Only Half Of What I Could Be…

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

GodGaveMeYou2FINAL

“We are stitched together, and what love has tethered, I pray we never undo.”

Apparently all I do is trash people in this blog.  *Laughs*  As any of you who have been here for any amount of time and actually READ this thing know… that is FAR from the truth… but let the people with more mouth than sense wag their tongues all they like.  And if any have managed to wander their way over here for this post because someone read this small paragraph and went running to them crying ‘drama’, please, take the complimentary doughnut pillow for your butt-hurt and have a seat.

Now that that’s out of the way, the REAL purpose of this post is the exact opposite of trashing (which, this sort of thing and other randomness is what makes up the vast majority of my blog… again, if you’ve been here for any length of time and actually read me, then you know that… lol).  I heard this song what feels like 86,000 times in the 12 hour drive to Indiana, and the 12 hour drive home when I went for my cousin’s Celebration of Life, and I couldn’t get it out of my head.

It made me think… and we all know what happens when Tivi thinks… she gets sappy.  LOL.

I’ve been given so many people in my life, both first and second, and more often than not, I find myself focused moreso on the self-centered assholes that use me and then leave.  I’m so blinded by those that hurt me, that I don’t really see those that don’t, nor do I appreciate them often enough.  And so, I thought I’d sorta put it out there, and focus on some of the amazing people that I’ve been given in my Second Life.

God gave me… Rayven.  I figured I’d start here with Him because He is the farthest in my past and the one from this list that I do not talk to any more.  My fault, and too long of a story to indulge in.  In a community full of people – particularly the Men in my life at that time – that would look at a weak woman as something easy to take advantage of, Rayven was the first Male to walk into my life and truly be a Man.  He saw a vulnerable woman in a horrible situation, and rather than thinking about what He could gain, and how He could most easily get what He wanted, He removed me from the situation and proceeded to focus on my safety and my well-being.  In turn, I did my best to serve Him in our relationship, but at the time I did not really have a grasp on the concept of simply ‘doing my duty’ versus truly VALUING a person’s presence in Your life.  Almost 3 years ago now, I did write Him a letter to express these things, and apologize for never valuing Him as much as He deserved, but I’m not sure if He ever read it.  Either way, the idea that Men like Rayven still exist out there somewhere, is honestly what keeps me from giving up on the idea entirely after going through another terrible situation.  A Gem found me once before.  Perhaps it will happen again.  They exist.

God also gave me… Reign.  Mostly to kick my ass when I need it, both in modeling and out.  But seriously.  At the time that I met a certain Miss Reign Congrejo, she came as a bit of a package deal with Sequoia, and both of them were what kept me from quitting modeling all together, almost immediately after I started.  I was involved in a HORRIBLE first pageant experience (ironically, the pageant that inspired me to write the letter to Rayven that I mentioned)… and I was considering simply being done.  We were lied to, verbally accosted at every turn any time someone asked a question or brought something up for clarification, titles were ripped from ladies with no reason, titles were held over our heads like the Sword of Damocles… and the whole thing was just a nightmare.  It wasn’t until I randomly showed up for a video casting that Reign and Sequoia were doing for their Colour of Couture pageant that I met them both, and they showed me a true experience with wonderful people.  To this day, Reign is still the swift kick in the ass I need, when I need it.

God also gave me… Iris.  Dear lord.  A dancer who has just as much, if not more, passion as I do about it… is just as subbie, if not more, outside of dance as I am… and has just as many, if not more (lol), pet peeves as I do about dance and needs someone to rant to.  Iris and I were like a friendship match in freaking heaven.  I am super over-bearing and pushy when I’m stubbornly passionate about something and clinging to it… and she totally puts up with it.  Lol.  I am also super protective of her when she lets me in the deeper things…. and she also puts up with that.  And I know she gets easily frazzled and do my best to make her breathe.  (“Breathe, bitches!”)  Iris is about the only person besides mama that I would trust as a dance teacher to learn from, because she is just as passionate about seeing the individual succeed… not beating the individuality out of them.  And she comes up with zany dance exhibition ideas that let me do crazy dances I’d never get to do anywhere else!

God also gave me… Mama (Rya)!  Oh my god.  This woman… is a pain in my ass.  But a lovable pain in my ass.  Lol.  Mama is another one that kinda saves me from quitting things when the frustration over politics and other general bullshit gets to be too much for me.  Where Reign keeps me from quitting modeling, Rya keeps me from quitting dance.  I never knew the woman was a Gorean dancer when I first met her.  I met her when I was dancing in clubs and just generally hanging out and getting to know people, back when I first joined SL between 7 and 8 years ago.  Later, she became my dance manager, and we were talking one night and she just so happened to mention that she’d started dancing in a place called Gor.  I’d just started roleplaying there off and on and had started dancing myself… and from there, we were pretty much inseparable.  Mama is another one that wishes to see the individual dancer succeed, and share her individual heart, rather than beating the individuality out of them, and I love her to death for it.  It takes a special kind of person to put up with my brand of bullshit every day for 7 years now and still call me her daughter.  LOL.

