Posted in Events, Kinky Event, Life, New Releases, Vanity Event

Confession .220. I Can’t Swim The Ocean Like This Forever, And I Can’t Breathe…

So pull me up from down below
Cause i’m underneath the undertow
Come dry me off and hold me close
i need You now, i need You most

Confession .220.  I Can't Swim The Ocean Like This Forever, And I Can't Breathe...

So… Avril Lavigne released new music.  That was a thing that happened in the last couple of weeks.  After HOW many years?  Right, let’s all revel in that for a moment… especially since this song is… amazing.

W/we’re not going to mention how much i relate to these lyrics right now… nope… nope…

Ok… so maybe we might…

It’s no secret i do a lot in SL… and i do that to myself – like no one puts a gun to my head and forces me to take on anything that i take on.  i do it willingly, and most of the time joyfully – i’m happy to be so involved.  *Most* of the time, it keeps me distracted enough to keep me out of a dark place.

But sometimes… lord… Everything piles up at once, and it’s literally like you’re trying not to drown.

i remember when i was a kid, back before i lived here in Alabama and we just vacationed here to visit my grandparents, i loved swimming in the ocean.  LOVED it.  And i was a brave little shit, too.  Especially when i joined the swim team in middle school – it was like suddenly i felt like i knew better about how to swim ‘properly’ and was a cocky thing when it came to how far out i would go.

i also somehow made friends easily back then?  Though i don’t mean like real friends… like “i still have their phone number and we still talk and laugh about how we were crazy kids that met on a beach during Spring Break” kind of friends, no.  i mean like… we’re friends if we happen to see each other at the beach a couple times, and then we forget each others’ names and go back to our lives kinda friends.

Yeah, my friendships were sad when i was younger.  Lol.

But anyway, i remember this one group of people i made friends with while we were all in the ocean messing around and they wanted to go out deeper.  i was the youngest in the little group and so they all looked at me expectantly… like i was the deciding factor if we went out further, because it would be whether or not i was comfortable with it.  Not wanting to disappoint my new friends – and cock as i was about my ability to swim – i said sure, and we all went out there.

i should have known about the time i couldn’t touch the bottom anymore, or i could barely scrape it with my big toe if my toes were pointed as hard as they could be, that i was in big trouble… but my naive ass was like, “i can just tread water!” and kept going.

Treading water in a swimming pool and treading water in the Gulf of Mexico with an intense undertow are two different things, my friends!  And i learned that day!

i damn near drowned.  And my new friends got scared and went back to shore and left me there.  They “didn’t want to get pulled under” too or “risk getting out too far and then no one could get back”, so i was the sacrificial lamb and – as melodramatic as this sounds – they literally left me to die, if i couldn’t get control of myself and figure out how to breathe with my head barely above the surface of the water.

i don’t know if it was some kind of higher power, or a convenience in some shifting tide, but i somehow managed to keep my head consistently above water and stop the haphazard flailing i was doing to manage some form of swimming – at an angle, boys and girls! – back to the shore.  i was pissed, my mother was pissed, my grandparents were pissed when they heard the story, and needless to say, i didn’t go back to the beach for the rest of that particular Spring Break.

And i’ve only swam in the ocean a handful of times since then.  Something i used to LOVE to do… ruined by allowing myself to trust a group of people who pretended to be my friends, and then abandoned me when shit got rough.

Sounds like one giant metaphor for life, if Y/you ask me.

Shape || Mine
Body || Lara Body (v4.1) | Maitreya
Skin || Miranda Skin (Mixedtype Tone) | Deetalez
* Lipstick || Glittery Lipsticks | Izzie’s | former Powder Pack release
* Hair || Dusk (Greyscales) | Exile Hair | Vanity Event | recent!
* Dress&Harness || Roses & Pearls | Luas | Kinky Event | recent!
* Collar || Anya Collar | Salt & Pepper
Necklaces || Love Necklaces | AvaWay

Pose || Fixated 4 | FoxCity

Location || Xaara
– This is a public sim, however, it is a Lifestyle sim and not a photography sim. So please, if Y/you choose to visit, make sure Y/you are respectful of A/all others on the sim. ♥

Blogging Tune || “Head Above Water” – Avril Lavigne

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s