Posted in Events, Jewelry & Accessory Expo, Life

Confession .04. I Am A Caged Bird

But a caged bird stands on the graves of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing…

Caged Bird 3

I’m very torn about how I feel right now.  The line from Maya Angelou’s poem about standing on the graves of dreams feels very much like a reality in my life at the moment, as it appears that some things I want for myself in my life (things that I would like to think I deserve, at some point) are continuing to elude me… but in the same breath, some other amazing pretty awesome dreams have begun to come true on the coattails of a few others breaking down.

That might just be vague enough to work.

Continue reading “Confession .04. I Am A Caged Bird”

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My Memory Lacks Initiative…

Yeah, so I’m already dead on the inside
But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs
I have learned to love the lie

LGFUAD2FINAL

Ok, so the lyrics of this song sound incredibly depressing… but the upbeat nature of it and some of the random things they say make me giggle.  So… bear with me.  This is my mood on blog post #3 of the day.

You’ll have to forgive me for being the largest blogger hypocrite ever today… when I made post #1 today and mentioned I didn’t understand how some people could do multiple posts in a day (except for those who sacrifice photo quality), I was kinda intrigued and inspired to try it myself.

I hate it.  I’ll be lucky if I can sit down and do one per day.  Let alone multiple per day, several days in a row.

I just feel like I got NOTHING else done today.  Granted, I’ve been awake since 7pm my time yesterday, so the longer I go, the more I slow down with exhaustion.  But seriously.  I’ve pretty much been standing in my dance pit tabbed into Photoshop, or writing, or looking up SLURLs, or tp’ing to MIC to take pictures, or tp’ing to an event to figure out more information about it… I couldn’t imaging allowing this to consume my entire SL.

There’s so much else that I enjoy doing, I couldn’t sit here all day every day just blogging.  I can do it for short periods of time, like now, to catch up on how far behind I am on everything, post-wise… but I don’t think I could do it regularly.

I’d never get anything else done.

LGFUAD3FINAL

This is the part where some of you tell me, “Well Tivi if you didn’t yammer on every time you blog, then maybe it wouldn’t take you so long to post the shit and you could get multiple posts done in a day AND do other things.”  But that’s just it…

a website containing a writer’s or group of writers’ own experiences,observations, opinions, etc., and often having images and links to other websites.” — Dictionary.Com

From what I read… the very definition of a blog includes writing.  This has been one of my pet peeves for awhile.  People who literally post nothing but a picture or two… on a white background, no less… and then style credits.  And usually incomplete style credits – another pet peeve I can rant about later.  Like… where is the creativity in that?  Where is the originality in that?  Where is the art in that?

Where is the BLOGGING in a blog like that?

There is someone I know, and I don’t want to use her name just in case people misunderstand and think I’m talking about her negatively (I’m NOT… I love her to death and wish more people would follow her example).  She keeps a blog, on a blogging website… but then she does additional pictures that are not blogged and keeps them solely on her Flickr.  She doesn’t call them her ‘blog’ and her ‘Flickr blog’.  She calls them her ‘blog’ and her ‘photo journal’.  THAT, to me, is accurate.

Much like events are cropping up all over the place and coming out of the woodwork, bloggers seem to be coming out of nowhere as well.  Everyone who can operate the SL camera and start a WordPress or Blogger site and post pictures and sometimes credits is trying to call themselves a blogger now and it’s just… frustrating.

What happened to the days when bloggers actually… you know… BLOGGED?

LGFUAD1FINAL

*~* My Memory Lacks Initiative… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Yolandi (Artic Tone; Makeup 04) || Glam Affair || Summerfest (til July 12th)
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) || IKON
Hair: The Italian Job (Blondes) || Vanity Hair
Ears: Steking Ears (Season 5; set to Elf) || Mandala
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Mid) || Slink
Nails (hands): Mesh Nails (Slink Elegant) || ZOZ
Nailpolish (hands): Wild Summer 2015 Polish || ZOZ || FashionTropic (opens July 7th)
* Must have ZOZ Mesh Nails for this polish
Nailpolish (feet): Tropical Nails || MUA || FashionTropic (opens July 7th)
Eyeliner: U-Color-It Bold Liner (Thin Set) || Madrid Solo
Outfit: Fleur (Etre Aux Anges Collection) || Lyrical Bizarre
* Includes Corset, Panties, Pearls, Collar, Garter, & Back Piece (called ‘chest piece’)
Jewelry: Hibiscas Falls || Moondance Boutique || FashionTropic (opens July 7th)