God also gave me… Sarah.  I swear, if she wasn’t Rya’s daughter, she would be mine.  I really hope that she doesn’t take offense to this analogy, but it’s the only thing I can think of at the moment to describe just the sorts of things Sarah has taught me about myself… you know how sometimes in Health class (or even Science class)… or if your parents are a special brand of twisted, you do this at home too, maybe for punishment… you’re given an egg and you have to take care of it and keep it from breaking?  Or a sack of flour… depending on your school system/parent.  Or the child development classes that give you the fake baby?  Or even parents that try to instill these values of caring in their children by getting them a pet to take care of.  When Sarah started in the classes and let us really get to know her, I connected with her in a way I had never connected with another human being before.  I cared for her, not in a romantic way (lawd… my sister/daughter-figure… that’d be weird), but in a way that so deeply transcended friendship I wouldn’t hesitate to snap the neck of someone who hurt her in any way.  When you go through a lot of negative things in your life like I have – and many of us have – sometimes it desensitizes you and dehumanizes you a bit to the world around you.  Sarah is what keeps me grounded and connected to my inner “decent human being”.

And last but not least, for this completely non-comprehensive list, God gave me… Nova.  (I can picture her getting a little grumbly the more she read, thinking she might not be on the list.  LOL.)  Nova, Nova, Nova.  What can I say about Nova?  Well first of all, it’s all Sam’s fault that I even know her, let alone like her so much.  LOL.  And my Sam’s fault, I mean a collective burden between myself and Sam.  Sam was a friend from college who lived in my dorm building and ran the night desk a lot of nights.  If ever I was up late at night and couldn’t sleep, I’d text her and see if she was running the desk in our building, and if she was, I’d go downstairs and hang out for a bit.  Occasionally I’d bring my laptop, and one day she got a look at it while I was logged into SL.  “What’s that?”  (The dreaded first question, am I right?)  I explained SL to her and she made an avi shortly after and started exploring.  She’d mentioned she’d gotten a friend of hers involved as well, though I later found out that Nova had actually tried SL once before and just hadn’t logged in often or found anything she really liked about it yet before Sam mentioned it to her again.  And so because she was Sam’s friend, obviously I met her.  I even roomed with them for a couple months in real life after college to get out of a not-so-fantastic home situation.  All in all, Nova is just an amazing person.  She puts her all into everything she does and tries her damnedest to do it all to the best of her ability all the time.  It makes me giggle to listen to her get frustrated with herself over the smallest shit, and talk to herself while she’s styling/designing/photographing/doing anything really.  And of course, when we’re in Skype, between my shitty internet and her haunted laptop that likes to randomly switch inputs on her, I can only ever really hear clearly when she’s talking about testicles, nothing else.  My life is far better from having Nova in it.

And those are just a select few of the people in my life that God has given me, that I don’t show appreciation to often enough.  I don’t really do ‘New Year’s resolutions’, but if I did, I would say that one of them… a GOAL, per se, is to consider this more positive side of people more often.  Like I said, I think in my last post, my therapist keeps trying to drill into my head that I can’t just assume the worst of people just because they are similar to people in my past, or the situation we’re in is similar.  And I’m trying to do that.  😀

GodGaveMeYou1FINAL

*~* On My Own I’m Only Half Of What I Could Be… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Layla Skin (Caramel Tone) || AlterEgo
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Wight; Natural pupil) || IKON
Hair: Amber (Brunettes) || Spellbound
Body: Lara Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Eye Makeup: Mya Makeup (manually tinted) || Nuuna
Freckles: Odd Beauty Freckles || Besom
Gown: Queen Gorgo Draped Ancient Dress (Plum) || Kaithleen’s || Recent Release!

Pose (photo 1): Statue 7 || Posesion
Pose (photo 2): Cute 5 mirror || Vitalis Animatum

Location: Pandora Box of Dreams

Blogging Tune: “God Gave Me You” – Blake Shelton

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Line Your Lips And Keep Them Closed…

Run and hide your crazy and start acting like a lady
Cause I raised you better
Gotta keep it together even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart

MamasBrokenHeart1FINAL

“Leave it to me to be holding the matches when the fire trucks show up and there’s nobody else to blame.”

