Posted in Events, Life, New Releases, The Arcade, Uber

Confession .230. I’m Drawn To The Unknown, Where Shadows Hide…

The endless of darkness is hovering
The sound of the silence is deafening
Ten billion decibels shattering

Confession .230.  I'm Drawn To The Unknown, Where Shadows Hide...

People ask me sometimes why i withdraw from people and places that i used to frequent and enjoy being around.  Most of the time, my answers to this question are varied, and can sometimes be an over-reaction to a perception i have about a P/person or situation.  Today, though, today was different.

Continue reading “Confession .230. I’m Drawn To The Unknown, Where Shadows Hide…”

Posted in Events, Life, New Releases, The Arcade, We <3 RP, WinterTrendSL

Confession .49. There’s Things I Don’t Ask, What I Don’t Know Can’t Hurt Me…

I’m not discarding you like broken glass
There are no winners when the die is cast
There’s only tears when it’s the final chance
So don’t give up, it’s just young lovers’ romance…

Confession .49.  There's Things I Don't Ask, What I Don't Know Can't Hurt Me...

For as long as I can remember, I have known what I’ve wanted to name my children.  I have known that I’ve wanted to have one boy and one girl, and I have known what I have wanted to name both of them.

There is a naming tradition in my family, that at least one girl in a generation must have the mother’s first or middle name used.  I didn’t get named with the tradition because by the time I was born, my aunt had already had my cousin, and had given her the family middle name.  However, because it looked like I was the only female in this generation that may have children, it would be up to me to use my mother’s first name, or her middle name.  There is a horrible, rare disease in my family that we think my female cousin has, and if she does, she doesn’t want children.  She doesn’t want to make them live through what she had her brothers are going through/have gone through.

Continue reading “Confession .49. There’s Things I Don’t Ask, What I Don’t Know Can’t Hurt Me…”

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This Goes Out To The Heaviest Heart…

To everyone who’s hit their limit, it’s not over yet
Even when you think you’re finished, it’s not over yet
Keep on fighting
Out of the dark, into the light, it’s not over
Hope is rising
Never give in, never give up, it’s not over!

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“Game, set, match.  Time to put it in your past.  Feel the winter leavin’, it’s redemption season!  Long live the young at heart.  Cheers to a brand new start!  We’re revived and breathin’ to live a life of freedom!”

Lyric overload today.  But I positively adore this song lately.  One of my ‘favorites of the moment’, religious song or not.  I would heavily encourage you to scroll down to the bottom of this post at some point where the video is embedded and listen to the whole thing at least once.

However, I’m not responsible if it ends up stuck in your head, or on repeat for the next week.  ❤

Anyway… this song very much speaks to me on a profound level, in regards to both RL and SL.  It’s no secret to most of you who care enough to have noticed that I’ve not logged in much over the last month.  Most of that was health-related, I will admit, and I’m doing much better… and have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to make sure everything is smoothed over and I’m recovering how I should be.

However, health issues aside, some of it… I just hit that limit where I was either stressed out or frustrated with everything I tried to do… and none of it was inspiring anymore.  Logging in began to feel more like a chore than it did a pleasure.  And one thing Gen has always told me from pretty much the day we started talking more often was that things in your life should be there to enhance it in a positive way… and that’s the only reason they should be there.  It got to the point to where SL and the people in it were no longer enhancing my life in a positive way… but in fact, they were becoming detrimental to me, and hurtful most of all.

Slowly I’ve creeped back in here in the last week or so… testing the waters and seeing if it feels ok to stay again.  The act of logging in no longer throws me into a panic attack or makes me angry… so that’s a step in the right direction.  But I’d be lying if I said there weren’t some people in particular that set off that side of me when I think about, look at, or speak to them.  And right now, my body physically cannot handle the stress of the anxiety that these particular people induce.  So if you ever see me randomly pop offline unexpectedly, especially mid-conversation, I promise I’m not trying to be a bitch… it’s that I’ve been triggered and have probably ducked out to hide for a bit to keep myself in check, for the sake of my health.

If you /are/ one of these people, trust me, you either already know, or I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually.

But in my last week or so in I’ve just been trying to focus on a couple of things that I used to find passion and enjoyment in… and this seems to be working.  I sent in a casting for one of my favorite stores, that allowed me to style something completely fun and funky with a lot of bright colors from one of the most amazing palettes I saw come out of the Autumn collections in SL this year.  And I’ve been poking around with an event idea.  And if you read the last post, then you know that I went out and impulse-bought a L$2,500 gift card to Truth Hair to giveaway to those of you who are here and read me and have just generally been there and not been a nuisance to the grid… lol.  Because I appreciate you all, and I actually was able this year to finally do something to show that.

