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Is That Your Bitch Over There?

But You took advantage of, You took advantage of, You took advantage
I cannot understand, I cannot understand, I cannot understand it
I thought You’d always be there for me, yeah yeah
But if You ask if I knew better now,
Hell yeah.


One of the most amazing honors I’ve received lately is the ability to be a blogger for The Fantasy Angels show this year.  While I’m not a Fantasy Angel model, I get to play dress up and look like one and show you all the AMAZING designs by some incredibly talented designers that will be involved in this year’s show.

And I’m telling you… these are gorgeous.  I can’t even wait to show you some of the rest.

This first design, I opened up… and I didn’t even put it ON yet, I just saw the ad photo and immediately IMed Lyrical, from Lyrical Bizarre and said, “Girl!  You are a genius.”  I love everything about this.

Then again, as someone who spent most of their SL time as a redhead, I’m pretty partial to red.  *Grins*

The red and gold in this just screams sensuality… it screams lux.  And right now, I’m watching (random, I know) Big Brother Canada, Season 3.  The Head of Household room is usually done in this entirely beautiful red and gold, so this set just felt perfect.


Though the more that I watch Big Brother Canada, the more that I’m reminded of the lengths some people will go to to get what they want.  It’s a little discouraging in a “lose faith in humanity” kind of way, but at the same time, it’s not ‘as bad’… the environment in the Big Brother house is controlled.  And the worst they really come away with are newly-formed friendships that are broken.

In real life when people pull the shit that are pulled on that show, it hurts real, genuine people… not players in a game.  So while I try to find solace in the fact that this kind of underhanded shit is going on as a part of some strategy to win a game, and ultimately win $100,000, I’m still reminded that if people are wired in such a way that they’ll even CONSIDER pulling half the shit they pull, then what’s to stop them from doing it in the real world?

Unfortunately, there’s nothing to stop them.

And unfortunately, some people do ‘play’ their real lives like a game.  They even ‘play’ the real people behind the keyboard in Second Life like they’re just a pawn in some grand scheme that revolves around them.

It’s enough to make me sick.


*~* Is That Your Bitch Over There? *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Harley (Porcelain Tone; Lid 02) – Pink Fuel
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Ennui (All Blonds Pack) – Vanity Hair
Body: Lara Mesh Body (current version 3.3) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Appliers: Diva Set (Red) – Nailed It
Eyeliner: London Liner (Red Tip Liner Only) – Madrid Solo
Lipstick: Essential Lipsticks (Red; Satin; Dark) – Pink Fuel
Lingerie Set: Perla – Lyrical Bizarre Templates  @ Fantasy Angels Show
Boots: Gladiator Couture Princess Boots (Red) – Dirty Princess
Jewelry Set: Royal Blush Set – Lazuri

Pose (photo 1): Paulina Two – oOo Studio
Pose (photo 2): Iced One Mirror – oOo Studio

Location: Home

Blogging Tune: “I Bet” – Ciara

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Tough Girl, Whose Soul Aches…

I may cry, ruining my makeup
Wash away all the things you’ve taken
And I don’t care if I don’t look pretty
Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking


I still can’t really look at wedding dresses the same.  That eludes to a post I made, gods, what, a year ago or something now?  Maybe more?  The most GORGEOUS dress from Romance Couture that I was going to use for my SL wedding.  Reader’s Digest version?  It went to hell.  Lol.  As most things do.

So imagine my bittersweet reaction when I heard the finale show for Penumbra Spring/Summer ’15 Fashion Week was going to be a bridal show.  I wasn’t sure if I was mentally prepared to be inundated with bridal dresses/jewelry/shoes/creations, no matter how wonderful the designers were.  Needless to say, I’m a sensitive person, and it takes a long time for my heart to let go of things that hurt me deeply… so even now, a year or more later, it still hurts, in the back of my heart… that pang of, “Ouch… this kinda sucks,” is still present.

BUT I had to show this dress from Lyrical Bizarre, because even though it’s white and designed to be featured in the finale bridal show for Fashion Week, it can be used for so many other occasions in which white would be appropriate… like a white party, especially a formal white party.

I remember my first white party.  It was one that Edi and Rico had hosted back when they formed this huge group of us that wanted to be social and have regular get-togethers within SL.  I… admittedly don’t remember the name of the group of us, but we had a physical in-world group and everything.  And I’m pretty sure it was our first party that they threw for all of us, it was a white party.

I was with Wylder at the time (again – and ‘ouch’ moment…) and I remember him being gripey and grumbly at trying to find something white to wear that he liked.  “Why do we even have to wear white anyway?”  “Because it’s a white party… that’s the whole point?”  We often didn’t see eye to eye on stuff like this.  Then again, I guess I haven’t really seen eye to eye with most anyone I’ve been with.

At first I thought that was a good thing… unique perspectives.  But it doesn’t seem to be proving to be that great in the long run.


Those of you that have known me as a blogger for ANY length of time know that I have a – sometimes unhealthy – obsession with both Nuuna and Madrid Solo Cosmetics.  And today, well, today is no exception, really.  It didn’t want something ‘typical’ and ‘subtle’ that a bride might normally want.  And of course, the lines in the song that I’m using today that stuck out to me the most were, “I may cry and ruin my makeup,” and “I don’t care if I don’t look pretty.”

Now, I happen to find all the makeup pieces I used today very pretty.  But the look when combining them was enough to give it that quality that kinda makes you tip your head to one side and stare for a moment to understand it.  That’s what I endeavor to do most of the time when I style.  You’ll get it… hopefully… but it’ll take a moment of thinking before you get it.

Mentally engaging styling.  Elements of avant garde are usually present, even if the whole style itself isn’t avant garde.  That’s just me, that’s who I am.  That’s the image I’ve made for myself.  And I worked damn hard to do that… to get to where I am.

Apparently nowadays hard work is over-rated.  But I’m going to keep doing it.  Maybe I’m crazy.  But I have this sense of responsibility to work my ass off to achieve the things I want the most in life.

Apparently this work ethic is rare?