Honestly?  I just love the lyrics in this song.  It’s had me giggling all last night and today.  That’s really the only reason I’m blogging it.  Lately traveling back and forth between the rental and the new house, I’ve heard it on the radio a lot.  It’s a couple years old, but it’s one of those things I forgot exists until hearing it again.

And it’s great!

Anyway, you’re getting stuff in a bit of a reverse order today.  You’ll get a press release about Rock Your Rack a little bit later today, but I couldn’t resist blogging this when I got it yesterday for one of the fashion shows to take place during the event.  I just fell in love!

Yesterday was quite a long day, so to get this little gem in my inventory somewhere in the middle of all of it, I was able to have something really awesome to wear to the last scheduled meeting/rehearsal for Rock Your Rack last night.  Jamee and the team are working incredibly hard to bring an event that surpasses expectations set by last year’s amazing turnout.

This particular outfit is one of Lavian & Co’s Autumn/Winter ’15/’16 releases for the event, and I tell you what, they NEVER disappoint me in color options.  I’m such an indecisive person, and I love having tons of options to play with, and with this particular outfit… brace yourselves… the HUD gives you 36 (yes, THIRTY-SIX) different colors for the main body of the jacket, 36 colors for the sleeves, 36 colors for the pants, and 36 colors for the belt.  Mix and match to your heart’s content!  I was in heaven for a good few hours playing with all the different colors.  Meanwhile, my partner was in his own personal hell watching me mess with them and not be able to decide what I wanted to wear.  Lol.

The shoes you can see in the picture below are also from Lavian & Co’s Autumn/Winter ’15/’16 line, and come with the same 36 color options to make sure you can perfectly match from head to toe.  The HUD is split into two options… one with silver accents and one with gold accents, which I particular appreciate, because mixing silver and gold is such a rarity for me, it’s nice to be able to tailor these shoes to whatever metal I may be wearing that day.  Today it was Silver.

I don’t wear red that often… which is surprising as it’s Classis’ (Classis IS Rodric, for those that keep asking.  Lol.) favorite color.  But when I do wear red, because it IS his favorite color, I tend to go all out.  The makeup are a few staples from my favorites, Nuuna, Madrid Solo, and Pink Fuel.  I wanted something fierce but not too… busy?  Busy makeup is my weakness.  /I/ think it’s awesome, but then it becomes too much with everything else going on in an outfit.  I’m working on that.

I can always count on Maxi Gossamer for the jewelry I need for stuff like this, and she certainly didn’t disappoint.

The hair is one I forgot I had, from Exile, and I’ve fallen in love all over again.

I can tell you one thing.   This was just one item I received for a runway show for Rock Your Rack, but as a blogger, you can guarantee if given the opportunity I will DEFINITELY be bringing you more of this fierceness from Lavian & Co.  It is fast becoming one of my favorite brands all over again.

MamasBrokenHeart2FINAL

*~* Line Your Lips And Keep Them Closed… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Yolandi (Artic Tone; Makeup Option 04) || Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) || IKON
Hair: Collide (Light Blondes) || Exile
Ears: Steking Ears (Season 5) || Mandala
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) || Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Bonita Set (Option 12) || Nailed It
* HUDs for Slink, Belleza, and Maitreya; Also mesh nails for non-mesh hands
Top Eyeliner: Bold Liner (Thin; U-Color-It; Tinted Red) || Madrid Solo
Lower Liner: Ere Makeup (Red; manually tinted) || Nuuna
Lipstick: Essential Lipstick (Red; Dark; Matte) || Pink Fuel
Jacket & Pants: Love Me Like You Do || Lavian & Co || Rock Your Rack (Sept 26th)
Heels: Alex Heels || Lavian & Co || Rock Your Rack (Sept 26th)
Necklace: Knotted Shimmer Pearls || Maxi Gossamer
Ring: Lock Ring || SUGAR

Pose (photo 1): Inertia 03 m || Ma Vie
Pose (photo 2): Runway Stand (Both 3) || IsoMotion

Location: Glam Affair & Tableau Vivant Sim

Blogging Tune: “Mama’s Broken Heart” – Miranda Lambert

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Tell Me, Are You Just Getting By?

Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame, someone’s bound to get burned
Just because it burns, doesn’t mean you’re gonna die
You gotta get up and try, try, try…

Try2FINAL

I promise there are pictures that exist somewhere of my MVW Audition outfit.  I think I need to re-shoot them, though.  Sorry about that.  >.>

I am Miss Virtual ♛ Iceland 2016.  And that still feels REALLY weird to say.  For a few reasons.  Any of you who have followed me for any length of time probably know a few of said reasons, but it’s just… still so surreal to me.  Even after having walked the runway in our first challenge.  I thought that might be the point that made it feel more ‘real’… but it’s still so… gah!  Perhaps the second runway challenge, which is a tribute to our current Miss Virtual ♛ World, will sorta bring together the fact that here in the next couple of months, Eles will pass her crown to one of 33 of us competing right now.

