As i choke on flames, You light up Your torch
Each of my defeats if Your victory
And i walk barefoot on a field of swords
You have Mastered the art of Cruelty…
Ok, after surviving for a week and a half on my “i think this might be a workaround” theory, i can safely say that i think it’s the only workaround i’ve got. i have to keep my avi logged online, even when i’m afk at night asleep, in order to keep the connection open. Buuuut by keeping the connection open, i’m not crashing our or anything. So that tells me the problem was with SL trying to open whatever connection it needed through my ISP – that’s the part that was getting overloaded. It doesn’t do anything nefarious when it’s actually logged in. So basically that just means i have to stay logged in.
But i’m game to do that for awhile if it means being able to take photos and get work done on a consistent basis again. 2 months of that was too much. So please bear with me while i play a bit of catch-up.
i had a very unhealthy obsession with Kerli several years ago when i first started dancing in neo-Burlesque venues like Marry the Night and Beautiful Freaks. One of my fellow dancers turned me on to her and i loved how, just… weird… she was. i let her fall off my radar until the other night when i was shown this song.
Combine that with the heavy inspiration drawn from this FoxCity backdrop and i’ve had a “this song endlessly on repeat until i have time to take this photo and edit it” kind of night.
i posted on Facebook last night (ok, at like 4 in the morning… lol) something very simple: “i get it now, Universe. Thank you.” And i think that honestly sums up my past few days.
i spent far more energy than i’d like to admit dwelling on something that didn’t work out with a very… unique… kind of Dominant. i was obsessing over the singular lie She told me – that singlemost piece of dishonesty that caused it all to fall apart for me, and what i could have been or done that made me unworthy of the truth in that moment. i have this conversation with myself frequently and run myself through this same emotional rollercoaster weekly. There were so many unique facets to this Person, that i couldn’t get past the idea that the Universe had placed this Person in my path just to have it amount to nothing.
And more importantly, to hurt me in the process.
However, the more time i spent with a particular Person in the past few days and the more He spoke… the more i started to understand. As much as my brokenness in the moment wanted to tell me that the Person of my past was the only Dominant i would find with that particular set of tastes and mannerisms and preferences that spoke to a deeper part of me, i’ve learned that She was not. And perhaps the Universe was using Her to open me up to the idea that these are the things i want and need for myself… so that when Someone Else was placed in my path, i would be more prepared for Him.
And maybe it’s all a load of bullshit, but right now, it’s bringing me peace. Peace enough to let the past go and embrace the present.
Shape || Mine
Head || Genus Head Baby Face W001 (v1.6) | Genus Project
Body || Lara Body (v4.1) | Maitreya
Skin || Indigo Skin (Golden Tone) | L’Etre | new!
Lipstick || SendNudes | MJN
Hair || Babyrose Hair (Deluxe Pack) | Doux
* Top&Panties || Lilian Top & Lilian Panties | Salt&Pepper
– This set was available for We Love Roleplay, March Round. i believe that round is closed, or is just about to close, so look for the set to make its way back to the Mainstore soon, if you can’t get to the event before it closes!
Heels || Femme Fatale Heels (Vulcan) | Kokoia
Collar || Abide Collar | Cae
Location || Home
Blogging Tune || “Savages” – Kerli