*~* Tough Girl, Whose Soul Aches… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Alice (Lovely Day; Artic Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Beans (no bow version; Hud 01) – Magika Hair
Body: Lara Mesh Body (current version 3.3) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Spring Mesh (water) – Nailed It  **recent release**
White Eyemakeup: Iza Makeup (White) – Nuuna
Right-side Mask: Avion (Silver) – Madrid Solo
Teeth: Open Mouth Pro (w/ Piercing) – PXL Creations
Lipstick: Bubble Gloss (The Nudes pack; Salty Nude) – Madrid Solo
Gown: Lure – Lyrical Bizarre Templates @ Penumbra S/S ’15 FW
Necklace: Arabella Wild Pearls – Maxi Gossamer
Anklets: Rebel Anklets (Silver) – Promagic

Pose (photo 1): Various from slouch poses
Pose (photo 2): Various from PosESioN
Pose (photo 3): Rachel AO from Vista Animations

Location: Salt Water

Blogging Tune: “Big Girls Cry” – Sia

Posted in Uncategorized

I’m a Wildflower Growing in the Sunshine…

I’m a wildflower growing in the sunshine
Soaking up the way of life
I was raised in…


I’ve had these pictures done for, literally, 3 days.

Over the last 48 hours, I’ve been locked out of my blog, because it appears, to both myself and Tech Support that I was on the phone with last night, that someone hacked one of the plugins that was making my blog function and corrupted it.  I couldn’t see my blog page, I couldn’t get into my admin panel… even though other people could see it just fine.

Now, because of ‘security’ reasons, when the source of the hack was found, they couldn’t give me the exact IP address, but they DID give me a general location of where it was pinging from.  And that rouses my suspicion of who was behind it moreso than I’d initially thought.

But either way, after 48 hours of FREAKING out – cause this is over 2 years of hard work for me that could’ve just been gone – I’ve finally got control of my page back, the plugins are fixed and I think I can get back to business as usual.

Well, aside from being sick.  But the antibiotics are helping that.  *Laughs*

Trust me, the fact that I’m making this post… that has a bit of a playful feel to the images (and the inspiration behind why I made them… *smirks*) is a good thing.  I’m smiling more lately, and I can genuinely laugh at stuff that I find funny without distorting everything to remind me of something negative.

I guess that’s the good part of being bipolar?  Lol.  My moods swing so often anyway, I can just swing away from the pain?  I’m sure I’ll swing back into it eventually, but for now, I’m enjoying the break.

I hadn’t blogged anything really ‘lingerie’ ish in a long time, and I hadn’t had a nice trip to Blacklace in awhile either… AND I’d bought this new prop from oOo Studios that I just loved… so all of that together just SCREAMED lingerie blog post.  And so here you have it.

I’m still poking around for another good tutorial or two to follow to start doing some new things with my tablet, while working on my collection for Penumbra Spring/Summer Fashion Week coming up in May, working on a couple dances for the next couple weeks, and going back to fighting in GE a bit again.  (Yes, this means more entertaining Gor stories from the Dramaticus Goreanus… sorry… that was supposed to be a pun that was horribly executed…)

It feels good to hit things with sticks again.  *Grins*


*~* I’m A Wildflower Growing In the Sunshine… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Amberly (Lovely Day; Asia Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Things (Hud 01) – Magika
** Please note, I DID draw on this hair in Photoshop.  TRY THE DEMO.
Body: Lara Mesh Body (current version: 3.3) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant 1) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Monochromatic Set – Nailed It  @ On9 (6 days left)
* Used with ALU Ankle Lock, to adjust ankles in pose.
Lipstick: Melancholy (Red Lip) – Madrid Solo
Lingerie: Briony (Azure Blue) – Blacklace
* Omega Appliers used with Maitreya Relay found HERE.
Heels: Aretha Heels (Basics Pack) – PurpleMoon  @ Fashion For Change (3 days left)
Piercings: Against the Steam – the Hebenon Vial
Collar: Double Chain Collar (Onyx; Chainmail Version) – Keystone  @ We ❤ RP

Prop/Poses: Follies – oOo Studio

Location: Home

Blogging Tune: “Wildflower” – The JaneDear Girls

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Tivi Follows Tutorials #001 – Drawing Hair

** Thanks kindly to Astralia Miliandrovic (Astralia Resident) for making the original tutorial used in this post.  Video is embedded at the end in the credits.  ❤


I did promise when I came back from a hiatus after my grandmother passed away that I would be doing some new things with this blog.  We all know that I dabble in a little bit of everything in SL, and so I’d like to showcase that more here.  After all, rarely am I naked when I’m doing anything in SL… sooooo who’s to say I can’t show you guys a little more of what I do, and blog the wonderful fashions that allow me to do it in style?  *Grins*

I used to LOVE editing my pictures.  I got a graphics tablet a few years ago and just loved trying to figure out what I could do with a particular picture… how I could make it fit the mood I was in when I styled the outfit… how I could manipulate whatever client-work I was working on.  However, when I relocated from Indiana to Alabama, I found my tablet, but unfortunately that was all I found.  Lol.  The cable and the stylus were nowhere to be found.  And thus I lived in a tablet-less existance for the better part of 2 years.

Also… when working with a … special *coughs*… copy of Photoshop, things eventually started to glitch out.  None of my custom filters were there one day, just disappeared at random.  None of my brushes were there… and I could find them in my computer, but it’s like Photoshop stopped reading its own files and stopped recognizing that brushes and filters were there.  So I had to rely more heavily on Dodge and Burn, and windlight in SL, to get any even remotely decent pictures that I produced over the last 2 years, over the last 6 months more specifically.

But that all changed on Friday.  It was my first paycheck from my RL job, and with the shitty week I’d had, I decided I was going to do something FOR ME.  All week, and for a long time, I’ve been doing anything and everything that I do… for other people.  Granted, some of it makes me happy… like designing makes me happy, but I was ultimately doing it (lately) to help out a friend when she fell ill.  I took over some event releases for her and did as much as I could do to help out.  Designing brings me joy, so I was happy to do it.  But I was still doing it for someone else.