That thought alone is still so… wow!

Anyway…

It’s surreal to me for several reasons.  (Have I repeated myself enough?  Lol.)

And while I was totally going to save this story for the post of my audition outfit, it doesn’t look like that’s coming back out of my inventory any time soon, so since this is my first official “MVW post”, I figured I’d tell you all this story now.

Try1FINAL

Reason #1: I’ve been working for this for the last 3 years.  Every year in MVW, there is such a mixture.  People who just started modeling, wanted to try their hand, and got in right away, people who aren’t certified models but are killer stylists, and people who have been working and improving for this moment to finally make it in on a second, third, fourth, etc attempt.  I fall into that last category.  Now, with that said, I did NOT audition last year.  I did not even put my headshot in to be considered.  BOSL and MVW had just come into new Ownership and I wanted to see… just how it was going to go.  MVW had been built up into this huge thing… like some giant rite of passage, and there was some stuff behind the scenes under the old ownership that so many people questioned or outright attacked.  I took a ‘gap year’, for lack of a better term, to watch and see.

And I was blown away.  Last year’s group of ladies  was amazing.  The competition was run like I always knew Reign to run things.  (I’ve also been rather close to Colour of Couture happenings for the last 3 years as well, auditioning, competing, helping backstage, etc.)  I had every reassurance in the world that I needed in order to put my headshot in this year and get to this point.  I wouldn’t change my ‘gap year’ for anything, as I got to see some truly beautiful, wonderful women have their time and their journey.  And now this year, it’s time for mine.

I remember my first audition 3 years ago.  I totally felt like the cards were stacked against me.  Not purposely… but just… I didn’t actually get a live audition until the last one.  So there were literally 40-50, if not more, of us walking for the last 4 or 5 spots.  Lol.  Needless to say, there were going to be a lot of disappointed models, and I was ultimately one of those.  Even though I’d expected it, it didn’t stop it from hurting any less.  But I’d just recently begun modeling, and I remember speaking to one of the ladies who DID make it through, and she reassured me, “This was my third try.”  Not her third try that year… her third YEAR trying.  And I’d always looked up to this woman as a model.

If it took her 3 years, then it’s a process.  I’d resolved that in myself and started working my ass off.

Reason #2: It’s not Ireland!  If you scroll back a bit, I spilled my guts some time ago about my “Ireland dreams”.  It had always been my dream and goal to represent Ireland in MVW.  My father was Irish… which, with his death just over 2 years ago, made this dream that much more significant.  But also, for the longest time I ran around SL as a redhead.  I was always some form of red.  When my skin was darker, my hair was more of a crimson/merlot/blood red.  When my skin was pale, I was a ginger.  I was always convinced that no one could take my red hair from me.  And then someone did.  I was literally at the point that I could not look at my avi with red hair.  The reason for which and the story behind the change just… isn’t something I want to go into… but I started running around with something I never thought I’d do again… super pale, and super light/platinum blonde.  And that became my look.  Now, I’m not saying I couldn’t represent Ireland just because I didn’t have red hair anymore.  And in fact, it was my second choice in country selections.  But I happened upon a quote about Iceland one night while I was on a random Google search.  And the quote spoke to me so deeply, I knew I had to make it my first choice.  Iceland is like… my life, and my journey, in country form.  *Laughs*

“When you live in a country which moves alarmingly under your feet every five years or so with an earthquake or a volcanic eruption, you face, like the saga heroes of old, a choice of two courses of action, neither of them good: Either to flee the country and all its hazards, or to stay and brave them out. For more than 1100 years the people of Iceland have chosen to stay and brave them out.”

That is me.  And that is what I will continue to do.  When faced with the choice to run away or brave it out… I will ALWAYS brave it out, for as long as I can take it.  And I’m still here.  So, that should tell you something.  🙂

Anyway… I know this had nothing to do with the actual runway challenge that we walked in on Saturday… haha!  The theme we were given was Lady Marmalade Meets Zumanity… both of which are amazing.  I knew generally what Zumanity was, I’d heard about it in passing, mostly because I’m obsessed with Cirque du Soleil, and so is Nova, and she’s also obsessed with this show in particular.  But I’d never actually poked around the trailer videos and stuff before this challenge.  I was REALLY inspired by the ‘Wind’ number, and the little previews of it I saw.  Which explains why my styling was a bit ‘longer’ and ‘more covered’ than a lot of the other candidates.  I wanted something that would flow like the Wind performer did, but I also didn’t want to be in just a sheer bodysuit.  So I took my Lady Marmalade and the burlesque that I love dearly (and have WAY too much of in my inventory from my neo-burlesque dancing days!) to recreate “Wind in the Style of Lady Marmalade”.  It was super fun, and I had a blast walking with 32 other wonderful women.

