Confession .147. To Not Know Who I Am But Still Know That I’m Good Long As You’re Here With Me…

I don’t know what it is, but I got that feeling
Waking up in this bed next to you, swear the room – yeah – it got no ceiling
If we lay, let the day just pass us by
I might get to too much talking
I might have to tell you something…

“I like me better when I’m with You.”

I’m the one that will sabotage my own relationships. I’ll get stir-crazy and feel trapped, despite WANTING to serve and be in that subservient place in my relationships… so I’ll sabotage myself, find an excuse to leave, and go. Peace out, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

But not here… not this time…

And you know, I wish I could tell you why. I wish I could tell you all that I’d found some super-secret formula to life and love that somehow makes everything ok. That formula that makes my anxieties about my partner disappear, the magic combination of traits and behaviors that suddenly makes me feel safe and ok and at home, each and every day with Him. I wish I could tell You what it is about Him that makes this different. So that you could go out and find that for yourself and maybe there’s be a little less hurt in the world.

Hell, I wish I could tell HIM what it is about Him that makes it good and right… just so He would know the gravity of how I feel about Him.

But I haven’t found words yet.

I don’t know… maybe words don’t even exist. I went back into The Lovers Dictionary book that I’d started a series of posts with… and I went back into the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows… just to see if there was a word that I could put to it. Some semblance of something that could help me make a bit more sense out of the right-ness here. I suppose I should be grateful that I didn’t find anything in the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows… given that the focus there is sorrow… but I suppose that obsessive part of my brain wants a word that makes sense.

And before any of you tell me, “Oh honey, that’s just love,” first of all, it’s not ‘just’ anything to me. This is an entirely different feeling that feels so much… more… than it has before. I dunno. Again, I don’t have words to explain it, but to call it ‘just’ anything almost feels like it’s minimizing it, and I don’t want to do that.

Secondly, I dunno… it feels different than love. It feels deeper than love. I love Him, sure, but this is different. I wish I could explain it.

And I wish I had something more conclusive to tell you after rambling for 400 words. All I know… is if you happen to have this feeling too, someone in your life who is like this… don’t let go of that. Don’t ever let go.

And secondly… the hell do you call it? ♥

Shape || Mine
Head || Chloe Bento Head (v3.0) | Lelutka
* Skin || Becca Skin (Pale Tone) | Lara Hurley
Eyes || Hurt Eyes | Izzie’s
– The HUD for these eyes has left and right options, allowing you to change them independently, so I was able to keep the heterochromatic look that I RP in.
* Eyeliner || included in Becca skin pack | Lara Hurley
* Freckles || included in Becca skin pack | Lara Hurley
* Hair || Natalie (Redhead) | Truth Hair
* Lingerie Top || Love Bite Rare Lingerie (White; #2) | Blueberry | The Epiphany | new!
* Panties || Love Bite Common Panties (White; #17) | Blueberry | The Epiphany | new!
* Stockings || Love Bite Rare Stockings V1 (White; #6) | Blueberry | The Epiphany | new!
– Welcome to the newest designer to join the craziness over here, Blueberry! I am beyond honored to be working with this brand in particular, as she has been at the top of my blogger bucket list for a few years now. So keep on the lookout for awesome Blueberry newness as often as I can bring it to you, and thank you to Blue, Sophia, and the rest of the Blueberry Team.
Collar || Inked Collar | RealEvil Industries
Rings&Nails || Elektra Nails & Rings | RealEvil Industries
Belly Piercing || Dolce Belly Piercing | RealEvil Industries