Posted in Events, Kustom 9, Life, New Releases, Powder Pack for Lelutka (July), We <3 RP

Confession .115. Payback Is A Bad Bitch, And Baby, I’m The Baddest…

Baby, fineness is the way to kill
Tell me how it feel, I bet it’s such a bitter pill
And yeah, I know you thought you had bigger better things
Bet right now this stings
Cause the grass is greener under me
Bright as technicolor, I can tell that you can see
And yeah, I know how bad it must hurt to see me like this
But it gets worse!

Confession .115.  Payback Is A Bad Bitch, And Baby I'm The Baddest...

Sorry, not sorry.  I’m absolutely OBSESSED with this song right now.  (Well… by ‘right now’ I still mean a week before you’re going to see this.  But this is the last of the pre-scheduled posts, so you’ll start getting stuff in real-time again soon!)

Continue reading “Confession .115. Payback Is A Bad Bitch, And Baby, I’m The Baddest…”

Posted in Events, Life, New Releases, Powder Pack for Catwa (April), The Chapter Four, We <3 RP

Confession .88. My Life, My Love, My Drive, It Came From… Pain!

I was choking in the crowd, building my rain up in the cloud
Falling like ashes to the ground
Hoping my feelings, they would drown
But they never did, ever lived, ebbing and flowing
Inhibited, Limited… til it broke open and rained down
It rained down like…

Confession .88.  My Life, My Love, My Drive, It Came From... Pain!

I’ve bitten my tongue far too hard for far too long.  And tonight, I attempted to warn someone who was in a position to DO something about this particular individual, in terms of giving them access to a hunting ground of people to prey upon… and they did nothing.

So instead… here is my letter to the Predator’s current flavor of the week… and any who may come after her…

Continue reading “Confession .88. My Life, My Love, My Drive, It Came From… Pain!”

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Life Is A Drink, And Life’s A Drug…

And said drink from me, drink from me
When I was so thirsty
Pour on a symphony
Now I just can’t get enough….

Hymn For The Weekend

“Your love’s about to make the stars come out.”

Steampunk is not normally my thing.  I feel like I need to preface this post with that, before I get the “OMG YOU JUST BUTCHERED MY LIFEBLOOD!” comments.

However, I saw the Steam Love collection that Lyrical B!zarre just put out, and I fell in love with a vast majority of everything I saw.  This particular outfit, however, is what stuck out the most to me, because of its simplicity and intricacy all at once.  That, and I love the cage skirting.  A bit out there, but still simple and not to “look at me!”

And of course, when I saw the top hat, I knew I had to pair it with one of Truth’s recent-ish hairs and a set that was graciously given to the Chop Zuey bloggers.  It isn’t “new”, per se, but it’s a gorgeous set that was created for MissSL India in last year’s pageant.

The skin is, of course, another one of AlterEgo’s.  I feel as though I’ve worn her skins exclusively for the last few months, and I think it would be safe to say that I will continue to wear them exclusively for the foreseeable future.  This PARTICULAR version of this PARTICULAR skin is not available in the store.  It was a raffle prize from BlackOut and was never actually put in the store in any form, but there was a rumor that at some point, she may put a ‘no makeup’ version of this face in the Mainstore.  So keep a lookout!

I’m just having a bit too much fun in photoshop lately.  😀

Hymn For The Weekend 2

*~* Life Is A Drink, And Life’s A Drug… *~*

..:: Shape ::.. MINE
..:: Skin ::.. Joclynn (Havana Tone) || AlterEgo
* Again, this skin and this face is not available at the Mainstore, however if you scroll through my recent posts, you’ll see the awesomeness Toxx makes!  Totally worth a look.
..:: Eyes ::.. Hope Eyes (Forest) || IKON
..:: Hair ::.. Emeline (Blacks&Whites) || Truth Hair
..:: Body ::.. Lara Body (v3.5) || Maitreya
* Maitreya just updated their body yesterday!  Be sure to grab it!
..:: Hands ::.. Avatar Enhancement Hands (Gesture) || Slink
..:: Feet ::.. Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) || Slink
..:: Lipstick ::.. Classic Lipstick (Ruby Red; Java Tone) || Pink Fuel
..:: Dress/Skirt/Hat ::.. Steam Futura || Lyrical B!zarre || new release!
..:: Heels ::.. Kaia (Black) || N-Core
..:: Necklace/Earrings ::.. MissSL Chandrani Texture Change Set || Chop Zuey
* This set comes with a color change HUD to work the diamonds, gems, and pearls separately, providing for endless combinations!

