Is A/anybody out there? Can Y/you take this weight of mine? Is A/anybody out there? Can Y/you lead me to the light?
i don’t like talking much about my dad. i’ve told the story in here of how he died/how i found out about it… and i’ve told a few stories about him generally – especially when it comes to ways i’m like he was… but otherwise, i don’t really like to talk about him. Tbh, it’s still really hard… 5 years later, things like his birthday still make it feel like it was yesterday.
If You love me, let me go… Cause these words are knives and often leave scars The fear of falling apart Truth be told, I never was Yours The fear, the fear of falling apart…
That close-up photo may or may not be petty. Truthfully, I’m sick of worrying whether it’s petty or not. It made me smile, and so I took and edited the photo, and now I’m posting it. You don’t like it, you can click the x… no one is forcing you to be here.
That last bit? Not to those of you that read and are supportive. Mostly directed at the drama-mongerers that wanna come in my box or sub me on Facebook about stuff I write here. Lol. I see you, boo. And I don’t care. ❤
I’m still rocking your hood, and chewing on the strings It makes me think about you, so I wear it when I sleep I kept the broken zipper and cigarette burns Still rocking your hoodie, baby, even though it hurts…
Storytime with Deia! This one’s a random/fun story, promise! I need the giggle and the good nostalgia lately, so I thought I’d share it with you too.
And I know that I’m still fucked up But aren’t we all, my love? Darling, our scars make us who we are So when the winds are howling strong And you think you can’t go one Hold tight, sweetheart…
I’ve talked about this a few times before, once extensively that I can remember… unless I’m just implanting memories in my own head, which is entirely possible as I’ve not had much sleep today… but it’s time to go over it again.
Progressive Myoclonous Epilepsy with Early Dementia. Or, FENIB. (Which means something else entirely that I don’t know.)
Most girls are smart and strong and beautiful Most girls word hard, go far, we are unstoppable Most girls, our fight to make every day No two are the same I wanna be like, I wanna be like most girls…
“You know, some days you feel so good in your own skin, but it’s ok if you wanna change the body that you came in. Cause you look greatest when you feel like a damn queen! We’re all just playing a game, in a way, tryna win that life.”
I love this song. Like… love it. Lately, the songs I’ve been blogging, I’ve heard on the radio (I know, right? That still exists?!) in the car on my way home from work. The station I listen to prides itself on playing what ‘YOU want to hear’, so every day at 5pm local time, they do a “Test Drive At 5” with a new song, then they ask on Twitter for thumbs up and thumbs down.
I think this song was, like, 81% positive feedback.
I’ve got issues, You’ve got ’em too So give them all to me and I’ll give mine to You Bask in the glory of all our problems Cause we’ve got the kind of love it takes to solve them I’ve got issues, and one of them is how bad I need You…
So I’m sitting in a discussion right now – I’m seeing a pattern of blogging in the background during discussions lately… I’m sorry! But I’m sitting in a discussion right now, and I’d even typed the title of this post and chosen the song before I hopped over here… only to find myself discussing one of the very words that I chose to use…
Over-zealous.
Basically, a more positive way to be called pushy, or – as the discussion topic brought up – a bitch.
Everybody’s waiting up to hear if I dare speak Your name Put it deep beneath the track, like the hole You left in me… And everybody wants to know ’bout how it felt to hear You scream They know You Walk like You’re a God, they can’t believe I made You weak…
“And I’m gonna write it all down, and I’m gonna sing it on stage, but I don’t have to fuckin’ tell You anything…”
That’s the beauty of this blog being mine. Lol. I was accused in the past, ironically enough, of dragging someone through the mud, or some equally ridiculous bullshit… for talking about my experiences in here. In this space that is mine. In this space that, mind you, I don’t play the ‘name and shame’ game when I’m speaking about negative experiences in my life.
I just tell you all what I’ve experienced and learned, so that hopefully you won’t have to learn the hard way. You can benefit from my mistakes, yeah? At least, I hope so.
I believe this is bigger than you and me You will see the crowd swelling in revelry I am ready, and if that means goodbye Then it’s time to fly, into the light Nothing but sky and the strong battlecry…
I am ready, and if that means goodbye…
… then maybe I’m not ready. Maybe I’ve never been ready. Maybe I’ll never be ready.