Anyway, I live an hour from work.  We’ve established that.  And the messed up part of this first paycheck was it had to be picked up at the Podium (central location in the call center that anyone on any project can get to, in the front of the production floor room).  However, the hours that you could pick up your check were between 9am and 1pm… and I don’t start work until 3pm.  My first solution was easy… I’ll just do busywork for my trainer, right?  Photocopy papers, clean the wipe board that hasn’t been cleaned since we started, straighten up desks.  It was only 2 hours.  Buuuuut then my trainer informed me that she wouldn’t be in early that day. “Not on a Friday.  You kidding?” were here exact words.  Lol.  So instead, I got my check, conveniently loaded on a “paycard” ( a debit card specifically for my wages ) and drove the 15 minutes between work and the Best Buy, to replace my cable and stylus for my tablet.

Now, I don’t have a pro tablet… whatever the cheapest Wacom Intuous is.  Just the Pen tablet, not the multi-touch.  But still… being able to do a little bit of drawing, and having freedom with that… makes me happy.  I got it all plugged back in and redownloaded drivers yesterday and then sat here like, “Well hell… what do I do first?”

That was when I decided I wanted to do something else “new” with this blog.  And actually take you all through the process of following a tutorial.  What goes on in my head, how the process was, etc etc.  And thus, this post was born.

I hate Second Life hair sometimes and how it photographs.  Especially if you’re green screening, sometimes I just give up and erase the cute little fly-aways.  So eventually I’d like to be able to draw those back in.  So the first thing I did was look for a hair drawing tutorial.  I used to draw hair when I first got my tablet, however it’s been 2 years, so a tutorial seemed like the best thing.  I found Astralia’s, and since I LOVE her Photography, I figured she would be a good one to start with.

The first thing that surprised me, was that it was only about 6 1/2 minutes long.  I remember the first tutorial I followed was in like 5 parts of at least 10 minutes each.  Then when I started the video, I saw that she started with a base hair already on, as opposed to bald.  Got it!  I popped on some hair and shot the Before shot, pictured at the beginning of this post, and was ready to get started.

She links the brushes we both used in her blog, so if you’re going to follow the tutorial, you may want to go and grab them.  Or use your favorite hair brushes.  This tutorial doesn’t seem specific to one set of brushes.  And I fully intend to experiment with other hair brushes.

For me, my pictures are smaller in resolution than hers, so when she uses, say, the size 27 hair brush to get those nice little smooth hair-like lines… they still look big and clunky to me.  And in my after photo you can still see areas where I didn’t quite perfect my brush size/stroke.  But I feel like that will come with time and practice.

What I love about Astralia’s tutorials is that she explains enough that you aren’t overwhelmed with, “Wait!  Omg!  How did you get there!”  But she doesn’t harp on every tiny detail for an hour, to where it’s going to take you 6 days to get through her tutorial.  She has a perfect mixture of “these are skills you should already know” and “here is what I’m going to show you”.  I love it.  I don’t feel stupid watching her tutorials, and I feel like I’ve accomplished something when I’m done.

Now, I totally cheated and cropped my After image a bit differently than the before… because, let’s face it, I hated how the bottom part of my hair came out.  And on the bottom right you can still see a little that could be fixed if I’d spent more time on it, erasing and re-drawing.  But I’d say for a first attempt after 2 years, I’m pretty happy with the result.

If there are tutorials you’d like me to follow, or suggestions you have on how I might better go about showing you how I follow these tutorials, please feel free to comment on this post, or IM/notecard me in-world at Tiviyah Resident.  ❤


*~* Tivi Follows Tutorials #001 – Drawing Hair *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Amberly (Lovely Day; Asia Tone; Makeup Option 01) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Base Hair: Fynnea (Gingers; no headband) – Truth Hair
** Please note, I DID draw on this hair in Photoshop.  See Before photo for more accurate depiction.
Lipstick: Melancholy (Red Lip) – Madrid Solo
Shirt: Notre Outfit – Ducknipple
Piercings: Against the Stream (Ink) – the Hebenon Vial
Collar: Double Chain Collar (Onyx; Chainmail Version) – Keystone  @ We ❤ RP

Pose: Headshot 4 – Glitterati Poses (Closed)

Location: Home

Tutorial Followed: “How to draw hair (secondlife)” – Astralia Miliandrovic (Astralia Resident)

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What Comes Next Is Another Long Goodbye…

You caught me on the way down
Please hold my hand before I drown
Tie my hands before I burn this town…


This is going to come across as incredibly bi-polar to the happiness that I spoke about in my last post.  For this, I apologize.  Let it just serve as a reminder that everything can always change in the drop of a hat.  People can always fail you.  And 90% of the time, they probably will.

He promised me that I was home.

Maybe I’m mistaken, but home implies a sense of safety and security.  A sense of “This is your place.  You are cared for here.  You are loved.”  I cannot say with any kind of certainty if after today, this environment would still provide that same feeling.  As a matter of fact, her track record proves that it would not stay that way.  Her track record proves that she has a way of making Him give up every one and everything that is not her and what she wants.  Her track record includes Him ending His REAL LIFE relationship because of a tantrum that she threw about how she couldn’t stay if He stayed with His RL.  This is her track record.  And yet, He has now taken her back.

He promised me that I was His.

Maybe I’m mistaken, but in order for me to be His slave, He has to be my Master.  And maybe I’m mistaken, but in my world, a Master is an Honorable Man.  A Master is honest and trustworthy.  He runs His House with dignity and integrity and is an Example that other Men aspire to follow.  Maybe I’m mistaken, but in my world a Master would not make a promise if He did not fully intend to keep it.  If He could not keep it, He would say so.  If He needed time to think before making the commitment that a Promise brings, He would say so.  This is what a Master is.  This is what I thought my Master was.  And yet, He has broken His promise to me.  He has taken her back.

He promised me that He was done.

