Confession .252. My Tongue Is A Weapon, And I’m Locked And Loaded…

i’m merciless, when will You learn?
Set fires just to watch them burn
i bet You never saw me coming…

i’ve said… a lot… that i don’t understand the way humans treat each other sometimes.  And i get that the particular wording of that sounds like i count myself outside of something human – and at times i do.  i lack the emotional quotient to intelligently infer peoples’ emotions like Y/y’all can do.  In those moments, i feel less than human – like i fail at the most basic concepts of being human.

Confession .91. If My Armor Breaks, I’ll Fuse It Back Together…

If I fall, get knocked down
Pick myself up off the ground…

So this?  This right here?  This is my ride or die.  😀

Which is why it’s so strange to me that I’m pretty sure this is the first time we’ve truly collaborated.  But, to be fair, that’s likely my fault.  Cause I’ve always been relatively terrible at pictures that involve more than one person… so I’ve always been wary about pulling someone else into my little slice of the world over here, and then not being able to make them look as amazing as they deserve.

At least Nova wouldn’t kill me if this turned out shitty.  LOL.

Confession .42. I Ask Myself What Am I Doing Here?

I hope you’ll understand that I’ll be here
Not there in the kitchen with the girl who’s always gossiping about her friends
So tell them I’ll be here…
Right next to the boy who’s throwing up cause he can’t take what’s in his cup no more
Oh God, why am I here?

Everwinter Is fictional but Inspired By The Abandoned Amusement Park In The Real World City Of Pripyat, it is only [the artist’s] vision and not an accurate representation of pripyat or the chernobyl disaster.

Below are the actual facts about pripyat and details about the 1986 chernobyl disaster [taken from the info notecard received upon entering Everwinter].

Confession .41. Cover Girls Don’t Cry After The Face Is Made…

But there’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are…
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world can change its heart…
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful…

I am flawed.  I am scarred.  I have not come out of life unscathed.  I am not all sunshine and rainbows, smiles and laughter.  I’m just… not.

… and that’s ok.

The people I’ve met that are all sunshine and rainbows, laughter and fairytales… those people are covering up a deeper, darker being.  Desperately keeping that side of themselves hidden from the world.  And whether that darker being is truly a bad person, or is simply a scarred version of the good-intentioned person they’d like to appear to be – I don’t know.  Mileage may vary, individual-depending, I suppose.

Confession .32. Didn’t They Tell You That I Was A Savage?

Tryna fix your inner issues with a bad bitch
Didn’t they tell you that I was a savage?
Fuck your white horse and a carriage
Bet you could never imagine
Never told you, you could have it

I’m not going to be terribly long-winded, and for that I apologize.  I’m incredibly tired at the moment, but I have good reason to be.

I am officially done with classes!  Like, done done!  *Happy dances*

Confession .31. I Used To Recognize Myself

So let it go, just let it be
Why don’t You be You, and I’ll be me…
Everything that’s broke, leave it to the breeze
Let the ashes fall, forget about me.

“Let it go.”  If only it were that simple, right?

I mean, people tell us this all the time.  Oh, it’s not that bad.  Come on, you need to just let it go.  You’ll never feel better if you don’t move on.  Baby steps – you still gotta move forward.  This is easy to say for a bunch of people that aren’t in that moment with you, right then.  Now granted, it’s not always an earth-shattering problem that we’re dealing with, and we likely DO need to let it go and start to move forward, but in that moment?  In that very moment, standing right there?  It’s like you’re frozen.  Feet glued to the ground.  You physically /can’t/ move forward, even if you wanted to.

Confession .30. Have I Done Enough?

Let me tell You what I wish I’d known
When I was young and dreamed of glory…
You have no control
Who lives, who dies, who tells your story…

When I don’t know what else to do, I blog.

Of those of you that see this, fifty percent of you don’t read the words I write in these things.  Of those of you that see this, twenty-five percent of you will start reading and give up halfway through (hell, maybe you’ll give up right here.)  Of those of you that see this, twelve-and-a-half percent will read it all the way through, but not understand what any of this is.  Of those of you that see this, six-and-a-quarter will understand but not have any clue “what to do for you”, as if anything you do can make me feel less… weird.  To the remaining six-and-a-quarter percent… hi there.  Thanks for being here, and thanks in advance for not hounding me about how I’m feeling.

Confession .28. You Get Off On Your 9 to 5 Dream of Picket Fences and Trophy Wives

Oh, I don’t know what You’ve been told
But this gal right here’s gonna rule the world
Yeah, that is where I’m gonna be
Because I wanna be
No, I don’t wanna “Sit still, look pretty”…

Catwa put out a new static head!  I feel like this is old news, but I just had to show you, cause it’s super cute with one of Toxxic’s skins that she made for Catwa.  And, as if it weren’t cute enough – this static head is only L$400, AND you can get L$100 back in store credit if you’re wearing the Catwa group or Catwa Head Friends group tag.  (Just make sure you use the right vendor for the right tag to get your store credit!  She’s got them clearly labeled.)

Confession .26. This House No Longer Feels Like Home

It’s so quiet here
And I feel so cold…
This house no longer
feels like home.

Let’s chat about how it took me two weeks to get into Collabor88.  Or… we can ignore that fact.  That sounds better!  Lol.  Cause I finally DID get in… and oh my gosh, so many cute things.

Confession .05. I Drive My Grandmother’s Car

I drive your truck
I roll every window down
And I burn up every back road in this town
I find a field, tear it up
Til all the pain’s a cloud of dust
Yeah, sometimes I drive your truck…

“Mama asked me this morning if I’d been by your grave.  But that flag and stone ain’t where I feel you, anyway…”

Something about being in this peaceful sim in a pretty new dress with some hair reminiscent of the ‘old Tivi’ just made me smile and get a bit nostalgic today.  I am blessed to have the sponsors that I have, and while I don’t do this often, I’d like to personally thank Mami Jewell of -AZUL- and Casandra Rain of enVOGUE for unknowingly giving me the excuse to have a rather bittersweet, tender kind of past few hours while editing these pictures and reflecting while I listen to this song and write.  It was sad, but it was a heart-warming kind of sad… if that makes sense.