I look forward to more!

Try3FINAL

*~* Tell Me, Are You Just Getting By? *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Yolandi (Artic Tone; Makeup Option 04) || Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) || IKON
Hair: Ennuit (All Blonds) || Vanity Hair
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) || Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Dark Set || Nailed It
Eyeshadow: Iza (Aqua; manually tinted to match) || Nuuna
Lipstick: Shena Lips Only (Aqua) || Madrid Solo
Black Lingerie (Underneath Corset): Vitality (Black Satin & Ruffle) || Blacklace
Corset: Fancy (Teal Satin & Lace) || Blacklace
Feathers (upper & lower): Lis Feather Upper & Lower (Teal) || -AZUL-
Full Skirt: Dubois (prim skirt) || Lyrical Bizarre Templates **not released yet**
* Thank you, Lyrical!  It was perfect to meet my vision of Wind!
Heels: Anime Platforms (Black) || Pure Poison
Earrings/Necklace/Bracelet: Royal Blush || Lazuri
Rings: Accessories Rings (Black) || Formanails

Poses: Various from PosESioN

Location: Runway for MVW Runway Challenge #1: Lady Marmalade Meets Zumanity
* Built by the wonderful and amazing Sofia Corleone

Blogging Tune: “Try” – Pink (Jayesslee Cover)

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I Might Only Have One Match, But I Can Make An Explosion…

All those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Do you hear my voice this time?

FightSong1FINAL

So.  I had a lot of fun with this.  And the first question Master asked me was, “You’re a Japanese Daenerys?”  I didn’t look at it that way until He asked that.  I’ve been pretty much giggling ever since.

Which is nice, given that so much shit has happened in such a short amount of time, I’m beginning to seriously wonder what’s in the water lately.  People backstabbing, people stealing, people lying… and the worst of all, people getting what they don’t deserve, or not getting what they do.  It’s like the Universe has gone and made a giant mess and Karma has NO damn idea where to start.

And where DO you start with a list of bullshit like that?  I mean… really… think about it for a moment.

Do you start with the people who take advantage of a long-time friendship… take their money… and then constantly bully them into doing what you want them to do… and threaten to leave and go compete against them if they don’t do what you want?  Not to mention when that competition is started, your entire foundation is built on poached people and stolen ideas…?  What part of that is RIGHT?

Or do you start with the people who steal the work of others and call it their own… are approached and offered the opportunity to do the right thing and offer an apology, and instead respond with, “There is no way this is my fault.”  I think that’s part of the problem.  People WATCH this stuff happen.  They STAND BY and LET the bad happen, but because their hands aren’t directly involved in the bullshit, they think they come out smelling like roses.

Instead, they just smell like shit and wear clothespins on their noses.

FightSong3FINAL

Do you start with the people who act like they’re decent individuals… projecting one form of themselves to the world while secretly breaking laws, breaking trust, ruining lives and feeling absolutely ZERO remorse for anything they do.  In fact, they’ll even defend the wrongs they’ve done like it’s perfectly acceptable.  These people are ones I don’t understand.  There is grey area with a lot of things… but there’s not a grey area with trust… there’s not a grey area with the law.  There’s not a grey area with whether or not you’re a decent human being.  Yet some peoples’ moral compass is so skewed, they continue to think they’re going due North… when really, they’re headed straight South.

And then… or and then… there are those that are the worst kinds of people… the ones who take the future of others in their hands, claiming they care about it, when really they care about whether or not they’re better at xyz than someone else.  Let me tell you something I’ve learned in the 3 years I’ve been modeling in SL… you’re not just some pretty thing to stand there, get free clothes, and look nice.  You are LITERALLY taking the future of the brand into your hands.  How you make their clothing look can be a direct reflection on not only your ability to style, but on the Designer’s ability to create.  If you make their clothing look like shit because you don’t know what you’re doing because you don’t actually care, there are some people who won’t look at it as, “Well she didn’t put the right shoes/jewelry/whatever with that dress…”  Instead, they’ll simply say, “She looks like shit.  That dress must be shit.” and thus a negative opinion of a brand is formed.

And when you’ve got new blood coming into this industry that aren’t here because they appreciate fashion or because they have something to SAY with their styling… they’re not here to learn or to work or to help other people achieve the things they want to achieve with their Brands… when you’ve got new blood that doesn’t have the integrity or the appreciation for the hard work that other people do, and are solely focused on what they can get and how quickly they can look better than someone else… how quickly they can ‘achieve’ more than someone else in this pixelated world we live in… then we’ve got new blood coming in that’s going to ruin the industry.