Pose (photo 1): Phenomena 04 || Ma Vie
Pose (feature/photo 2): Star 04 || Ma Vie
Pose (photo 3): Revealed 02 || Ma Vie

Location: MIC Imagin@rium

Blogging Tune: “LG FUAD” – Motion City Soundtrack

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I Want To See What You’re Willing To Lose…

Where are You taking me?
I can’t be blamed
I want You to want me again

Desire1FINAL

I have an insane attention to detail 98% of the time, and so I find myself gravitating towards the ring in this picture.  When I was messing with windlight settings for this picture, something seemed off.  Now granted, I’m not used to my hands being all ‘in your face’ in poses, but I wanted to show the jewelry and the nails, so I knew this would be a better pose to try.  However, I noticed when I turned full bright off on the jewelry, it stayed on in the ring.  For those who normally turn full bright on on their jewelry to avoid it dulling in darker windlights, then this will be no problem for you at all.  For those who keep it off, this may present an issue, but the designer is said to have an open door policy for those who may have experienced problems.  I have no doubt she would be willing to aid you, if you find yourself in need of a solution to this problem.

Also, I’m making myself out to be a hypocrite with my last post of, “I don’t understand how people can crank out several posts in a day.”  Though to be fair, I already had this outfit styled.  I was wearing it WHILE writing my last post… because that last outfit was what I’d been wearing for, like, 4 days, before I finally took the pictures 2 days ago and edited them last night.

And also… again… this is my first time experimenting with mesh nails that go on Slink hands.  The good thing about ZOZ is that she makes everything pretty simple to do, even for someone like me who’s never done it before.  She’s got the instructions broken down into individual notecards that are numbered in the order you should follow the steps.  That’s good for people like me who have the tendency to skim when I understand PART of the process but not ALL of it… and then I end up missing an important step and screwing something up.  With ZOZ’s system, I can read the titles of the notecards and either read the step or skip it, depending on if I already know how to do that particular part of the process.

It’s a lot easier than I’m making it sound.  It literally took me 30 seconds.  Lol.

Desire3FINAL

Also, how CUTE is this purse?!  Each color (yellow, orange, green) default attaches to your hand, but I was totally inspired by the ad photo that features the model holding one in her mouth to re-attach mine and adjust it to match.  These are the things that amuse me at 8 in the morning.  Lol.

I feel like lately most of my outfits are mix and matches of not only designers, but events.  There are SO many events going on right now, and going on all the time anymore, that I rarely find myself in a designer’s mainstore anymore.  I just wait for them to come to events.  The only time I’m in the mainstores would be, like, if they were at an event that I missed, and I want to see if they brought their release back to the store.

I’m still trying to figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing, from a marketing standpoint.

Oh!  Also!  The jewelry set that features the necklace and ring that you can see also has matching earrings that you cannot see with my mass of hair.  Basically they are studs that match the gemstone in the center of the flower, a couple linked rings to make one of the plumeria flowers dangle.  They are super cute and simple, but do require some editing to get them to match, as they are initially at entirely different rotations when you put them on.  All together, it makes a nice set that offers color change options on the gemstones, plumeria flowers, metal, and pendant on the necklace.  The butterflies (the yellow and white pieces) are not color change.

I am positively IN LOVE with these sandals from Pure Poison that I found at Uber.  I thought I was going to have to choose between the colors, which at the time I was styling something completely different and didn’t know quite what color to go with.  But when I clicked on the circle to buy the color I finally chose, much to my surprise, it was one price for a pack that contains 6 different colors – Black, Brown, Rainbow (named “Colors” in the pack), Pink, Teal (the one I’m wearing), and Green (named “Vert” in the pack).

Overall, I’m just super obsessed with these ZOZ nails, and can’t stop staring at them.  It takes a lot to get me away from Nailed It, Giela Delpaso’s brand… as she has been such a super sweet sponsor of my blog for a long time.  But lately, I find now that I bounce back and forth between Nailed It and ZOZ, and now I’ve discovered Figure.  3 wonderfully talented designers to diversify my nail collection.

Probably the best three I’ve seen in SL to-date.