..:: Pose (photo 1) ::.. Statue 7 || Posesion
..:: Pose (photo 2) ::.. Mortius 10 || Posesion

..:: Location ::.. Advent Hollow Harbor

..:: Blogging Tune ::.. “Hymn For The Weekend” – Coldplay

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Tell Me, Are You Just Getting By?

Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame, someone’s bound to get burned
Just because it burns, doesn’t mean you’re gonna die
You gotta get up and try, try, try…

Try2FINAL

I promise there are pictures that exist somewhere of my MVW Audition outfit.  I think I need to re-shoot them, though.  Sorry about that.  >.>

I am Miss Virtual ♛ Iceland 2016.  And that still feels REALLY weird to say.  For a few reasons.  Any of you who have followed me for any length of time probably know a few of said reasons, but it’s just… still so surreal to me.  Even after having walked the runway in our first challenge.  I thought that might be the point that made it feel more ‘real’… but it’s still so… gah!  Perhaps the second runway challenge, which is a tribute to our current Miss Virtual ♛ World, will sorta bring together the fact that here in the next couple of months, Eles will pass her crown to one of 33 of us competing right now.

That thought alone is still so… wow!

Anyway…

It’s surreal to me for several reasons.  (Have I repeated myself enough?  Lol.)

And while I was totally going to save this story for the post of my audition outfit, it doesn’t look like that’s coming back out of my inventory any time soon, so since this is my first official “MVW post”, I figured I’d tell you all this story now.

Try1FINAL

Reason #1: I’ve been working for this for the last 3 years.  Every year in MVW, there is such a mixture.  People who just started modeling, wanted to try their hand, and got in right away, people who aren’t certified models but are killer stylists, and people who have been working and improving for this moment to finally make it in on a second, third, fourth, etc attempt.  I fall into that last category.  Now, with that said, I did NOT audition last year.  I did not even put my headshot in to be considered.  BOSL and MVW had just come into new Ownership and I wanted to see… just how it was going to go.  MVW had been built up into this huge thing… like some giant rite of passage, and there was some stuff behind the scenes under the old ownership that so many people questioned or outright attacked.  I took a ‘gap year’, for lack of a better term, to watch and see.

And I was blown away.  Last year’s group of ladies  was amazing.  The competition was run like I always knew Reign to run things.  (I’ve also been rather close to Colour of Couture happenings for the last 3 years as well, auditioning, competing, helping backstage, etc.)  I had every reassurance in the world that I needed in order to put my headshot in this year and get to this point.  I wouldn’t change my ‘gap year’ for anything, as I got to see some truly beautiful, wonderful women have their time and their journey.  And now this year, it’s time for mine.

I remember my first audition 3 years ago.  I totally felt like the cards were stacked against me.  Not purposely… but just… I didn’t actually get a live audition until the last one.  So there were literally 40-50, if not more, of us walking for the last 4 or 5 spots.  Lol.  Needless to say, there were going to be a lot of disappointed models, and I was ultimately one of those.  Even though I’d expected it, it didn’t stop it from hurting any less.  But I’d just recently begun modeling, and I remember speaking to one of the ladies who DID make it through, and she reassured me, “This was my third try.”  Not her third try that year… her third YEAR trying.  And I’d always looked up to this woman as a model.

If it took her 3 years, then it’s a process.  I’d resolved that in myself and started working my ass off.

Reason #2: It’s not Ireland!  If you scroll back a bit, I spilled my guts some time ago about my “Ireland dreams”.  It had always been my dream and goal to represent Ireland in MVW.  My father was Irish… which, with his death just over 2 years ago, made this dream that much more significant.  But also, for the longest time I ran around SL as a redhead.  I was always some form of red.  When my skin was darker, my hair was more of a crimson/merlot/blood red.  When my skin was pale, I was a ginger.  I was always convinced that no one could take my red hair from me.  And then someone did.  I was literally at the point that I could not look at my avi with red hair.  The reason for which and the story behind the change just… isn’t something I want to go into… but I started running around with something I never thought I’d do again… super pale, and super light/platinum blonde.  And that became my look.  Now, I’m not saying I couldn’t represent Ireland just because I didn’t have red hair anymore.  And in fact, it was my second choice in country selections.  But I happened upon a quote about Iceland one night while I was on a random Google search.  And the quote spoke to me so deeply, I knew I had to make it my first choice.  Iceland is like… my life, and my journey, in country form.  *Laughs*

“When you live in a country which moves alarmingly under your feet every five years or so with an earthquake or a volcanic eruption, you face, like the saga heroes of old, a choice of two courses of action, neither of them good: Either to flee the country and all its hazards, or to stay and brave them out. For more than 1100 years the people of Iceland have chosen to stay and brave them out.”