And then today, I ran across a post on Facebook and I HAD to run IMMEDIATELY and pick up this gown.  One of the other things that’s kept me calm lately is just dressing however I damn well please.  For about a week I rocked a look that I classified to Gen as “hobo chic” with my tied top, jeans, beanie hair, complete with high heels.  (Trekking through the snow as we explored a few sims, mind you.  Beastmode Princess.)  But if you know me at all, you know I occasionally get a wild inspiration that says I MUST look pretty today, even if I’m not going to a formal any time soon.  And that is where this gown is so amazing.

I am in love.  So in love.  And if I didn’t have to change clothes for a commitment tomorrow, then I would likely be in this gown for a week.  LOL.

Merry Christmas, if I don’t see you before then, aside from to annouce the winner of the gift card giveaway.  Which, btw, ends TOMORROW NIGHT at 10pm SLT.  Click HERE for the post with terms and instructions and the link to Rafflecopter giveaway page where I’m running it.

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*~* This Goes Out To The Heaviest Heart… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Layla Skin (Caramel Tone) || Alterego
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Forest) || IKON
Hair: Patricia (Dark Greys) || enVOGUE || **recent release**
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Freckles: Odd Beauty Freckles || Besom (formerly Milk)
Lipstick: Essential Lipstick Red (Matte; Deep) || Pink Fuel
Gown: Golden Leaf (Red) || Kelini Haute Couture || **recent release**
Jewelry Set: Lasya Complete Set || Lazuri
* Comes with Forehead Jewel, Earrings, Necklace, Upper Arm Bracelets, Bracelets, Anklets, Belly Jewel, Rings

Pose (photo 1): Cute 5 Mirror || Vitalis Animatum || **recent release**
Pose (photo 2): Aphrodita 7 || Posesion Poses

Backdrop: 1 Derb Assehbe. Marrakech || Common Gacha Item || Rowne || Dec. Arcade

Blogging Tune: “It’s Not Over Yet” – For King and Country

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Maybe I Don’t Know How To Love, But Maybe I Do…

I wonder, does it blow Your mind
That I’m leaving You far behind
I wonder, does it stop Your heart to know
You’re not my sunshine anymore?

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Blah.  I’m trying a new photo format.  Layout is not my strong suit.  I’m just gonna get that out of the way now.  And when you see the second picture for this, you’ll see what I mean.

*Waits for people to scroll down and see it, since their curiosity was piqued*  Back now?

I’ve also blogged this song before.  Sue me.  Lol.  I found it again and have been playing it on repeat ever since.

Hopefully I’ll figure out the layout thing a bit more in future posts and start to be able to feature smaller details in a better way here soon.  What honestly inspired me to do this when I was so vehemently against it before was the septum ring.  I fell in love with it and it’s just like… from far away you can barely see it.  So I gave in and started highlighting small details.  It’s my first shot.  So be nice.

Why was I so vehemently against it before?  I felt less… pure… to me.  I don’t really know how to explain it.  But if you scroll back into my blogs, most of my pictures are shot out on location in a sim somewhere.  Natural SL surroundings, using windlight, and a bit of photoshop.  It was always my aim to display how products would actually appear in an SL environment, so if I wore a septum piercing and walked around SL, most people wouldn’t be camming in on my face like, “Ooo, let’s see what that looks like!”

But at the same time, it began to occur to me… the people who make this stuff spend just as much time, if not more, on their creations.  Just because the septum piercing is smaller than the dress does not mean that it deserves less attention.  So I was torn.  How do I show proper appreciation to all sorts of designers?

And so I will still likely do a picture or two, like the first picture above, that are more ‘organic’… naturally in SL to portray how everything works.  I won’t green screen or overly photoshop.  And then in a second (or third) picture I will try this sectioning out and highlighting small details thing.  I’ll figure out the best way to lay it out as I go along and try to do more of them, so bear with me while I figure it out in the beginning.

But I’m trying.

If any of you are bloggers who have been doing this sectioning/highlighting for awhile and have pointers, I’d love to hear them.  Anything that helps highlight all of these designers who work so hard on their wonderful designs.

