Posted in Events, Kustom 9, Life, New Releases

Confession .261. Trust Me When I Tell You Not To Touch Me…

Our chemistry’s irrefutable
And i’ll love You til You die…
i’ll come to Your funeral
But i won’t promise to cry…

Confession .261.  Trust Me When I Tell You Not To Touch Me...

i’m avoiding talking about Azuri.  Hate me for it if Y/you want to, but i will talk about it when i’m ready – and i’m just not quite ready yet.

Continue reading “Confession .261. Trust Me When I Tell You Not To Touch Me…”

Posted in District 20, Events, Kustom 9, Life, New Releases, PocketGacha

Confession .155. They Can’t Hear My Mind, Or Maybe They’re Just Not Listenin’…

Been standing on the edge for way too long
Just waiting for the place where I belong
I’m a satellite, I’m a satellite
I’m on the outside lookin’ in
They don’t know just where I’ve been
I’m a satellite
Unless you let me in…

Confession .155.  They Can't Hear My Mind, Or Maybe They're Just Not Listenin'...

“But Hide N Seek is only fun when somebody’s lookin, and nobody’s got the time.”

So.  It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written anything in here.  Most of you know, as I talked about it regularly across my social medias, here in this blog, wrote and sent notecards… and if you talked to me in-world then you probably heard about it cause I was busy – lol – I was pledging.  That was a long… semi-grueling process… and it took away a lot of my time and ability to blog, with mandatory uniforms, etc.

But I’m back… and I may be reppin’ some Sigma purple in this dress.  *Shifty eyes*

Continue reading “Confession .155. They Can’t Hear My Mind, Or Maybe They’re Just Not Listenin’…”

Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases, The Chapter Four, The Liaison Collaborative

Confession .145. All Of Your Lovers Eventually Fade And Leave You Alone In The Bed You Made…

So if you’re gonna stay, then stay
But if you’re gonna go
Make sure that you hurt me just enough to
Make me feel something, something…

Confession .145.  All Of Your Lovers Eventually Fade And Leave You Alone In The Bed Your Made...

A small break from the creepy to come back to just the general Fall/Autumn mood.  This is the sorta stuff I miss in RL.  Not that I would ever be able to wear boots like this in RL without breaking my neck… but just the need for warmer materials, longer-sleeves.

Hoodie weather used to be my favorite time of year.

Continue reading “Confession .145. All Of Your Lovers Eventually Fade And Leave You Alone In The Bed You Made…”

Posted in Events, FaMeshed, ForMax, Kustom 9, Powder Pack for Lelutka (October), Shoetopia, We <3 RP

Confession .138. But You Still Stand In Frame, I Just Don’t Look The Same…

I am human, I am the villain
I am a monster, but you let me right in
My mind is polluted, my thoughts convoluted
I don’t feel the pain, but I feel what I gave to you…

Confession .138.  But You Still Stand In Frame, I Just Don't Look The Same...

I feel like I say this a lot lately… but welp.  This is a thing that happened.

I didn’t put on the outfit with the intention of going this direction with it, originally… but see… what had happened was…

Continue reading “Confession .138. But You Still Stand In Frame, I Just Don’t Look The Same…”

Posted in Collabor88, Events, Kinky Event, Life, New Releases, Powder Pack for Catwa (September), The Secret Affair, Uber

Confession .132. Too Hard To Breathe, I’m On My Knees Right Now…

I’m so sick of that same old love
That shit, it tears me up
I’m so sick of that same old love
My body’s had enough…

For a long time, both in my SL and my RL I’ve tried to figure out this delicate balance between how I feel as a submissive, and how I feel as a ‘hopeless romantic’ in a more vanilla sense.  And let me tell you, it’s not exactly the easiest balance to find.

Today, you’re going to get some ramblings from my brain about romanticism and M/s relationships.

Continue reading “Confession .132. Too Hard To Breathe, I’m On My Knees Right Now…”

Posted in eBento, Events, Kustom 9, PocketGacha, Powder Pack for Catwa (September), Tres Chic

Confession .130. If You Didn’t Know, I Fight Like A Girl…

I got a lot to say
No time to play
Ay, I’m comin’ for ya…

Confession .130.  If You Didn't Know, I Fight Like A Girl...

“You teach people how to treat you.”

This commentary came up in a group discussion tonight.  It wasn’t something I’ve thought about in a long time, but I thought about it a lot tonight.  It came from such a simple question as to how to move on after a break up or a bad relationship, but the conversation evolved to this.

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Posted in eBento, Events, FaMeshed, Life, New Releases

Confession .125. Assembling Their Philosophies From Pieces Of Broken Memories…

If You love me, let me go…
Cause these words are knives and often leave scars
The fear of falling apart
Truth be told, I never was Yours
The fear, the fear of falling apart…

Confession .125.  Assembling Their Philosophies From Pieces Of Broken Memories...