That is me.  And that is what I will continue to do.  When faced with the choice to run away or brave it out… I will ALWAYS brave it out, for as long as I can take it.  And I’m still here.  So, that should tell you something.  🙂

Anyway… I know this had nothing to do with the actual runway challenge that we walked in on Saturday… haha!  The theme we were given was Lady Marmalade Meets Zumanity… both of which are amazing.  I knew generally what Zumanity was, I’d heard about it in passing, mostly because I’m obsessed with Cirque du Soleil, and so is Nova, and she’s also obsessed with this show in particular.  But I’d never actually poked around the trailer videos and stuff before this challenge.  I was REALLY inspired by the ‘Wind’ number, and the little previews of it I saw.  Which explains why my styling was a bit ‘longer’ and ‘more covered’ than a lot of the other candidates.  I wanted something that would flow like the Wind performer did, but I also didn’t want to be in just a sheer bodysuit.  So I took my Lady Marmalade and the burlesque that I love dearly (and have WAY too much of in my inventory from my neo-burlesque dancing days!) to recreate “Wind in the Style of Lady Marmalade”.  It was super fun, and I had a blast walking with 32 other wonderful women.

I look forward to more!

Try3FINAL

*~* Tell Me, Are You Just Getting By? *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Yolandi (Artic Tone; Makeup Option 04) || Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) || IKON
Hair: Ennuit (All Blonds) || Vanity Hair
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) || Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Dark Set || Nailed It
Eyeshadow: Iza (Aqua; manually tinted to match) || Nuuna
Lipstick: Shena Lips Only (Aqua) || Madrid Solo
Black Lingerie (Underneath Corset): Vitality (Black Satin & Ruffle) || Blacklace
Corset: Fancy (Teal Satin & Lace) || Blacklace
Feathers (upper & lower): Lis Feather Upper & Lower (Teal) || -AZUL-
Full Skirt: Dubois (prim skirt) || Lyrical Bizarre Templates **not released yet**
* Thank you, Lyrical!  It was perfect to meet my vision of Wind!
Heels: Anime Platforms (Black) || Pure Poison
Earrings/Necklace/Bracelet: Royal Blush || Lazuri
Rings: Accessories Rings (Black) || Formanails

Poses: Various from PosESioN

Location: Runway for MVW Runway Challenge #1: Lady Marmalade Meets Zumanity
* Built by the wonderful and amazing Sofia Corleone

Blogging Tune: “Try” – Pink (Jayesslee Cover)

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My Memory Lacks Initiative…

Yeah, so I’m already dead on the inside
But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs
I have learned to love the lie

LGFUAD2FINAL

Ok, so the lyrics of this song sound incredibly depressing… but the upbeat nature of it and some of the random things they say make me giggle.  So… bear with me.  This is my mood on blog post #3 of the day.

You’ll have to forgive me for being the largest blogger hypocrite ever today… when I made post #1 today and mentioned I didn’t understand how some people could do multiple posts in a day (except for those who sacrifice photo quality), I was kinda intrigued and inspired to try it myself.

I hate it.  I’ll be lucky if I can sit down and do one per day.  Let alone multiple per day, several days in a row.

I just feel like I got NOTHING else done today.  Granted, I’ve been awake since 7pm my time yesterday, so the longer I go, the more I slow down with exhaustion.  But seriously.  I’ve pretty much been standing in my dance pit tabbed into Photoshop, or writing, or looking up SLURLs, or tp’ing to MIC to take pictures, or tp’ing to an event to figure out more information about it… I couldn’t imaging allowing this to consume my entire SL.

There’s so much else that I enjoy doing, I couldn’t sit here all day every day just blogging.  I can do it for short periods of time, like now, to catch up on how far behind I am on everything, post-wise… but I don’t think I could do it regularly.

I’d never get anything else done.

LGFUAD3FINAL

This is the part where some of you tell me, “Well Tivi if you didn’t yammer on every time you blog, then maybe it wouldn’t take you so long to post the shit and you could get multiple posts done in a day AND do other things.”  But that’s just it…

a website containing a writer’s or group of writers’ own experiences,observations, opinions, etc., and often having images and links to other websites.” — Dictionary.Com

From what I read… the very definition of a blog includes writing.  This has been one of my pet peeves for awhile.  People who literally post nothing but a picture or two… on a white background, no less… and then style credits.  And usually incomplete style credits – another pet peeve I can rant about later.  Like… where is the creativity in that?  Where is the originality in that?  Where is the art in that?

