Posted in Life, New Releases

Confession .52. I Thought She Lied When She Said Take My Time To Breathe…

Oh, but never were there truer words
In all my days I’ve ever heard
Than when she told me, “Little girl, the answer is love.”

Confession .52.  I Thought She Lied When She Said Take My Time To Breathe...

It’s been a /long/ time since I’ve blogged a bridal gown.  I don’t style bridals often for a few reasons, but I guess the most basic would be: I’ve been in SL for 8 years now, total, and I’ve never been married.  *Laughs*  So why would I want to keep a bunch of bridal gowns around that I may or may not ever use?

I /was/ engaged once, and I did blog the dress that was to be my wedding dress – a custom formal that was originally created for a Miss Virtual World candidate… that I fell in LOVE with (the dress, not the candidate… lol).  And ever since then, a bridal has had to really strike a chord with me in order for me to showcase it.

So obviously this one did…

Continue reading “Confession .52. I Thought She Lied When She Said Take My Time To Breathe…”

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It’s Ok Not To Be Ok…

Don’t lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It’s ok not to be ok.
Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart
Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising
Just be true to who you are!


 Things have been really crazy here, so thank you for bearing with me.  If you follow me on Facebook, you know a bit of what I’ve been dealing with, but if you don’t, let me give you a bit of a reader’s digest version.

I finally got set up with a therapist down here.  And she wanted me to see the nurse practitioner in their office.  Now, my doctor already has me on Wellbutrin twice a day for depression, but as of yet was not really treating anxiety, or pain I’m experiencing in my hip that I’ve had for upwards of 2 years now.  When I saw the nurse practitioner, she wanted to add Lexapro to better manage the depression… tons of people take Wellbutrin and Lexapro together, so she didn’t see an issue… and then she added Gabapentin (some of you might know it as Neurontin) to manage the anxiety.  And bonus, it also helps nerve pain, so it should help with the hip.

From the moment I started taking it on Friday, I was absolutely miserable.  But I told myself it was just like starting any other new medication… side effects that I would eventually get used to.  Sure, I nearly passed out in the middle of a Vanity Fair, and I was nauseous and dizzy and foggy all day, but I figured once I got used to it, things would ultimately be better.  I don’t really remember much of Saturday… but I remember sleeping a lot of it?  And then Sunday mom came over and the first thing I had her do was check my heart rate, because I had checked it and it was over 100, just resting.  Which, my heart rate is normally elevated, just from a general state of being unhealthy, but it’s normally, like, 85-ish resting.  Not 100.  She took it and said yeah, it was between 100 and 105… and my chest was hurting.  Not, like, gripping, shortness of breath, “I’m having a heart attack,” kind of pain… but enough to be concerning to me.

… Granted, at this point I was NOT having a panic attack, so hey, the meds were working!

But I punched my meds into a Drugs.Com app I’ve got on my phone to check all the interactions, and from what I could see, the way Lexapro interacts with my metabolism medication, it’s essentially known to ‘increase its effects’.  Which makes sense… cause my metabolism medication is said to effect you like speed.  Jitteriness, feeling like your heart is racing, excess energy, etc.  So to be shaking, and have my heart ACTUALLY racing – while concerning – still seemed normal, per the drug interactions we could find.

Mom leaves and later calls me and says, “I want you to stop taking the Lexapro.”  She had kept researching it, and essentially the way the Lexapro interacts with that medication does more than just intensify the effects… it actually begins to cultivate seratonin sickness, which I was apparently already showing early signs of.

So I stopped taking that as of yesterday morning, and in the afternoon, called mom cause the chest pain was back again.  Granted, the Lexapro could potentially still be in my system, but at that point, mom was just like, “You know what, I want you to stop taking the Neurontin too, until we can see the doctor and see what he thinks.”  So now I’m back to having unmanaged anxiety and pain… but at least I don’t feel like at every turn I make I could push myself too hard and end up screwing up my heart.

Heart disease exists in my family history on both sides.  So I’m pretty much fucked either way.

But yeah… I’m sorry I was absent for awhile… and off the grid for a week straight… I was just mostly resting, and stuck in bed dealing with symptoms.  Dizziness, nausea, my mind was so foggy half the time I’d have the idea, “I need to log in tonight for xyz,” and then 5 minutes later I’d forget I even thought about it… I swear it was like a long-weekend-long taste of what dementia must feel like.

