Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases

Confession .303. I Had No Warning About Who You Are…

You will never, ever touch me again
Won’t see your alligator tears
Cause, no, i’ve had enough of them…

Confession .303.  I Had No Warning About Who You Are...

Today i want to talk about the feeling of betrayal – a topic i realize won’t be E/everyone’s cup of tea.  So if this isn’t something you’re into, then feel free to scroll down for the pretties and i’ll see you at some point with something more lighthearted.

Continue reading “Confession .303. I Had No Warning About Who You Are…”

Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases

Confession .299. If You See The Shell That’s Left Of Me, Could You Spare {Her} A Little Kindness?

Am i broken?  Am i flawed?
Do i deserve a shred of worth
Or am i just another fake, fucked up lost cause?
Am i human or am i something else?
Cause i’m so scared and there’s No One there
To save me from the nightmare that i call myself…

Confession .299.  If You See The Shell That's Left Of Me, Could You Spare {Her} A Little Kindness?

Here’s the scariest part of me – or one of them, anyway.  You won’t know i’m upset or that something is wrong… until it’s REALLY wrong.

Continue reading “Confession .299. If You See The Shell That’s Left Of Me, Could You Spare {Her} A Little Kindness?”

Posted in Collabor88, Events, Kustom 9, Life, New Releases

Confession .295. I’m Sorry That I Missed Your Call For The Third Time In A Row…

Don’t get carried away, no
I’ll only let you down
Certain circumstances got me feeling low
Don’t take it personally…

Confession .295.  I'm Sorry That I Missed Your Call For The Third Time In A Row...

i think it’s time to finally get real about a few things.  If you’re easily triggered by talks of Mental Health, then this likely isn’t the post for you.  Scroll down and grab the credits you want and i’ll see you next time.  For E/everyone else?  Buckle in…

Continue reading “Confession .295. I’m Sorry That I Missed Your Call For The Third Time In A Row…”

Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases

Confession .291. You Should Know It’s All Or Nothing To Be With Me…

Don’t You look at me, don’t You even think about it, Baby
If You ain’t… if You ain’t… ready for it all…

Confession .291.  You Should Know It's All Or Nothing To Be With Me...

Independence is often a front in submission – at least it is for me.  Yes, i’m an independent-ass woman generally, however… if i’m shoving that independence in Your face as a Dominant, then there’s often something deeper that is unfulfilled.  Let me explain…

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Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases

Confession .289. Are You Able To See Me?

i stand in front of You, with a few more steps between U/us
i stand in front of You, with a few more steps between U/us
i stand in front of You, with a few more steps between U/us
You tried to see the unknown…

Confession .289.  Are You Able To See Me?

Here’s a hint… the answer is no, Y/you can’t see me.  N/nobody can, it seems.  Lately, anyway.

Continue reading “Confession .289. Are You Able To See Me?”

Posted in Collabor88, Events, FaMESHed X, Life, New Releases, Salon 52

Confession .284. Will You Still Love Me When I’m No Longer Young And Beautiful?

I’ve seen the world, lit it up as my stage now
Channeling angels in the new age now
Hot summer days, rock ‘n’ roll, the way you play for me at your show
And all the ways I got to know your pretty face and electric soul…

Confession .284.  Will You Still Love Me When I'm No Longer Young And Beautiful?

Today’s post is going to be a little bit heavy.  If that’s not Y/your thing, then i understand.  Just wanted to give Y/you a heads up before Y/you click for more.  🙂

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Posted in Anybody, Belle, Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases

Confession .282. Art Is Not What I Create; What I Create Is Chaos…

You’re dripping like a saturated sunrise
You’re spilling like an overflowing sink
You’re ripped at every edge but You’re a masterpiece
And now You’re tearing through the pages and the ink…

Confession .282.  Art Is Not What I Create; What I Create Is Chaos...

Today i read a letter out loud that i wrote to my “Future Self” about a month ago now.  While a month might not seem like a long time to most of Y/you, especially to re-read a ‘future self’ type letter… it’s been a month of recovery, rebuilding, and growth.  i found it very effective, and so i’ve decided i’m going to share it with Y/you.  Be gentle.  These are pieces of me that i’m entrusting Y/you with…

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Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases, Salem, Uber

My Experience With “Getting Help”…

Mama said gonna be alright
But mama don’t know what it’s like in my mind
Mama said the sun gonna shine
But mama don’t know what it’s like to wanna die…

My Experience With "Getting Help"...

It’s a long post today… bear with me…

Consider this trigger warning, if the title did not give it away.  This post is of a very serious nature, and deals with some very deep and potentially triggering subject matter such as suicidal ideations/thoughts, self-harm, verbal and emotional abuse, isolation, and extensive, in-depth explanation of an experience in both an ER on ‘suicide watch’ and in a mental health facility.

This story is mine to tell… and while i wasn’t quite ready to tell it so soon after getting back, circumstances have made it such that i have to be ok with it.  Honestly, it’ll probably be a bit theraputic to get it all out, and i’d planned to blog my experience because it was a bit crazy, but i guess i just didn’t think i’d be doing it so soon after i got home.  Oh well, here we go…

This is the story of the time i went to “get help” from a mental health facility.  Aka: A mental hospital.

Continue reading “My Experience With “Getting Help”…”

Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases

Confession .274. The Aftermath Of One Too Many Words I Said When I Should’ve Said Nothing At All…

Yeah, these thoughts i would never speak out loud
i’ve seen you cry but i’ve never seen you shout like a hurricane
These shots don’t ricochet
Sight blurred, i’m walking dazed, girl
i’m fucking faded
Or maybe wasted, i can’t remember how it happened
Oh, i don’t know my limits at all…
i’m sinking down into my thoughts…

Confession .274.  The Aftermath Of One Too Many Words I Said When I Should've Said Nothing At All...

P/people assume that when you pull back, it’s because of something wrong with you.  Not always.  Not everything is the fault of E/everyone else in the world.  Sometimes, if someone withdraws from you, you are the problem.  You aren’t safe for their Universe.  Your gravitational pull is too much for their orbit.  You aren’t safe for my Universe.  Your gravitational pull is too much for my orbit.

Continue reading “Confession .274. The Aftermath Of One Too Many Words I Said When I Should’ve Said Nothing At All…”