Where is the BLOGGING in a blog like that?

There is someone I know, and I don’t want to use her name just in case people misunderstand and think I’m talking about her negatively (I’m NOT… I love her to death and wish more people would follow her example).  She keeps a blog, on a blogging website… but then she does additional pictures that are not blogged and keeps them solely on her Flickr.  She doesn’t call them her ‘blog’ and her ‘Flickr blog’.  She calls them her ‘blog’ and her ‘photo journal’.  THAT, to me, is accurate.

Much like events are cropping up all over the place and coming out of the woodwork, bloggers seem to be coming out of nowhere as well.  Everyone who can operate the SL camera and start a WordPress or Blogger site and post pictures and sometimes credits is trying to call themselves a blogger now and it’s just… frustrating.

What happened to the days when bloggers actually… you know… BLOGGED?

LGFUAD1FINAL

*~* My Memory Lacks Initiative… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Yolandi (Artic Tone; Makeup 04) || Glam Affair || Summerfest (til July 12th)
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) || IKON
Hair: The Italian Job (Blondes) || Vanity Hair
Ears: Steking Ears (Season 5; set to Elf) || Mandala
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Mid) || Slink
Nails (hands): Mesh Nails (Slink Elegant) || ZOZ
Nailpolish (hands): Wild Summer 2015 Polish || ZOZ || FashionTropic (opens July 7th)
* Must have ZOZ Mesh Nails for this polish
Nailpolish (feet): Tropical Nails || MUA || FashionTropic (opens July 7th)
Eyeliner: U-Color-It Bold Liner (Thin Set) || Madrid Solo
Outfit: Fleur (Etre Aux Anges Collection) || Lyrical Bizarre
* Includes Corset, Panties, Pearls, Collar, Garter, & Back Piece (called ‘chest piece’)
Jewelry: Hibiscas Falls || Moondance Boutique || FashionTropic (opens July 7th)

Pose (photo 1): Phenomena 04 || Ma Vie
Pose (feature/photo 2): Star 04 || Ma Vie
Pose (photo 3): Revealed 02 || Ma Vie

Location: MIC Imagin@rium

Blogging Tune: “LG FUAD” – Motion City Soundtrack

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I Want To See What You’re Willing To Lose…

Where are You taking me?
I can’t be blamed
I want You to want me again

Desire1FINAL

I have an insane attention to detail 98% of the time, and so I find myself gravitating towards the ring in this picture.  When I was messing with windlight settings for this picture, something seemed off.  Now granted, I’m not used to my hands being all ‘in your face’ in poses, but I wanted to show the jewelry and the nails, so I knew this would be a better pose to try.  However, I noticed when I turned full bright off on the jewelry, it stayed on in the ring.  For those who normally turn full bright on on their jewelry to avoid it dulling in darker windlights, then this will be no problem for you at all.  For those who keep it off, this may present an issue, but the designer is said to have an open door policy for those who may have experienced problems.  I have no doubt she would be willing to aid you, if you find yourself in need of a solution to this problem.

Also, I’m making myself out to be a hypocrite with my last post of, “I don’t understand how people can crank out several posts in a day.”  Though to be fair, I already had this outfit styled.  I was wearing it WHILE writing my last post… because that last outfit was what I’d been wearing for, like, 4 days, before I finally took the pictures 2 days ago and edited them last night.

And also… again… this is my first time experimenting with mesh nails that go on Slink hands.  The good thing about ZOZ is that she makes everything pretty simple to do, even for someone like me who’s never done it before.  She’s got the instructions broken down into individual notecards that are numbered in the order you should follow the steps.  That’s good for people like me who have the tendency to skim when I understand PART of the process but not ALL of it… and then I end up missing an important step and screwing something up.  With ZOZ’s system, I can read the titles of the notecards and either read the step or skip it, depending on if I already know how to do that particular part of the process.

It’s a lot easier than I’m making it sound.  It literally took me 30 seconds.  Lol.

Desire3FINAL

Also, how CUTE is this purse?!  Each color (yellow, orange, green) default attaches to your hand, but I was totally inspired by the ad photo that features the model holding one in her mouth to re-attach mine and adjust it to match.  These are the things that amuse me at 8 in the morning.  Lol.

I feel like lately most of my outfits are mix and matches of not only designers, but events.  There are SO many events going on right now, and going on all the time anymore, that I rarely find myself in a designer’s mainstore anymore.  I just wait for them to come to events.  The only time I’m in the mainstores would be, like, if they were at an event that I missed, and I want to see if they brought their release back to the store.