My life flashed before my eyes Razorblade lips and daggers up in your eyes Baby your love is a crime Danger by day, but you’re evil in the night…
“Switch to the improved posting experience!” God no! I like my posting experience the way it is, thank you very much. I’m already more than a little irritated at the two successful hacking attempts into my blog that has now forced me to move back to the WordPress.Com platform and re-syndicate my blog with everyone… again. I’d like to not have to learn new posting experiences. Lol.
One step at a time, WordPress. Please?
Anyway. This is an entirely new look for me, yeah? Haha. Some of you might remember my Facebook post the other day (a week or so ago?) about the Fantasy RP sim that Rodric and I found. I have two characters there, both on Tivi’s avi, just different appearances and different slots on the roleplay HUD for her information, but this is one of them. Her true name is Jerijah, which literally means “fear”, and she goes by Ijah, because she can be bonded and controlled by anyone who knows her true name. She’s a demoness who doesn’t exactly… eat? She feeds solely on fear.
Though how she harvests said fear, as she is learning, can tend to drive people a little bit insane. So that’s always fun.
She is the darker side of me. When I’m angry, upset, stressed out… when I just want to throw things or beat things with sticks (ask Rodric… it happens more than you might think), it’s a nice outlet to go and be able to roleplay a character that is simply, for lack of a better term, a frigid bitch who gives zero fucks about anybody else. And when she doesn’t feed for an extended period of time? She becomes extremely violent and psychotic (a racial trait), so that can be fun to play as well.
Plus… do you see her? The styling opportunities are tremendous! *Giggles*
Here shortly I plan to show you my other character as well, Faelwen, as soon as I can get some good pictures of her. I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting this blog for so long. As you all know, shortly after my last post, I went to housesit for my parents for a week, so I didn’t have access to my computer, nor my internet connection for most of that. Then when I came home, I was home for less than 24 hours before I ended up with a fever of 104.5 and my mother came and got me to take me back to her house. I was literally held captive (well, not literally, but it felt like it! lol) until my fever was down and stayed down without being pumped full of antibiotics and ibuprofen, which lasted about 3 days. When I got home, the storm that rolled through the day before knocked out my internet. And when I say knocked it out, I don’t mean like, “Oh, it was a signal problem that a tech fixed the next day.” I mean, literally, something nearby got hit by lightening, and it took 4 days to get someone out to fix it. Lol. From there, I’ve simply been attempting to get back into the swing of things, adjust to new medications after finally getting to go back to a real doctor, and was busting my ass on a project… that I am no longer working on.
But we won’t go into that project. Because the whole situation surrounding that mess makes me angry.
Either way, I’m back and blogging again, and hopefully will introduce you to Faelwen soon! And I’ll blog my MVW audition outfit with a bit of a recap on how that went and what is going through my head as this journey begins. And and and… so many post ideas! So excited. ❤
*~* Bombs Over Broadway, For Fire In The Sky… *~*
Shape: MINE Skin: Immortalia (Femme; Nerio Tone) || The Plastik Body: Lara Mesh Body (v 3.3) || Maitreya Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Black) || IKON Hair: Stoned Love (All Blacks Pack) || Vanity Hair Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant 1) || Slink Feet: Mesh Body Feet (v3.3; set to Flat) || Maitreya Tail: Sci-Fi Demon Tail || CREATiCA Nail Claws: Lethal Talons (Black; For Slink Elegant 1) || CerberusXing * Comes with sizes for Maitreya Hands, Slink Elegant 1, TMP Female, and TMP Male Claw Top/Panties/Skirt: Thorny Succubus Outfit (Black) || Aii Chain Top/Sash/Belt/Bracelets/Hands: Aphrodite Gacha || Aisling || The Secret Affair Sandals: Pandora Sandals (Coal) || Fri.day Halo: Lucifer’s Halo || CerberusXing Forehead Horns: Devil Female (Black) || Punch Horns: Hundred Chain Horns (Chained + Black) || CerberusXing Facial Piercings: Schakal || the HV Pipe: Dragonclaw Pipe Silver (Ebony) || CerberusXing Katana: Da-Katana || MPS
Location:Realm of the Forgotten Fantasy RP Sim * I’m linking it for those interested in checking it out, but please keep in mind this is an ACTIVE roleplay sim. This is NOT a photography sim.
Antisocial Darwinism 