The endless of darkness is hovering The sound of the silence is deafening Ten billion decibels shattering
People ask me sometimes why i withdraw from people and places that i used to frequent and enjoy being around. Most of the time, my answers to this question are varied, and can sometimes be an over-reaction to a perception i have about a P/person or situation. Today, though, today was different.
i said i’d catch You if You fall And if They laugh, then fuck ’em all And then i got You off Your knees Put You right back on Your feet Just so You could take advantage of me…
Decor and i aren’t usually friends, but it’s been mentioned to me that i should show what i can do (or, rather, what i attempt to do) with decor from time to time in here. At one point, i had given myself a goal to improve in this area, and i guess i just gave up on it, or i lost track of it, or i didn’t have the time to push myself as hard as necessary, or some combination of those things and others. But here i am, giving it a shot again, i suppose.
First, you think the worst is a broken heart What’s gonna kill you is the second part And the third, is when your world splits down the middle… Fourth, you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself Fifth, you see them out with someone else And the sixth is when you admit, you may have fucked up a little…
First of all, someone please explain to me how I shot and edited this photo drunk and it still looks better than most of the other photos I’ve done lately. *Chuckles*
Also, I’ve blogged this song before… years ago… with that exact chorus up at the top of the post. Not sorry.
Anyway… I’ve been going through something the last couple days that I promised people I’d try to unpack here in this post. If RL issues aren’t something you’re here to read about, or if you’re triggered by severe illness stories, then I’ll see you next time. To everyone else… hi…
When you’ve been fighting for it all your life You’ve been working every day and night That’s how a superhero learns to fly…
Now, onto more positive things!
It’s always interesting to me to see how people react when someone is in crisis. There are – generally – two large subsets of people: 1.) Those that sit back and thank god it’s not them, but don’t really make an effort to help in any way, and 2.) Those that jump in and help in any way that they can, no matter how small they might think it is.
I try my damnedest to be in that second subset of people as often as I can.
If You love me, let me go… Cause these words are knives and often leave scars The fear of falling apart Truth be told, I never was Yours The fear, the fear of falling apart…
That close-up photo may or may not be petty. Truthfully, I’m sick of worrying whether it’s petty or not. It made me smile, and so I took and edited the photo, and now I’m posting it. You don’t like it, you can click the x… no one is forcing you to be here.
That last bit? Not to those of you that read and are supportive. Mostly directed at the drama-mongerers that wanna come in my box or sub me on Facebook about stuff I write here. Lol. I see you, boo. And I don’t care. ❤
Say what You mean out loud Drowning in silence when I’m lost in the crowd Cause every sweet thing You’d never speak It’s deafening Never knowing what could be Wish I could show You how… But You’re just a ghost now
This song… has had me fucked up for days. Days. So… now I’m gonna earworm it to all of you. You’re welcome.
Also… I went through hell to get this particular set of pictures, so I really hope you enjoy them… like, I logged in naked at a safe hub at one point, so y’all better like them. Lol.
Anyway… on to why this song has me so fucked up lately.
I’m still rocking your hood, and chewing on the strings It makes me think about you, so I wear it when I sleep I kept the broken zipper and cigarette burns Still rocking your hoodie, baby, even though it hurts…
Storytime with Deia! This one’s a random/fun story, promise! I need the giggle and the good nostalgia lately, so I thought I’d share it with you too.
And I know that I’m still fucked up But aren’t we all, my love? Darling, our scars make us who we are So when the winds are howling strong And you think you can’t go one Hold tight, sweetheart…
I’ve talked about this a few times before, once extensively that I can remember… unless I’m just implanting memories in my own head, which is entirely possible as I’ve not had much sleep today… but it’s time to go over it again.
Progressive Myoclonous Epilepsy with Early Dementia. Or, FENIB. (Which means something else entirely that I don’t know.)
First, you think the worst is a broken heart What’s gonna kill you is the second part And the third is when your world splits down the middle Fourth, you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself Fifth, you’ll see them out with someone else And the sixth is when you admit that you may have f***ed up a little
(A pause in the bald blogging… because I just can’t get enough of this hair… my apologies… I will finish the posts I owe! Promise!)
This is one of those moments that I love about blogging… because a couple of the things that make me the happiest will be contained with in the post: Trying something new, getting to blog something I’m IN LOVE with, blogging about something Relay for Life related, and blogging something that’s not available yet… so I can make you drool over it and then you have to wait. (My inner Sadist is coming out, you see.)
First of all, I’m getting back into The Script lately… and it’s all Lybra’s fault! Lol. He posted a playlist shuffle challenge that he did on Facebook, and one of the songs was “Hall of Fame” which I listened to on repeat for about a day… then I started in on “If You Could See Me Now” and now I’m stuck on “Six Degrees of Separation”. I hadn’t heard this one before… and I’m SO in love with it. In my true Alexithymia-addled fashion, I’ve been struggling with some feelings lately and had no idea how to put them into words. So… this song… just this…
Anyway… onto other things I’m blogging today!