I’m still trying to figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing, from a marketing standpoint.

Oh!  Also!  The jewelry set that features the necklace and ring that you can see also has matching earrings that you cannot see with my mass of hair.  Basically they are studs that match the gemstone in the center of the flower, a couple linked rings to make one of the plumeria flowers dangle.  They are super cute and simple, but do require some editing to get them to match, as they are initially at entirely different rotations when you put them on.  All together, it makes a nice set that offers color change options on the gemstones, plumeria flowers, metal, and pendant on the necklace.  The butterflies (the yellow and white pieces) are not color change.

I am positively IN LOVE with these sandals from Pure Poison that I found at Uber.  I thought I was going to have to choose between the colors, which at the time I was styling something completely different and didn’t know quite what color to go with.  But when I clicked on the circle to buy the color I finally chose, much to my surprise, it was one price for a pack that contains 6 different colors – Black, Brown, Rainbow (named “Colors” in the pack), Pink, Teal (the one I’m wearing), and Green (named “Vert” in the pack).

Overall, I’m just super obsessed with these ZOZ nails, and can’t stop staring at them.  It takes a lot to get me away from Nailed It, Giela Delpaso’s brand… as she has been such a super sweet sponsor of my blog for a long time.  But lately, I find now that I bounce back and forth between Nailed It and ZOZ, and now I’ve discovered Figure.  3 wonderfully talented designers to diversify my nail collection.

Probably the best three I’ve seen in SL to-date.

Desire2FINAL

*~* I Want To See What You’re Willing To Lose… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Yolandi (Artic Tone; Makeup 04) || Glam Affair || Summerfest (til July 12th)
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) || IKON
Hair: Lessons (Hud 01) || Magika Hair
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Mid) || Slink
Nails (hands): Mesh Nails (Slink Elegant) || ZOZ
Nailpolish (hands): Wild Summer 2015 Polish || ZOZ || FashionTropic (opens July 7th)
* Must have ZOZ Mesh Nails for this polish
Nailpolish (toes): Tropical Nails || MUA || FashionTropic (opens July 7th)
Eyeliner: U-Color-It Bold Liner (Thin Set) || Madrid Solo
Dress: Fiona Dress (Blue) || Heydra
Heels: Katarina Sandals (Teal) || Pure Poison || Uber
* Versions for Slink Mid and Maitreya Medium included
Purse (photo 2): Slice Purse 2 || Lyrical Bizarre || FashionTropic (opens July 7th)
Jewelry Set: Plumeria Bloom || Moondance Boutique || FashionTropic (opens July 7th)

Pose (feature/photo 1): Jewel 01 || Ma Vie
Pose (photo 2): La Vampira 08 m || Ma Vie
Pose (photo 3): Becoming 01 || Ma Vie

Location: MIC Imagin@rium

Blogging Tune: “Desire” – Years & Years

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Is That Your Bitch Over There?

But You took advantage of, You took advantage of, You took advantage
I cannot understand, I cannot understand, I cannot understand it
I thought You’d always be there for me, yeah yeah
But if You ask if I knew better now,
Hell yeah.

IBet1FINAL

One of the most amazing honors I’ve received lately is the ability to be a blogger for The Fantasy Angels show this year.  While I’m not a Fantasy Angel model, I get to play dress up and look like one and show you all the AMAZING designs by some incredibly talented designers that will be involved in this year’s show.

And I’m telling you… these are gorgeous.  I can’t even wait to show you some of the rest.

This first design, I opened up… and I didn’t even put it ON yet, I just saw the ad photo and immediately IMed Lyrical, from Lyrical Bizarre and said, “Girl!  You are a genius.”  I love everything about this.

Then again, as someone who spent most of their SL time as a redhead, I’m pretty partial to red.  *Grins*

The red and gold in this just screams sensuality… it screams lux.  And right now, I’m watching (random, I know) Big Brother Canada, Season 3.  The Head of Household room is usually done in this entirely beautiful red and gold, so this set just felt perfect.

IBet2FINAL

Though the more that I watch Big Brother Canada, the more that I’m reminded of the lengths some people will go to to get what they want.  It’s a little discouraging in a “lose faith in humanity” kind of way, but at the same time, it’s not ‘as bad’… the environment in the Big Brother house is controlled.  And the worst they really come away with are newly-formed friendships that are broken.

In real life when people pull the shit that are pulled on that show, it hurts real, genuine people… not players in a game.  So while I try to find solace in the fact that this kind of underhanded shit is going on as a part of some strategy to win a game, and ultimately win $100,000, I’m still reminded that if people are wired in such a way that they’ll even CONSIDER pulling half the shit they pull, then what’s to stop them from doing it in the real world?

