Posted in Anybody, Belle, Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases

Confession .282. Art Is Not What I Create; What I Create Is Chaos…

You’re dripping like a saturated sunrise
You’re spilling like an overflowing sink
You’re ripped at every edge but You’re a masterpiece
And now You’re tearing through the pages and the ink…

Confession .282.  Art Is Not What I Create; What I Create Is Chaos...

Today i read a letter out loud that i wrote to my “Future Self” about a month ago now.  While a month might not seem like a long time to most of Y/you, especially to re-read a ‘future self’ type letter… it’s been a month of recovery, rebuilding, and growth.  i found it very effective, and so i’ve decided i’m going to share it with Y/you.  Be gentle.  These are pieces of me that i’m entrusting Y/you with…

Dear Future tivi ~

i’m just going to be real with you… you have a lot to live up to. you have made so many strides forward in who you are as a person and who you’re trying to become that you’re probably feeling the pressure to live up to your ideal.

i’m writing this to you on the day you were released from your collar, and so i feel i have a few things i need to remind you on that front before i address anything else.

Never settle for less than what you know you deserve. i know you’re afraid of being alone… i know it’s a crippling fear sometimes, and i know that you don’t feel as of-service as you’d like to be when you’re alone… but by now you should know how much it ultimately hurts you when you settle and it falls apart. Know your value, know your worth, and never forget it – that is the only way you will find any kind of happiness in anything you do, RL or SL, Greek or otherwise.

Everything is not always your fault. It’s really easy for you to blame yourself when something goes wrong, because it’s really easy for you to associate yourself as the common denominator in the situations, but it isn’t all on you. While it’s important for you to take a step back and recognize your role and take responsibility for your actions, always make sure that you are not trying to take on ownership of others’ behavior and reactions. You are responsible for what you say and do; you are not responsible for what others think or hear.

In order to remain mentally healthy and strong, i need you to recognize the friendships and support system that you have around you, particularly in the bonds you are creating with the women of DOPE and your line sisters. i know it’s really hard for you to trust the Greek system at all right now, but there are genuine women here that all appear to be seeking the same thing. If you open yourself up to allow genuine connection and friendship and sisterhood to form, then i suspect you will find that you don’t feel so alone all the time.

i hope that between now and whenever you are reading this over again that you have continued to make steps forward in creating healthy boundaries between yourself and those that are triggers for you. you have made significant strides in disengaging from conversations before they escalate out of control… you have made significant strides in doing what you need to do to keep negative, toxic P/people out of your space… but we both know how easy it is to slide back from that and end up right back where you don’t need to be. Stay strong. At the end of the day, you know what you need… you just have to have the courage to keep doing it.

And i need you to remember what happens when you don’t.

In fact, any time you think about blurring that line, or crossing that boundary that you’ve set for yourself with S/someone… i want you to remember that first morning in the Unit. i want you to remember how terrified you felt, and how being in there seeking help made you somehow feel more triggered that first day than being at home, alone. i want you to remember that you almost called home to beg someone to come get you, that seeking help was a bad idea. i want you to remember how far gone you were, and how hard you’ve had to work to come back.

we can’t go back to that place again. you’ve gotten so much stronger. Be proud of that, and keep moving forward.

we got this!

♥ tivi

Shape || Mine
Head || Genus Head Classic Face W001 (v1.6) | Genus Project
Body || Freya Body BENTO (v5.2) | Belleza
Skin || Lady Skin (Tone 006) | Glam Affair | Belle Event
Face Freckles || Skin Imperfections (Combined med) | Izzie’s
Eyeliner || Essentials | MJN
Lipstick || Jinglebell Kisses G1 | MJN | Anybody | new!
Face Tattoo || Boujiana Glam Collection  | Revoul
Particles || Pixie Dust | Cynful
|| Porcelain Hair (Reds) | Stealthic
Top || Hot Cocoa Top | Vinyl | new!
Pants || Cinnamon Pants | Vinyl | Collabor88 | new!

Pose&Prop || Smoke Prop (Love) | Po^z

Location || Home

Blogging Tune || “Colors” – Halsey (Stripped)

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