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*~* Maybe I Don’t Know How To Love, But Maybe I Do… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Yolandi (Artic Tone; Makeup Option 04) || Glam Affair
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.3) || Maitreya
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) || IKON
Hair: Priya (Light Blondes) || Truth Hair
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) || Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Dark Set || Nailed It
Eyeliner: Bold Liner (Thin; U-Color-It) || Madrid Solo
Lipstick: Candid High Gloss (Black) || Madrid Solo
Tattoo: Indrani Tattoo || Things || The Fantasy Collective
Dress: Evie (Black) || Dead Dollz || The Fantasy Collective
* Comes in Maitreya-Compatible Fitted Mesh ONLY
Legwarmers/Flats: Ballerina Warmers (Black) || Reign
Headpiece: Bitter Berries Wreath II (Red) || LODE || The Arcade Gacha
Septum Piercing: Dahlia Septum (Black) || Atooly || The Fantasy Collective
Arm Chains: Esme Arm Chains (Black) || Noodles
Right Ring: Lock Ring || SUGAR
Left Ring: Bitter Berries Ring (Red) || LODE || The Arcade Gacha

Pavilion (photo 1): Rustic Pavilion || Trompe Loeil

Pose (photo 1): Star 04 || Ma Vie
Pose (photo 2): Electric 7 || PosESioN

Location: Home

Blogging Tune: “Ugly Heart” – G.R.L.

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I Might Only Have One Match, But I Can Make An Explosion…

All those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Do you hear my voice this time?

FightSong1FINAL

So.  I had a lot of fun with this.  And the first question Master asked me was, “You’re a Japanese Daenerys?”  I didn’t look at it that way until He asked that.  I’ve been pretty much giggling ever since.

Which is nice, given that so much shit has happened in such a short amount of time, I’m beginning to seriously wonder what’s in the water lately.  People backstabbing, people stealing, people lying… and the worst of all, people getting what they don’t deserve, or not getting what they do.  It’s like the Universe has gone and made a giant mess and Karma has NO damn idea where to start.

And where DO you start with a list of bullshit like that?  I mean… really… think about it for a moment.

Do you start with the people who take advantage of a long-time friendship… take their money… and then constantly bully them into doing what you want them to do… and threaten to leave and go compete against them if they don’t do what you want?  Not to mention when that competition is started, your entire foundation is built on poached people and stolen ideas…?  What part of that is RIGHT?

Or do you start with the people who steal the work of others and call it their own… are approached and offered the opportunity to do the right thing and offer an apology, and instead respond with, “There is no way this is my fault.”  I think that’s part of the problem.  People WATCH this stuff happen.  They STAND BY and LET the bad happen, but because their hands aren’t directly involved in the bullshit, they think they come out smelling like roses.

Instead, they just smell like shit and wear clothespins on their noses.

FightSong3FINAL

Do you start with the people who act like they’re decent individuals… projecting one form of themselves to the world while secretly breaking laws, breaking trust, ruining lives and feeling absolutely ZERO remorse for anything they do.  In fact, they’ll even defend the wrongs they’ve done like it’s perfectly acceptable.  These people are ones I don’t understand.  There is grey area with a lot of things… but there’s not a grey area with trust… there’s not a grey area with the law.  There’s not a grey area with whether or not you’re a decent human being.  Yet some peoples’ moral compass is so skewed, they continue to think they’re going due North… when really, they’re headed straight South.

And then… or and then… there are those that are the worst kinds of people… the ones who take the future of others in their hands, claiming they care about it, when really they care about whether or not they’re better at xyz than someone else.  Let me tell you something I’ve learned in the 3 years I’ve been modeling in SL… you’re not just some pretty thing to stand there, get free clothes, and look nice.  You are LITERALLY taking the future of the brand into your hands.  How you make their clothing look can be a direct reflection on not only your ability to style, but on the Designer’s ability to create.  If you make their clothing look like shit because you don’t know what you’re doing because you don’t actually care, there are some people who won’t look at it as, “Well she didn’t put the right shoes/jewelry/whatever with that dress…”  Instead, they’ll simply say, “She looks like shit.  That dress must be shit.” and thus a negative opinion of a brand is formed.

And when you’ve got new blood coming into this industry that aren’t here because they appreciate fashion or because they have something to SAY with their styling… they’re not here to learn or to work or to help other people achieve the things they want to achieve with their Brands… when you’ve got new blood that doesn’t have the integrity or the appreciation for the hard work that other people do, and are solely focused on what they can get and how quickly they can look better than someone else… how quickly they can ‘achieve’ more than someone else in this pixelated world we live in… then we’ve got new blood coming in that’s going to ruin the industry.

Until they stop thinking of themselves and think of the people that MAKE them who they are… those of us that came before them… those of us that DESIGN for them… until they start to think of someone OTHER than themselves… this industry is doomed.