Unfortunately, there’s nothing to stop them.

And unfortunately, some people do ‘play’ their real lives like a game.  They even ‘play’ the real people behind the keyboard in Second Life like they’re just a pawn in some grand scheme that revolves around them.

It’s enough to make me sick.

FANTASY ANGELS POSTER

*~* Is That Your Bitch Over There? *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Harley (Porcelain Tone; Lid 02) – Pink Fuel
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Ennui (All Blonds Pack) – Vanity Hair
Body: Lara Mesh Body (current version 3.3) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Appliers: Diva Set (Red) – Nailed It
Eyeliner: London Liner (Red Tip Liner Only) – Madrid Solo
Lipstick: Essential Lipsticks (Red; Satin; Dark) – Pink Fuel
Lingerie Set: Perla – Lyrical Bizarre Templates  @ Fantasy Angels Show
Boots: Gladiator Couture Princess Boots (Red) – Dirty Princess
Jewelry Set: Royal Blush Set – Lazuri

Pose (photo 1): Paulina Two – oOo Studio
Pose (photo 2): Iced One Mirror – oOo Studio

Location: Home

Blogging Tune: “I Bet” – Ciara

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Tough Girl, Whose Soul Aches…

I may cry, ruining my makeup
Wash away all the things you’ve taken
And I don’t care if I don’t look pretty
Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking

BigGirlsCry2FINAL

I still can’t really look at wedding dresses the same.  That eludes to a post I made, gods, what, a year ago or something now?  Maybe more?  The most GORGEOUS dress from Romance Couture that I was going to use for my SL wedding.  Reader’s Digest version?  It went to hell.  Lol.  As most things do.

So imagine my bittersweet reaction when I heard the finale show for Penumbra Spring/Summer ’15 Fashion Week was going to be a bridal show.  I wasn’t sure if I was mentally prepared to be inundated with bridal dresses/jewelry/shoes/creations, no matter how wonderful the designers were.  Needless to say, I’m a sensitive person, and it takes a long time for my heart to let go of things that hurt me deeply… so even now, a year or more later, it still hurts, in the back of my heart… that pang of, “Ouch… this kinda sucks,” is still present.

BUT I had to show this dress from Lyrical Bizarre, because even though it’s white and designed to be featured in the finale bridal show for Fashion Week, it can be used for so many other occasions in which white would be appropriate… like a white party, especially a formal white party.

I remember my first white party.  It was one that Edi and Rico had hosted back when they formed this huge group of us that wanted to be social and have regular get-togethers within SL.  I… admittedly don’t remember the name of the group of us, but we had a physical in-world group and everything.  And I’m pretty sure it was our first party that they threw for all of us, it was a white party.

I was with Wylder at the time (again – and ‘ouch’ moment…) and I remember him being gripey and grumbly at trying to find something white to wear that he liked.  “Why do we even have to wear white anyway?”  “Because it’s a white party… that’s the whole point?”  We often didn’t see eye to eye on stuff like this.  Then again, I guess I haven’t really seen eye to eye with most anyone I’ve been with.

At first I thought that was a good thing… unique perspectives.  But it doesn’t seem to be proving to be that great in the long run.

BigGirlsCry3FINAL

Those of you that have known me as a blogger for ANY length of time know that I have a – sometimes unhealthy – obsession with both Nuuna and Madrid Solo Cosmetics.  And today, well, today is no exception, really.  It didn’t want something ‘typical’ and ‘subtle’ that a bride might normally want.  And of course, the lines in the song that I’m using today that stuck out to me the most were, “I may cry and ruin my makeup,” and “I don’t care if I don’t look pretty.”

Now, I happen to find all the makeup pieces I used today very pretty.  But the look when combining them was enough to give it that quality that kinda makes you tip your head to one side and stare for a moment to understand it.  That’s what I endeavor to do most of the time when I style.  You’ll get it… hopefully… but it’ll take a moment of thinking before you get it.

Mentally engaging styling.  Elements of avant garde are usually present, even if the whole style itself isn’t avant garde.  That’s just me, that’s who I am.  That’s the image I’ve made for myself.  And I worked damn hard to do that… to get to where I am.

Apparently nowadays hard work is over-rated.  But I’m going to keep doing it.  Maybe I’m crazy.  But I have this sense of responsibility to work my ass off to achieve the things I want the most in life.

Apparently this work ethic is rare?