Maybe I’m mistaken, but done implies finished.  Being ‘done’ implies that He saw the things that EVERYONE had been showing Him for MONTHS that she had been doing.  Being ‘done’ implies that He separates Himself from that because He sees how much it hurt everyone involved.  Being ‘done’ implies that He looked at the proof that she was SPYING ON EVERYONE ON THE SIM just to make sure that He was not spending time with His RL after she made Him dump her.  Being ‘done’ implies being beyond it. Moving forward.  Pushing past it, picking ourselves up and trying to piece our lives back together from the destruction she left in her wake.  And yet, He has taken her back.

He promised me.

Maybe I’m mistaken, but promises aren’t made lightly.  They are not made to be broken.  They are not bandaids that are put in place to fix problems, only to repeat the same mistakes and make more promises.  Maybe I’m mistaken, but in my world… where I’m so used to people, especially Men, breaking promises to me… in my world, for me to trust You enough to believe Your promise?  That is sacred.  Promises are sacred.  And they are made only after careful consideration that one has the ability to live up to that promise.  And yet He has broken His promises to me.  He has taken her back.

He promised.


I’m so used to people failing me.  But He promised this was different.  And for some reason, I believed Him.  For some reason, even though every past experience I’ve ever had was screaming at me in a resounding “NO!  DON’T DO IT!” I still believed Him.  I believed that He could care enough about me to make that promise and truly want to keep it.  I believed that He felt all the things that He said He did.

I believed Him when He told me He wanted to Own me… even when He already Owned her and I knew it would never work.  I knew her track record.  I knew what she did and how she was.  I knew all these things.

And deep down, I think I even knew that He would take her back.

But the ironic part of all of this?  Last night He sat with me, He held me in His arms against His chest while I straddled His lap on the couch in our home – and I have to scoff and the tears start all over again at the words ‘our home’ – He held me against Him and He assured me that I was His.  That I was home.  I danced before Him yesterday and told Him how much joy I found in His steel.  In the little family that had been created between Himself, me, and His RL.  I reached into the depths of my soul and told Him how I finally felt I’d found the ‘me’ that I’d lost so long ago.

I found the slave I’d always wanted to be.

And He held me in His arms and told me I was His.

He told me just last night that I am an amazing person.  And that He is so glad that I am His.  I know He said it and it wasn’t just my imagination like I’d originally thought, because I can scroll back in our conversation – and find myself doing it now just to burst into tears all over again – I can scroll back and find it now.  I can re-read those words and remember how happy they made me feel.  I was happy.  I was loved.  I was His.  And I was Home.

But home doesn’t include someone like her.  Family doesn’t include someone like her.  I can’t be His while she is there because, let’s face it, she won’t allow it and we all know His track record when it comes to her throwing a fit.  Just like a child, she will ultimately get what she screams for.  And where does that leave me?

In tears staring at the broken collar and dwelling on all the broken promises while those people who actually do care about me try their best to keep the knife out of my hand.  That’s where it leaves me.

He promised me that I was home.  He promised me that I was His.  He promised me that He was done.  He promised me.

He promised.

And He lied.


*~* What Comes Next Is Another Long Goodbye… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Amberly (Lovely Day; Asia Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Inna (Light Reds) – enVOGUE
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: French Manicure Dark Set – Nailed It
Eye Liner: London Liner (Aqua) – Madrid Solo
Lipstick: London Liner (Silver Lips) – Madrid Solo
Dress/Hair & Wrist Flowers: Sophie – Azul  @ Fashion For Change
Heels: Aretha Heels (Brights Pack) – PurpleMoon  @ Fashion For Change
Piercing: Diamond Monroe Piercing – envi
Earrings/Necklace/Ring: Eva Luxury Set – Lazuri

Poses: various from PosESioN

Location: Misty Mountain Romance

Blogging Tune: “Down” – Anberlin

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We’re All Wasted…

And he’s 18 and couldn’t wait to move out
His parents wonder what all the rush is about
They never bothered with his dreams, only thinking of theirs
Wonders why he doesn’t call and why he doesn’t care…


So… I had an entirely different post here.  But it occurs to me (after consulting with someone who seems to be my mental filter lately) that it would likely make the situation we’re going through about ten times worse.  Soooo that post got deleted, and here’s something more happy!

Sometimes, life seems like nothing but one shit-storm after another.  And I’m the first person to attest to that.  I am living, breathing, sometimes drinking proof that sometimes the storm just doesn’t end.  The last year and a half or so?  I’d be thoroughly appreciative if none of it had ever happened (besides finally relocating to Orange Beach and starting my new job this week) and if things would’ve played out much differently.

I’d thoroughly appreciate still having both of my grandparents.  I’d even appreciate still having my father.  Having that time that we never got to fix things neither of us cared enough about to work on.

But sometimes, life just doesn’t deal you the hand you think you deserve.

And you know… I’m a believer in karma.  So perhaps some of the shit I’ve done that I’m not proud of finally caught up to me over the last year and a half and karma just decided to dump her Hurricane on me all at once.  I’ll never know.

Wait, I promised this would be happier… Um.

The good news?  If it was indeed karma ganging up on me, then things should start to look up from here.  They’ve already begun.  I have a Family… an amazing Master and Huntress who care for me and have never given up on me for as long as I’ve known them, each in their own individual way, and even moreso now that I belong to Them.  I have an RL job that I love… for the most part… even if I’m only 4 days into training.  And I even made a fantastic first impression on the center Ops Director, pretty much securing myself a Supervisor position after my required 6 months on the floor, if I want it and if my metrics measure up to the potential I’m showing in training.

