Posted in Anthem, Events, Life, New Releases, Tres Chic

Confession .350. But She Gets The Flowers, Right?

But she gets the flowers, right?
The posts made about her
A love that is perfect
A love I deserved, yeah
A love that I gave…

Confession .350.  But She Gets The Flowers, Right?

It’s interesting, talking to people all over again. Back to square one, getting to know them, having to out all of those things that He used to accept about me and wonder if a new person will walk away. Or if I’ll fuck it up and push them away before I can get hurt.

Cause, you know, I’m really good at that…

Some days I’m still haunted by the last person I tried to be mostly-monogamous for. Everything was ok… it would be fine… it wouldn’t be a problem… blah blah blah… and then the moment it started to happen, suddenly I was guilt-tripped. Suddenly it wasn’t ok. Suddenly it wouldn’t be fine. Suddenly it was a problem.

But I also wasn’t allowed to quit.

That training meant to much to me. I put so much of myself into it and got so much out of it in the long-run, and to think I almost quit for this person completely baffles me. But I would’ve give up anything and everything.

I would’ve done anything.

And sometimes that energy still haunts me. I don’t miss Her, not really. Not anymore. It’s been long enough. But sometimes I question it. I question whether She cheated. I question whether I meant anything at all. I question how much of it was the novelty of being with someone like me who had her hands in a lot of different projects and was doing pretty well for herself. I question how much of it was wanting to get away from her toxic RL relationship and escape into a fantasy of someone who would give in to Her every need.

I question myself. And I don’t know why. I did everything I could. I gave everything I could. Sure, I had my faults in the relationship too, but I was damned good to Her.

“Was it too much to ask for just a part of what I gave You, back?”

Apparently it was. And sometimes I blame myself. I need to not. I need to not be afraid of new things just for the fear that they will end up like She did. I need to stop pushing People away the moment they get too close. The moment I feel something.

I’m working on it. I’m working on me. And I’m constantly improving every day.

But she gets the flowers, right?

Shape || Mine
Head || Evo X Briannon Head (v3.0) | Lelutka
Skin || Ara Skin (Tone 04) | L’Etre | Tres Chic | new!
* Hair || Harmony (Reds HUD) | Stealthic | Anthem | recent!
Top || Indrani Top | BlackOpium | Tres Chic | new!
Rings || Spring Butterfly Rings | Yummy

Backdrop || At Backdrop City ‘Neon Scenes’ Section
Pose || Up Close 4 – M | Diversion

Blogging Tune || “She Gets The Flowers” – Beth McCarthy

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