BigGirlsCry1FINAL

*~* Tough Girl, Whose Soul Aches… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Alice (Lovely Day; Artic Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Beans (no bow version; Hud 01) – Magika Hair
Body: Lara Mesh Body (current version 3.3) – Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Spring Mesh (water) – Nailed It  **recent release**
White Eyemakeup: Iza Makeup (White) – Nuuna
Right-side Mask: Avion (Silver) – Madrid Solo
Teeth: Open Mouth Pro (w/ Piercing) – PXL Creations
Lipstick: Bubble Gloss (The Nudes pack; Salty Nude) – Madrid Solo
Gown: Lure – Lyrical Bizarre Templates @ Penumbra S/S ’15 FW
Necklace: Arabella Wild Pearls – Maxi Gossamer
Anklets: Rebel Anklets (Silver) – Promagic

Pose (photo 1): Various from slouch poses
Pose (photo 2): Various from PosESioN
Pose (photo 3): Rachel AO from Vista Animations

Location: Salt Water

Blogging Tune: “Big Girls Cry” – Sia

Posted in Uncategorized

I Was Counting On Forever, Now I’ll Never Know…

It’s like I’m looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody’s saying He’s not coming home now
This can’t be happening to me
This is just a dream…

WhatAScene2FINAL

I’ve started grinding my teeth at night.  I don’t know specifically when I started, but it was sometime this week.  I wake up in the morning and my teeth hurt like a bitch.  I mean, moreso than they usually do.  I don’t do anything about it, because I have to drive to work, and that’s an hour drive.  But once I get there, it takes half a Vicodin to be able to focus through the pain enough to do what I need to do.

And of course, I’m allergic to Vicodin… so I get insanely dizzy, have lapses where I momentarily forget both who and where I am, and start to briefly run a low-grade fever.  Why do I purposely take something I’m allergic to that affects me that greatly?  Because it’s what stops the pain enough to focus at work.  And the trade-off just seems worth it, somehow.  I’m miserable either way.  But at least I can focus through the dizziness and the fever.  I can’t focus through the pain.

I guess this is why part of me still holds out hope for Him.  I find any excuse to say anything to Him, even if I’m angry and it’s some stupid cutting comment I shouldn’t say.  At least it’s something.  And it might hurt like hell to talk to Him… to know that everything He ever told me was a lie… and that He never meant any of it… told me what I wanted to hear to get me where He wanted me… for some reason, I can handle the tears, because it lets me focus on the work I need to do.

Because otherwise, I’m really afraid the pain of it all would become unbearable if I didn’t.

Friends of mine who have asked why I stuck around even after I said I wouldn’t… or, rather, why I tried to stick around, because He sabotaged that too… I described it the same way to anyone who asked:  It’s like super-gluing a plastic salt and pepper shaker together and then just trying to yank them apart.  You’re going to shatter the plastic and ruin them both.  And at the time, He was begging me to stay.  So I felt like not only would I ruin myself if I just left, but I’d destroy Him too… and He didn’t deserve that. Not when she’d already caused Him so much hurt before.  Even if He did it to Himself, I didn’t think He deserved more.

But if You super-glue those same salt and pepper shakers together, and then chip away at the glue with a knife, when they separate the bond is weakened, and you have a better chance of perhaps not completely destroying one or both of them.  And that was what happened.  When He collared me, there was that super-gluing of those salt and pepper shakers together.  And everything He did during the last week when I tried to stay… just chipped and chipped at that glue.  So that when I finally walked away when He broke His word all over again… the break was cleaner.

Don’t get me wrong, it still hurts like hell.  And there are still pieces of me missing that I’m not sure I’ll ever get back again… He’ll likely keep those forever, whether He wants to, tries to, or not.  But the break itself was cleaner.  He chipped away at the glue with a knife, making the separation easier, at least for Him.  By the time I left He was so pissed at me… all for refusing to do anything but tell Him the truth.

So the break was easier for Him.  Which I guess is what I wanted all along.  I’ve always been the one to put others’ happiness over my own, so even if it made me miserable, as long as it was easier on Him, then that was what I wanted.

It’s just a shame that that knife ended up in my back.

WhatAScene1FINAL

*~* I Was Counting On Forever, Now I’ll Never Know… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Amberly (Lovely Day; Asia Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Willa (Gingers; Style 1) – Truth Hair
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Flat) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: French Manicure Brights (Orange) – Nailed It
Eye Shadow: Ere Makeup (Orange) – Nuuna
Lipstick: Essential Lipstick (Red Color; Dark Tint; Satin Style) – Pink Fuel
Top/Skirt: Plumeria – Lyrical B!zarre  (Ferosh Fashion Weekend Release)
Piercing: Diamond Monroe Piercing – envi

Poses: Various from PosESioN

Location: Home

Blogging Tune: “Just A Dream” – Carrie Underwood

Posted in Uncategorized

Hope If Everybody Runs, You Choose To Stay…

I did it all!
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone
I swear, I lived!