1.) Blogging Something New
It’s not often that I get to (or try to) blog Home & Garden stuff… but when I got a wild hair to decorate a copy of Apple Fall’s Paris Loft Skybox with some of my favourite furniture, to make the place I hide out to design (oh yeah, I started designing!) a little more ‘homey’… I thought it might be kinda awesome to try blogging it. I’m sure when I send this post link to Edi, he’ll be able to tell me if I messed up the idea of blogging Home and Garden stuff royally or not. *Giggles*
2.) Getting to Blog something I’m IN LOVE with.
Err… that’s several things in this post! I LOVE this outfit… I’ve been in a very boho-ish mood lately. I mentioned this in a post I made on the Lybra blog, but I think it’s because the nature of boho style is free-spirited. There really aren’t rigid rules or standards that someone can brow-beat me with and force me to follow. With as much as that was done in Colour of Couture… and as much as our individual interpretation of a style challenged is scrutinized (which is the point of a style challenge), it’s nice to be able to get dressed in whatever the hell I feel like and have no one be able to tell me it’s wrong. LOL. Hell, I’ve been running around the Fashion For Life sims barefoot for the most part for the last few days because this 5 alpha limit is a bit ridiculous when I’m trying to design separates. Lol. But I’m all over this outfit… and this HAIR… I have discovered a newfound love for Spellbound… like, I needed it in my life SO long ago. And this skin! I’ve been excited since the end of Colour of Couture that I could do a shape overhaul of my face… and while I haven’t touched my shape yet, I did change my skin… and it’s so strange how much it changed my face. There’s still some stuff I want to tweak, but I think it’s definitely going in the direction I wanted it to.
3.) Blogging About Something Relay for Life Related
I’m always up for blogging something RFL related. But one thing I wanted to mention… I guess some people don’t understand just how close Relay is to my heart. Some saw my gesture of doing my Finale stylings bald as what it was… an intense, passionate commitment to my cause and honoring a commitment I made to a fundraising goal that was met and exceeded. Some, however, from what I’m told, called it “grandstanding”… or “pity styling”. I’ve even heard the word “fraud” thrown around in the same sentence as my name… like all of my fundraising efforts for Relay for Life are fake, I guess? I don’t really know what they meant, but I have to say… I’m not sure what sort of stuff is going on in your life that you have to insult something that I believe in and am passionate about, but I worry about you, I feel pity for you, and I offer good thoughts for you in hopes that your life gets better so you can stop trying to piss in everyone else’s cheerios. Not that it’s really anyone’s business… but there’s something I have been wanting to share here, but was with-holding it for fear that people would use more derrogatory terms for me in regards to CoC… but I have offcially started Chemo. My doctors haven’t had the official “You have cancer,” conversation quite yet… they’re hiding behind the fact that, “We’re treating your condition as if it’s cancerous, to see if the chemo and radiation will slow it down.” Honestly, I think they’re just trying to be nice and trying to avoid telling a 24 year old anymore bad news than they’ve already had to tell her throughout this whole “what the hell do you have” process. I think at this point, I can take it… if only they’d sit down and say the words. But yeah… don’t tell me that I’m a fraud or that my efforts are grandstanding. Most of you have no idea who I am and how much Relay for Life and the ACS mean to me.
4.) Blogging Something That’s Not Available Yet
Now that that little mini rant is over… I can laugh evilly! Muahahaha! That’s right, folks, the tank top and skirt AREN’T RELEASED YET. Buzzing from Evita, manager of Prism Designs, indicates that it will release sometime this weekend in their Fashion For Life store… so keep a look out! There’s lots of awesome colors and I’m definitely going to go back and probably end up buying a vast majority of them. Not going to lie. I blame the boho mood… and Journey’s impeccable texturing!
*~* The Third is When Your World Splits Down the Middle… *~*
Shape: MINE Skin: Sigrid (Januaary; Ginger Brows; Cleavage) – Glance Skins Eyes: Promise Eyes (Apex) – IKON Hair: Warrior (Reds) – Spellbound Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink Nailcolor Applier (hands): French Manicure Pastels Set – Nailed It Teeth: Open Mouth Pro – PXL Creations (USING PIERCING EXPANSION) Tank Top: Leah Tank Top (Jungle) – Prism Designs (to be released @ Fashion For Life) Panties: Leah Bottoms (Jungle) – Prism Designs (to be released @ Fashion For Life) Skirt: Leah Maxi Skirt (Jungle) – Prism Designs (to be released @ Fashion For Life) * Please note, this is NOT the exclusive from Prism Designs, just a new release that is making its debut. Prism Designs’ exclusive(s) will be featured in an upcoming post, so keep a lookout! Engagement Ring: Devotion Bridal Set – Earthstones(outer stones color change)