Until they stop thinking of themselves and think of the people that MAKE them who they are… those of us that came before them… those of us that DESIGN for them… until they start to think of someone OTHER than themselves… this industry is doomed.

Because this self-centered new blood is coming in at a faster rate than any decent new model who’s a decent person.

I, for one, am sick of it.  Let the ones who do the work and actually have something to SAY with their style take back the industry from those who are only in it to serve themselves.

Because if we can’t… it will die.

FightSong2FINAL

*~* I Might Only Have One Match, But I Can Make An Explosion… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Harley (Porcelain Tone; Lid 02) || Pink Fuel
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) || IKON
Hair: Olinda (Blacks&Whites) || Truth Hair
Ears&Tail: Cutie Ears & Fluffy Tail (Light) || Sweet Thing || Arcade Gacha (site)
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Flat) || Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Feria de Abril (Chicle) || Nailed It || On9 (site)
Undereye Liner: Lyre Makeup (White) || Nuuna
Lips: London Liner (White Lips Only) || Madrid Solo
Chest/Neck: Meta Makeup (White; 70%) || Nuuna
Kimono: Lolita Yukata Sweet (RARE) || Tentacio & antielle || Arcade Gacha (site)
Shoes: Okobo (Sky; Common) || Tentacio & antielle || Arcade Gacha (site)
Choker: Stretch Choker (Pink; Common) || Kibitz || In-store Gacha
Food Tray: Wagashi Box (Common) || Tentacio & antielle || Arcade Gacha (site)
Dragons: Solstice Dragon (Permafrost & Sakura) || Half Deer || Arcade Gacha (site)

Poses: various from PosESioN

Location: Le Cafe Chez Jean

Tune: “Fight Song” || Rachel Platten

Posted in Uncategorized

Tough Girl, Whose Soul Aches…

I may cry, ruining my makeup
Wash away all the things you’ve taken
And I don’t care if I don’t look pretty
Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking

BigGirlsCry2FINAL

I still can’t really look at wedding dresses the same.  That eludes to a post I made, gods, what, a year ago or something now?  Maybe more?  The most GORGEOUS dress from Romance Couture that I was going to use for my SL wedding.  Reader’s Digest version?  It went to hell.  Lol.  As most things do.

So imagine my bittersweet reaction when I heard the finale show for Penumbra Spring/Summer ’15 Fashion Week was going to be a bridal show.  I wasn’t sure if I was mentally prepared to be inundated with bridal dresses/jewelry/shoes/creations, no matter how wonderful the designers were.  Needless to say, I’m a sensitive person, and it takes a long time for my heart to let go of things that hurt me deeply… so even now, a year or more later, it still hurts, in the back of my heart… that pang of, “Ouch… this kinda sucks,” is still present.

BUT I had to show this dress from Lyrical Bizarre, because even though it’s white and designed to be featured in the finale bridal show for Fashion Week, it can be used for so many other occasions in which white would be appropriate… like a white party, especially a formal white party.

I remember my first white party.  It was one that Edi and Rico had hosted back when they formed this huge group of us that wanted to be social and have regular get-togethers within SL.  I… admittedly don’t remember the name of the group of us, but we had a physical in-world group and everything.  And I’m pretty sure it was our first party that they threw for all of us, it was a white party.

I was with Wylder at the time (again – and ‘ouch’ moment…) and I remember him being gripey and grumbly at trying to find something white to wear that he liked.  “Why do we even have to wear white anyway?”  “Because it’s a white party… that’s the whole point?”  We often didn’t see eye to eye on stuff like this.  Then again, I guess I haven’t really seen eye to eye with most anyone I’ve been with.

At first I thought that was a good thing… unique perspectives.  But it doesn’t seem to be proving to be that great in the long run.

BigGirlsCry3FINAL

Those of you that have known me as a blogger for ANY length of time know that I have a – sometimes unhealthy – obsession with both Nuuna and Madrid Solo Cosmetics.  And today, well, today is no exception, really.  It didn’t want something ‘typical’ and ‘subtle’ that a bride might normally want.  And of course, the lines in the song that I’m using today that stuck out to me the most were, “I may cry and ruin my makeup,” and “I don’t care if I don’t look pretty.”

Now, I happen to find all the makeup pieces I used today very pretty.  But the look when combining them was enough to give it that quality that kinda makes you tip your head to one side and stare for a moment to understand it.  That’s what I endeavor to do most of the time when I style.  You’ll get it… hopefully… but it’ll take a moment of thinking before you get it.

