Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases

Confession .274. The Aftermath Of One Too Many Words I Said When I Should’ve Said Nothing At All…

Yeah, these thoughts i would never speak out loud
i’ve seen you cry but i’ve never seen you shout like a hurricane
These shots don’t ricochet
Sight blurred, i’m walking dazed, girl
i’m fucking faded
Or maybe wasted, i can’t remember how it happened
Oh, i don’t know my limits at all…
i’m sinking down into my thoughts…

Confession .274.  The Aftermath Of One Too Many Words I Said When I Should've Said Nothing At All...

P/people assume that when you pull back, it’s because of something wrong with you.  Not always.  Not everything is the fault of E/everyone else in the world.  Sometimes, if someone withdraws from you, you are the problem.  You aren’t safe for their Universe.  Your gravitational pull is too much for their orbit.  You aren’t safe for my Universe.  Your gravitational pull is too much for my orbit.

“i am drowning in liquor, and apathy will be the death of me.”

My knee-jerk reaction to extreme stressors is two-fold.  And both halves of these things are so contradictory that P/people rarely, if ever, understand.  First, i become overly-emotional about that thing… that most recent thing, the trigger that spiked my emotions up and switched my mood up.  99 times out of 100, that thing is not the only thing that is the problem in the situation, but my reaction is hyper-focused on that one thing.

Then?  Then, i engage in intense, extreme apathy.  “Doesn’t matter.  Do whatever you want.  i don’t care.”  And in that moment, whether Y/you would believe me or not after the extremely emotional reaction that i just had, i’m being 100% real.  i don’t care.  i will care again later, but in that moment, i don’t care.

Because in that moment, in my brain, Y/you’ve proven that *Y/you* don’t care, so why should i, right?  Warped logic to follow, i know.  This isn’t a mentally healthy mind to try and understand.

i’m taking steps for that to get better.  i mean, i know Y/you’re a bunch of anonymous P/people on the Internet… only a small handful of which will actually care… but for T/those of Y/you who do, just know that i’m trying.

i might not be able to do it alone, though.  Just keep that in mind.  ♥

Shape || Mine
Head || Genus Baby Face W001 (v1.6) | Genus Project
Body || Freya Body BENTO (v5.2) | Belleza
Skin || Evy Skin (Cocoa Tone) | ItGirls
Ears || Shiny Ears 0.2 | Swallow
* Hair || Purity Hair (Misc.) | Stealthic | new!
– Stealthic has returned with some heavily-requested changes and updates, including the piece that makes my heart all happy: dark root options for ALL hair colors.  Purity is the first release to feature these updates, new colors, and other changes, and aside from amending the Bangs pack to match the new colors and root options, there are currently no plans to return and update old hairs.  The focus will be on continuing to work on newer releases with these updates.  ♥
Hoodie&Fishnet || Nayar Sweatshirt (Grey; Witch) & Nayar Top | Scandalize | Collabor88 | new!
– This hoodie set comes with a plain version of whatever color you purchase, a ‘witch’ version (featured here), and an optional top to add the fishnet peeking out from the bottom.
* Panties || Candy Panties (Lace version) | Blueberry
Nosering || Indira Septum Piercing | Swallow
Body Glitter || Stripper Body Dust (Med animation) | Cynful

Backdrop || Dreamer Photo Booth | FoxCity | Collabor88 | new!
Pose&Prop || Sleepy 7 | FoxCity | Collabor88 | new!

Location || Home

Blogging Tune || “Drowning” – The Eden Project

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