That close-up photo may or may not be petty.  Truthfully, I’m sick of worrying whether it’s petty or not.  It made me smile, and so I took and edited the photo, and now I’m posting it.  You don’t like it, you can click the x… no one is forcing you to be here.

That last bit?  Not to those of you that read and are supportive.  Mostly directed at the drama-mongerers that wanna come in my box or sub me on Facebook about stuff I write here.  Lol.  I see you, boo.  And I don’t care.  ❤

Continue reading “Confession .125. Assembling Their Philosophies From Pieces Of Broken Memories…”

Posted in Events, FaMeshed, Life, New Releases, Powder Pack for Lelutka (September), Uber

Confession .121. Vodka On My Lips, Took Too Many Drinks…

Who are you to say that I didn’t love you
Cause I didn’t love the way you wanted?
And who am I to blame
When I didn’t trust you enough to let you in the way I wanted?

Confession .121.  Vodka On My Lips, Took Too Many Drinks...

You know, this song really deserves from bad-ass zombie styling or something… but I can’t manage that at the moment and the song’s been stuck in my head all day.   So this is what you get.  LOL.

“If I’m lucky I’ll meet ya flipside of the graveyard…”

Continue reading “Confession .121. Vodka On My Lips, Took Too Many Drinks…”

Posted in Collabor88, Events, FaMeshed, Life, New Releases, Rewind, ROMP

Confession .118. What’s Left Of My Heart’s Still Made of Gold…

And I know that I’m still fucked up
But aren’t we all, my love?
Darling, our scars make us who we are
So when the winds are howling strong
And you think you can’t go one
Hold tight, sweetheart…

Confession .118.  What's Left Of My Heart's Still Made Of Gold...

I’ve talked about this a few times before, once extensively that I can remember… unless I’m just implanting memories in my own head, which is entirely possible as I’ve not had much sleep today… but it’s time to go over it again.

Progressive Myoclonous Epilepsy with Early Dementia.  Or, FENIB.  (Which means something else entirely that I don’t know.)

My family’s disease.

Continue reading “Confession .118. What’s Left Of My Heart’s Still Made of Gold…”

Posted in Uncategorized

I Don’t Like To Wait Too Long To Wait Too Long…

Babe, I wanna drink You in
Like Oxygen, like Oxygen
Baby, I’m a house on fire
And I wanna keep burning…

House On Fire

“I’m going up in flames, and You’re to blame, yeah You’re to blame.  Baby, I’m a house on fire, and I wanna keep burning.”

First of all, I have a new sponsor!  😀  Thank you very much to Belle Roussel of Chop Zuey for hopping aboard the crazy train that is my blog life.  Lol.  This set that I’m featuring today is actually going to be released as a Valentine’s Day set on Valentine’s Day (Sunday, Feb 14th).  The FIRST 50 COPIES will be 50% off.  So go, run!  Shoo!

Also, I have discovered a new love… Lovey Dovey hair!  Teeny made the hair that was in my post yesterday during AlterEgo’s BlackOut, and I was so thrilled with it, I had to run to her store and see what else she had.  I came away with this adorable hair that was perfect for showcasing Chop Zuey’s necklace.

Anyway… what I wanted to talk about.

Since it’s 3 in the morning… it’s technically Valentine’s Day for me.  So on this… Valentine’s Day… I want to tell you a story.  And by “you”, I certainly mean any of you crazy enough to be reading this far… but I’m also hoping a particular person sees this, reads it, and truly thinks about its content.

I stopped believing in a “natural fit” a long time ago.. or, at least, I thought I had.  Once bitten, twice shy, and other cliches of that nature explain my life far more accurately than they should.  There are reasons behind most things I do, no matter how stupid or small they seem… and it’s because I’ve become accustomed to an existence where everything is about safety.  There is a cliche that says we build walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to tear them down.  That is not the case for me… I very much build my walls to keep people out.

Because it’s safer that way.

You said that perhaps You were more torn up about Your break-up than You thought You were… I’ve been there.  In fact… I’ve been there recently.  Let me tell you a story…

I don’t roleplay much anymore, but when I did, I was very story-line focused.  I wanted continuity.  In other words, I couldn’t just take a massive hiatus and come back like nothing ever happened.  In my head, I needed a logical explanation.  Fortunately for me, it always seemed that I took a hiatus when, feasibly, I could be gone for a long time, per story-line.  This particular time, the last time I had roleplayed, I had been stolen by a Northern Man and taken North.  To anyone’s knowledge, I had never been recovered and brought back home.

So that was where it was able to start.