Desire2FINAL

*~* I Want To See What You’re Willing To Lose… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Yolandi (Artic Tone; Makeup 04) || Glam Affair || Summerfest (til July 12th)
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) || IKON
Hair: Lessons (Hud 01) || Magika Hair
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Mid) || Slink
Nails (hands): Mesh Nails (Slink Elegant) || ZOZ
Nailpolish (hands): Wild Summer 2015 Polish || ZOZ || FashionTropic (opens July 7th)
* Must have ZOZ Mesh Nails for this polish
Nailpolish (toes): Tropical Nails || MUA || FashionTropic (opens July 7th)
Eyeliner: U-Color-It Bold Liner (Thin Set) || Madrid Solo
Dress: Fiona Dress (Blue) || Heydra
Heels: Katarina Sandals (Teal) || Pure Poison || Uber
* Versions for Slink Mid and Maitreya Medium included
Purse (photo 2): Slice Purse 2 || Lyrical Bizarre || FashionTropic (opens July 7th)
Jewelry Set: Plumeria Bloom || Moondance Boutique || FashionTropic (opens July 7th)

Pose (feature/photo 1): Jewel 01 || Ma Vie
Pose (photo 2): La Vampira 08 m || Ma Vie
Pose (photo 3): Becoming 01 || Ma Vie

Location: MIC Imagin@rium

Blogging Tune: “Desire” – Years & Years

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I Will Find My Strength To Untape My Mouth…

Cause I… I feel like I’m ready for love
And I… I want to be Your everything and more
I know every day I say it, but I just want You to be sure
That I am Yours

Yours2FINAL

I hate this.  (Not the outfit.  I LOVE that.  *Laughs*)

Regardless of all the anger, and all the negative things that I wrote in my last post… just a couple hours ago, if that… even in the face of all that negative shit, I don’t feel ‘done’.  Half the reason I even wrote that post in the first place was to REMIND myself of all the negative.  To remind myself that no matter how much I hurt right now that there was so much there that just… wasn’t right.  That I shouldn’t have been sitting around wondering if I get more than 2 minutes of His time that day.  That I shouldn’t have to wonder if when He SAYS He’s going to be somewhere, if He’ll actually show up.  That I shouldn’t have to fear pursuing things I want to do, and whether or not those things will make Him mad.

That I shouldn’t have to defend Him to almost everyone in my life.

That the fact that He is incredibly lackluster about dance isn’t going to help me grow.  That the fact that He’s not the biggest fan of my SL mom isn’t ok.  That the fact that He flies off the handle about every little thing that goes not the way he expected isn’t ok.  That I shouldn’t have to wonder who He’s being intimate with, if He won’t touch me.  That I shouldn’t have to feel second-rate in my own relationship.

It’s not me.  It’s Him.  I deserve better.  He’s too young to know what He wants and be satisfied with what He has.  He doesn’t have enough life experience to even understand what it means to be a Dominant and be One effectively.

I know all of these things.  I’ve been told all of these things in the last 48 hours.

But being in the hospital not once, but twice… I felt like something was missing.  When I started chemo again on Tuesday and I was scared out of my mind, and just felt like shit… I would open Skype on my phone and message Him.  Even if it was something as simple as, “I hate this.”  I still did.  And He always replied with something that forced me to see the positive side of it… and look forward to the long-term.

So when I was in the hospital Saturday and again on Sunday, it just… it was really empty.  Even if my mother was with me on Sunday.  It was still so empty.

Everything is so empty.

I’m sure this it the shit that gives me the reputation for being self-destructive.  And I likely should never follow my heart, because the fucking thing is entirely irrational and always gets me in trouble.

And I’m sure I’ll wind up hurt even more than I have been before.

But I guess that’s life.  I guess that’s the hand I’ve been dealt.  Because my everything is still His, even though He doesn’t want it.

I can’t seem to take it back.

Yours1FINAL

*~* I Will Find My Strength To Untape My Mouth… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Artemis (Asia Tone; Makeup Option 4) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Chloe (Light Reds) – enVOGUE
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v2.1) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Ombre Set (B&W) – Nailed It
Freckle/Blush: Lillith Fair (Freckle Blush Only) – Madrid Solo
Eyemakeup: Paris (Eyes Only) – MUA
Lipstick: Essential Lipsticks Red (Satin; Dark Tone) – Pink Fuel
Dress/Leggings: Crazy Valentina – Whimsical Imaginarium  @ The Instruments
Shoes: Fiocco Heels (Black; from Essentials Pack) – DE. Boutique
Earrings: Kirenna Fey Teardrops – Maxi Gossamer
Rings: Accessoires Rings (Black) – Formanails  **New Release!**
* These are sold separately in options for SL hand, Slink Elegant, Elegant-1, and Casual

Poses/Prop: Surface – oOo Studio  *Free Group Gift – 100L join fee*

Location: My home

Blogging Tune: “Yours” – Ella Henderson