Mentally engaging styling.  Elements of avant garde are usually present, even if the whole style itself isn’t avant garde.  That’s just me, that’s who I am.  That’s the image I’ve made for myself.  And I worked damn hard to do that… to get to where I am.

Apparently nowadays hard work is over-rated.  But I’m going to keep doing it.  Maybe I’m crazy.  But I have this sense of responsibility to work my ass off to achieve the things I want the most in life.

Apparently this work ethic is rare?

BigGirlsCry1FINAL

*~* Tough Girl, Whose Soul Aches… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Alice (Lovely Day; Artic Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Beans (no bow version; Hud 01) – Magika Hair
Body: Lara Mesh Body (current version 3.3) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Spring Mesh (water) – Nailed It  **recent release**
White Eyemakeup: Iza Makeup (White) – Nuuna
Right-side Mask: Avion (Silver) – Madrid Solo
Teeth: Open Mouth Pro (w/ Piercing) – PXL Creations
Lipstick: Bubble Gloss (The Nudes pack; Salty Nude) – Madrid Solo
Gown: Lure – Lyrical Bizarre Templates @ Penumbra S/S ’15 FW
Necklace: Arabella Wild Pearls – Maxi Gossamer
Anklets: Rebel Anklets (Silver) – Promagic

Pose (photo 1): Various from slouch poses
Pose (photo 2): Various from PosESioN
Pose (photo 3): Rachel AO from Vista Animations

Location: Salt Water

Blogging Tune: “Big Girls Cry” – Sia

Posted in Uncategorized

We Can Only Get Brighter…

I’m standin’ in the flames
It’s a beautiful kind of pain
Settin’ fire to yesterday
Find the light, find the light, find the light

BeautifulPain3FINAL

It’s been a crazy ride.  And I have the migraine from hell today, so please forgive me if I’m neither deep nor witty today.  Lol.

Basically I’m super far behind blogging on Penumbra Spring/Summer ’15 Fashion Week stuff, and so I’m trying to sort through everything in my inventory that I’ve been sent or pulled out of the group.  Be prepared to be inundated with awesome things you can continue to get over the next few days.  Be sure to check out the official schedule in one of my recent posts – HERE – to get to the remaining shows for this wonderful event.

Last night I showed you a lingerie set from Supernatural, and I have to admit this was a new store for me.  I hadn’t heard of it before until I was setting up my stall on the Fashion Week sim (Zanze Provocateur is there as a designer as well!  So I’ve been busy!)  and Supernatural is the stall next to me.

When I finished setting up my beachy/boardwalk style stall, I admittedly cammed next door to see what she was working on and saw her ad pictures.  I love taking pieces and throwing them together in ways that may not utilize the whole boxed outfit, but work together for my particular style of dress and also show the work of the designer.  When I saw the Judy outfit, I knew I was going to do that with this vest.  The tunic-style vest originally goes over a bra and panties, but I grabbed it and off I went to create my outfit.

BeautifulPain2FINAL

I admittedly was wearing a pair of my own pants from one of my releases at Penumbra Fashion Week, from my Torrance outfit.  Harem-style pants just looked comfy to me, and with the headache I’ve got, comfy was a must.  At least for pants.

And yessssterday while I was having a conversation with the amazing Kiddo Oh of Dead Dollz, I got tossed a folder.  Of course, getting pretties from Kiddo is always awesome, so my reaction was, “Ooo what’s this?”  And it’s the top she just released at The Fantasy Collective that opened today.

Next stop was Cosmetic fair, cause I’m a slacker… it’s been open for the last 5 days and I just now got there.  Nuuna is one of my favorite avant garde type makeup artists, and when I found that she was selling Lelutka appliers for designs I hadn’t seen yet, it led me back to her store to pick up this new eye makeup that I just LOVE.  Another new designer to me, Moon Amore, was the source of this pretty killer hand tattoo.  To finish everything off, cause I felt naked without a bracelet or shoes or something, I grabbed some of my favorite rings from Formanails and some new anklets from Promagic, an awesome go-to store for most of my footwear needs, since she caters to more than just shoes… and I hate wearing actual shoes 90% of the time.

And thus, here we go.  In my true semi-boho nature, this hair from Truth of course screamed, “You must buy me!”  And the bindi in the center of my forehead was an awesome little find at Cosmetic fair from Kibitz.

I’m sorta super excited with how this all came out… and I like wearing it around.