The moral of this post?  There are always good things that come from the bad.  You just might have a LOT of the bad first.  But I thoroughly believe the universe balances itself out eventually.  So sometime in the future, I should continue to have a LOT of good.  🙂


*~* We’re All Wasted… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Amberly (Lovely Day; Asia Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair  @ C88
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Armelle (Gingers; version with hat) – Truth Hair  @ Uber
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.0) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Monochrome Set (Monochrome Black) – Nailed It  @ On9
Eye Shadow: Seductress (Silver Eye) – Madrid Solo
Lipstick: Melancholy Lip (Silver) – Madrid Solo
Top & Pants: Meringue Aqua & Black – Sascha’s Designs  @ Fashion For Change
Heels: Aretha Heels (Pastels) – PurpleMoon  @ Fashion For Change
Necklace: Ekstrax Necklace (Silver; Short) – LUXE  @ Uber

Poses: Pose147 & Pose200 – slouch Poses

Location: Home

Blogging Tune: “Wasted” – Cartel

Posted in Uncategorized

I Will Find My Strength To Untape My Mouth…

Cause I… I feel like I’m ready for love
And I… I want to be Your everything and more
I know every day I say it, but I just want You to be sure
That I am Yours


I hate this.  (Not the outfit.  I LOVE that.  *Laughs*)

Regardless of all the anger, and all the negative things that I wrote in my last post… just a couple hours ago, if that… even in the face of all that negative shit, I don’t feel ‘done’.  Half the reason I even wrote that post in the first place was to REMIND myself of all the negative.  To remind myself that no matter how much I hurt right now that there was so much there that just… wasn’t right.  That I shouldn’t have been sitting around wondering if I get more than 2 minutes of His time that day.  That I shouldn’t have to wonder if when He SAYS He’s going to be somewhere, if He’ll actually show up.  That I shouldn’t have to fear pursuing things I want to do, and whether or not those things will make Him mad.

That I shouldn’t have to defend Him to almost everyone in my life.

That the fact that He is incredibly lackluster about dance isn’t going to help me grow.  That the fact that He’s not the biggest fan of my SL mom isn’t ok.  That the fact that He flies off the handle about every little thing that goes not the way he expected isn’t ok.  That I shouldn’t have to wonder who He’s being intimate with, if He won’t touch me.  That I shouldn’t have to feel second-rate in my own relationship.

It’s not me.  It’s Him.  I deserve better.  He’s too young to know what He wants and be satisfied with what He has.  He doesn’t have enough life experience to even understand what it means to be a Dominant and be One effectively.

I know all of these things.  I’ve been told all of these things in the last 48 hours.

But being in the hospital not once, but twice… I felt like something was missing.  When I started chemo again on Tuesday and I was scared out of my mind, and just felt like shit… I would open Skype on my phone and message Him.  Even if it was something as simple as, “I hate this.”  I still did.  And He always replied with something that forced me to see the positive side of it… and look forward to the long-term.

So when I was in the hospital Saturday and again on Sunday, it just… it was really empty.  Even if my mother was with me on Sunday.  It was still so empty.

Everything is so empty.

I’m sure this it the shit that gives me the reputation for being self-destructive.  And I likely should never follow my heart, because the fucking thing is entirely irrational and always gets me in trouble.

And I’m sure I’ll wind up hurt even more than I have been before.

But I guess that’s life.  I guess that’s the hand I’ve been dealt.  Because my everything is still His, even though He doesn’t want it.

I can’t seem to take it back.


*~* I Will Find My Strength To Untape My Mouth… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Artemis (Asia Tone; Makeup Option 4) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Chloe (Light Reds) – enVOGUE
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v2.1) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Ombre Set (B&W) – Nailed It
Freckle/Blush: Lillith Fair (Freckle Blush Only) – Madrid Solo
Eyemakeup: Paris (Eyes Only) – MUA
Lipstick: Essential Lipsticks Red (Satin; Dark Tone) – Pink Fuel
Dress/Leggings: Crazy Valentina – Whimsical Imaginarium  @ The Instruments
Shoes: Fiocco Heels (Black; from Essentials Pack) – DE. Boutique
Earrings: Kirenna Fey Teardrops – Maxi Gossamer
Rings: Accessoires Rings (Black) – Formanails  **New Release!**
* These are sold separately in options for SL hand, Slink Elegant, Elegant-1, and Casual

Poses/Prop: Surface – oOo Studio  *Free Group Gift – 100L join fee*

Location: My home

Blogging Tune: “Yours” – Ella Henderson

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You’re Not My Sunshine Anymore…

Ok, you’re pretty, your face is a work of art
Your smile could light up New York City after dark
Ok, you’re cover boy pretty, stamped with a beauty mark
But it’s such a pity
A boy so pretty, with an ugly heart…


The full lyric for the title of this blog post is “Does it stop Your heart to know You’re not my sunshine anymore?”

My guess is no.  It doesn’t mean shit.  Because it never meant shit to Him.  🙂  (*Coughs*  That’s not bitterness at all.)

I’ve become incredibly cynical in the 7 years I’ve been in SL.  I’ve seen and met some amazing people, but for the most part, I’ve seen and met people who LOOK amazing on the outside, but it’s mostly for personal gain of some kind.  And in my relationships?  Lord.  Most of the Men that make up SL seem to be (yes, note, I said SEEM to be, so the whole of the male population should NOT come at me all offended and shit, please) in relationships so that they can have their cake and eat it to.

My SLrelationship pet peeves:

  • Married in RL, Hiding From Spouse: I don’t give two shits if you are married in RL AS LONG AS YOUR SPOUSE IS AWARE OF WHAT YOU’RE DOING HERE IN SL.  If you’re in an open-relationship in RL and your wife is ok with you having little online romances via SL, then more power to you, and we can see where this goes.  However, if you hide the fact that you’re in SL from your spouse and you’re using me to fill some hole that remains empty in your RL… please step aside.  GO to your spouse, be HONEST about the things you’re missing, and make your RL shit work.  You can’t fill a hole by being deceitful.  That does absolutely no good and winds up hurting everyone involved.
  • Men Who Are Younger Than Me: I am the FIRST person who will chime in with “Age is just a number”, but after experiences with my most recent significant other (See, I don’t know what to call him.  I called Him Master in and out of Gor.  I called Him Daddy out of Gor.  But yet in a conversation the other morning he said to me, specifically, “I don’t have a slave outside of Gor.”  Way to tell me I don’t exist to you outside of the context of a superficial roleplay, asshole.)  Anyway, after my most recent experiences, I can’t handle the emotional immaturity of someone younger than me.  I’m already pretty young myself, compared to the median age in SL, being that I’m 25.  I don’t need to be messing around with people younger than me, as all it does is cause headaches.  How do you expect one to adjust to being in a ‘non-exclusive relationship’ that doesn’t exist outside of Gor… yet you treat it like it does… while subsequently getting angry and jealous over every little thing that doesn’t go your way?  (Really, I got permission to go up for a sim auction, and when someone won me, He got mad.  When I bid on someone and won, He got mad.  Come on, now.)
  • Dishonesty Of Any Kind: I am an honest person.  Brutally so.  If I can be the kind of brutally honest that pisses you the hell off, and I can be that way KNOWING that the truth is going to piss you off, then the least you can do is be honest with me.  And for what it’s worth, not telling the truth in that you’re not saying ANYTHING, is indeed the same as lying, in my book.  Lying by omission.  It’s a thing.
  • Playing Friends Against Each Other: When a breakup happens, do not come to me and tell me that I have to stop talking to so-and-so because you’re not with them anymore.  If YOU choose to not associate with them, that’s fine with me.  And if you’re coming to me in a roleplay context about a storyline that can’t happen because you’re not going to interact with them, then ok, great, I can handle that.  But don’t give me shit when I’m still friends with someone.  And don’t expect me to try and turn other people against you if you and I break up.  But also don’t expect me to give up friends I’ve made, regardless of whether you introduced them to me or not.  It’s very rare that I find people I can tolerate to keep close enough to consider them a friend.  You can be damn sure I’m holding on to them.  Especially since THEY were the ones who picked me up after YOU decided to be a dick.
  • Cheating: Enough said.  Don’t do it, not even ‘just one time, and it didn’t mean anything.’  I’m a pretty open person.  If you want an open relationship, state it up front.  Don’t go behind my back and do shit.
  • Double Standards: That said, if relationships are open, then there should be freedom on both sides.  If you want to go off and be physically intimate with other people, then don’t get upset when I do too.  Ironically enough, in my last relationship, my being physically intimate with another was the one thing that DIDN’T make him mad.  Log in while I’m with someone and he’s cool with it, but heaven forbid I win an auction for 6 hours of NON-SEXUAL roleplay and the sky is fucking falling.  (Sorry… I’m still grumbly.)
  • Neglect In The Name of Openness: Alright.  Open relationships are just that, open.  So my irritation here does not lie in being with other people.  Because that’s the nature of openness.  HOWEVER, when WE are not being intimate, then you DAMN sure shouldn’t be doing it with other people.  If you can’t keep up the physical intimacy in your own relationship and keep your partner happy, then you shouldn’t be engaging with other people.  Nothing hurt me more when my last relationship ended than to hear that he had been with others.  He was regularly ignoring me, both in matters of intimacy and in other things, and yet he sure as hell found the time and motivation to be intimate with other people.  (So this is what being used feels like…)

Alright.  I’m sorry for the ranty moment.  With the approach of Valentine’s Day (Singles’ Awareness Day) in a moment when I thought I may have been happy for once upon its approach, to have it all blow up in my face just… left me pretty sour.

So if you don’t like angry ranty posts, then just look at the pretty pictures and go buy the pretty dress and stuff.  😀


*~* You’re Not My Sunshine Anymore… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Artemis (Asia Tone; Makeup Option 04) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Aimee (Color Hud A) – Catwa Hair  @ Fashion Fair
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v2.1) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: French Manicure (Pastels) – Nailed It
Freckle/Blush: Lillith Fair (Freckle Blush Only) – Madrid Solo
Lipstick: Facade Lips (Liberal Pink) – Madrid Solo
Gown: Jo’Anne (White/Pink Polka) – Lybra  @ The Instruments
Earrings & Necklace: Arabella Wild Pearls – Maxi Gossamer  @ FaMeshed

Poses: Pose 223 (first photo) & Pose 247 (second photo) – Slouch

Location: Salt Water

Blogging Tune: “Ugly Heart” – G.R.L
* Dammit, Modesty, it’s been on repeat for DAYS, and it’s ALL Your fault!

Posted in Uncategorized

I Recommend Sticking Your Foot In Your Mouth At Any Time…

You live, you learn
You love, you learn
You cry, you learn
You lose, you learn
You bleed, you learn
You scream, you learn…


Ireland has always been a dream.  In both RL and SL.

In RL, my father’s side is mostly Irish.  It’s where the natural red pigment in my blonde hair comes from… where my temper (natural, non-bipolar induced) temper comes from… and the reason that no one believes me when I tell them I’m a lightweight and can’t hold my liquor.  My last name is an Irish one, even if it doesn’t appear to be at first… and that’s only because my family changed it when they came over here.

Apparently there was a time when Americans were prejudicial against Irish immigrating.  (Americans prejudicial against immigrants?  Never!  … Sorry…)

I remember back in high school, a girl I was in band with would go to Ireland once a year, every summer, to visit family that still lives there.  She’d come back and for a good few weeks afterwards, her accent was incredibly thick.  I remember being incredibly jealous that she got to over EVERY YEAR to the country I wanted to see just ONCE.

The difference being, I don’t know the first thing about how to find any of my family members there, if any of them are even still there somewhere.

In SL, my Irish dreams are more superficial in nature.

Saleena (Miss Virtual Ireland 2012) and more specifically Sessie (Miss Virtual Ireland 2013) are two women in fashion that I have looked up to considerably since I started.  Sessie and I got to be friends through the nightmare clusterfuck that was Miss Metaverse 2013, and ever since seeing the amazing women that have always seemed to be representing Ireland, it’s been my dream as well.

In 2014, I tried that… I tried my damnedest for MVW, and I fell short.  I no longer consider it a ‘failure’, as I did all I could do and tried the best that I could at the time.  It just wasn’t good enough, and that wasn’t my fault.  Shanty went on to be Ireland that year and became yet another name in my list of “Ireland reps” that I looked up to.  For MVW 2015, I wasn’t into the idea of auditioning… for reasons that you can read about in the last post I made.  With MVW dissolving into what it has under new ownership, I had pretty much resolved that my Ireland dreams had to dissolve with it.