I met Him… and immediately He was honest that He was actually a She behind the keyboard.  At the time, I was only after a story-line, and so the gender of the typist didn’t matter too much to me.  She played her male character very well, and that was what mattered to me.  He/She also told me He/She was married.  So immediately we established boundaries.  Her husband knew about what she did in Second Life… because there were things she needed that she couldn’t get from her marriage.  (Sound familiar?)  But at the same time, setting boundaries helped keep her RL marriage a priority, and everybody knew where everybody stood.  Again, I only wanted a story-line at the time, so all of this was quite agreeable to me.

But the more we hung out, and the more we roleplayed, and the more we sat in voice on Skype, the more we opened up to each other.  I told her things… some things You know, and some things You don’t.  She told me things.  She told me a lot of things… including entrusting me with some very personal pieces of herself and her past.  It was enlightening, about the person behind the keyboard.  I felt like I knew more than just her character, I knew her.

That was probably mistake number one.  We really got to know each other.  With the boundaries we’d set and the kind of ‘relationship’ that we wanted, it was probably a mistake to be as ‘plugged in’ to each other as we were.  But it happened.  And at the time, neither of us seemed to mind.

Until, of course, we realized we loved each other.

And when we figured that out, most of the basis of our roleplay went out the window, and we roleplayed so rarely that sometimes we’d forget we had obligations in the RP sim.  Granted, there was other shit going on not related to our relationship that made that roleplay environment pretty dismal anyway… but for the most part, our power exchange and our dynamic vanished.

We became more of a boyfriend/girlfriend… or, I guess in our case, girlfriend/girlfriend.

I suppose, to look at it in that sense, She was my first girlfriend.

When everything went downhill, it did so very quickly.  She had told me in the beginning she was a Switch, but that she so rarely visited her submissive side, it wouldn’t be a problem.  So, naturally, because the Universe is a bitch, it became a problem.  A large one.  She spent more and more time wanting to be submissive… and even trying to act submissive in OUR relationship, which… doesn’t bode well for me.  I need guidance and structure… I need a leader in the other half of my relationship.  I don’t need someone trying to follow me when, in my personal relationships, I’m seeking to follow them.

It was just a mess.

All in all, it ended in her telling me she couldn’t be what I needed.  That She can only be a Dominant to weak women.  That I was too strong for her.  Good to know that my working through my past and my problems to possess the inner strength that I possess, and then willingly hand it to someone who promises to guide me… is a negative thing?  It was an emotional breakup… or, at least, it was for me.  She claimed it was for her too, but at the same time she refused to come in voice to actually have the conversation.  It took place in an IM box.

I got mad and auto-returned everything on our home sim and tp’d out.  Yeah, I reacted.  My bad.

Less than a week later (within a matter of days), she was off on her alt in the collar of some Man.  And a week after that, she was running around the sim we roleplayed on, on her male avatar, dragging some new girl around.  All that time we spent together, all that love we supposedly had for one another… and it was less than 2 weeks before she had completely forgotten about me and replaced me.

My heart broke all over again, realizing just how little I meant to Her.

So, I guess, in a way, I’m pretty emotionally fucked up from my last break-up too.  But I meant everything I said that night, and I still have that gift in my inventory with Your name on it that I look at… daily… and have no idea what to do with.

Perhaps we are more of a ‘natural fit’ than You thought… or, rather, than You stopped thinking.  You were the first one to use the term.  But then you ‘changed your mind’.

I don’t know.  I just know that I don’t like how things are now.  I don’t.  I don’t like the silence.  I don’t like You just leaving without another word like everything was supposed to be perfect and the first time it wasn’t, it’s no longer worth it.

I don’t like it.  Come home?

House On Fire 2

*~* I Don’t Like To Wait Too Long To Wait Too Long… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Mila Skin (Almond Tone; Special Diva Makeup) || AlterEgo
* This particular makeup was exclusive as a raffle prize at BlackOut 2016, however other versions of the Mila skin are for sale with the Generation One skins at AlterEgo’s mainstore.
Eyes: Triumph Eyes (Silverleaf) || IKON
Hair: Blossom (Natural Ombres) || Lovey Dovey
Body: Lara Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Gesture) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) || Slink
Dress: Valentina Dress (White) || Topazia
Boots: Nicole Boots (White) || Candydoll
* I bought these boots at Candydoll’s display at BlackOut, but they should be in the mainstore.  If they aren’t right now, they should be soon!
Necklace: Dirait-On Necklace || Chop Zuey
Bracelet: Dirait-On Bracelet 1 || Chop Zuey
* This set is color change with 12 different colors for the center gem of the necklace.  4 different bracelets come with the set that you are able to mix and match, all for the right arm but they are copyable so you can make left copies too.  This set also comes with Earrings that are not shown.

Pose (photo 1): Mortius 5 || Posesion
Pose (photo 2): Narnia 6 || Posesion

Blogging Tune: “House On Fire” – Sia