ILived3FINAL

I promise you, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried…

Some of you know that I started a new job on the 6th, working in a call center about an hour from where I live.  So, because I live in one state and work in another, and work so far from home, it’s not like my training class is full of people that I know/have met.

That comes into play later in this story, I promise.

Some of you also know that I dislike dealing face to face with people.  Social anxiety takes over, the smallest things irritate me, and I become even more of a frigid bitch than I am normally.  (Shocker, I know!)  I can sit there and do customer service work over the phone all day long and never bat an eyelash, but being in the same room with all these clashing, strong personalities for 7 hours a day the last two days has been exhausting.

But yeah… back to my socially awkward in-person people skills.

Monday, we did a “Human Scavenger Hunt”, and I’m sure most of you have done one before, if you’ve ever been in a group situation that loved icebreakers.  We had a list of things… small, piddly things…. “wears glasses”, “is left handed”, etc etc.  And the goal was to walk around the room, get to know our class, and have someone sign something that fit them.  You could only sign someone’s paper once.  So, for example, I couldn’t sign under “wears glasses” AND “does volunteer work” on the same person’s paper.  It was meant as a “get to know you” thing.

Well someone in my class who seems about as socially awkward as I am sometimes, came up to me and the first words out of his mouth were, “I think I neeeeed you.”  (Remember, I type/spell how I – or, in this case, others – talk.)  Me trying to be smooth, or something even remotely resembling ‘cool’, responded with, “You neeeeed me, huh?  Whatchu need me for?”  We both laughed, I signed his paper for being left-handed (I’m ambidextrous), and i went on my way.

Then for the last two days, homeboy’s been staring at me.

And tonight… get this.  I live AN HOUR AWAY from where I work.  Homeboy FOLLOWED ME HOME tonight, got out his car when I got home, and said, “Girl, I just had to follow you home and let you know how into you I am.”

Um… I’m flattered, but you creepin’ me out.  Can you please leave?

Methinks it will be an early morning to hang out at the Orange Beach police department and figure out what can be done, protective order-wise, when I do have to work with him.

I promise there’s a point to this story.

ILived1FINAL

There are some women, in some countries, that don’t have the liberty that I do.  To be able to wake up in the morning, talk to my local police department, and have something done about this issue, no matter how small or isolated it may or may not do.

In fact, there are some women, in some countries, who would kill to trade places with me.  They only WISHED that having a mostly-sweet, semi-attractive man follow her home an hour from her workplace to tell her he was into her after knowing her less than 48 hours… they only WISHED that was the worst they had to deal with.

I’m lucky.  We’re lucky.  Those that have the ability and the means provided by our respective societies to take these matters into our own hands and have them dealt with appropriately.

Not all women have that.  And every woman deserves that choice.  That security.

Womankind Worldwide is a UK-based charity that does work internationally… working to give women a stronger voice in their own societies, fighting violence against them and girls, and working to generally promote women’s rights as a whole.  As a woman, even in a country that ultimately has a pretty strong women’s rights movement already, I feel we are all personally impacted in some way by the work that this charity does.  And it appears several people agree!

One of the most prominent is our current reigning Miss Virtual World, Eleseren Brianna.  This weekend opens her fundraiser, Fashion For Change, raising funds to support the amazing work of Womankind Worldwide.  Over the next several blog posts – now that my hard drive is reformatted and I have Photoshop back temporarily – I will be highlighting some wonderful creations by generous designers for this event.  I invite you to join us when the event opens this weekend, and consider providing support to women everywhere.  Womankind, Worldwide.  (As the aptly named charity states.)

ILived2FINAL

*~* Hope If Everybody Runs, You Choose To Stay *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Amberly Skin (Lovely Day; Asia Tone; Makeup Option 1) – Glam Affair  @ C88
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) – IKON
Hair: Nicole (Light Reds) – enVOGUE
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Monochrome Set (White) – Nailed It  @ On9
Lipstick: Glossy Pout (Hot Pink; Dark) – Pink Fuel
Top/Skirt: Lolita – Lyrical Bizarre Templates  @ Fashion For Change

Pose (pic 1): Pose 234 – slouch poses
Pose (pic 2): Golden 11 – PosESioN
Pose (pic 3): Oro 10 – PosESioN

Location: Home

Blogging Tune: “I Lived” – One Republic