And then, as melodramatic as this sounds, some hope was found somewhere.  Lol.  Marcus announced Miss SL and I was super excited about it.

Not just about the possibility of my Ireland dreams being rekindled, but about the possibility of a modeling competition that just may have the fairness that is sought all over the grid and found NOWHERE.  (Well, except one place, but I’d rather not mention that particular pageant in such a negative post alongside names like MVW and Miss SL.)  Of course, I was warned.  Many times over.  By many different people.  Publicly and privately.  By people I knew and people I didn’t know.  People who were close to me and acquaintances.  Like… people came out of the WOODWORK to warn me about getting involved in this project in ANY way.

My IMs and notices cap regularly… but this was capping not only daily, but any time I would log out.

I took their opinions and filed them away, but I continued on anyway.  I have made the mistake in the past of judging people based solely on the opinions of others, believing that these people were trying to “save me the agony” of dealing with them, and have found that, in most cases, they are wrong, and I’d missed out on some pretty awesome people.  From then on, I vowed that I would only base my opinions on my personal experiences with individuals.

Of course, I should’ve remembered that Marcus is the same person who reclaimed sims in the middle of an event, autoreturning everyone’s items that were not in his group, and this ruining and dismantling my 300+ prim runway that had taken WEEKS to build, while I was putting it into a rez box.  (Granted, I can see the justification in his reasoning… HOWEVER, that is a runway that I STILL have not managed to piece back together from my lost and found folder.  And I likely never will.)

And I probably should’ve remembered that the people running this alongside Marcus are the same people that used to run MVW, with which I have had equally negative experiences.

But I was giving everyone a clean-slate, in my mind.  I was being a better person than I used to be.  And I was being a professional model, seeking out the opportunity to be pushed and challenged to grow in this new venue.  And I was totally selfishly pursuing my Ireland dream.

I submitted my picture for the first round and wasn’t chosen to walk.  Then again, I had taken a bit of a ‘risk’, I guess, as far as pageantry is concerned and had left my piercings in.  So, the second round, I submitted the amazing picture that Pam Astonia had done for me and was chosen to walk.  Now, I know me.  And I overthink every styling challenge given to me. Especially ones that are incredibly vague and have ZERO theme whatsoever.

“Dress to impress the judges, don’t underestimate the value of a first impression.  Be elegant, be fabulous, be you.”

That is what we had to go on.

So, rather than overthinking and overstyling like I do 90% of the time, I challenged myself to stay simple, clean, and elegant.  There were few prims, but what there were, were perfectly edited, including the 4 1/2 hours it took to edit that back necklace to sit underneath the halter collar of the dress.  (Please note, I’m blogging my original version of this styling, because I like the lighter red hair.  For the audition walk, I had a darker red messy bun at the base of my neck,, above the collar, and a black couture umbrella hat from Pure Poison.)  I had even finally given in and requested Ponchi’s aid in helping me with the proportions of my face (mostly my cheekbones) to get the ‘youthful’ look out of my face while still keeping my Glam Affair skin.

I was totally ready.  Despite being sick as hell, I was ready for this walk and, for once, completely confident in my chosen poses.  They were me, but they were appropriate to the outfit, and I’d even tossed in a couple 360 sequences to show the back detailing of the necklace which I LOVED.

I did my walk.  And I rubberbanded when I first went out, but I didn’t let it shake me.  I owned that damn runway for the time I was on it, and I did exactly what I was supposed to do.  Exactly what I’d come to do.  I killed it.  And I was incredibly satisfied with everything I did.  There wasn’t one thing I could’ve done differently (well, nothing that wouldn’t have made it less ‘me’).  And there wasn’t one thing I did that I could’ve done better, for the styling, for the ‘me’ that I needed to keep in the styling, and for the motivation of proving I could do it even though half of them likely thought I couldn’t.  It was as perfect as I could have made it.

And so when I woke up from a nap and looked at the list of girls who had gone through and didn’t see my name, I was totally a little bit sad.  My sadness quickly morphed to irritation, though, when I saw a few names that most definitely did not deserve to be there, and some other names absent that DID deserve it.

I’m sorry, but there were some stylings that just… weren’t done well.  And there were some that weren’t chosen that were amazing.

And of course, when I IMed Ponchi about it (admittedly in defensive Tivi mode), she and the organization took absolutely zero responsibility for the decisions they made, and the blatant lies they told.  She encouraged me to ask for feedback, which I had been considering, though when I had asked several of the girls that walked in the first round if they had gotten feedback, they said they’d asked, and received nothing.  So all the b.s. they fed us about getting feedback was quite obviously a lie.  I wasn’t about to waste my time only to be ignored by so many others before me had.  And like we always had been by the people who think they’re the best thing since sliced bread.

Though the line from my conversation with Ponchi that really set me off was this one, “The judges don’t give feedback.  The organization does.”  That SCREAMED ‘drink the koolaid’ to me… and for those who don’t understand the phrase, google it or something.  Like… the judges were the ones making the decision, not the organization, right?  And so if the JUDGES are the only ones making the decision, and not the organization, then the judges are the ones that should be able to say, “You know, on my viewer, your ears didn’t match your skintone.”  Or, “I saw your earring sticking into the collar of your dress.”  It makes me wonder, if the ORGANIZATION is the only one offering the feedback, and not the JUDGES who supposedly made the decision, then who is really making the decisions here?  And what criterion is actually being used?

We’ll never know, because we know they’ll NEVER be transparent about any of it.  Hell, they won’t even take responsibility for the decisions they make.

In essence, all of this just goes to show me – hopefully more than just me – that nothing has changed with this particular group of people.  It will still be just as messed up as it has always been.  It will still be just as low-ball, just as conniving, just as self-serving, and just as ‘under the table’ as it has always been.  It will still be that dirty little secret that they think they’re keeping, when everyone already knows.

Because, at the end of the day, a tiger doesn’t change its stripes – and neither does a weasel.