Because this self-centered new blood is coming in at a faster rate than any decent new model who’s a decent person.

I, for one, am sick of it.  Let the ones who do the work and actually have something to SAY with their style take back the industry from those who are only in it to serve themselves.

Because if we can’t… it will die.

FightSong2FINAL

*~* I Might Only Have One Match, But I Can Make An Explosion… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Harley (Porcelain Tone; Lid 02) || Pink Fuel
Eyes: Hope Eyes (Fjord) || IKON
Hair: Olinda (Blacks&Whites) || Truth Hair
Ears&Tail: Cutie Ears & Fluffy Tail (Light) || Sweet Thing || Arcade Gacha (site)
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) || Slink
Feet: Avatar Enhancement Feet (Flat) || Slink
Nailcolor Applier: Feria de Abril (Chicle) || Nailed It || On9 (site)
Undereye Liner: Lyre Makeup (White) || Nuuna
Lips: London Liner (White Lips Only) || Madrid Solo
Chest/Neck: Meta Makeup (White; 70%) || Nuuna
Kimono: Lolita Yukata Sweet (RARE) || Tentacio & antielle || Arcade Gacha (site)
Shoes: Okobo (Sky; Common) || Tentacio & antielle || Arcade Gacha (site)
Choker: Stretch Choker (Pink; Common) || Kibitz || In-store Gacha
Food Tray: Wagashi Box (Common) || Tentacio & antielle || Arcade Gacha (site)
Dragons: Solstice Dragon (Permafrost & Sakura) || Half Deer || Arcade Gacha (site)

Poses: various from PosESioN

Location: Le Cafe Chez Jean

Tune: “Fight Song” || Rachel Platten

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The Third is When Your World Splits Down the Middle…

First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What’s gonna kill you is the second part
And the third is when your world splits down the middle
Fourth, you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you’ll see them out with someone else
And the sixth is when you admit that you may have f***ed up a little

IfYouCouldSeeMeNow3FINAL
Sketchbook behind my shoulder and wall-hanging behind my head are glimpses at some of Apple Fall’s offerings for The Arcade Gacha – June 2014!

(A pause in the bald blogging… because I just can’t get enough of this hair… my apologies… I will finish the posts I owe!  Promise!)

This is one of those moments that I love about blogging… because a couple of the things that make me the happiest will be contained with in the post: Trying something new, getting to blog something I’m IN LOVE with, blogging about something Relay for Life related, and blogging something that’s not available yet… so I can make you drool over it and then you have to wait.  (My inner Sadist is coming out, you see.)

First of all, I’m getting back into The Script lately… and it’s all Lybra’s fault!  Lol.  He posted a playlist shuffle challenge that he did on Facebook, and one of the songs was “Hall of Fame” which I listened to on repeat for about a day… then I started in on “If You Could See Me Now” and now I’m stuck on “Six Degrees of Separation”.  I hadn’t heard this one before… and I’m SO in love with it.  In my true Alexithymia-addled fashion, I’ve been struggling with some feelings lately and had no idea how to put them into words.  So… this song… just this…

Anyway… onto other things I’m  blogging today!

IfYouCouldSeeMeNow2FINAL
Canvas Rack is a general Apple Fall release that I just love! The book pile is a past Apple Fall gacha, I believe. The dress form and desk are from The Arcade Gacha – June 2014. And the laptop, file box, and chair are from my favourite WhatNext set, the Blogger’s Office in Ciel!

1.)  Blogging Something New

It’s not often that I get to (or try to) blog Home & Garden stuff… but when I got a wild hair to decorate a copy of Apple Fall’s Paris Loft Skybox with some of my favourite furniture, to make the place I hide out to design (oh yeah, I started designing!) a little more ‘homey’… I thought it might be kinda awesome to try blogging it.  I’m sure when I send this post link to Edi, he’ll be able to tell me if I messed up the idea of blogging Home and Garden stuff royally or not.  *Giggles*

2.) Getting to Blog something I’m IN LOVE with.