BeautifulPain1FINAL

*~* We Can Only Get Brighter… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Alice (Lovely Day; Artic Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Celeste (Ligh Blondes) – Truth Hair  **recent release**
Body: Lara Mesh Body (current version 3.3) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Monochrome Set – Nailed It
Eye Makeup: Mya Makeup (Grey) – Nuuna
Teeth: Open Mouth Pro (w/ Piercing) – PXL Creations
Hand Tattoo: 90’s Hand Tattoo – Moon Amore  @ Cosmetic Fair
Top: Missandei Top (Black) – Dead Dollz  @ The Fantasy Collective
Vest: Judy Tunic – Supernatural  @ Penumbra S/S ’15 FW
Pants: Torrance Pants (Black) – Zanze Provocateur  @ Penumbra S/S ’15 FW
Forehead Bindi: Bindi #12 – Kibitz  @ Cosmetic Fair
Nosering: Cihuapilli Nose Piercing – Soedara
Hand Rings: Accessoires Unisex Elegant (Black) – Formanails
Anklets: Girly Anklets (Black) – Promagic

Pose (photo 1): various from Morphine (now closed)
Pose (photo 2): various from Agapee
Pose (photo 3): various from oOo Studio

Location: Salt Water

Blogging Tune: “Beautiful Pain” – Eminem ft. Sia

Posted in Uncategorized

I Was Counting On Forever, Now I’ll Never Know…

It’s like I’m looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody’s saying He’s not coming home now
This can’t be happening to me
This is just a dream…

WhatAScene2FINAL

I’ve started grinding my teeth at night.  I don’t know specifically when I started, but it was sometime this week.  I wake up in the morning and my teeth hurt like a bitch.  I mean, moreso than they usually do.  I don’t do anything about it, because I have to drive to work, and that’s an hour drive.  But once I get there, it takes half a Vicodin to be able to focus through the pain enough to do what I need to do.

And of course, I’m allergic to Vicodin… so I get insanely dizzy, have lapses where I momentarily forget both who and where I am, and start to briefly run a low-grade fever.  Why do I purposely take something I’m allergic to that affects me that greatly?  Because it’s what stops the pain enough to focus at work.  And the trade-off just seems worth it, somehow.  I’m miserable either way.  But at least I can focus through the dizziness and the fever.  I can’t focus through the pain.

I guess this is why part of me still holds out hope for Him.  I find any excuse to say anything to Him, even if I’m angry and it’s some stupid cutting comment I shouldn’t say.  At least it’s something.  And it might hurt like hell to talk to Him… to know that everything He ever told me was a lie… and that He never meant any of it… told me what I wanted to hear to get me where He wanted me… for some reason, I can handle the tears, because it lets me focus on the work I need to do.

Because otherwise, I’m really afraid the pain of it all would become unbearable if I didn’t.

Friends of mine who have asked why I stuck around even after I said I wouldn’t… or, rather, why I tried to stick around, because He sabotaged that too… I described it the same way to anyone who asked:  It’s like super-gluing a plastic salt and pepper shaker together and then just trying to yank them apart.  You’re going to shatter the plastic and ruin them both.  And at the time, He was begging me to stay.  So I felt like not only would I ruin myself if I just left, but I’d destroy Him too… and He didn’t deserve that. Not when she’d already caused Him so much hurt before.  Even if He did it to Himself, I didn’t think He deserved more.

But if You super-glue those same salt and pepper shakers together, and then chip away at the glue with a knife, when they separate the bond is weakened, and you have a better chance of perhaps not completely destroying one or both of them.  And that was what happened.  When He collared me, there was that super-gluing of those salt and pepper shakers together.  And everything He did during the last week when I tried to stay… just chipped and chipped at that glue.  So that when I finally walked away when He broke His word all over again… the break was cleaner.

Don’t get me wrong, it still hurts like hell.  And there are still pieces of me missing that I’m not sure I’ll ever get back again… He’ll likely keep those forever, whether He wants to, tries to, or not.  But the break itself was cleaner.  He chipped away at the glue with a knife, making the separation easier, at least for Him.  By the time I left He was so pissed at me… all for refusing to do anything but tell Him the truth.

So the break was easier for Him.  Which I guess is what I wanted all along.  I’ve always been the one to put others’ happiness over my own, so even if it made me miserable, as long as it was easier on Him, then that was what I wanted.

It’s just a shame that that knife ended up in my back.

WhatAScene1FINAL

*~* I Was Counting On Forever, Now I’ll Never Know… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Amberly (Lovely Day; Asia Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Willa (Gingers; Style 1) – Truth Hair
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Flat) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: French Manicure Brights (Orange) – Nailed It
Eye Shadow: Ere Makeup (Orange) – Nuuna
Lipstick: Essential Lipstick (Red Color; Dark Tint; Satin Style) – Pink Fuel
Top/Skirt: Plumeria – Lyrical B!zarre  (Ferosh Fashion Weekend Release)
Piercing: Diamond Monroe Piercing – envi

Poses: Various from PosESioN

Location: Home

Blogging Tune: “Just A Dream” – Carrie Underwood