Confession .366. I Just Need A Moment In My Own Space…

The older I get, I feel like I’m always tryna save time
Talkin’ to the voices in my head, they make me think twice
Tellin’ me it doesn’t mean it’s wrong because it feels right…

I don’t make friends very easily. Between things that I have no control over and things I simply haven’t put in the effort to control, I either just can’t seem to relate to other P/people enough to make friends, or once I make them I will find some way to sabotage the friendship. It usually goes one of a few ways, and this year I resolved that I was going to actively work on it.

Confession .354. And They’re Haunting Me Until I Overdose…

My room feels so small
These walls are closing in and there’s no door
I’m out of space I’ve been washed out, washed out
I’m running from myself
Losing focus I’ve been washed out, washed out
Yeah, I’ve been going through hell…

“Beware of the One that slaps you with one hand then strokes you with the other. Addicted to creating chaos. Raising you up, only to cut you down. The best thing you can do is wash away the past and start afresh.” A quote from an image that one of the Pages I follow on Facebook shared tonight – and that was what made me sit down to write tonight instead of putting this post off until tomorrow. That, and this damned song.

Confession .347. I’m Not Leaving Quiet, Babe…

Just set it all on fire and burn down this room
And strip my being to the wires
And I’ll learn to carry it through
But in any kind of way, I’ll make it clear for you
I’m not leaving quiet, babe
So burn down this room…

I’m more inspired for photos lately than I am for dance. And that’s saying something… usually I’m brimming with things I want to build or dance – but ever since my surgery it’s like… I don’t have the brain power, or the inspiration, or both. And I’m a little afraid it’ll never come back…

Confession .346. Pink – It’s Not Even A Question…

Pink – like a deco umbrella
It’s kink that you don’t ever tell her…

“WHAT IN TARNATION DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?!”

Confession .335. Can You Look Her In The Face And Promise Her That Things Will Change?

What are you gonna tell her when she’s wrong?
Will you just shrug and say it’s been that way all along?
What are you gonna tell her when she figures out
That all this time you built her up just so the world could let her down?
Yeah, what do you tell her?
What are you gonna tell her?

Some of you have never heard this song, and after the events of today i’m going to make you cry like i have been all day. My apologies in advance. Today, in light of what is going on in Washington DC, i felt like i needed one of my “just the lyrics” posts… because these lyrics ring so true for the state of our country right now, unfortunately.

Honestly the only reason i’m posting is because i wanted to lose myself in Photoshop for awhile. Hence this picture is different than what i usually do. There are no words i can say that will describe my feelings of heartbreak like the lyrics of this song.

Confession .333. Stand Or Fall, I Will Be Right Here For You…

These are words that every girl should have a chance to hear
There will be love, there will be pain, there will be hope, there will be fear
And through it all, year after year
Stand or fall I will be right here for you

For those that may not know, i had my (SL) daughter Fallon back at the end of the September. i’ve not ‘featured’ her here before now because she’s a Zooby, and i know some have conflicting views on that, and pregnancy in SL, and families in SL in general. But with the hype around the upcoming Zooby pregnancy body, i figured now would be a good time to let you in on another piece of my life, RL and SL.

Confession .327. God Save Me, But Don’t Drown Me Out…

Not gonna waste my life, ’cause i’ve been fucked up
‘Cause it doesn’t matter
So, waste my time, and God save all of us
And the walls, they’ll shatter
And i won’t let my insecurities define who i am
i am not gonna waste my life, ’cause i’ve been fucked up
‘Cause it doesn’t matter…

i spend a lot of time, a lot more than i’d like to admit sometimes, mourning situations, relationships, etc that died a long time ago. It doesn’t matter how recent the final severing of the connection happened… most times, what made it ‘special’ died much before that.

Confession .317. Congratulations, You Found The One… Another One…

Honestly, I’m happy for You
i do not wish You no harm
i met your {girlfriend}, {she’s} beautiful
Please treat {her} like {she’s} someone…

The transient nature of SL relationships and the intensity of the time able to be spent together in a short period of time in a virtual world like SL (especially now with so many people quarantined) means that people often feel like they’ve found “The One”… several times… and when it doesn’t work out, they simply find another “One”.

Confession .307. Let Me Live In Blissful Ignorance…

You need to get Your conscience clean, but just spare me the details, please
i wanna keep remembering this Perfect Day…
i’m not the type to be left speechless, but i don’t think i can deal with this
It’s all the closure that You’ll get, this Perfect Day…
Justifications veiled as apologies; i don’t wanna cause a scene
Please let me go, i just wanna leave this Perfect Day…

Lately, i’ve been learning a lot and doing a lot of self-exploration.  i want to share an iteration of a journal entry i wrote recently with Y/you A/all.  i go back and read some of my posts here from this time a few years ago and if Y/you would’ve told me that this is where i’d end up, i would’ve laughed at Y/you.

Things seemed so perfect then…

Confession .305. Watermelon Sugar High

Tastes like strawberries on a summer evenin’
And it sounds just like a song…

It’s been an… interesting… summer so far, to say the least.