Err… that’s several things in this post!  I LOVE this outfit… I’ve been in a very boho-ish mood lately.  I mentioned this in a post I made on the Lybra blog, but I think it’s because the nature of boho style is free-spirited.  There really aren’t rigid rules or standards that someone can brow-beat me with and force me to follow.  With as much as that was done in Colour of Couture… and as much as our individual interpretation of a style challenged is scrutinized (which is the point of a style challenge), it’s nice to be able to get dressed in whatever the hell I feel like and have no one be able to tell me it’s wrong.  LOL.  Hell, I’ve been running around the Fashion For Life sims barefoot for the most part for the last few days because this 5 alpha limit is a bit ridiculous when I’m trying to design separates.  Lol.  But I’m all over this outfit… and this HAIR… I have discovered a newfound love for Spellbound… like, I needed it in my life SO long ago.  And this skin!  I’ve been excited since the end of Colour of Couture that I could do a shape overhaul of my face… and while I haven’t touched my shape yet, I did change my skin… and it’s so strange how much it changed my face.  There’s still some stuff I want to tweak, but I think it’s definitely going in the direction I wanted it to.

3.) Blogging About Something Relay for Life Related

I’m always up for blogging something RFL related.  But one thing I wanted to mention… I guess some people don’t understand just how close Relay is to my heart.  Some saw my gesture of doing my Finale stylings bald as what it was… an intense, passionate commitment to my cause and honoring a commitment I made to a fundraising goal that was met and exceeded.  Some, however, from what I’m told, called it “grandstanding”… or “pity styling”.  I’ve even heard the word “fraud” thrown around in the same sentence as my name… like all of my fundraising efforts for Relay for Life are fake, I guess?  I don’t really know what they meant, but I have to say… I’m not sure what sort of stuff is going on in your life that you have to insult something that I believe in and am passionate about, but I worry about you, I feel pity for you, and I offer good thoughts for you in hopes that your life gets better so you can stop trying to piss in everyone else’s cheerios.  Not that it’s really anyone’s business… but there’s something I have been wanting to share here, but was with-holding it for fear that people would use more derrogatory terms for me in regards to CoC… but I have offcially started Chemo.  My doctors haven’t had the official “You have cancer,” conversation quite yet… they’re hiding behind the fact that, “We’re treating your condition as if it’s cancerous, to see if the chemo and radiation will slow it down.”  Honestly, I think they’re just trying to be nice and trying to avoid telling a 24 year old anymore bad news than they’ve already had to tell her throughout this whole “what the hell do you have” process.  I think at this point, I can take it… if only they’d sit down and say the words.  But yeah… don’t tell me that I’m a fraud or that my efforts are grandstanding.  Most of you have no idea who I am and how much Relay for Life and the ACS mean to me.

4.) Blogging Something That’s Not Available Yet

Now that that little mini rant is over… I can laugh evilly!  Muahahaha!  That’s right, folks, the tank top and skirt AREN’T RELEASED YET.  Buzzing from Evita, manager of Prism Designs, indicates that it will release sometime this weekend in their Fashion For Life store… so keep a look out!  There’s lots of awesome colors and I’m definitely going to go back and probably end up buying a vast majority of them.  Not going to lie.  I blame the boho mood… and Journey’s impeccable texturing!

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The canvas rack again! God I love that thing. But now you can also see the Hanging Art, Sketchbook, Travel Drawers (Stained), Tea Time Teaset, Tea Time Tins, Luggage Bag (Worn), and Luggage Bag (Plaid). Also, the Skybox I’m in is the Paris Loft Skybox RARE from Apple Fall at The Arcade Gacha – June 2014. Can you tell I’ve fallen in love with Apple Fall?

*~* The Third is When Your World Splits Down the Middle… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Sigrid (Januaary; Ginger Brows; Cleavage) – Glance Skins
Eyes: Promise Eyes (Apex) – IKON
Hair: Warrior (Reds) – Spellbound
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink
Nailcolor Applier (hands): French Manicure Pastels Set – Nailed It
Teeth: Open Mouth Pro – PXL Creations  (USING PIERCING EXPANSION)
Tank Top: Leah Tank Top (Jungle) – Prism Designs  (to be released @ Fashion For Life)
Panties: Leah Bottoms (Jungle) – Prism Designs  (to be released @ Fashion For Life)
Skirt: Leah Maxi Skirt (Jungle) – Prism Designs  (to be released @ Fashion For Life)
* Please note, this is NOT the exclusive from Prism Designs, just a new release that is making its debut.  Prism Designs’ exclusive(s) will be featured in an upcoming post, so keep a lookout!
Engagement Ring: Devotion Bridal Set – Earthstones  (outer stones color change)

Poses: Various animations from the new RACHEL AO – Vista Animations

Skybox: Apple Fall  @ Arcade Gacha (RARE)
Decor: Apple Fall (@ Arcade Gacha) & WhatNext
* Please see captions below the photos for which items are from where

Location: My Build Platform

Blogging Tune: “Six Degrees of Separation” – The Script