Posted in Collabor88, Events, Life, New Releases, Powder Pack for Lelutka (January), Uber, Ultra

Confession .168. I’ll Use You As A Warning Sign…

I’ll use you as a makeshift gauge
Of how much to give and how much to take…

Confession .168.  I'll Use You As A Makeshift Gauge...

Don’t ask about the concept behind this picture.  It makes sense in my head.  *laughs*

But it IS in the same room as the last one.  Sorry, not sorry.

I’ve really felt in a black and white sort of mood lately, but this balloon just screamed at me.  I dunno.  Like I said, the whole thing overall makes sense in my head, and it’s kinda symbolic to me.  I can’t really explain it.

But one thing I CAN explain… is why I’m breaking into my cuffs instead of asking my ex to come back online and unlock them.

I’m 20 hours of online time or so into trying to break into 3 different parts of my cuffs.  I got into the arm part after about 11 hours… but I’m still trying to get into the leg part and the collar part.  Most people at this point, after 20 hours of active, online time, would ask me why I don’t just text my ex and ask Him to come online and unlock them.

First of all, I’m stubborn as hell.

Secondly… it’s kinda cathartic, in a strange way.  Let me see if I can explain…

When He released me, I was completely caught off guard.  Sure, we’d talked about RL and how we view our relationship the night before… But *I* thought things were good.  I thought we were still happy.  We were supposed to get married in April, for god’s sake.  I was about to set up a fitting with my Bridesmaids… we’d picked colors for the wedding… like… it was happening.  So when He came back the next day and just… released me… especially with the ‘reasons’ He gave… it completely caught me off guard and threw me off.  I wasn’t expecting it at all.

And it sent me spiraling out of control for a bit there.  I didn’t know which way was up for awhile.

Then I logged my alt in and saw that her cuffs were still locked… by Him.  Sure, I can log out of RLV and take them off – which I did at one point – but I LOVE those cuffs… like… I want to use them again.  So I put them back on, and said screw it… I was going to break out of them.

Real Restraint cuffs don’t have an Owner function like Open Collar where you can list an owner and then just ‘run away’ if the relationship doesn’t work out resetting the ownership to no one.  They are also no-modify objects, so you cannot manually reset the scripts.  The only way to unlock and get control back from Real Restraint cuffs after someone locks them is either to use a Real Key, or struggle out of them.

My dumb ass didn’t set up my Real Key with these cuffs.  So, struggling it is.

Struggling out of them isn’t as simple of a concept as they might sound.  The Struggle Game is based on 3 primary actions you can do: Tug, Squirm, Struggle.  To successfully escape your cuffs and gain control back, you have to perform these actions in a correct sequence of between 20-30 actions.  It’s an incredibly intricate system/game.  It takes… hours.  Several hours.  Obviously, as can be evidenced by my putting 20 hours into trying to break out of these last two pieces.

Oh, yeah… the reason I have to do it three times?  The arm cuffs, leg cuffs, and collar are all locked independently, and He has the keys to all three pieces.  So yay for me?

But by doing it this way, I am literally taking control back.  In most dynamics where you are still in a happy relationship, taking control back is a dealbreaker.  However, when He released me the way He did, He didn’t really give control back… He just… walked away from His responsibilities as my Master because He didn’t want them anymore in the situation we were in.  It was too much anxiety/stress/whatever for Him to think about the eventual end of our relationship, so instead He just walked away.  Irresponsibly so.

So in a situation like this, where I was left flailing around with no direction, unexpectedly, and no guidance through this release, the act of taking the control back, is also an act of embracing the freedom I was given, and giving me space to move forward.  I have a goal that by the end of next week I will have broken into all three components of my cuffs, and have gained full control back over them.

It may not make sense to anyone else but me… but taking this back for myself is what I need right now.

Shape || Mine
Head || Chloe Bento Head (v3.0) | Lelutka
Skin || Victoria Skin (Nordic Tone) | Deetalez | Uber | recent!
* Lipstick || Lana Makeup Set | Arise | Powder Pack for Lelutka (January) | recent!
– The opacity for the lipstick as it is shown here is NOT full opacity.  The color WILL look different when you put it on in-world.
* Hair || Passion (Reds) | Stealthic | Collabor88 | new!
* Dress&Sleeves || Foxy Back Tied Dress | Blueberry | Collabor88 | new!
Heels || Penelope Heels | REIGN
* Necklaces || Amorette Necklace | Cae | Ultra | new!

Pose || from Voile AO | BodyLanguage | Uber | recent!

Piano || RLV Stand Up Piano | GEL
Bench || Chesterfield OMNI Bondage Bench | Dictatorshop
Balloon || Celebration Balloons C (Red) | Hive
Building || Ballet Academy | NOMAD

Location || Xaara
– This is not a sim specifically for photography, though erotic art is heavily supported at Xaara. This is a D/s Lifestyle community, so please be aware if you’re going to visit, that you may encounter these themes throughout the community.

Blogging Tune || “I Found” (Acoustic) – Amber Run

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