And it was terrible.


*~* It’s Ok Not To Be Ok… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Layla Skin (Caramel Tone) || Alterego
Eyes: Deadshine Eyes (Wight; Natural Pupil) || IKON
Hair: Effie (Black Pack) || Amacci
Body: Lara Mesh Body (v3.4) || Maitreya
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) || Slink
Freckles: Odd Beauty Freckles || Besom (formerly Milk)
Lipstick: Geisha Lip (Noir) || Alterego
Gown: AW_Coll_Ball Gown #18 || Ashmoot || FAD Cycle #7
Headpiece: Ezrah Crown || aisling || The Secret Affair
Septum Piercing: Dark Queen Septum Ring (P6) || RealEvil Industries
Necklace: Ezrah Necklace || aisling || The Secret Affair
Tattoo: Creed || White Widow || Peace On Earth 8 Hunt Gift

Pose (photo 1): Choupie 6 || Posesion
Pose (photo 2): Delicate 10 || Posesion

Location: Driftwood Valley Estates

Blogging Tune: “Who You Are” Jordan Smith (Jessie J Cover)

FAD Event Logo

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Up On This Hill, In This Uncanny House…

(Featuring designs by Izzie’s, Amacci, and ~ghee~… and news about Sightsaver!)
Up on this hill, in this uncanny house
This wind makes this place creak, the lights they are flickering
The moon she is lurking, the clock it stopped working
At quarter past three
There’s something dancing here in the shadows
And I wish it were us…
(I went through a temper tantrum with my eyelashes and trashed them… anyone got a recommendation for GOOD eyelashes?)
Unfortunately, I wish I could explain my week-long absence with the presence of a dance blog… but alas… RL has just gotten hectic with me this week, unfortunately.  I had yesterday and today off, and I’ve been slightly less than productive.  Lol.  But damn I’m tired.  My job in RL is not physically demanding, as it’s home health care… but it is definitely emotionally and mentally drainaing, as I work with the developmentally disabled.  Oh how I wish I could tell you all stories.  There are some that make me giggle, after the fact, and others that still make me livid.  But then of course, they don’t know better.  It’s like being mad at a two year old for calling you a “bitch”… they don’t know what it means… they just repeat what they hear.  That’s how a lot of my people are.  They don’t know a lot of what they’re saying… they just know it’s a word used in conversation, because they hear other staff use it.
You’d THINK that would inspire people to watch what they say, yes?  Unfortunately not.
So of course there are days I go to work with my two guys and I get one of them calling me “honey” because that’s what the other and his girlfriend call each other… and I’ve got the other telling me that staff so-and-so is lazy and doesn’t do anything…. because he’s overheard one of the overnight ladies complain about them.  Then again, this particular overnight lady complains about EVERYONE.  But here’s the kicker… ALL that is done on the overnight shift is house cleaning, and then waking the guys up to get them dressed and take them to work at the end of your shift.  I know… I’ve covered this particular woman’s shift.  So if you REALLY want to fault the evening staff for not finishing one load of laundry in the dryer… when they’ve been running the guys all over creation for the volunteering they do, or the sports they play, or just the places they want to visit… then try actually DOING more on your shift before you complain.  Seriously?  Heaven forbid you have to put ONE load of laundry away in the 8 hours that you’re there doing LIGHT cleaning and sitting on your ass watching TV.  Lord have mercy.
Sorry.  I care about the people I take care of.  And I care about my job.
(Ah the advantage of being the Village Manager on a GORGEOUS sim… amazing photography potential… I’m sure you’ll see this sim again.)
Ok.  Sorry again for the rant about RL work.  But I feel like certain aspects of this apply to Second Life as well.  I’m SURE all of us, somewhere in the fashion world, have run into people who are a right royal hot mess who then rip into us about our look.  I mean, I’m trying to be more… polite… in public… *Chuckles*… some of you know I can shoot straight from the hip and it’s normally not pretty.  I’m trying to pretty it up in public, because I represent myself and the places I’m associated with.  But there are times that I’m REALLY tempted to slap someone upside the head and say, “Seriously?  When you can come back not looking like a noob with too much eye makeup and not enough definition in your skin, wearing clothing from 2007, THEN you can talk to me about how I look.”  These are CERTIFIED models walking around looking a hot mess.  Or… even better… the ones who are not certified themselves, have made no effort to become certified, who then try to tell you that you’re not good enough because you don’t have enough experience, enough schooling, don’t know the basics… etc.  At least I’m LEARNING… at least I’m TRYING… at least I’m putting myself out there and saying, “This is me… take it or leave it.  Accept it, or walk away.”  If you leave it, or if you walk away, more power to you.  At least you have the balls to be honest to my face, instead of being all smiley and happy, then turn around and tear into me when you think I’m not looking.