*~* I Recommend Sticking Your Foot In Your Mouth At Any Time… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Artemis (Asia Tone; Makeup Option 04) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Promise Eyes (Apex) – IKON
Hair: Nicole (light reds) – enVOGUE
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: French Manicure (Pastels) – Nailed It
Freckle/Blush: Lillith Fair (Freckle Blush Only) – Madrid Solo
Lipstick: Pearlina (Lips Only) – Madrid Solo
Gown: Evita Formal (White) – Kelini Haute Couture
Earrings/Necklace: Tiffany Back Necklace & Earrings (Silver) – Maxi Gossamer
Hand Bracelets/Rings: Opalis (Silver; For Slink Elegant) – Formanails @ Designer Circle
* Sold in versions compatible with Standard Avatar, Slink Elegant, Elegant 1, and Casual.

Poses: various from PosESioN‘s newest Gold collection

Location: Salt Water
* P.S. I totally got to talk to the Sim Owner today while I was sitting around writing this blog.  Tre is a super awesome person, and incredibly chill.  His easygoing demeanor definitely calmed the ragey Tivi that was writing this post, so Tre if you’re seeing this, thank you for being awesome, and for the lovely work of art you and Sunshine have brought to this sim.  I look forward to seeing the others.

Blogging Tune: “You Learn” – Alanis Morissette

Posted in Uncategorized

We Were Never Welcome Here…

It’s who we are
Doesn’t matter if we’ve gone too far
Doesn’t matter if it’s all ok
Doesn’t matter if it’s not our day…


I dunno if you know what a Bushwhacker is… but that’s pretty intense.  You can’t really tell you’re getting drunk, until it actually happens.  Like… seriously.  Thing tastes like a milkshake.  And if my mother hadn’t explained to me that there are SEVERAL types of rum in it, I would’ve never known.  (Well, ok, aside from being carded to order it.)  It doesn’t help that I don’t really drink, so I’m a lightweight when it comes to alcohol of any kind.

But dang.  I was buzzed most of the afternoon.  That was… unpleasant.  I was supposed to be productive this evening.  So much for that.  Maybe it’ll be an early night so I can get up early tomorrow and get some work done.  Working on a couple new releases.

OH!  So I guess that’s something I can officially write about here now, since I’ve put out a release through them officially.  I’m designing for Zanze, specifically the Provocateur line, which is the more risque side of Zanze, though I intend to continue to keep it classy.  I dabble in gowns in my spare time as well, if the mood strikes me.  My first release was a kimono-style gown done in a pastel brocade that I put out on December 31st.  What a hell of a way for me to end 2014 and kickstart 2015.

Aaaaaand I got a super exciting notecard today.  Those of you that watched me stress and agonize for months about the Design N Dance last year, know that I may get to do that again this year!  Dancers normally don’t get to compete twice, but since this year will be the 5th anniversary year, there MAY be the opportunity for girls who didn’t place 1st, 2nd, or 3rd in their year to compete this year.  Since I was 4th last year, that includes me!  I’m totally excited to get more information about that in the coming few months.  I volunteered my time as a designer as well, if any of the girls who compete were having problems coming up with a designer who wants to participate.


Which leads me to the next thing I wanna talk a bit about.

Sometimes in Gor, as a fundraiser for the sim, people do auctions.  “Date” auction kind of thing, for a certain amount of roleplay time.  That roleplay doesn’t go towards your ultimate storyline… so that no one’s character development gets messed up by an auction, and also so people can’t do something like win your auction to kill off your character.  BUT, some of us have chosen to do other things than just the typical “RP date” thing.

My auction offering is a bit different than the traditional.  I’m not opposed to a bit of rp with it too, but ultimately what I’m offering is…

— 1 custom outfit made for you and given to ONE friend of your choosing.  This outfit in this form will NEVER be sold, so you and the one friend will be the only owners of this version.  Now, depending on the outfit, it may be recolored and sold in other versions, but that would be discussed whenever the situation comes up.  No one else will be able to buy the custom version made for the auction winner and their friend.

At the moment, I am not far enough along with Maya and 3dsMax to make an original mesh outfit, but I can still make something pretty kick-ass with what’s at my disposal.

After the auction ends, I will sit down with the winner and discuss things… what sort of outfit they’re looking for, their favourite colors, patterns, etc etc.  I’m open to males or females at this point, Gorean and non-Gorean.  I’d just like to help the sim I call my home. 🙂

The auction ends February 1st at Noon SLT.  You can find my board on the platform HERE.  (It’s an out of character platform, so don’t worry about what attire you’re wearing or about the fact that it’s on a Gorean sim.  It’s up in the air very much away from any roleplay.  You’re perfectly safe.)  You’ll find my board on the bottom row labeled with my name “Tiviyah Resident” and one of my more recent, mostly black and white pictures.

Happy bidding!


*~* We Were Never Welcome Here… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Artemis (Asia Tone; Makeup Option 04) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Frostbite; Natural Pupil Option) – IKON
Hair: Minerva (Reds) – Truth  @ Uber
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Flat) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: French Manicure (Pastels) – Nailed It
Teeth: Open Mouth Pro (with piercing expansion) – PXL
Blush: Lillith Fair (Freckle Blush Only) – Madrid Solo
Eyeshadow: lilumi Eye Shadow (Blurring) – Lovely Disarray
Shirt: Pashmina Top (Blossom) – On A Lark
Skirt: Pashmina Skirt (Blossom) – On A Lark
Headpiece: Isabella Headpiece (Sand/Gold) – Eudora 3D  @ Uber
Eye Piercings: Cihuapilli Face Jewels Sidh Humble (Gold; modified) – Soedara
Nose Ring: Cihuapilli Nose Piercing (Gold) – Soedara
Necklace: Zephyrine Necklace – Zibska  @ We ❤ RP
Bracers: Viking Bracers (Bronze) – The Forge
Hand/Feet Coins: Mecca Hand & Foot Coins – On A Lark

Poses: My Runway 6, 12, 25 – KaTink
* Poses were from a sponsored gift box for Mr&Miss Model International from the Pose Off Challenge.  Thank you, Marit!

Location: Salt Water

Blogging Tune: “Who We Are” – Imagine Dragons