As creepy as this sounds, I have eyes everywhere.  And even if someone hasn’t come to me and told me something, I can usually find it for myself.  My reputation proceeds me for being able to find things that are well-hidden from most people.  “Detective Tivi”, my partner calls me.  Haha.  So don’t think just because you hide it from “normal” people means I won’t find it.
In case you haven’t figured it out yet…. I’m not normal.  And the truth ALWAYS comes out.
(Gorgeous flowy gown in a gorgeous residential sim… Firefox Fonda did an AWESOME job with this place!)
Ok.  Now.  To the whole reason I wrote this blog, fashion-wise.
Recently I’ve been accepted to blog an event called Sightsavers.  I’m starting on my blogs early, because the event has been pushed back to May 11th.  Fashion shows will be held on May 11th and May 12th, and the event itself will run from May 11th to June 11th.  So why start blogging items on April 18th?  1.) Cause I like being able to giggle and say, “Neener, neener, neener, you can’t get this gorgeous gown for another month,” in the nicest way possible.  😛  And 2.) With as hectic as RL gets with me at a moment’s notice, I want to make sure I can get all the designers creations in before the event begins.
The thing I liked about Sightsavers that drove it to me instantly is that it’s charity-based.  Some of you know that I’ve been trying to work with the Take Back the Night foundation to bring a Take Back the Night walk into Second Life.  That’s still a work in progress.  The other charity that I have begun to feel very close to lately is called Shoes For Orphans Souls.
Now, there IS a religious aspect to this.  To my understanding, while the people with Shoes For Orphans Souls are washing the childrens’ feet and giving them the new shoes, they are telling them about Jesus.  THAT, in my opinion, is awesome.  I believe in God, I believe in Jesus.  I’m ok with these things.  What I DON’T like, and what people hear me say more times than not, is organized religion.  I hate how “Christians” of today have perverted the word from the original message.  Whatever happened to “God loves you, right where you are”.  Whatever happened to loving the LEAST of these?  Forgive me for the soapbox moment, but my BIGGEST issue with Christians today are how much they look DOWN on other people for what they do or don’t do that makes them “ungodly.”  So normally, for this reason, unfortunately one bad apple spoils the whole bunch, I tend to stray heavily from religious organizations and religious charities.
But these people… with Shoes For Orphans Souls… all they do is share that someone loves them.  Someone loves them enough to speak to the heart of someone in the United States of America (or wherever the donation was from) that allowed a missionary to travel to Guatemala, or one of several other countries these people travel to… to wash these kids’ feet and give them a brand new pair of socks and shoes… some of whom may have never had shoes before.  Isn’t that just awesome?
I’m hoping to reach out and poke these guys as well, see what we can’t get going inside of SL.  People totally underestimate the power of the online community… but they don’t realize that people bring REAL LIFE money into this “game” to buy pixel things.  What if that REAL LIFE money was going to a good cause?  Perfect example?  Relay for Life.  Look at how much REAL LIFE money is raised for this organization, just through Second Life.  It may not be some out of this world, millions and millions of dollars kind of figure… but without Second Life, that much LESS money would be raised.  Every little dollar counts.
So I guess the point of the last part of this really random blog post… was when you see Sightsavers in May… please consider going to the shows to see the clothing… look into the blog posts from various bloggers who are covering this event… GO see the creations the designers are making for this event and consider donating to the cause, and getting some awesome stuff out of it.
Yeah, I know there were a lot of random topics in this blog, and I do apologize for that.  Lol.  It’s been a really random day…
*~* Up On This Hill, In This Uncanny House *~*
(I’ll put these SLURLs… as well as the last post’s… up here soon, promise.)